(2709) Words
Raph returned home at ten thirty the next morning, having slept over at Casey's place. He didn't want to face the Hamatos just yet. But there he was, sitting on the familiar couch facing Hamato Yoshi and his sons. Well, two of them anyways.
"Michelangelo and Donatello have suggested to me since the school is still on a lock down that we take a sort of... vacation day." Yoshi says calmly, sipping a cup of tea. "Boys, would you like to tell him what you've chosen?" Mikey bounces up and down and looks over at Donnie. "Go ahead." Donnie says with a small smile. "WE'RE GOING TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK!" Mikey shouts.
Donnie, foreseeing this to happen had already plugged his ears. Raph gives an awkward lopsided smile. "What?" He says in disbelief. "An amusement park." Donnie says simply. Raph stops himself from rolling his eyes. "Thanks." He says, almost sarcastically. "When are we going?"
Yoshi smiles at his two son's excitement and looks back to Raph. "It's a decent drive so I'd say in maybe twenty minutes?" Raph raises his eyebrows. "Uh, okay... Lemme just get dressed then." He mumbles, standing up and walking to the stairs. At the moment Raph was wearing a hoodie which he'd normally not be allowed to wear but he borrowed it from Casey so the Hamatos didn't say anything.
Raph Digs around in his bag and finds a quarter length t-shirt with red sleeves, slipping it on quickly and changing his pants before briskly leaving the room. God he hated that room. He looks down at his arms and lets a small smile cross his face. The sleeves were low enough to cover his extra bandages, but high enough that it just looked like they were covering a few inches of the old ones.
Raph was about to go downstairs when he hears a small curse from Leo's room. He tentatively goes up to the door and knocks quietly. "Uh... Leo?" He calls. "What?" Leo replies. "You going to the amusement park thing today?" Raph asks. "No Raph. I'm not. I-... I don't feel well." Raph frowns. "You don't feel well as in like you're gonna throw up?" Raph asks, not wanting to catch whatever bug Leo had.
"No, I'm just really dizzy and stuff." Leo calls through the door. Raph shrugs. "Okay then." He says, going back down the stairs. He stops for a minute. "Make sure you eat. Sometimes you get dizzy if you didn't eat enough." There was a frustrated growl from the door. "Yeah man, got it." Leo breathes out, annoyed. Raph rolls his eyes and goes all the way downstairs.
"Try'n to help ya asshole..." He mumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets. He walks past the kitchen to see Mikey finish making a small stack of two pancakes. Raph steps into the kitchen and smirks. "Thought for sure you'd 've made at least eight." Raph says. Mikey turns around and smiles. "I don't want eight pancakes, I want twelve!" Mikey says, laughing. Raph raises an eyebrow.
"Never-mind." Mikey says, pouring syrup onto the pancakes. "Leo said he wasn't feeling good so I made him some pancakes. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the same stomach capacity as Me!" Raph rolls his eyes as Mikey fist pumps the air until he almost drops the food. "I'ma go take this to Leo and then we can bother dad until he takes us early."
Raph laughs and Mikey sprints out of the room, holding the plate of pancakes like a platter of gold. Raph walks into the living-room and sits on the couch, Donnie sitting on the opposite side tightening, loosening, and tightening his hair over and over again in a little low ponytail. "Got it yet?" Raph asks Donnie.
"All-most..." Donnie says, droned out. He lets go of his hair, hands a few inches away from the finished product. "Yeah, got it." Donnie mumbles. After a couple minutes of silence Mikey comes bounding back down to the living-room. "Hey~" Mikey says in a sing song voice, putting both hands on his father's shoulders.
"Y'know what? It makes no sense to wait like what, ten minutes? That's ridiculous! Let's just go right now." Donnie frowns and Yoshi laughs. "Uh, no Mikey. We said we were leaving in ten minutes, so we're leaving in ten minutes." Yoshi looks at his bouncy son. "Well Michelangelo, your brother is right. We made a plan and we should stick to that plan."
Mikey deflates. "Awe, come on!" Yoshi laughs. "It's not even ten minutes now. You can wait." Mikey groans and flops over the back of the couch opposite Raph and Donnie. "But I don't wanna wait!" He whines. "Donnie, I'll never forgive you for this." Mikey says, sliding down onto his head on the couch and crossing his arms.
"Somehow, I'm okay with that." Donnie says with a smirk.
Leo sits on his bed, staring down at a plate of untouched pancakes. He had heard the front door slam shut not fifteen minutes ago but he still felt pressure to eat the pancakes. The teen groans and sets the plate on a side table before letting himself fall back on the bed.
He felt like shit. He was dizzy, tired, and so out of it. He was also mad. Mad that his family and Raph kept telling him to eat. When he first told his father he was feeling sick he told him to eat. When Raph found out he told him to eat. When Mikey brought those God forsaken pancakes up he told him to eat. They didn't get it. He didn't want to eat. He didn't deserve to.
Leo stares up at the spinning ceiling, holding back anything that was still in his stomach from earlier. All he had eaten today was half a granola bar, the other half sitting in his oblong garbage can across the room. Mocking him. He sits up and immediately realizes it was a mistake. His stomach churns and he feels his mouth start watering profusely.
Leo quickly covers his mouth with his hand and stumbles to the bathroom, emptying his stomach in one small heave into the toilet. He spends the next ten minutes on his knees, dry heaving into the porcelain bowl. Once it was over he leans back against the wall, closing his eyes and breathing hard. "Shit..." Leo mumbles, his head throbbing.
He lolls his head to the side and slits his eyes open, staring at the floor. The floor. The- Leo's eyes shoot open as he recognizes the sight of dried blood droplets on the tiles. "Wha-?" He mumbles. "Raph..." He pushes himself to his feet and uses the wall to make it back to his own room. He sits on his bed and thinks. He knows he's not supposed to be using any electronics but...
Leo stands back up and hobbles shakily to Donnie's room, opening the door and walking in quietly as if his tall brother was near. He sits down at the desk and wakes up the computer from its sleeping state. He goes to the internet icon and creates a new tab, typing in exactly what he thought. 'I don't want to eat.'
The results make his stomach fill with panic. They all were pertaining to eating disorders. Leo scrolls down the results more, hoping for something else, to no avail. He clicks on one of the links, his body tensing. He read page after page of stories from people with eating disorders, some seemed ridiculous, but some...
'Hi, I'm Michael. I used to be so healthy, working out (I was on the track team!), eating right... But then I did something. I did something I regret really bad and now... I don't eat. I mean, yeah I eat but barely. I still work out just as much as I did before but I eat so much less. I feel like I shouldn't. Like I don't deserve food. I eat less than seven hundred calories a day. I'm getting really weak but I still try and work out. I got kicked off the track team because they started realizing how dizzy I got during practice. Moral of the story kids, life sucks, food sucks, and chances are you suck too.'
Leo feels his stomach lurch, wanting to throw up what he did not have. He closes the tab and goes back to his room, flopping back on his bed and staring once more at the spinning ceiling. He didn't want to have an eating disorder... But if that was what he was doing then. "Guess I have an eating disorder." Leo says aloud, chuckling at the end. He keeps chuckling until it turns into a laugh and laughing until they turn into sobs.
He slaps his hands onto his eyes. If only Karai hadn't done that. If only Leo had believed his brothers. If only Leo didn't love Karai. That was it. He hated her. He didn't love Karai, he hated her. He hated her with all of his being.
Leo pulls his knees to his chest and finally, for once, let it all go.
Raph, Donnie, and Mikey walk around the large amusement park, talking about whatever came to mind. "Ugh, that last ride really made me dizzy." Donnie says, holding his head. "Let's not do another spinning one just yet." Mikey's eyes light up and he starts bouncing on his toes. "Oh! Oh! let's go on the Ferris Wheel! I bet all three of us could fit in one seat." Mikey suggests, pointing up at the large spinning wheel fifty feet away.
"Uh, what about that one over there?" Raph says, pointing to a big yellow rig. "Uh, you mean the 'Scrambler'? No thanks." Donnie says. "I'm cool with the Ferris Wheel." Mikey smirks. "Two out-a three Raph!" He says in a sing song voice. Raph looks around near frantically. "Uh, uh... What about-"
"NAH! Let's go!" Mikey say, grabbing Raph's hand and dragging him to the big wheel. In line Raph tries to fine an excuse to not go on the Ferris Wheel. "I have to go to the bathroom." He tries. "I'm kinda hungry" He says. "I thought I heard D- Your dad." None of them work. They stand, ready, next in line.
"Guys, I-I don't-" Before Raph can finish the man operating the ride herds them into the bench like seat and rotates the wheel. "I don't want to be on this." Raph hisses. "Dude, I can tell. Your face is so red right now." Mikey says with a weird little chuckle. "You guys don't get it. I- It's complicated okay?" Raph growls.
Donnie's expression turns from happy to concerned. "What? Wait, why?" He asks, looking Past Mikey to the other side where Raph holds on, white knuckled to the bar in front of them. "You're not scared of heights are you? We've been on a ride crazier than this already!" Mikey says loudly. "No- No, that's not it. It's just that..."
Raph stares down as they rotate more and more. They were now almost at the top and Raph feels like curling up in a ball and dying. "I-I- The last time I came to a park like this. The last time I was on one of these things... I-I was with-" Donnie stops him. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to."
Raph shakes his head. "I'd rather tell you than having it play in my head all fucking day." Raph goes silent. "You ca-can't tell anyone okay?" Raph says quietly. Mikey nods vigorously and Donnie gives a single solid nod. Raph takes a deep breath and stares down at the ground for a moment longer.
"The last- The last time I was on... One of these... I was with a really bad foster dad. He- He was one of the worst. He only took me because his girlfriend suggested we all go. I was ten i think?" Raph looks up at the sky. The clouds looked just the same as they would from the ground. It was a comforting fact.
"His girlfriend didn't like the Ferris Wheel and stayed on the ground to take pictures." Raph stops for a minute, thinking back to something the therapist had said the previous day. 'If you ever feel like talking to someone who isn't me it's okay.' Raph takes a deep breath.
"He didn't want to use the seat belt so neither of us were buckled in. I-I noticed a loose bolt on the bar that went across and I... I made it looser. I was going to screw it back in but then he leaned forward and... Fell..." Raph looks to his right, away from both the brothers. He didn't want to see their reactions.
"I almost did too, but I grabbed the seat belt and pulled myself back up. I buckled back in and then... I don't really remember? People screamed and I know I saw him dead on the ground. It looked like he was impaled by a sign or something too. Guess it served the fucker right." Raph finishes, his anger starting to boil.
He glances over at the brothers to see two matching horrified expressions. "Oh shit..." Mikey says. Donnie stays silent. "Dude, I'm so sorry I made you come on this thing! That's terrifying! I'm surprised you went on any of these rides!" Raph looks confused. That wasn't the reaction he was expecting. He expected them to be horrified, yes, but at the fact that he killed a man.
"You're- I- Uh..." Raph mutters. Donnie puts his hand over top of Raph's on the railing. "It's fine. You didn't mean to do it, you said so yourself. And obviously no one thought you did it either." Raph rolls his eyes. "Only 'cuz they summed it up to the ride being faulty, an' I didn't correct them." Donnie moves his hand. "Well I'm not telling anyone." Mikey nods. "Yeah, me too."
Raph looks at them, both smiling honest smiles. "Heh... I guess Nut-Case was right..."
Leo barely gets himself up from the bed when he gets a call from his father telling him they were on their way home. He takes the plate of untouched pancakes and chops them up with the fork and takes them to the bathroom, sliding the copped breakfast food into the toilet and flushes, watching the food get flushed straight down the hole grimly.
Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell?
They burn in our brains, become a living hell
'Cause everybody tells
Everybody tells
Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave
If I show you then I know you won't tell what I said
'Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead
Secret
The pierces
AHHHHHH! Can you guys believe I just write this thing in one day!? Like it's not even one yet and I'm posting this! didn't I just update like yesterday? Yes? I don't know but it's goin' up!
This chapter was actually greatly influenced by efarraiz, my favorite Spanish speaking fan! I loved their idea they said in their review and thanks to them I was allowed to use it for this chapter! (Honestly was fantastic for moving along the plot, I was almost stuck in a writer's block!)
anywho~ Thank you for reading and also, your reviews are amazing! I love reading and responding to them! I absolutely couldn't do this without you guys!