A/N: I bet you all though I wasn't going to finish this story, but I am back with this chapter and one more to follow. We will deal with Sara and Gil's future in the sequel entitled Molehills. I do not have a release day as of yet, as I have a few other pieces in the works as well. I took a hiatus for health reasons and I have been doing better. I am glad to be back to writing for my favorite shows and I hope I see reviews from my favorite fans and authors.

Thanks for your patience. All mistakes are mine or the cat's. No beta.

Chapter 20

As soon as Robbins was out of sight Grissom pulled Sara to him and enveloped her small frame in his arms. "It's okay, baby," he murmured trying to sooth her pain.

Instead of relaxing in Grissom's embrace as he wished Sara would do, she tensed and pulled away, her brown eyes aglow with unshed tears and anger. "When were you going to tell me?" she asked softly, a sign that meant she was very angry.

"I…I don't know," Grissom replied. "I…I was trying to adjust myself, to learn about this before I said anything to you. You've been through so much."

"So you decided to keep quiet until I adjusted to the miscarriage?" Sara tried to confirm. "Or until you got up enough nerve to tell me?"

"I don't know, Sara," Grissom said again. "I can't stand this, this seeing you hurt and upset. After everything we've gone through, I needed to be able to do something for you, map out a plan on what to do for you. I asked Al because he has more experience in this than anyone else we know. That's no excuse I realize, I was just very confused and overwhelmed."

"Is that why you were so restless last night and so hostile this morning?" Sara asked her anger fading.

"Part of it at least," Grissom sighed. "The only thing I hate more than seeing you hurt is being the person that hurts you especially when there's nothing I can do about it. I lashed out, but I can apologize for that. I…I know how badly you want a family, and this will make that very difficult. I was…I am very confused."

"I know you hate not knowing things," Sara sighed. "Let's just focus of moving on after Thomas, on grieving for him. The rest can wait for now. We can't do anything now if we wanted to do something. Let's take our time and concentrate on healing and loving each other. Okay?"

"Okay," Grissom agreed with a small smile. "I have to say you are handling this news far better than I thought you would."

"That always was your problem," Sara laughed. "You always underestimate me, Dr. Grissom. Still for the record the next time something along this line happens, I want you to stay in your role as husband and leave the medical news o the professionals. I want you beside me, not across from me. Got it?"

"What do those academy recruits say when you speak to them in that tone?" Grissom asked.

"That depends. The smart ones say, "Yes, ma'am," Sara replied.

"Okay then," Grissom laughed leaning over to place a kiss on Sara's lips. "No one ever accused me of not being smart. Yes, ma'am."

"Be careful," Sara warned stifling a yawn. "I could get used to that."

"Feeling tired, honey?" Grissom asked his light tone become more sincere and caring.

"Only a little," Sara answered. "Not as tired as before but this time I hate the reason, you know? It seems like everything I went through, the fear over telling you, the nausea, the dizzy spells, and hot flashes were for nothing."

Grissom slid his arm around Sara's shoulders and pulled her close, "It wasn't for nothing, Sara. We might not have…have a tiny new son at the end of the road, but Thomas still existed inside you and your body still nourished and sheltered him. That was still something Sara. Don't let anyone tell you it wasn't."

Sara felt tears stinging the back of her eyes at Grissom's remarks. While she wasn't sure if she wanted to focus on the chance that she'd never bare a child Sara had to ask, "Gil, if we decide that we want to try and have a baby could we really try for it?"

"When the time comes, Sara," Grissom replied. "We certainly can try anything and everything at least once. Doc left a lot of material about your condition and I'm sure somewhere in that pile is information on fertility treatments. Still, we are nowhere close to that yet."

Sara yawned again, "I know. I just wanted to know what you would say."

"Now you know," Grissom replied."It's about time I started on our dinner. I'd like you to go rest for a little while until it's ready, okay? You can take Bruno with you."

"I am tired," Sara replied. "Nothing too heavy, okay? My stomach isn't ready yet."

"Leave it to me," Grissom told her. "Now go and rest. Beat it."

Sara called their dog and retired to the bedroom for some rest. She managed well enough to hide her physical pain from Grissom. She had overdone it earlier by walking the dog, but she knew to reveal that to Gil would only result in his feeling guilty over how he had acted. He felt guilty enough right then about a lot of things, there was no reason to add to his burdens. He, after all, was grieving too, but he'd been so busy caring for her he'd yet to release it. Sara curled on her side with their faithful canine by her side. Sara stroked his soft fur as a fresh batch of tears began to fall from her eyes. She'd lost many people in her life and had seen many things, but this emotion, the intense all consuming grief was knew to her.

After her father's murder when the psychiatrists and court appointed guardians had finally permitted Sara to see her mother, the haunted eyes that mirrored her own met Sara's gaze. A shaky, rough hand held Sara's firmly as Laura spoke, "I know you can't understand now, Sara Beth," Laura had told her. "But someday you will have a baby of your own, and then, then you will see."

It wasn't until after Laura's trial that Sara learned her mother had been pregnant and that a brutal beating by her father had caused Laura to miscarry the child. That coupled with Laura's witnessing her husband abusing Sara finally pushed her over the edge. Catherine had always said there was nothing more fearsome that a mother protecting her baby, and now, Sara realized the truth in that. Her life until now had taught her that mother's needed to be selfless, now she felt as if she learned the rest of the lesson.

Sara didn't know how long she had lain on the bed crying and thinking about her mother, her life, the baby she'd lost, but before she knew it Grissom was beside her with a tray of food.

"You were supposed to be resting," he scolded gently. "Dinner is served."

"Thank you," Sara sniffled pushing into the sitting position, a movement which caused her to cry out in pain.

Grissom quickly set the tray down and pushed Sara back into the pillows, "Hey, hey," he soothed gently. "Take it easy. Lie back. Lie back."

"I'm okay," Sara rushed to reassure Grissom. "I just moved too fast and my stitches pulled. I missed a dose of pain medicine."

"That's my fault," Grissom said softly. "I'm sorry, love. Would you like a pill now or after you eat a bit?"

Sara was in so much pain she wasn't sure she could wait for her meal to get some relief, however if she didn't eat the pills would upset her already delicate stomach. "I'll try a bit," she replied, her voice strained.

"I'll help you up a bit, okay?" Grissom asked. "Lift your arms and put your hand on my shoulder."

Sara did as he asked only to feel the stinging pain become an intense burning from inside her stomach. She cried out again as Grissom moved her, "Gil! Stop!"

At Sara's cry, Grissom stopped moving her and tried his best to ease her back against the pillows. "Sara, I have to look at your cuts, sweetheart. I have to look at your cuts. I think you…"

"Broke a stitch?"Sara hissed. "I did. God, Gil, it really hurts. Call Doc. Please."

"Sara you are bleeding. You can't wait for Doc. We need to go to the emergency room," Grissom told her. "I don't want to move you any more so I'm going to call an ambulance."

"Gil, I don't need…" Sara began to argue but Grissom quickly cut her off with a firm tone.

"Yes, Sara you do," he said. "No arguments. I'm calling the ambulance. If you argue, I'll use the radio and every officer in this zone that has taken bets on the color of our bedroom wallpaper will be in here. I'll be right back. Stay still."

Ten minutes later a capable and compassionate EMT crew arrived at the house. As the pair loaded Sara into the back of the ambulance Grissom made a move to head for their personal car."

"Gil?" Sara whimpered once Grissom's hand left hers.

"I'm going to drive behind you, honey," he said softly. "So when you are mended we can…"

"Stay with me," Sara's eyes pleaded before Grissom could finish his thought. Grissom smiled at Sara, "Okay, honey. We'll get a cab home. I'm not leaving you."

A short while later the ambulance pulled up to Desert Palm ER. The EMT crew was greeted by a triage team to whom they relayed Sara's relevant information. Sara was given a yellow priority tag and sent back immediately to one of the exam rooms.

They were met by a young doctor who intercepted Grissom's path, "Sir, you are going to have to wait outside in the waiting room."

"No," Grissom protested. "I want to stay with my wife, please. We only lost our baby three days ago. She needs me."

"All right," the nurse sighed. "Buy stay out of our way when we need to work."

Grissom did his best to stay out of the nurse's way as Sara was set up on an ER gurney and had her vital signs taken. Also, in the exam room was another couple, the wife Grissom assumed near the end of some debilitating illness given her pale sunken cheeks and atrophied muscles and the husband, healthy to the casual eye holding her frail withered hand as he prayed the rosary. How alike things could seem and still be very different.

"Sir, we are very busy tonight," Sara's nurse told Grissom as she pulled the curtain closed between the older couple and Sara. "Your wife is stable and she's not losing much blood. A doctor will be in soon and I'm sure the resident on call will want an OB consultation as well. We'll be with you as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Grissom replied. "Did you give her anything for pain? She was in a lot of pain."

"I'll speak with the doctor the minute she's available and get her to order something, " the nurse assured him. "In the mean time, keep her calm and quiet."

"I will," Grissom replied. "Thank you very much."

Once the nurse left Grissom closed the distance between the corner where he had been waiting and Sara's bedside. "The doctor will be here soon to give you something for your pain, honey," he said soothingly lifting her hand to his lips and placing a kiss on her knuckles.

"It isn't so bad now," Sara said her voice husky and tired. "We could have waiting for Al."

"That would have been too risky," Grissom sighed. "You needed to be treated in the ER."

Sara decided to stop arguing and enjoyed the feel of Grissom's hand as he softly caressed her hand and arm over and over again. His skin on hers was almost hypnotic when coupled with the scent she always associated with him. She was so relaxed that by the time the nurse returned with the medication she barely felt the needle in her arm.

"Dr. Eisenberg will be with you as soon as possible," the nurse told Grissom. "The shot will make her sleep. Help yourself to coffee or anything from the machine."

Grissom nodded and once he noticed by Sara's even breathing that she was asleep, he quickly slipped out of the exam room to stretch his legs. On his second lap past Sara's room Grissom noticed her roommate's husband in the hall. The older man smiled at Grissom. "You have a beautiful wife," he said.

"Thank you," the older man said. "I'm Mitchum. Call me Mick."

Grissom extended his hand, "I'm Gil. My wife is Sara."

"Elizabeth," Mick replied. "I call her Lizzy. She always claimed to hate it but I know better."

"Has…" Grissom began feeling his companion needed to talk yet unsure if he should intrude. "Has she been sick for a long time?"

"Last few years off and on," Mick replied. "We're nearing the end of the road now, for all of us. It's bone cancer."

"I'm very sorry, Mick," Grissom said honestly. "That can be rough."

"It is, but I do feel that Lizzy and I had a good run," Mick said. "We've been married nearly 60 years. We have 5 children and 16 grandchildren. It is said but I have 64 years of beautiful memories. That is lucky."

"I guess it is," Grissom replied.

"How about your Sara?" Mick asked. "Is she very ill?"

"No," Grissom answered. "No she had an operation a few days ago and broke open her sutures. She always over dose things."

"Lizzy gets on me all the time, 'Mick,' she'd say. 'What you say is overdoing is really underdoing.'"

"Sara never said that, she actually accuses me of being an overachiever," Grissom smiled. "We're lucky. Sara wasn't hurt more severely. It's my fault. It's my fault she'd here."

As the words left Grissom's lips, he surprised himself at how much he was revealing to Mick. Mick would be about his father's age had his dad lived, perhaps that was the connection. Or perhaps it was deeper, a link existing between two men that deeply loved and were deeply loved in return.

"Mine too," Mick replied quickly then asked. "How do you mean? You didn't hurt her?"

"Many times I have," Grissom replied. "Today was no exception. Sara…she was pregnant. She lost the baby and when the doctor removed it…him, our son…I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you with this."

"It's not a bother if I want to hear it," Mick replied. "Go on, Gil."

"Thank you," Grissom replied. "Just when her doctor operated to remove the left over…the baby's body, Sara started to bleed and once the doctor opened her to find out why she determined Sara can probably never have a child. I hid it from her, kept it quiet I wanted to protect her, but all I did was let it eat at me and wear on me until the stress made me lash out at her and hurt her feelings. She walked our dog to get away from me…that's probably why she…why her stitches weakened and why she's here now in pain…No matter how many times I promise myself I'm done hurting her, I still do it anyway."

"Of course you do," Mick replied. "Because you're human. We always hurt our loved one. We aren't perfect. We make mistakes. What matters is that we make up for them. What counts is that you give her all of your love now, the past is the past, that's over, and whatever mistakes were made or not made no longer matter. What matters is that you love your wife and that you try to always show that to her, that you atone from your mistakes and go on. All that counts is why you did something, even if it back fires, if you do something out of love, it has to be pure."

"I'm not sure Sara sees it that way," Grissom sighed. "We…I wasted so much time being afraid, being ignorant, hell being scared. That was all me and purely selfish."

"Gil, I don't know what happened earlier between you and Sara, all I know is now you have her in your life as your wife. That time is precious and believe me it goes faster than you think," Mick advised. "Don't waste it."

Grissom nodded his agreement with Mick's words as Dr. Eisenberg arrived at the room. "Mr. Grissom, we meet again," she greeted. "You are looking better."

"I'm feeling better," Grissom replied as they began walking into the room.

"What seems to be the problem?" Dr. Eisenberg asked.

"Sara pulled a stitch," Grissom said. "She had surgery Wednesday. She was in pain and there was bleeding."

"Okay," Dr. Eisenberg smiled. "If you'll wake her I'll have a look and see what needs to be done."

Grissom gently shook Sara awake and watched like a hawk as Dr. Eisenberg examined her. Once she finished, she appeared to be laughing.

"What's funny?" Grissom asked with a hint of anger.

"Nothing. Sara, you are fine. You pulled open your center external suture," the doctor said. "I know it hurt badly, but the cut and oozing are no worse than from a razor nick. You certainly didn't need to come to the ER."

"That's what I told him," Sara sighed. "He insisted."

Nodding sympathetically Dr. Eisenberg smiled. "I'll have someone come and replace the suturing. You will need to be more careful in the future."

"I'll see to that," Grissom assured her. "Are you going to call her OB?"

"There is no need for a consult," Dr Eisenberg said. "She is fine."

"With all due respect, you are an ER doctor, not a gynecologist," Grissom stated. "I want an OB specialist to see her."

"Gil, honey," Sara broke in gently. "Dr. Eisenberg is right. I'm not bleeding anymore; the suture is going to be replaced. It's fine."

"Sara, you had major surgery and before we came in tonight you were in pain and bleeding," Grissom said sharply. "I want you to be examined by a specialist. Will you call one please?"

"If you so desire, yes," Dr. Eisenberg sighed. "Dr. Simpson is out OB tonight. I'll page him." On that note Dr. Eisenberg left the room shaking her head slightly. Over her shoulder she asked, "Mr. Grissom, can I see you outside please?"

"I don't want to leave…" Grissom began.

Mick broke in, "Go with the doctor if she needs you. I'll stay and keep Sara company."

Gil looked down at Sara, "I'll be right back, honey. Mick will keep…"

"Gil, go," Sara ordered.

Grissom looked hurt, but followed Dr. Eisenberg into the hall.

A moment later Mick was standing beside Sara's bed. "You are a very lucky young lady," he smiled. "Your husband loved you very much."

"My husband is losing his mind," Sara grumbled. "He drags me in her by ambulance for a tiny stitch, orders a very skilled ER doctor to get an unnecessary consult, and then argues when she wants to talk to him. If he keeps this up he's going to be the one in the hospital bed.

"Cool down, cool down," Mick soothed. "Sara, do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?"

"Who are you?" Sara asked realizing her companion was a stranger.

"Mick, you roommates husband," Mick smiled. "I kept Gil company while you slept. We have a nice talk."

"That must be the drugs," Sara laughed. "Gil can barely bring himself to talk to me."

"I'm safe," Mick replied. "He's not worried about upsetting me like he is you. I see myself in Gil's eyes. He adores you, but he also needs you, especially right now. Don't be angry with him for caring or worrying."

"But there's nothing to worry about," Sara sighed. "I'm going to be fine. I'm not sick."

"No, but there are things that go through a man's mind while he waits for news on a loved one, watches a loved one cry, some just have a harder time dealing with that than others," Mick explained. "He's shaken, Sara, I know you can see that. He's got to let go of his fear so you can move on with your lives. You are the only one who can help him do that. He needs you."

Sara listened to the older man's wise advice and offered him a smile of gratitude. "Thank you. Your wife is very lucky, too. I'll remember her in my thoughts and prayers. And you."

Mick smiled, "Thank you, honey. You rest now; you'll need your strength and y our patience."

Meanwhile, Dr. Eisenberg was speaking to Grissom in the hall. "Mr. Grissom, I can't understand what you must be feeling right now, but given the last time I saw you your blood pressure was high I'm concerned about stress."

"We lost our baby, Doctor," Grissom said flatly. "Of course that's stressful. I'll be okay when Sara is okay."

"Sara is fine," Dr. Eisenberg assured him. "All she needs once we fix her stitches is to rest at home in her own bed with your love and support. I promise you Sara is alright. If she goes home and gets worse you can bring her back and I'll look at her first thing. Sara doesn't need a long drawn out exam and neither do you. You both need time to rest and let yourselves grieve. Take her home, Mr. Grissom. It's the best medicine."

Grissom had reservations but finally agreed to the doctor's suggestion, "How soon will she be stitched?"

"I'll send in our intern as soon as he finished the laceration he's working on now," she said. "It's won't be long."

Grissom nodded and returned to Sara's side. "The intern is coming in soon," he told her softly.

"Good," Sara replied. "Then we can get home."

Grissom took Sara's hand in his, every once in awhile sneaking a side long glance at Mick as they waited for Sara's treatment and discharge. Grissom knew he'd overreacted and he knew Sara was angry with him, but that would have to wait just a little while longer until she was home and in bed with him, exactly where he liked her to be.