Cat's Cradle
Chapter Nineteen:
never let go
"One day you'll realize you pushed away the one person who was always there for you when no one else was and when that day comes you will be sorry, because you let go of someone who no matter what would have never let go of you."
― Rashida Rowe
~Caterina POV~
How did I end up here? I was just a normal teenage girl, well not normal, I went to high-school, I got good grades. I used to think that it was the way I was, that's why I was raped. I was a sensitive girl who was fragile and couldn't defend herself. But even if I had screamed louder, or fought harder it still would've happened. It happens all the time, people are raped and abused, and because some are more defenseless than others. Why would you hurt someone you know isn't strong enough to fight back? Why would you ever hurt someone who never did anything to you? Why would you ever hurt someone like that? I'm starting to see now that it was never my fault. I didn't lead him on, or drink too much, or anything like that. He could've raped anyone at the party, but Lane chose me. It wasn't my fault, it was just unfortunate.
"Where to Miss?" The taxi driver asks, as get into the back seat and strap my seat belt. I landed in Seattle an hour ago, now I just need to find my daughter and go back to... Do I really consider that place home? It's where I lay my head, but It's never really felt like home.
"Miss?" He asks again, sounding impatient and very annoyed. I look at him in the mirror, and he is staring at me. His brown eyes are blank and he is just staring. Do I look fragile to him? Is he going to take me to secluded parking lot and assault me?
But something miraculous happens. He doesn't.
"I don't got all day ma'am." He says a little more louder.
"M-Meadowbrooke hotel please. sorry." I say, looking away from the mirror.
And then we start to move, and my heart starts to beat faster than usual because I know that tomorrow will be a day I will never forget.
::
I look in the mirror, and I see what I always see. A woman running from her past, scared of the future. But I'm not scared anymore, and I'm done running.
"I'm proud of you." I hear someone say, I turn around but no one is there. When I look in the mirror again, Cat is sitting of the sink counter smiling at me.
"It's been a while Cat." I say to her, smiling back." I thought you only come at my lowest points."
"I've come to say goodbye." She responds, playing with a piece of her hair. "You don't need me here anymore."
"But you're the only thing I have left of myself." I say, looking at her sadly. If she goes what will I have? Old photos aren't enough.
"Don't you understand? I am you." She states, laughing to herself. "I've always been you. This is you."
"I don't want to be Cat. I'm Rina, I'm stronger now."
"Cat, Rina, Caterina, It's all the same. You'll find yourself again someday and when someone asks you your name, you'll know what to say." She says, hugging me tightly.
She's gone in a second but I don't feel lonely.
I look in the mirror for the thousandth time, but this time I see a difference. I don't look tired, or sad. I look...better. I feel better.
I know I won't for long though. How am I going to face Robbie again? After what happened? After what was said? I don't blame him if he wants nothing to do with me. I've told so many times to leave and go, why would he ever stay?
If I were him I'd want to forget about me, because I know how he loves me. I know how much he's always loved me, and I couldn't love him back, So I'd just want to forget. But I don't want him to forget about me, or us. I want him to remember our friendship, what we were to each other.
I frantically look through my suitcase and I pull out some photos from highschool. I feel tears in my eyes when I see the one of us in the trunk of his truck and he's playing the guitar, and I'm just so happy listening to him. I don't want him to forget how happy we made each other.
There's a part of me that just wants to get it over with, and go get my daughter. But there's a part of me that wants to savor this time because I know this will be the last time I will ever see Robbie Shapiro.
I let out a cry of frustration as I drop myself onto my bed. Why does everything good in life always go bad? My amazing highschool life, my amazing relationship with my brother, my heart-stopping relationship with Robbie.
I know what Robbie would say to all this. Fate.
Maybe it is all fate, I mean everything does happen for a reason. Even the most wicked things.
Whatever happens today will be for a reason, and that breaks my heart. I don't want to say goodbye.
'Then Dont.'
::
I'm driving down the last road that will really change my life for ever. This is the last time, I know it. I'm getting closer and closer and I start to cry because I don't know if I can handle it. No, I don't want him to see me cry, but I can't stop my tears. I park in front of a white and red house with a swinging chair. The address is 824, I'm here. I move my hands to my stomach because it hurts so much, I can't stop crying.
I can't stop.
~Robbie POV~
I can see her. Looking at her hurts, but I don't look away. She's in her car and she's crying so hard, I just want to go out there and hold her so that she won't ever cry again. I don't think she'd let me touch her though, not even for hug. But that's okay, because I can only imagine how hard it must be for her. I understand that now.
If she was never raped, what would our lived be like right now? We would've been married and happy, but then I wouldn't have Sabrina and she wouldn't have Taylor. Maybe it's all fate.
I can see her getting out her car, she's holding a book. She looks at my house for a couple seconds but then she stops in her tracks. And she does what is way too familiar to her, she runs. I'm not letting her go this time.
I don't want to waste any time, I wrench open the front door, and I run down my stone path after her.
I turn the curb and I see a head of vibrant red hair, and then the face that has haunting my dreams.
"Stop running!" I yell, stopping out of breath. "Stop running away from your fears!"
She turns around, tears streaming down her face. "I know what's coming Robbie, I know what you're going to say."
"What am I going to say then?" I ask her, anger in my voice. "Tell me."
"Y-you are going to say g-goodbye." She says, her voice cracking due to the intensity of the situation.
I stand there, looking at her. What is this? Now she's afraid to lose me?
::
I walked her back to the house, and she says hi to Jade and Taylor. She told me that she needed to talk to me, and now we're here. On my back porch looking at each other awkwardly. She's holding a photo album and she biting her lip nervously. That always drove me crazy when were teens. I've always just wanted to kiss her.
"This is for you." She says finally, putting the album in my hands.
I put it on my desk and I open it to page one and there's pictures of us from freshman year, and the next page. The pages go in order, from freshman year to senior year. As I look through the last few pages I see her with her short black hair, and still. It feels like so long ago she had changed so drastically. Look at how far she's come.
"I just, I have all these memories of us, and I didn't know if you did. I just don't want you to forget about me, about us." She says sadly, taking a deep breath. " I know you were probably trying to, but I don't want you to. I want you to know how much you mean to me, and how happy you've always made me."
I'm silent, I don't respond. What does she expect me to say right now? After how much she wanted me gone, she wants me to drop everything for her again now because she's finally able to admit what she's doubting?
"If that's all, you can go now." I say, staring at her blankly. I'm not doing this anymore.
"Robbie please." She cries, her eyes watering.
I hate seeing her cry, and I hate it more that I've been the reason alot lately.
"Please what? I hurt you if I'm near you, I hurt you if I'm away from you. I don't want to hurt you anymore." I shoot back, my eyes widening. My heart beating faster and faster.
"I just, I can't pretend that I don't love you as much as I do." He says, looking at me sadly. "I know that you don't feel the same way, or you can't, but I know that I emotionally can't anymore. It hurts too much."
"Robbie please let me say th-" She starts, but I interrupt her.
"Please what? What other way can you possibly rip my heart out?"
"Let me say something. Please." She begs, tears streaming down her face.
"Say it and then leave."
She tries to control her tears. and calm herself but she can't. She can't stop shaking.
"I love you." She croaks out. "Robbie I love is no more pretending. I love you, I always have, and I will until the day I die. And if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."
"Don't. Don't say that to me now. Why would you say that?" I ask her, my eyes burning. I've wanted nothing more than to hear her say those words to me, nothing. But not like this. Not out of pity.
"No! Please!" She cries, clutching onto her stomach, her face as red as her hair. "I'm sorry! I love you! I'm so sorry! Robbie please believe me!"
I look at her for what feels like eternity, watching her. Her eyes are looking at mine frantically, perhaps she's looking for a sign as well. I'd give anything for the woman standing in front of me. I can't express how much she means to me, and how much I'm willing to sacrifice for her to be happy. Her happiness is my happiness. She's told me so many times that she can't and she's scared. What if she's just confused right?
Or maybe this is the wait I was supposed to do. Ever since the Welcome Back To Hollywood when I told her I would always wait for her. Maybe this is it.
"You really love me?"
She nods, wiping her face. "I do. I love you."
I place my hands on the sides of her face and I kiss her with every amount of emotion I have. Thirteen years I've waited for this. Thirteen years. She kisses back hesitantly as I place my hands on her waist. I know it must feel weird, being touched like this.
"I'm never letting you go." I say against her lips, before I kiss her again. I feel her hands in my hair, and I pull her closer. There's nothing gentle about this kiss, it's raw and rough. I can't get enough, she consumes me in every way.
The truth is Caterina Valentine will always be apart of me. There's no Robbie Shapiro without Caterina Valentine. Just like there's not darkness without light. She is my second half, my soul mate, my love, mine. She's mine and I am hers.
"Never." She whispers, in between kisses. "Ever Do."
A/N- :) This chapter was bittersweet. I can't believe it's basically over. The next chapter will be the epilogue, and then I'll post a little something for the oneshot I'm writing about Jade. It'll be like a sneak peak, and what leads up to the actual oneshot.
I hope you liked this chapter, and story! Thankyou all for staying with me during it all! I love you so much! The journey is almost over sadly but it was a wonderful one!
Follow me on twitter at sweettface to know what's up!
(no beta, excuse mistakes)
Review please!