"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose."

~Tom Krause

"Quiet," I said less harshly, freeing one hand from her, to dig in my pocket. Peeling my phone out of my jeans, I called Embry.

"Listen up, leave the key in the truck and phase. I need Paul and Jared to patrol Forks. I picked up scent, and it isn't a Cullen. Follow Red and me to La Push, and then you and Quil hit the boarder. I want a fifty-mile radius patrol. Get Billy to keep Charlie on the Rez. Jake and I will cover the Red." Embry would understand; I was in no position to guard Red, and I knew Jacob would do his best to serve where I couldn't. "Red reckons it's one of those nomads from last year. I'm bringing her back to La Push to be safe. I'll phase in an hour; we'll conference."

I snapped the phone shut and let myself focus on the point where Red's heart beat against my chest. "Be quiet," I hushed. "The scent is...not fresh."

"My dad-"

"Will be okay," I assured her before she could panic herself. "Billy will keep him in La Push, and Jacob will keep you both safe. You trust Jacob, don't you?"

"Of course," she said readily. "Explicitly." More than she trusted me, was what she didn't say. It was no surprise; she'd said her piece on the subject. It wasn't like I'd earned her trust, I supposed. I shouldn't have spited her for it, but I did...a little. Mostly I spited myself. Self-pity was not a good look for me.

"Good. Your room is upstairs, right?" She nodded the affirmative, and I took her quickly by the hand. I just needed the comfort her skin would bring, as selfish as it seemed. It was innocent enough, and it would be the last comfort I'd get for a while, I was almost certain of it. "I'll...the Pack will protect you for as long as you want protection, Red. It's what we do."

"And Charlie?"

"Of course."

Her room was small, filled with a sort of tidy-mess that would drive me up the wall. She walked to her dresser, yanking open the top left drawer. "Uh...can you turn around? I'd like to change my shirt." She was calm-sounding, but I could see the storm behind her eyes.

I did, if only to give her the minimal respect any woman deserved, but scoffed anyway. "Nothing I haven't seen." Her bitterness was catching, but the wordsloser, nobody and nothing echoed in my head and I found that I could not help myself from taking my petty vengeance.

"Right," she said with a huff, the sound of material shifting, fluttering to the floor. I could hear the pull of soft cotton against her skin as she re-dressed. "I'm decent."

"You smell like come," I replied mildly, as I turned back around. The scent of vampire lingering in her room had cooled my rage over the Tyler-thing, but even for all that my voice belied my true emotion, my eye still twitched. "You can shower at my momma's house."

"Your mother's house?" she asked abruptly, halfway through shoving a pair of jeans into her bag.

Growling, I stomped forward, snatching the jeans from her hand and folding them, though my arm protested. It took two seconds longer than crumpling them into a ball and it kept my damn hands busy. I took a shirt from the small pile she made and didn't look at her as I spoke. "Yes, my mother's house. That's where you'll be staying."

She watched as I folded her crumpled heap of clothes, mouth pursed, silent for only but a moment. "Can't I stay with you?"

"Oh no," I replied as light as possible as I opened her drawers at random, pulling several pairs of really boring underwear and socks from the top left. She was a Hanes girl, apparently. "See, I'm the horrible worthless loser who's ruining your life, never thinks about anyone but himself and who you don't need anything from. So, to prevent myself from further ruining your life, you can stay with my mom. That is, if you even want my help."

She sighed, coming to stand beside me as I zipped her duffel shut. "Sam-"

"Just shut up," I said, with no real bite, letting loose a sigh myself. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything anymore from you. It was wrong to think I could help you. I just wanted you to think about..." It didn't feel wrong though. It still felt inexplicably right. In fact, denying it felt wrong.

"Think about what?" Red replied, sounding so exasperated. "Because I think Sam, I do. I think about why you should even care; you don't know me from Eve. What am I to you? Why do you...why do you try so hard to help me?" She sounded so genuinely confused, as she scooped her backpack up off the back of her computer chair, settling it over her shoulder. "Whatever you're trying to do, because fuck if I know what it is, I know I haven't made it easy. But you just keep pushing. Why? Why am I worth the damn trouble? I never asked you for help."

Those million dollar questions would go mostly unanswered.

"I like you," I said earnestly instead, more honestly then I had intended. My mouth switched to auto-pilot as her mouth fell open, eyes full of mistrust. "You're strong, smart, and passionate. I have no doubt in my mind that you are capable of so much." I laughed, a sad choked sound. "I might not know you like Jacob knows you but...I know what you look like with all your walls down. Sometimes...when you're angry, you get this look in your eye like you want to murder me; it's so raw, and so real, and that's the real you."

"Please stop..."

But I couldn't, I couldn't stop. I was hurt, torn open wide by her words. It seemed we'd opened a confessional between us, and the words just unfurled from my mouth, tearing me open a little wider with each one until I was left raw.

"I can hear your heart pound you know, when you're really angry and all your blood rushes to your face, painting you up red. You're real pretty when you're mad too, makes your freckles stand out. But...you're always so mad. Sometimes...I'd rather you be angry at me instead of the world because Red...there's a whole world out there you're ignoring 'cause you're too busy being mad."

Her teeth were clenched, cogs turning in her head. "You can't say shit like that. You don't know me, don't pretend you do," she breathed, looking away. "Every minute we spend together, we spend screaming and angry. I don't know what the hell it is, but...we always end up fighting. I've never liked you Sam. I don't even know you; I really don't get you at all."

You're just some loser kid on the rez who will never go anywhere.

"If having you hate me helps, then hate me Red. Hate me all you want," I breathed, wishing I could slam my head against the wall. This was all too honest, all too raw. "I can tell when you're thinking because you stop talking. I like that, when you're not hiding through three layers of bitch. I see this person who you could be and I wanted to help you get there. You want to be grown-up, with this tough as shit attitude, but you just act like a child. I've...haven't you seen? I'm trying to help you get where you want to be. Everything I've done for you was to help you become who I thought you wanted to be. But maybe I'm wrong," I hissed, anger lighting my voice. "I've been wrong before; I'm not perfect." Loser. Nobody. Nothing. Worthless. "Maybe you really are just a hateful little girl. Hate me then, if you have to. Hate the whole fucking world if it makes you feel better, but you're going to trap yourself. How long 'til you run out of people to hate and start hating yourself?" More than you probably already do, I thought, painfully saddened by the prospect. I turned away, heading for the door.

"Sam," Red said again softly now, reaching out to curve a palm over my arm. "Sam wait, I'm sorry I said-"

"No," I murmured, staring down at her one last time. The anger at seeing her with Tyler was fully gone now, swept away by something else, something that felt a lot like shame finally settling into my bones. I'd never been ashamed of myself before, but to be seen as she saw me... Was that really what she saw?

I didn't regret pushing her at every turn, no, she needed that. But now it was time to let her go, and see if she'd learned anything at all. This was where I left it in her hands. "No. I'm done. I'm done fighting you; it hasn't done us either any good. I'm sorry I pushed. I'm sorry...we fucked on my kitchen counter. No, that's a lie, 'cause I'm not sorry about it at all. I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted, and I'm sorry I let you run away and didn't follow you, 'cause I should have. That was shitty of me. I can't change it, and I wouldn't if I could because even if you didn't learn shit, I certainly did." I learned what it felt to lose what little pride you had. "I won't help you if you don't want it. That was my mistake before, but you looked like you needed someone solid, and that's something I can be. Yes I pushed you, yes I was mean; did you learn anything at all?" I shook my head; it wasn't my place to ask for answers. "Wait, sorry. I don't get to ask that, you don't have to answer me, Red. If you want help, you can ask for it, but until you want me there, I won't be. Who knows, maybe it'll be good for you."

Mutual courage built between us; me to throw in the towel, and her to ask for help. It went against our nature, but it seemed both our limits had been tried, tested, and proved wanting. We stood silent in her room for one full minute at a stand-still. She sucked in a long breath, eyes looking over my shoulder and not at me. "You'll help Charlie and me? With the vampire?" she asked, mouth stumbling over the last word. "I...I need your help Sam."

"Alright then," I breathed, closing my eyes a moment. "You're driving."