Election Day (Part II)

As agreed, Curt arrived at Pork & Cheese's in the middle of the night. He searched the parking lot for the mysterious "Deep Throat" that he was supposed to meet. The place was eerily dark and quiet.

"Hello?" said Curt, "Anyone here?"

"You came," said a strained-sounding voice, "Good."

Curt noticed a silhouette standing near the building and approached it.

"Stop!" said the figure, "That's close enough!"

Curt obeyed.

"Now," said the figure, "My sources have provided me with some valuable information regarding Nook's plans as future mayor of this town."

"Like?" said Curt.

"Rumor has it that an out-of-town developper plans to build high-end condos here in Hell. As mayor, Nook will both approve and even partially fund this project."

"Why would he do that?"

"Not sure...Possibly to secure upper-class votes. But what's more startling is the location they're being built...Acre D-7; Right in the middle of town park. In fact, the wishing well will have to be demolished to make room for them."

"There's no way anyone would be okay with that! There's gonna be outrage!"

"Exactly. That's why you..."

Just then, a cell phone went off. The ring tone was Go K.K. Rider!.

"Buzz?" said Curt, "Is that you?"

The figure stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself to be Buzz. He immediately silenced his phone.

"Yeah," said Buzz, his voice restored to normal, "I should have probably shut that off."

"What's with all the secrecy?" asked Curt.

"Er," said Buzz, "Not important...If you really don't want Nook to win the election, you'll need to find the evidence to back up my info. You can start by seeking out Nook's contacts."

"Like who?" said Curt.

"I don't know," said Buzz, "I didn't get that far. I'm sure you can easily find that out for yourself!"

Curt nodded.

The following day:

"So what are we doing here again?" asked CJ.

"Looking for clues," replied Curt, "Clues that will destroy Nook's chances of being elected!"

From atop the large hilltop overlooking Nook's house, CJ and Curt watched Nook as closely as possible using binoculars. As a store owner, Nook was one of the wealthier animals in town, and his house was quite large. After spending several hours, spying, the two men had yet to uncover anything interesting.

"Hang on," said Curt, "I see something!"

A small car pulled up in front of Nook's front steps. A man came out carrying pizza boxes and knocked on the door.

"Dude," said CJ, "It's just the pizza guy. I don't think the fact that a single guy like Nook eats pizza on a Sunday afternoon will sway voters."

"There's probably some documents inside those boxes!" said Curt, "How much you wanna bet? Nook doesn't want the truth to get out"

"Damnit Curt, there's no conspiracy! It's just a stupid municipal election. Now, let's go. We've been here for hours and there are all kinds of bugs crawling into my shirt."

"Fine, fine."

Curt and CJ stood up and prepared to leave. Just then, CJ turned around again.

"Curt look!" said CJ.

"I thought you said there was nothing to see," said Curt.

"Just look, dumbass!"

Curt turned his head and saw a small mound of earth moving along the ground. It stopped right in front of Nook's front steps. Nook opened the door again and looked down at the mound, which burst open to reveal Mr. Resetti.

"Isn't that your old boss?" asked CJ.

"Yeah," replied Curt, "What's going on here?"

Nook and Resetti began speaking, but Curt and CJ could not understand a word they were saying.

"Quick," said Curt, "Look into the binoculars and tell me what they're saying!"

"I can't read lips!" said CJ.

"Then press the binocular against your ear!"

"What are you, stupid? Binoculars don't magnify sound!"

"They don't? But the package said All Purpose. I spent 1,650 bells for nothing!"

CJ slapped his head. Meanwhile, in the distance, Resetti and Nook had finished their dialogue, prompting Resetti to take off.

"I know where he lives," said Curt, "Follow me, I have a plan!"

CJ and Curt headed to Resetti's house. CJ knocked on the door and the grumpy mole quickly answered.

"Whaddya want?" he asked.

"Give it up, Resetti," said Curt, "We know all about your little plans with Nook!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Resetti.

"The wishing well?" said Curt, "The condos? Does all that ring a bell?"

Resetti began to sweat.

"I don't know nothing," he said, "You can't pin nothin' on me!"

"We saw you with Nook!" said CJ, "You're involved in that little condo project, aren't you? Tell us!"

"Alright, alright!" Resetti finally caved, "Nook approached me and asked if I was interested in buying one in exchange for voting for him. Frankly I think they're pretentious post-modernist shit, but it still beats this dump of a house."

"Good," said Curt, "That's what we wanted to hear."

"You must have a copy of the plans or something," said CJ, "We saw Nook handing you a folder."

"And why the hell would I give them to you?" demanded Resetti, "For keeping my mouth shut, I get a condo. What do I get for talking, eh?"

Curt then held up his cellphone, which displayed a photo of a very drunk Resetti digging around the flower patch near the town train station.

"I'm sure Copper and Booker will be happy to finally find out the one responsible for that little act of vandalism," laughed Curt.

"GAAAAAH!" screamed Resetti, "HOW DID YOU GET THAT? I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE THAT NIGHT!"

"I just happened to be in the neighbourhood," said Curt, "I made sure to take plenty of photos that night in case I ever needed to ask for a raise. Of course now that I don't work for you anymore…"

"Gah, Alright!" pleaded Resetti, "I'll give you whatever you need if you destroy that damn photo!"

"Atta boy," said Curt, "Now, make with the stuff!"

Resetti grabbed a folder filled with papers and handed them to Curt, who promptly deleted the image off his phone.

"Who's building these condos anyway?" asked CJ.

"Beats me," replied Resetti, "Some hotshots from out of town. Not that it matters now, huh?"

"It's good," said Curt, as he searched through the folder, "This is more than enough!"

"So, you got what you need?" asked Resetti, "Good. NOW SCRAM!"

Resetti slammed the door.

"That was smooth dude," said CJ.

"Thanks," said Curt, "I have that picture saved on my computer at home in case we ever need it again."

"Come," said CJ, "We better get to town hall!"

At town hall, Tortimer and Nook were having their last debate before going to the polls. As usual, the crowd was in Nook's favour.

"And that is why," began Nook, "I believe we do not need so many school buses in our small town. It will cut back on pollution and help our children stay healthy by encouraging them to walk!"

Everyone in the crowd cheered.

"MISTRIAL!" yelled Curt, bursting through the main doors, "New evidence has been brought to light! Declare a mistrial!"

"Dude," said CJ, following close behind, "This is an election, not a trial!"

"Oh..." said Curt.

Suddenly, two bodyguards pounced on CJ and Curt.

"What's with all the got-dang hullabaloo?" demanded Tortimer.

After struggling for a few seconds, Curt broke free from the bodyguard and held up the documents.

"In my hands," began Curt, "Is evidence that Nook is approving a condo project that involves destroying our beloved wishing well!"

Everyone gasped. Nook began to sweat and fidget behind his podium.

"Now why would I do that?" he asked, nervously.

"To secure votes from upper class citizens," replied Curt, "While us poor shmoes are left in the dark about it."

There were murmurs in the crowd as one of the bodyguards swiped the folder from Curt's hand and began reading through it.

"It's true!" he said.

Everyone began to boo Nook.

"It's a set-up," he said, "None of it is true!"

The crowd continued to boo Nook.

"Alright," admitted Nook, "It is true. But the wishing well is old news! It's time for a change of scenery, yes?"

"The wishing well is a town landmark, you dick!" said Poncho from the audience.

"You're not a man of the people!" snapped Penny, "You're just another corporate douchebag!"

"At least Tortimer never lied to us," added Cheri.

"What in tarnation is going on here?" demanded Tortimer, "Who's building condos? I'd like to live in one!"

"TOR-TI-MER!" chanted the audience, "TOR-TI-MER!"

Nook then flipped off the audience before exiting stage.

"We did it!" said Curt.

"Let's get outta here," said CJ.

Once outside, the two men were met by Sakura and Lindsay.

"We saw the whole thing," said Sakura, "Nicely done, boys."

"Thanks," said CJ.

"Yeah," said Curt, "We were pretty awesome, weren't we? I guess Tortimer's got this one in the bag now, huh?"

"How did you guys do it?" asked Lindsay.

"It's a long story," began Curt, "Full of conspiracy, espionage and blackmail! Oh, and there was even some torture involved!"

Curt continued to tell his outrageous story as the gang headed home.

"Good evening," said Bob, "This is Channel 6 News. In today's top stories, incumbent mayor Tortimer von Tortimer III has won the Hell municipal election by a landslide. Despite originally being the popular candidate, Tom Nook's recently-exposed plans to demolish the town wishing well put him out of favour with the general public and ultimately cost him the election. Mayor Tortimer celebrated his victory last night at town hall. He had this to say:"

The show then cut to Tortimer holding a press conference at town hall.

"Look at you, young people," said Tortimer, "With your telemajiggies and your IPodoodles! Kids these days are too distracted to vote! Back in my day, we used to walk twenty miles to the nearest polling station to vote and that wasn't because…"

A bodyguard whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"Thank the people?" asked Tortimer, "What for?"

The bodyguard whispered something else into Tortimer's ear.

"What the?" said Tortimer, "I won the election? Hot diggity!"

Meanwhile, at Nookington's, the gang were up to their usual antics:

"This is all your fault, yes?" Nook said, bitterly,, "You cost me the election."

"Uh-huh," said Curt, who was preoccupied with the display PS3.

"I won't let you get away with this!" said Nook.

"Whatever you say, old man," said CJ.

Nook suddenly turned around.

"Damnit, Sakura!" snapped Nook, "I said you can't use that phone!"

Sakura was using the phone on Nook's counter to make prank calls.

"Hello?" asked Sakura, "Is this Kid's Help Phone? Yeah, I'm having an issue...I can't make it past the second level in Donkey Kong for the NES...What do you mean you don't help with these kinds of problems? Screw you!"

Nook grabbed the phone and hung up.

"You're driving me nuts," said Nook, "I'm gonna throw you all out!"

"Ooooh," said Sakura, "I'm so scared!"

"Mark my words," said Nook, "I will have my revenge..."

Lindsay suddenly approached Nook holding a bottle.

"Mr. Nook," she said, "I want to return the shampoo I bought. I'm not satisfied! Will you give me half my money for half a bottle?"

"GAAAAAAH!" screamed Nook, "REVEEEEEEENGE!"

The end for now! Tune in next week for more Animal Crossing goodness!