The days that followed Jacob's little visit were rather awkward. It was like Edward expected me to just remember so much about Jacob and just fall madly in love with him.

I would never forget anything that Edward had done for me. I wasn't going to let some desperate old friend from my past just make all of that not matter. It would take a lot to undo everything that Edward had done for me, and even if someone else managed to do more, it wouldn't mean nearly half as much to me. After all, Edward waited for me, suffered with me. I dind't care about anything else. The world could burn around me and I would be able to tell the difference as long as Edward was with me.

What if I never remembered everything? Edward would be glad that I had no childhood recollections of Jacob, but would this silence still hang over us as Edward waited for the dreaded day that I would leave him for Jacob?

This had never been a problem when it had just been the two of us. He never worried about what my memories brought with them. Edward must have thought that since Jacob hadn't reappeared, yet, that if I remembered him, I would think that he didn't care and I would just stay with him. But now that Jacob was back, I was fully aware what my options were, and my memories would make the choice more precise.

I dug through my room again, looking for any sign that I might have had any preference for Jacob whatsoever, but there wasn't a single photograph or anything. I wondered if Edward would take that into consideration. Maybe he might actually believe that I wasn't going anywhere. I found it rather odd that at the beginning, Edward had to deep reassuring me that he wouldn't leave me. Now it was my turn to be encouraging.

All of a sudden I thought of Parker. The devoted boyfriend who waited until his girlfriend woke up and then tried to help her will herself into remembering her past. In the book, I had reached past a point where old friends were complicating things for Parker. One of Avery's old friends told him that if he kept pestering her, she wouldn't want to put up with him anymore. Parker just brushed it off. He didn't care about Avery's outside influences.

What happened to my Parker? The one that had waited so long for me to snap out of delusion? The one who wanted me to remember?

Edward was right. It was harder to watch someone hurt themselves that it was to watch someone get hurt by someone else. It hurt me enough whenever my pain hurt him, but watching him make this big deal out of what should have been nothing was beyond painful.

"Edward?" I began after about a week of the absurd silence.

"Yes?" he answered, looking up from his homework.

We were sitting on opposite sides of my dinning room table, not even helping each other with our work. It was getting really ridiculous.

"Could you answer a question? And, please, don't jump to conclusions," I requested.

"Of course," he agreed, visuially confused.

"When, if ever, do you think you would leave me?" I wondered.

"I would never leave you unless you asked me to," he declared.

"Then why don't you start acting like it?" I exclaimed, slamming my calculous book closed, grabbing all my work, running up the stairs to my room.

I knew it was wrong to be yelling at Edward after everything, but it was just so frustrating how everything had used to be so perfect and effortless and now he was letting this small little hurtle named Jacob interrupt it.

Edward grabbed my arm when I was about halfway up.

"What on earth are you talking about?" he asked me.

"Jacob shouldn't have any affect on any of this," I told him, gesturing to us. "You act as if I'm just about ready to ask you to leave and you would do it willingly. Like you would happily hand me over to Jacob. Everything's always silent. Awkward. It scares me."

"I'm not meaning anything by it. I would hand you over if it was what you wanted, and I would do it willingly, but it would hurt. More than you could possibly comprehend," he tried to reassure me, but I was already riled up.

"Then urge me to remember again! Tell me to 'dream up something special' or something like you used to! What happened to all of that?" I asked him.

"I don't need you to remember. I love you just the way you are," he declared.

"You've never needed me to remember. You've always just wished for it. What? Did you realize that all of my memories had been somehow sparked by something and since Jacob wasn't around, you thought I wouldn't remember? Now that he's popped up, are you worried that I might choose him over you? That really makes me wonder, Edward. What would I find in my head when I remember everything? It seems as if you're trying to hide something from me. Something from my memories! Something that belongs to me!

"And what happened to trust?" I continued, quickly reaching lunatic levels. "I told you that even when I did remember, there wouldn't be anyone that I loved as much as I love you. Do you not believe me?"

Edward stood silent for a while. I could see that all of this upset him.

"I can tell that you want me to go home," he said after a moment of silence. I coudn't see his expression through the tears that were starting to collect in my eyes.

"Well go, then," I told him, turning around and bolting up the rest of the stairs.

I dumped my school stuff on my bed and slumped against my door. I heard Edward's engine start as he drove away. I'd surely done it this time. He was gone. I had pushed him away. I sat against the door for hours just letting the misery have me.

Alice and Renee were smart enough not to check on me. As much as they might have wanted to comfort me, I probably would have ripped their heads off. They didn't know how frustrating it was not to know enough about yourself to know how you should feel. To only know that you feel like shit, whether you're supposed to or not.

I searched my few memories to see if I had ever fought with Edward before high school, I couldn't find any.

The one person who had always been there and now he was gone. Because of me.

I sat on my bed looking at the ceiling tracing patterns with my eyes. The only thing that felt remotely close to what I was feeling now was when I had seen Bella that first day of high school, knowing that she would have pushed me away the same way that Alice did Jasper. But this was so much worse. I didn't know that Bella had loved me back then. After finally being able to share that closeness with her that I had always desired, she had rejected me again. The higher you climb the harder you fall, right?

She had pretty good points though. I had been acting funny. While I would never want to accuse Bella of anything, she was jumping to conclusions as well. Being scared that she was going to leave me had nothing to do with my faithfulness to her. I wasn't just going to walk out on her if I suspected her turning towards Jacob. I would wait until she gave me word.

And I would tell her that. The next day at school.

But she didn't get into the car with Alice the next morning. Alice wouldn't say why. While I was scared shitless about Bella's welfare, if she was inside wanting space for a while, I would give it to her. I would wait until after school to ask Renee where she was.

When I did, Renee said that Bella didn't feel well enough to come to school. Apparently she took off around noon. Took her junky red pickup and headed out somewhere saying that she would be back around eight-ish. I could tell that she was almost as nervous as I was about letting Bella out wandering around in not the healthiest of moods, but according to Renee, she had been improving so much lately, it seemed alright to give her a little space and freedom.

I didn't push my luck by coming back "around eight-ish." I didn't want to risk her telling me to leave again. That I was being creepy, clingy, desperate, or anything that I wasn't. I wouldn't care what anyone else said about me, but I knew that when the day came that Bella would call me terrible things, it would burn. After yesterday's fight, I didn't know if I was ready for that.

But then night rolled around again and it was as if I were bound by a ball and chain, but the ball was rolling. Out of the house, into the Volvo, and over to Bella's house. I knew I had to clear the air. Even if she didn't want me anymore, she needed to know the truth.

I smelled the grass around me and felt the slight warmth on my face increase as the sun began to set. I knew it would be time for me to head home about then. I checked my cell phone and sure enough it was 7:15. Just enough time for me to get home by around eight. Edward had said this place had reminded him of me when I wasn't there. It did the exact same for me. I had sat there pretty much all day thinking about the day that Edward had taken me there, to that peaceful little meadow, before taking me to the Cullen baseball game. I remembered coming out there instead of out to the big baseball clearing when Emmett and Edward were teaching me how to swing, right before my interaction with Jacob. The day that everything that I had been sure about had disappeared.

I was back to where I had started before Edward and I had began talking again. Knowing absolutely nothing. Sure I had some of my memories, but without all of them, how would I know what the few I had added up to?

I slammed the front door behind me so hard that the windows shook. I stomped to the kitchen for a bite to eat.

"Edward came by earlier today," Renee informed me. That made me slam the fridge door hard enough to make the jelly jar break. I opened the fridge again and cleaned the mess while I listened to Renee tell me how concerned Edward seemed.

As much as I really wanted to, I didn't slam the fridge the second time. I didn't want to deal with another mess.

"Glad to see he hasn't lost that little voice called a conscience," I replied indifferently.

I finished my snack and stormed up to my room. I changed into my lounge pants and tank top, before flopping on my bed into a near instant sleep.

I was woken up by the sound of a stuggle outside my window. I tiredly walked to it and pulled the curtain aside. There Edward was, trying to open my window, which was rusted over by a combination of the rain and me never opening it. I was about to yell at him through the window, but then he looked up, realizing that I had caught him. And his eyes...

I don't think I had ever hurt anywhere near the hurt that I saw in his eyes.