This will be a short chapter but I figured it was better than no chapter at all. I'm leaving in the morning to head to Nashville, and since I won't be bringing my laptop, I won't be getting any more writing done. I'll see you guys again next week, Thursday at the latest!
Thanks for every kind word you send to me, and for sending me your thoughts and constructive criticisms as well. They are everything.
…
"Loving you was never the problem, babe," Edward said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't call you that. But you know what I mean. I didn't break up with you because I don't love you. I love you so much. More than I ever knew was possible."
"Then why?" I asked, staring at him in shock.
This was not what I had expected to hear when I came here, and I was more confused than anything else.
"Because, Bella. We were a trainwreck. We still are. C'mon, you know that. You listened to me when I told you why I wanted it to be over. You said that you had the same concerns."
"Yeah, I had concerns. But I didn't want to break up!" I cried. "We should have worked through it."
"Look, Bella. I didn't want to break up at first, either, but it got to the point where I felt like it was the only option. We had these problems from the start, and all we did was ignore them and pretend they didn't exist. We fell into bed together instead of addressing our problems, and it finally blew up in our faces when we were too far away from each other to fuck it all away," Edward said, starting to get heated. "Don't try and tell that's not how it was, either."
I knew it was right, but that didn't make hearing it any easier. "There are always other options, Edward," I said in a low voice.
"This is what I felt had to happen," Edward said back, his gaze never faltering. "I'm sorry about my dad," he added, his voice dropping. "I haven't really told him anything yet, and he assumed the worst. I'll tell him what really happened. I don't want you to think that this is all your fault, or that you're to blame. Because you really aren't. There were a lot of problems of neither of us can hold all the blame. If anything, I'm the one to blame because I'm the one that broke us up."
"Thank you for saying that," I said numbly.
"Thank you for bringing this back," he added, holding up the necklace. "It means a lot."
"You're welcome," I whispered. "Is this goodbye?"
"God, Bella," Edward said, shaking his head. "No! Are you crazy? There won't be a goodbye. Not for us. Just…give it some time."
With that, he smiled halfheartedly at me and then slipped back into the apartment.
…
The weeks went by a little more quickly after that. It still wasn't easy, but with every passing day, I felt myself returning to normal.
School took up most of my time, and I welcomed the distraction.
It was the beginning of December by the time I got the first text.
Got the internship in Boston.
I stared at my phone for a minute, wondering if this was real. I had never edited his name in my contacts, so it was still flanked by a purple heart and a heart eyes emoji. They looked strange now, especially since we hadn't spoken in weeks, not since the day I had returned his mother's pearl necklace.
I debated for a long time what I should send back, or if I should even reply at all. But I finally did, and that conversation was the start of something new.
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.
…
I spent my Christmas Break in Newport, visiting with family and spending plenty of time with Rosalie and Jacob…plus Emmett and Leah. I was okay with it, and genuinely happy that my closest friends had found their soulmates, but it still stung a little bit. Being with Emmett and Rosalie was especially hard, because it reminded me constantly of being with Edward. It also hurt because they were so happy, and fit together so perfectly, while they had only known each other for a few months. It reminded me of what could have been, and what I would have if Edward hadn't ended things.
However, I had to admit that this time apart had allowed me to take a step back and acknowledge where things went wrong, and why it ended. At first, I had been quick to blame the whole thing on myself. When people jokingly called Edward a fool for letting me go, I jumped to defend him and put the blame on myself. Now, I knew that the blame did not fall on just one of us. Both of us had let the cracks in our relationship grow too large, and then were at a loss for what to do when they could no longer be fixed.
I don't think that Edward did the best thing when he broke up with me like he did, but I can understand it a little better now. He had taken a step back without telling me, and that had hurt. The whole week before the breakup, I was still committed and he had already decided it was over. It wasn't right, and he didn't handle it very well.
That doesn't change the fact that he was right, though; there were huge problems that we had both been ignoring, and not addressing them would only hurt each of us further.
Jealously, anger, and lack of proper communication had poisoned our relationship from the start. I could only hope that if there was a second chance, we would do things differently.
…
"How's he doing?" I asked Emmett quietly. We had just finished dinner with Rosalie, and she had left us alone to check her voicemail. I felt a little awkward bringing Edward up to his cousin, but now that Rosalie wasn't in the room, it was at least slightly less embarrassing.
"He's good, Bella. Really," Emmett said, studying me. "He passed all his classes with flying colors, and now he's just waiting for the internship to start. Actually, I'm glad you said something. He asked me to give you this. I hope that's okay." He dug around in his wallet and produced a small scrap of paper, folded in half.
I took it cautiously and when I unfolded it, immediately recognized Edward's neat, masculine handwriting. It was just an address, but I knew what it was without asking. I just didn't know what I wanted to do with it.
…
Short, I know. But again, I hope it's better than nothing.
Let me know what you think, and hopefully I'll see you again sooner rather than later.