Thank you to everyone who adds, and to my reviewers: FeeKilico, jennlit, Skywolf42, Vanafindiel, InezSophia, blaahblaahblaah, Anne79!
Special thanks to Distorted Lullabies!
Chapter 20 - Unexpected Frost
When the butter was delivered the next morning, it was by Fíli himself. Hemery answered the door.
"Good morning, Hemery." Fíli smiled, offering the wrapped package.
"Mornin'." She did not move out of the way or invite him in.
"Is your sister up?"
"The sun is over the tree line, of course she's up."
"May I come in and see her?" he patiently asked.
"If you have business, you may see her at the market in an hour."
Right then, Hanah came around the corner, carrying fresh water from the well. Her steps faltered as she noticed the prince, but she did not stop.
"Oh," she said. "Good mornin'."
"Morning, Miss Hanah." He smiled and bowed his head.
Had she not been weighed down by her bucket, Hanah would have done the same. Hemery let her pass into the kitchen.
"Come in," Hanah told him. "Sit down.
Fíli shared a look with Hemery behind Hanah's back, she glaring, him challenging. Hemery moved. He handed the butter to Hanah.
"Thank you. That's very kind." Hanah, in turn, handed it to Hemery who did not look pleased, but took it and placed it in the cupboard.
Hanah made tea. Hemery stood behind her, watching Fíli who sat at the table, seemingly unbothered by her deadly stare.
"Apologies for bein' late with my last delivery," Hanah said. "We had so many customers, I couldn't get away."
He shook his head. "I didn't notice."
Hanah nodded in relief.
"Have you come to pay us?" Hemery asked.
Hanah whirled around. "Hem?!" she hissed forcefully.
"Why else is he here?" Hemery asked Hanah, but looked at the dwarf.
"Don't you have class to attend?" Hanah whispered to her sister.
"Not today."
"Actually, that was one of the reasons I came to see you this morning," Prince Fíli said, producing his purse. "Remind me, how much do I owe you?"
Hanah racked her brain. She had already been paid too much. The coats were finished and she still had gold left over. But he would not take no for an answer.
"Sorry, I'd have to check the book—" Hanah began.
"Twelve gold pieces," Hemery answered.
Prince Fíli raised his eyebrows at Hanah in question. It sounded reasonable enough for the last five coats, she thought.
"Yes, that would be right," she confirmed. "Thank you, Hem."
His mustache quirked. He dug into his purse and offered some coins to Hanah, but Hemery was quicker. She shot out to receive them before Hanah had lifted her arm, and swiftly returning to her place behind Hanah. Silence stretched between the two girls and the dwarf.
"Are the bags ready for market?" Hanah asked Hemery.
"Almost. We can leave whenever you want. I have a book to return to the library, as well." Hemery shot Prince Fíli a meaningful look which her sister did not catch. Hanah closed the door behind her.
"I apologize for Hemery's forwardness."
"That's quite alright. I like it. Almost as amusing as the sharp tongue of her sister." Prince Fíli chuckled.
Hanah's stomach heated when she heard the throaty sound.
"So you were happy with the coats?" Hanah changed the subject.
"They fulfilled my expectations," he answered ambiguously.
"Is that so?" Her tone was dry.
He laughed. "I knew you had potential, and there's no greater motivator than doubt. A few less than enthusiastic remarks in your ear and your result is golden," he explained.
"I should have known it would be pointless to expect a reply with more than the least possible information, but I'm glad you think my work is nice, Prince Fíli."
Hanah stood to retrieve their cups and realized what she had just said. Her hands turned cold. She forced herself to pretend as if it was nothing. It was no secret, after all.
Fortunately, she had to turn her back to him when she cleaned the cups, giving her an excuse to not meet his gaze.
"I wasn't sure you knew." His voice was low.
She did not now what to say to that. That he had turned her world upside-down these last few days since she found out he was a prince, without him actually doing anything?
"You didn't treat me like a prince, I liked that."
She said nothing. She heard him get up from his chair.
"What is it, Hanah?"
She turned and leaned on the counter. He watched her from a few feet away. That beautiful, open face, those searching eyes, and those hands that knew her so well, which she did not know at all. She tried to shrug casually.
"I just feel stupid, because. . ." She shook her head. "I didn't know. I had no idea until I saw you at the openin' ceremony."
"This doesn't change anything between us," he assured her.
Hanah smiled without joy. "I know you think that, and I understand. You've been perfectly honest and respectful and generous, and I let you in, and I was happy to do so, but we have to stop now."
She tried to sound sober and practical, letting no emotion show through. She did not allow herself to feel any of the hurt that she had brought on herself by her naïve actions. Now it was time to face the consequences of her actions, and put and end to it before it got any worse.
Prince Fíli looked like he did not understand what she was saying.
"Do you want to stop?" he asked, steeping closer and pierced her with his inquiring gaze.
Hanah sighed, and felt an increased urge to keep her distance.
"You know as well as I do that we had to, eventually. I've just been ignorin' it until now. We've been. . . killin' time."
"I can't think of a better way of spending my time. Can you?"
He was trying to lighten the mood, but Hanah was physically incapable of smiling anymore. Of course he could be so off-handed about the subject—it was not as serious for him as it was for Hanah. It did not mean anything to him.
"It's time to move on. On to the next," she said, calmly.
"The next what?"
Why did she need to spell it out for him? She had to look away.
"The next girl who wants to catch the attention of a charmin' prince for a few hours. You said it yourself, you've done this before. And I've seen how your brother acts with Sethie."
"My brother. . ." he muttered and rubbed a hand over his face.
"I get it. It's nothin' strange in your world, but I'm not used to it. And it's fine, I never expected anythin' from you. But I don't think we should see each other. . . alone. . . anymore."
There was a moment of silence.
"Do you believe me to be so lacking in honour?" he finally asked.
The question threw her off guard.
"No—?"
"I will not lie and claim to never have visited a woman before, but I certainly don't make it a habit. And I will thank you for not comparing me to my brother in all things. We share many traits— however—sexual zeal is not one of them." Prince Fíli's voice was scathing.
Hanah felt heat in her cheeks. She had no idea he would react in this way. She had tried to say much in few words, but never question his honour.
"You think I would pursue you in this manner, indefinitely, taking anything and everything you offered?"
Not indefinitely. Hanah had no illusions about the temporary nature of their relationship. She knew it would dry out, sooner or later. But she could not speak, she was struck by the intensity of his words and his indignation which she did not understand.
Suddenly, his anger drained away.
"I never wanted you to think that. It was not my intention. I don't want it to be that way," his words turned persuasive now.
There was that word again. Want.
If they just kept going, what did he think would happen? Did he not realize how much she had begun to care for him? Did he not see how she trembled when he was near? She would grow more and more dependant on him, live for the short moments he would spare for her. And when he decided he did not want to visit her anymore, she would not be able to let him go.
"It doesn't matter what you or I want. This is just a complication. A waste of time. Can't you see that?"
This was apparently the wrong thing to say. Anger sparked to life in his eyes.
"Have you ever fought for something you wanted?" he asked.
Hanah had fought a lot, too much, for her life and for Hemery's. She wanted to live, if you could say that. But she had a feeling that was not what he meant.
He closed the distance between them and took hold of her face in his large, warm hands.
"Have you ever really wanted anything in your life?"
She wanted him, to laugh with, to hold and never let go. But then there was that shallow want, the physical want driven by the automatic impulse all men had, which she had felt too. She had never wanted a person in this intimate way before, and she would not be a slave for some bodily craving now. She would not jeopardize her current security for a few of his exciting embraces.
Hanah wanted to close her eyes and open them far away from here, away from Blackwater, away from Erebor, away from Prince Fíli. Why could she not be allowed to just live?
"There are many different kinds of want," she said.
"I want you, Hanah," Fíli said with fervor. "To keep, to care for, and to bear my children—that kind of want."
Now she was completely confused. They were not of the same kin. And he was heir to the throne of Erebor. Was he playing a game of 'name one hundred impossible things' she was unaware of?
"But. . ." she began, brow furrowed. "You can't have children with men." It was a question, really, but it had not come out as such.
Prince Fíli's eyes turned dead cold, and he released her.
"So that's how it is," he seethed. "Glad we cleared that up. I was beginning to think it was my personality that displeased you. I'm relieved to learn it is only because I'm a dwarf."
His words were acid as he began to pace the floor restlessly.
"Of course it's part of it—" Hanah had no idea if dwarves and men even could conceive children, much less a dwarven prince and a common woman. She wanted to explain further, but he interrupted her and twisted her words.
"It seems you are, after all, the kind of woman who will take a dwarf's gold, but not his hand." He almost growled.
"That's not fair. You're misunderstandin' me on purpose," Hanah argued. "What would people say if you had children with someone like me?"
She was a poor leathersmith of mankind. What would happen to the bastard child of Prince Fíli of Erebor and the trapper's daughter?
"I don't bloody well care," came his quick response. It seemed he had made up his mind to contradict everything she said.
"You cannot be serious!" Hanah almost shouted. "You must care, you're goin' to be king one day. No one would accept a king with half-breed children."
He became still at her words, and Hanah knew she had made a mistake using such strong language, but she had wanted to prove a point. It seemed she had succeeded. He regarded her with a dark expression.
It was official; she had offended Prince Fíli in every way possible.
Slowly, he moved closer until he was an arms length away. Then his face changed from anger to bewilderment, like he was gazing into a dark well to see if there was any water in its depths.
"How is it that you're so young, and yet. . . so cold?" he asked.
The word resonated within her. Cold, winter, frost, ice, starvation, death. Did he think she was like that? She was not! She burned with shame for what she had said, what she had allowed the situation to become, and with need for him to touch her as gently as he had a moment ago when he still liked her.
And he felt as if the fire of Smaug would be a cool breeze in comparison with the smolder that boiled her insides and flared out into the skin of her neck and face. How could he think she was cold?
She wanted to explain, if she had dared, what she was thinking. But he seemed to be in the worst mood for conversation and misunderstood everything she said.
No—everything she said was wrong.
"Hanah?" Hemery's careful voice came from the door to the shop, and pulled her out of her thoughts.
Fíli turned from her and moved to the door. As he walked through it, Hanah called after him.
"I'm sorry!"
He did not stop.
Hanah took a few steps, as if to follow him, but changed her mind. What would she say to him? She felt hollow and thin like burnt wood in an old fireplace. All eaten up.
"What happened?" Hemery asked softly.
Hanah hardly knew. But she knew her dealings with Prince Fíli were over, as if they had never begun.
"Nothin'," Hanah breathed. She turned her back to Hemery, so she would not see her tears gathering.
"Did he hurt you?" Hemery's voice was flat, while Hanah tried to keep the quiver out of hers.
"No." Hanah was hurt, but she knew the blame fell on her own shoulders.
"Did he. . . ask you to marry him?"
Hanah turned in surprise, forgetting to hide her tears.
"No," she replied. "Don't be silly. Why would he do that?"
She continued cleaning the dishes from breakfast, pretending nothing was amiss.
Hemery felt the weight of the book in her coat pocket.
"No reason," she said. "Just a thought."