A/N: Big thank you to all my reviewers. A special thank you to my wonderfully amazing friend, Beaner008. This story would still have been hidden in my laptop had it not been for your encouragement and support. Love ya babe! Now onto the chapter!
Chapter 20
I turn my head to look at my mom as she slowly enters the kitchen. There is a strange look on her face, one that I cannot read. I shrug off Quinn's supportive arm that she had wrapped around me after my mom had first vanished from the room. I was about to stand up from my chair when suddenly Detective White entered our kitchen behind my mother. I suddenly felt dizzy and nauseous. What was going on? My palms stretched out along the table in attempt to stop my world from spinning. I darted my vision back to my mom who was looking directly at me. The room was silent. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rachel and Quinn looking silently at the two adults as well.
Rachel was the first one to break the silence. "Mama, what is she doing here?"
My mom's gaze never left mine as she began to speak. "Quinn, I would like you to take Rachel up stairs for me please. Get yourselves ready for bed."
"Mama Lopez -" my best friend had started to protest but my mother cut her off.
"Quinn." She said sharply, still piercing her eyes into my own. I grasped the table harder. Why was she making them leave? Why was Detective White here? What happened? I felt tears sting at my eyes at the thought of all the possibilities but I couldn't move to push them away. I couldn't do anything.
I barely heard my sister's protests as Quinn conceded to my mother's wishes and escorted her from the room, leaving their still full plates on the small kitchen table. Just before Quinn turned the corner she paused and looked over at me. I broke my gaze away from my mom's long enough to see the questioning look Quinn was shooting my direction. I couldn't respond. I couldn't shake my head, or shrug my shoulders. I couldn't even furrow my eyebrows to let my best friend know that I had absolutely no idea what was happening. I looked behind my mother at the detective again as Quinn disappeared from sight. Her face was stoic. I looked at my mother's. Tears were in her eyes, but the look on her face wasn't sadness, or was it? I couldn't tell. What was happening?
My mom's voice lit up the room. "Let's go into the dining room so we can all sit down."
I finally scrunched my eyebrows as I looked down at my plate. I was sitting down. I looked back up and my mom was pointing the detective in the direction of the dining room. When the cop walked away my mother turned back to me silently and nodded her head for me to follow her. I let out a quivering breath as I pushed myself to a standing position. My legs felt like jelly. I felt like I was walking into a trap or something. I didn't like this feeling at all. I had no idea what was about to come, and...I don't like surprises. Not anymore.
I finally willed my legs to move and walked towards the dining room with trepidation. When I turned the corner to enter through the threshold my mother and the detective were already seated at the large wooden table. My mom was seated at the end of the table, and Detective White was to her left around the corner. I felt the anxiety building in my chest. I didn't like this. Not one bit. I felt myself slowly lower down into a chair that was a few away from where my mother and the detective were placed. I wanted a few spaces in between us; I felt like I needed it for some reason.
The room filled with silence as I slid my hands underneath my thighs. If I sat on them maybe they would stop shaking. My mom's nod to the detective caught my eye. I slowly moved my gaze from my mother over to the nicely dressed detective.
Detective White was looking at me calmly with her crystal blue eyes. I watched as she breathed out a heavy breath. Suddenly a small smile filled her face causing me to hold my breath. "We've got him." She said straight to the point.
I continued to stare at her. Did I just hear that right? Was...was she sure? How does she know...? I couldn't bring myself to move or blink, let alone open my mouth to ask all the questions that instantly filled my head. All I could do was stare at her silently.
She breathed again as she broke her focus from me and fidgeted with her pocket. She freed something from it and then set it on the table top and slowly slid it over in my direction. Once she pulled her hand back to her side of the table I was able to see what it was. My driver's license. I didn't bother releasing my hands from under my weight. I didn't want to touch it, so I stared at it instead. It was clean, it was in one piece...it looked like it had been in my wallet and had never been missing in the first place. Only...I know that his stubby hands were all over it. The same hands that he used to...stimulate me. The same hands that were...all over me...in me. The same hands that ran through my baby sister's hair and the same ones that slapped her down to the floor.
I continued to stare at my license silently as the detective's voice carried on. "We caught him a few hours ago. We got a friendly tip. Someone who had seen our news flash called and reported a man that matched the listed description in a bar off of 13th street. We got there and were able to make the arrest right away."
After that I zoned out as I continued to focus on the license. The last time I had seen the laminated piece of plastic, he was shoving it in my face as he held a handful of my hair and threatened me. I could barely hear the detective talk about how getting a search warrant for his house was quick and easy. I vaguely make out my mom asking the detective a few questions that led to the detective explaining that she found my license in a shoebox among other licenses. My mom asked more questions, the detective answered them and I continued to focus on the shiney Ohio state license that was sitting inches away from me now. I barely paid attention as the detective explained to my mom that they already documented the license and didn't need it any more for their investigation. Apparently she was planning on going house to house to give each woman their license back.
I couldn't bear to listen anymore so I focused once again on my own license. It was still so shiney and new. I wonder if they cleaned it off or if they found it this clean? As my mom continued to ask questions and the detective continued to talk I noticed for the first time that I wasn't an organ donor. I furrowed my eyebrows... I specifically remember telling the lady at the DMV that I wanted to be listed as an organ donor, yet... there wasn't any indication of it on my license. I should get that fixed.
Suddenly Detective White's voice seemed to ring louder than it had been the rest of the conversation as she asked, "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
This seemed to finally break me out of my fog. I slowly looked away from my license for the first time since it had been slid in front of me minutes prior. I look up at the detective and open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. It's like I forgot how to speak English. Detective White was waiting patiently on the other side of the table. Her crystal blue eyes were piercing mine as she was finally able to make eye contact with me. I only had one question for her. One question and that was it. It was all I cared about. Nothing else seemed to matter in this moment, but for some reason I felt like if I didn't get the answer to this question before she left my house then I would go insane. I wanted to hear this answer and I wanted Detective White to be the one who I first hear it from.
"What…what is his name?" The words tumble from my mouth. My gaze remains on the cop's.
I watched as Detective White blew out a deep breath and gave me a small sideways smile. Her eyes instantly filled with pity. I hated it. "His name is Guillermo Chavez," she said clearly and concisely.
I felt like someone punched me in the gut as his name left her lips. I nodded my head slowly as my eyes lowered back down to my license. "Guillermo….Chavez." I manage to expel the four syllable name from my lips just above a whisper. I wasn't talking to anyone in particular. I simply had the urge to say his name out loud.
Every time I think about all those awful memories that include him, I haven't ever had a name to call him by. He's simply been: 'him' or 'he' or 'that monster' or…'my rapist'. I stare at the table's wooden surface as I feel my eyes glaze over. I don't even respond to the detective telling me goodbye. I don't move or blink when my mother stands up from the table to let the detective out of our house. I can't do anything; I'm stuck in my head. I know his name now. Guillermo Chavez. Guillermo was the one who dragged me back into the woods that Tuesday night. Guillermo was the reason I have been in so much pain. Guillermo was the one who showed up at my house and threatened my baby sister. Guillermo came back to my house with intentions of assaulting me again. Because of Guillermo Chavez my eight year old sister now knows what rape is. She had to see Guillermo on top of me on her bedroom floor.
I shook my head as my eyes were still trained to the same spot on the table. I couldn't blink, I couldn't move. All this time had gone by and now I have his name. It will be a name I will never forget. And now, he has been caught. He can't come back to my house again. He can't touch me or any of my family ever again. I release a quivering breath. It is over? Two weeks ago, I hadn't even known that this man had existed, and then he forced himself into my life in such a violent way and now he was going to be gone forever? How am I supposed to wrap my mind around that? I was prepared to have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life and now….I won't need to? This feels like a dream. It all feels like a dream. I feel like in a few minutes I'll wake up and it will be the morning of Puck's birthday party and none of this will have happened. It makes no sense. What was the point of this? Why? This awful thing happened…with this awful man…and now he was going to be locked up and I am supposed to what? Move on? Pretend it didn't happen? Get 'better'? I don't understand. Why?
"Santana?" My mom asked finally, snapping me out of my daze.
I looked silently over at my mother, who was now next to me. She pulled her chair next to mine at the dining room table and was now inches away from me. I had an aching in my chest. As I looked at my mom my eyes started to water. Her dark brown eyes continued to look deeply into mine as she waited for me to speak.
"Guillermo Chavez… stole my virginity," As soon as the words left my lips I fell into my mother's embrace and started to sob uncontrollably.
My mother ran her fingers through my hair gently as she held me close and rubbed circles into my back. Through my hysterical sobs I heard her soft voice, "Yes, Santana," she said. "He did." She planted a soft kiss on the top of my head and began rocking me back and forth in a calming motion. "I love you so much," She whispered into my hair making me cling onto her tighter as I continued to cry out all of my emotions.
Shelby was now standing in front of the island in the kitchen. Her best friend was standing next to her, watching her carefully. After Santana's cries had slowed down earlier she had dismissed herself silently from Shelby's arms and went upstairs. She heard the teen's shower turn on and knew that she would be in there for a while. The sound of the shower turning on made Shelby's chest extremely tight. She had practically run to the kitchen phone to call her best friend. When Ruth's voice rang through the receiver, Shelby completely lost it. She had sobbed into the phone hysterically and told her friend that she needed her as soon as possible. Ruth was already on her way out of the office before Shelby disconnected the call.
Now the two adults were standing in the kitchen as Quinn and Rachel sat at their stools looking up at Shelby with wide eyes, waiting for her to start speaking. The sound of Santana's shower could still be heard faintly from the kitchen.
"Shel?" Ruth's voice encouraged Shelby to snap out of her daze.
Shelby looked at her friend quietly. Her eyes still stung from the tears she had cried moments earlier. She knew that the younger girls could see that she had been crying, as her eyes were still puffy and red. It worried them too much to even speak, which added to Shelby's sadness. Ruth nodded at Shelby again and gave her a small smile, letting her know silently, that she was there for her.
Shelby closed her eyes and breathed in a deep breath. She opened her lids and focused on the two worried girls who sat in front of her. "I know you girls are wondering why Detective White interrupted dinner." She looked at Quinn, "And I know you tried to talk to San when she went up for her shower -"
Quinn nodded her head and cut the older woman off. "She locked the bathroom door and wouldn't answer..." she trailed off then looked down at her hands that were clasped together tightly. "She never locks the door...or she used to not… not until that night..." Quinn murmured quietly, more to herself than anyone else. She remembered last Tuesday night clearly. She remembered how she instantly knew that something wasn't right simply by the fact that her best friend's bathroom door was locked. Now it had happened again. Quinn looked up at Shelby, waiting for her to answer.
"I could hear her crying, Mama. When she was down here with you..." Rachel finally spoke from her seat next to Quinn, her voice was low.
"Yes, boo, she was crying." Shelby said.
"But...why?" When Rachel saw her mom hesitate to answer she shook her head. "I don't like that cop lady..." Rachel looked at Quinn before looking back at her mom. "Every time she talks to sissy, it seems like she makes her cry." Rachel took a big gulp of air before continuing. "Was it...was it something that the cop said?"
Shelby nodded her head as she chewed her lip. "Yes." She looked at Ruth in order to gain some strength and continue this difficult conversation. Her friend nodded her head again. "We got some news." Shelby said vaguely.
Quinn perked her head up at Shelby's last statement. "Bad news?" She asked, her face pleading, hoping beyond hope that there wasn't bad news.
Shelby looked at Quinn and Rachel as the room settled in silence after Quinn's last question. Both of the girls were looking at her with raised eyebrows and pleading eyes. It was such an easy question, but it was difficult all at once.
Ruth cleared her throat instantly when she saw her friend's hesitation. She could see that Shelby needed help. "It was not bad news." She said clearly. Both of the young girl's heads snapped over in her direction.
"What?" Quinn asked, her brows furrowing instantly.
"But...? Sanny was crying? If it was good news...why was she crying?" Rachel asked innocently.
Shelby was finally able to take control of herself. She straightened her back and opened her mouth. "Detective White came over here to tell us that they have caught him."
Quinn felt the wind get knocked out from her lungs. It felt like they were on fire, she wasn't able to pull any oxygen in. She knew exactly who Mama Lopez was referring to. They all did. This news hit her hard. "They...caught him?" She was finally able to ask.
Shelby watched Quinn closely. She gave one simple nod. "Yes. He was arrested earlier tonight on the other side of town."
Quinn nodded her head as she began chewing on her lip. Her eyes drifted downward back to the granite in front of her. Her shoulders felt heavy as she was trying to process this information.
"He was?!" Rachel's voice suddenly shrilled through the somber kitchen. She looked frantically between Quinn, her mom and Woowoo as a big smile spread across her face. "You mean...so... he can't ever hurt us? He can't hurt Sanny again?"
Shelby swallowed the lump that filled her throat from seeing her youngest daughter's excitement. "Right -" Shelby managed to choke out the single word before Rachel cut her off.
"Yes!" She bounced up and down on her chair with pure happiness. "This is so great! This is SO GREAT!" She practically screamed as she thought about how now the bad man was going to be locked up in jail and have to wear those ugly striped outfits and eat nasty food. They eat nasty food in jail right? The eight year old shook the thought from her head. She didn't care. All she cared about was that he wasn't ever going to hurt anyone she loved ever again because he was going to be stuck behind those heavy bars. She looked at her Woowoo with a big smile, but she paused when she noticed that she wasn't smiling back. Rachel instantly furrowed her eyebrows as she looked next to her at Quinn who was silently staring at the island top as she chewed on her lip. The smile from her little face started to fade instantly. "What... why is...why isn't anyone else happy?" She finally looked at her mother who wore a sad look just like everyone else. Rachel focused on her mom's puffy red eyes, which reminded her that she had been crying earlier with Santana too. Any remnants of a smile immediately vanished from her face as dread started to settle in.
Shelby walked around towards her youngest daughter and cupped her chin in her palm. She gave the girl a small smile before releasing her hand from her chin. "We are happy, sweetie."
Rachel looked to her right to see Quinn's somber face. She looked back at her mom. "Quinn looks like someone hurt her dog...and you and Woowoo... you've been crying." The eight year old said matter-of-factly.
Shelby bit her lip as she snuck a quick glance over at Quinn who instantly began sitting up straighter as a result of Rachel's comment. She took Rachel's hand in her own as she focused on the young girl's confused eyes. "Rach, we are all relieved. We are glad that he is in jail and off the streets." Shelby started. "I know that I feel better not needing the police cars outside of our house anymore. I feel better knowing that there isn't a threat to you girls or us. -"
"But?" Rachel interrupted her mom, becoming impatient. "There is a 'but' right?"
Sometimes Shelby hated how smart her eight year old was. She nodded her head. "Yes Rachel, there is. The thing is, while we can now all breathe easier... it doesn't mean that Santana is going to be 100% herself again." She took a deep breath and looked at Ruth then at Quinn before looking back at Rachel. "We are just...nervous for Santana and sad for her because she is going through a lot of emotions right now. It is very confusing for her. So while we are happy, we are also a little sad because this brings everything to a conclusion -"
"But isn't it good that it is all done with now?" Rachel asked innocently.
Shelby chewed the inside of her cheek as she tried to think of a way to explain this to an eight year old. "It is good, yes of course baby, but it isn't completely done. Do you understand what I mean by that?"
Rachel shook her head silently.
Shelby sighed lightly. "It is going to take Santana some time to get back on track. It is going to take her awhile to feel like herself again, even though the bad man was caught."
Silence captured the room for a few seconds before Rachel finally spoke. It was like she had an epiphany. "Oh yea. I knew that..." She looked at her mother. "Sanny told me that what happened to her takes longer to heal than just the boo boos."
Shelby was shocked to hear that coming from her younger daughter. She was shocked that Santana had actually talked to Rachel about it. The entire last couple of seconds was shocking. It took her a minute to gather herself. She finally spoke. "That's right. So... this is one of those things that she was talking about when she said that it is more than just the boo boos that hurt her."
Rachel slowly nodded her head as she tried to make everything make sense in her head. "So it is good but... it is complicated at the same time?"
Shelby gave Rachel a soft smile. "Yes baby, that is right."
Quinn paused outside of her best friend's closed bedroom door. Somehow it was Saturday afternoon. Where had the week gone? She felt like she was so stuck in her own head that she hadn't even realized how much time had passed. It seemed like her father was screaming at Mama Lopez just a few hours ago... had it really been four days? Quinn shook her head, willing herself to focus on the present. It was 12:30p.m. and Santana still hadn't come out of her room yet. She hadn't seen her best friend since their dinner got cut short by the detective the previous night.
Santana had spent the rest of the night and this morning holed up in her room. Quinn had heard the shower turn on multiple times since dinner the last night, and even had woken up to Santana's loud sobs at one point during the night.
The young blonde stared at the closed door. Her heart physically ached for her person. She hated that she didn't go to Santana's room last night when her sobs had woken her up. She hated that she froze and couldn't think of what to do or say for her best friend. It brought tears to her eyes. She shook her head. She still didn't know what to do or say. She had been standing silently outside of Santana's closed door for at least ten minutes now. No movement could be heard inside the room.
Mama Lopez, Ruth and Rachel were all downstairs at the moment, pretending to watch TV and clean but Quinn couldn't bring herself to pretend anymore. She had an urge to see her best friend. She felt like she had to see her and had to be there for her or else she might implode, yet here she was: frozen, face to face with the white door. Quinn extended her hand towards the door, placing her open palm gently on it. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to collect herself. On the count of three she was going to open the door and walk into the room to see Santana. One. Two... Quinn blew out a long breath as she reached for the doorknob and turned it gently. Three. She opened the door and took a step into her best friend's room.
Quinn took in the scene before her. Santana was still lying in bed. She wore baggy sweat pants and a hoodie and had her still damp hair untamed as she lay on her side facing away from the door. Quinn chewed her lip. Santana was curled up on top of her comforter, with her knees pulled into her chest. The brunette didn't even turn to see who had entered her room.
She walked slowly towards the bed and lowered herself gently onto it. She scooched herself up against her best friend's back, spooning her silently. The blonde laid her arm over her best friend's body wrapping her in a hug. She found Santana's hand and pulled it into her own as she laid her head down. She could feel the wetness on the side of her face from her best friend's damp hair, but it didn't matter. Quinn gave Santana's hand a reassuring squeeze, but no movement was given in return. Nothing was said. They just laid there in silence.
Quinn broke the silence as she stared at the back of her friend's head. "Remember that time when we were babysitting Rachel and she locked us out of the house?" Her voice was quiet, but with the complete silence of the room it felt like she was screaming. Quinn felt a small smile tug on her lips at the memory that randomly entered her head. She continued despite Santana's lack of response. "That was what? Two or three years ago?" Quinn paused again, waiting for Santana to speak. Nothing. Quinn closed her eyes and pulled her friend tighter into her embrace. After a few moments of silence Quinn opened her eyes again. "Now that I think about it...it had to have been two years, we were freshman in high school." She shook her head slightly in attempt to get back on track. "Anyway…. I will never forget your mom's face when she got home. She told us that under no circumstances were we to leave the house before she left…. But then of course the cute next door neighbor was out mowing the grass across the street… so we were gonna bring him Gatorade or something as a way to start a conversation." Quinn's smile spread on her face as she thought about how young and silly they had been. "The second we stepped out of the house we froze on the porch and were going back and forth on who was going to say what and then next thing we both knew the sound of the deadbolt locking could be heard." Quinn let out a short chuckle. "I could have killed Rachel that day if I had the chance. I couldn't believe that she locked us out. Well…." The blonde paused as she rethought her last statement. She shook her head into the pillow it rested on. "It is totally a Rachel thing to do. Remember how she yelled through the door, 'Mama said not to leave the house! Now she is going to know you broke the rules!'?" She laughed. "If only we had that turtle shell hide-a-key back then huh? That would have been SO much easier than what we tried."
Quinn squeezed her friend's hand again. Still no response back. If Santana's body wasn't making her arm rise and fall with each breath she would have thought the girl was dead. Her silence was making the aching in Quinn's chest intensify. She forced herself to think back to the memory again, which helped calm her nerves. She smiled again. "Remember how hard we tried to convince Rachel to let us back in the house? I think she left halfway into our begging to go watch one of her musicals. Then we resorted to trying to break into the house with one of your bobby pins…like in the movies." She rolled her eyes at the thought of how dumb they had been. "That was a fail. So of course our genius selves thought that it would be a great idea to check and see if I left my upstairs bedroom window unlocked, for some random reason."
The blonde smiled as she leaned her forehead forward, making contact with the back of Santana's head. "I mean we both know that if we wanna sneak out…my bedroom window is the one to use…the way the roof comes up and meets it… it is like whoever designed the house was like 'let's give the kids who live here an escape route.'" She chuckled to herself as she brought her head away from Santana's again. She focused her eyes on the damp hair that was inches from her face. "We've sat out on that roof so many times over the years…I've lost count. I love looking at the stars at night...it is a great place to think…." Quinn trailed off. Suddenly she was lost in the countless memories she had of the two of them sitting on the roof stargazing and talking about nothing and everything as Mama Lopez thought they were tucked away in bed for the night.
She took a deep breath and shook her head again to refocus on the story she was recounting. "Anyway…your mom was less than thrilled to pull into the driveway and find the two of us on the roof attempting to break into my bedroom window." Quinn let out a short burst of laughter. "The look on her face…. Oh man. Remember?" Quinn paused. As she waited for her best friend to finally respond the smile slowly faded from her face until it was nonexistent. Was Santana asleep? Maybe that was why she wasn't responding. Quinn sighed and squeezed her best friend in a hug one more time. Again, there was no movement from the brunette. Santana was sleeping? Was she hearing anything that Quinn was saying? Quinn sighed. Regardless she felt like she had to finish the story. She felt like she had to talk about the times when they were both younger and silly in order to keep her mind from the fact that her best friend hadn't left her bed but only to shower the past day because of the news she had received. Santana's rapist was finally caught. Quinn's thoughts slowed down. Santana had a rapist…
The blonde shook her head, she couldn't think about that right now. She slowly opened her mouth again, her voice was quieter now. "I know I didn't wanna get off the roof that day….Mama Lopez was SO livid. We both thought that we would just stay up there on the roof for the rest of our lives. We figured it would be better than facing your mother's wrath..." Quinn smiled slightly as she stared at the back of Santana's head. "And we probably woulda been right…because she CHEWED our asses out that day. Gotta love that sister of yours." The smile faded again from Quinn's face as she sighed heavily. "I have no idea why I just thought of that..." she trailed off.
After a few beats of silence Quinn snuggled closer into her best friend again. She closed her eyes as she began to speak. "I'm glad you are my person, San. You never judge me, you always laugh along right with me. It is like our brains work the same way. You always seem to be able to read mine. You know exactly what to say and if you don't it doesn't matter because simply having you there is always enough." Quinn paused as she licked her upper lip, her eyes still closed as she continued to cuddle into her friend. She knew that Santana wasn't awake, or listening... but she couldn't keep all of this in so she spoke to the sleeping girl quietly. "I honestly don't know where I would be in my life without you. I don't know what my life would be without you in it. I just… I wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you've ever done for me over the years. And I also wanted to make sure you knew that I will always be here. No matter what. Always."
The blonde closed her mouth and took a few deep breaths, trying to not let her emotions get the best of her as she lay with her best friend. She hated that Santana was sleeping for all of this, but was at least grateful that her best friend seemed peaceful. As if on cue, Santana squeezed Quinn's hand. Finally getting a response from her friend caused Quinn to snap her eyes open. She lifted her head from the pillow and looked at her friend. Santana hadn't been asleep this whole time, like she had thought. She had heard everything. The brunette squeezing her hand had been the only way she was able to let Quinn know that she was there and was listening. Quinn felt a small smile tug on her lips. She felt relieved to get a response from Santana, no matter how miniscule it was. At least it was something. At least Santana knew that she was there, and that she always would be. Quinn laid her head back down on the pillow and snuggled her face into the back of Santana's neck, ignoring the damp hair that fell onto her face. The blonde closed her eyes and took in a deep breath as she squeezed Santana's hand in return.
"Always," Quinn reiterated again, mumbling into her person's neck. Silence encompassed the room as the two teenagers continued to lay with each other for a few more minutes before Quinn gently removed herself from Santana's bed and exited her room silently.
Ruth walked slowly into Santana's silent room. She paused in the doorway as she looked at her goddaughter lying on her bed. The brunette was curled in a ball on her side facing away from the door, Ruth couldn't even see if she was awake or not. It was 3p.m. and Santana still hadn't emerged from her room the whole day, not even to eat. The older woman let out a heavy breath as she grasped the plate and cup of juice in her hands tightly and started to approach the bed. She walked around the other side so that she could look at Santana's face.
Once she rounded the corner of the teenager's bed she saw that Santana was indeed awake. Ruth gave the young girl a smile, but her smile instantly faltered when Santana didn't even acknowledge it. Ruth watched Santana silently as she paused in her steps. The teenager had her hands tucked underneath her head, like a young sleeping child, and had her knees pulled in towards her chest. Her eyes were wide open but glazed over as she stared at the wall. Ruth looked at the wall Santana was staring at; it was blank, causing Ruth to sigh heavily. Santana wasn't really in this room right now. Sure, her body was here. Yes she was still breathing. But her mind wasn't here.
Ruth continued to walk towards the nightstand that stood on the side of Santana's bed. She set down the plate and glass on it and then pulled Santana's desk chair over to the side of her bed, sitting directly in front of the young girl. Minutes passed as the two of them just remained silent; Ruth stared at Santana as Santana stared past her at the wall.
Ruth finally broke the silence. "I brought you a turkey sandwich. I put extra mayo on it, just like you like it." Ruth let out a gentle short laugh. "You gotta know how much I love ya kiddo. Putting that mayonnaise on that sandwich..." Ruth trailed off as she shook her head and shivered at the thought. "I don't know how anyone eats that nasty stuff. It is basically pure lard." Ruth smiled down at her god daughter, waiting for Santana to spit back something about how she was the crazy one for not liking mayonnaise. Or how mayo made everything better. They have had this play fight too many times to count over the years. It always ended in a lot of laughter. Ruth's smile instantly faded from her face as she realized that Santana wasn't going to say anything back this time.
Ruth looked longingly at the young brunette and tried to read the young girl's face. She couldn't figure out what was running through Santana's mind. It was killing her to see her like this. It was like Santana was just a shell, an unresponsive silent shell.
She gently extended her hand out and combed her fingers through Santana's hair, moving some of it away from her face. Santana didn't flinch or move from the sudden touch, which normally Ruth would be ecstatic about; however, Ruth couldn't help but wish that she had. At least it would have been something. At least if Santana flinched away from the unexpected touch then Ruth would have known that Santana realized she was in the room with her and was talking to her. Santana didn't even blink.
As Ruth tucked the last stray strand of hair behind Santana's ear she sighed and returned her hand to her lap as she continued to look lovingly at the teenager. "I do love you Santana. I love you so much." Santana continued to zone out at the wall, not giving any sort of response to Ruth. It made Ruth wonder if the girl was even hearing anything she was saying. She chewed on her lip. It was like she was talking to a baby, only worse because at least babies stare at you while you talk. Ruth shook her head silently. She hated this. She hated that the shell of a person lying in front of her was her typically loud, spunky, feisty goddaughter.
Ruth chewed on the inside of her cheek nervously. She didn't know what to say, and she hated that too. Suddenly her mouth opened and she began speaking. "I remember the first time that you and I spent time together, just the two of us." A small smile spread across her lips as she thought about the memory. "You were probably a month old, not even, and I offered to watch you so that your mom and dad could go out on a real date. One without a screaming pukey baby." Ruth's smile grew larger and she looked past Santana, as she remembered how hard it was to convince Shelby that the two of them would be fine on their own. Ruth's smile started to fade as she remembered how the panic had instantly set in as soon as the front door had closed behind her two friends. Once her brain had registered that she was alone with the baby she felt the panic start to spread through her body like a wild fire.
Ruth looked back at Santana, who continued to numbly stare at the wall unresponsively. She decided to continue talking anyway. "I was terrified. I didn't want to mess you up. I was scared that I would put on your diaper wrong and it would give you a rash... or that I wouldn't support your head well enough every time I picked you up or moved you and that you would get brain damage." Ruth looked down at her hands as she remembered all the things she was so nervous about that night. "I was scared that your bottle was too hot, but then wasn't sure if it was warm enough..." She shook her head. "I didn't want to walk around as I held you because I kept having this image of me tripping and falling and squishing you underneath me." Ruth let out a short sarcastic laugh. "I was in my last year of medical school and yet there I was...googling things on my laptop like a dummy because I wanted to make sure I did everything right." She shook her head again as she looked back at Santana. She was talking to her like she was an active participant in the conversation, even though she wasn't even sure if the teenager was really listening. It was all she knew to do in this moment. She continued. "Everyone thinks that doctors are these super genius people who know everything." She laughed at herself. "And while yes, we are freakishly smart..." her smile faded as she shook her head. "I had never felt so stupid. It was one of the first times in my life that I felt like I had NO idea what ANY of the answers were...and yet there you were, staring up at me with those big beautiful eyes making the most adorable happy gurgle noises I had ever heard." Ruth felt a smile spread across her lips at the memory of the infant in her arms. She looked at Santana and could hardly believe that that little baby had grown up so fast into such a beautiful young woman. She looked at Santana's glazed over eyes intently. "I had to google because I couldn't chance being wrong. Not with you. You were so new, and perfect. I didn't want to mess you up. I didn't want anything bad to happen to you..."
Ruth trailed off as she admitted this out loud. She sighed heavily and felt her shoulders drop as all the reality set in. She shook her head at herself. "But...then you got your first cold, and then you went through a period of really bad ear infections, and then you broke your arm, and then that stupid little kindergartener broke your heart on valentine's day, and then that little bimbo crushed your world and told you that Santa Clause was a lie in first grade..." Ruth trailed off as her heart ached heavily at her next thought. She lowered her voice slightly, "Then your father passed away..." Ruth shook her head as she looked down at her own hands as she remembered how devastated they all had been at his sudden death. The one thing she will never forget is how hard it was on Santana. She shook her head in attempt to get the image of the crying eight year old from her mind. Ruth looked up at Santana sadly. "And now you were..." Ruth shook her head as she licked her upper lip gently willing the tears in her eyes not to fall. "You were raped." She couldn't help the sob that escaped her mouth as she finished her sentence. She quickly brushed away the few tears that slipped down her cheeks. She watched Santana as she squeezed her eyes closed in response to Ruth's last sentence. Ruth let out a heavy breath as she realized that Santana was listening to everything she was saying.
Ruth reached out again and combed her fingers through Santana's thick dark hair as the teenager continued to lie in silence, now with her eyes squeezed tightly closed. She gave a small sigh before continuing to her point of the conversation. "I know that I can't protect you from the bad things... which...is unfair...and it sucks..." She released her hand from Santana's hair and cupped the young girl's chin tenderly in her palm as she continued. "But... I'm always going to be here. No matter what. I'm always going to love you, and I'm always going to fight for you because you are my goddaughter and I love you so much that words can't even begin to describe."
Once she was done talking, Ruth brought her hand back to her own lap. She sat a few more moments in the silence of the room as she studied her goddaughter. Santana slowly opened her eyes again. She went back to staring at the same spot on the wall that she was staring at previously, only this time a few tears clouded her eyes. She remained unmoving in the curled position on her bed. The same position she was in when Ruth had first entered. Ruth chewed on her lip at Santana's silence as she finished wiping the few tears that managed to escape her eyes away for good. The older woman nodded and slowly stood from her chair.
She looked over at the plate she had brought up for Santana and then turned her head to look back at the silent shell of a girl. "I hope you take at least a few bites of that sandwich. You really should eat something..." Ruth trailed off in hopes for any type of response from her goddaughter. When she didn't get one, Ruth sighed heavily and slowly bent down planting a kiss on Santana's forehead. The young girl didn't move at all, it tugged at Ruth's heart. She gave Santana a small smile and breathed, "I love you," one more time before exiting the room.
As soon as Ruth entered Shelby's room, the mother stood up quickly from her bed. She didn't waste a second. "How is she?" She asked just as Ruth pulled her bedroom door closed behind her.
Ruth looked at the anxious look that covered her friend's face. She hated that she had to do this to her. She was hoping that Santana would at least speak, or eat or even nod her head but it was like she was just numbly laying there trying her best to escape the world around her. It hurt Ruth's heart to see it, and now she had to tell her best friend, Santana's mother, about it, which was going to hurt just as badly.
Ruth sighed heavily as she walked up to Shelby's bed and sat down on the side of it. She patted on the mattress next to her to signal her friend to take a seat. Shelby's face fell at the movement, her face was frozen. Ruth gently reached up and guided her friend to a seated position next to her on the bed.
Shelby knew this wasn't going to be good news. She could tell by the somber demeanor of her friend the second she walked through the door, yet somehow she had managed to stay hopeful. However, Ruth asking her to sit down clarified that there wasn't any reason to have hope. Shelby studied her friend's eyes as silence encased the room.
Ruth finally took a deep breath. "Santana is the same as when Quinn went in there..." She squeezed her friend's hand and continued. "She is just lying in her bed. I left the sandwich and drink on her nightstand. Hopefully she'll eat them now that she is alone."
Shelby nodded her head slowly. "Did...did she say anything?" Her eyebrows rose hopefully.
Ruth sighed heavily. "No. She didn't."
Shelby let out a loud frustrated sigh. "What am I -"
The noise of the upstairs shower starting cut Shelby off mid thought. Both she and Ruth looked up towards the ceiling as the sound of running water cascaded around them. It was Santana's shower. She was taking a shower... again.
Shelby closed her eyes and willed herself not to curl up in a ball and cry. She shook her head and refocused on her best friend. "What am I supposed to do now?" She ran her fingers through her hair haphazardly, before pointing up to the ceiling where she knew on the other side her daughter was standing in the shower. "She clearly needs therapy, Ruth."
Ruth chewed her lip before nodding her head. "I agree."
Shelby shook her head. "But am I really supposed to make her? Is that really what is best for her? You know Santana...if she doesn't want to do something she won't do it."
The other woman nodded her head as she thought about her goddaughter. Santana had always been stubborn; it was part of her character. She knew exactly what Shelby was referring to. "You can bring her to the therapist's office...and physically she'll be there but..." Ruth trailed off as she shook her head. "Yea... she'll sit there like a rock and nothing with be accomplished."
"Exactly... so...now what?"
Ruth hated that she didn't have a solid answer for her friend. She always had something to say to her, but in this instance... she knew her words couldn't heal the hurt they were all feeling. She had no idea what to say or what to do. She had never thought in a million years that something like this would be happening to her loved ones. "I don't know Shel.. maybe...maybe you just have to sleep on it some more?" It was the best answer she could give at the moment.
Shelby shook her head as frustration consumed her, "and in the meantime what? Just let her hole up in her room and not eat and refuse to leave her bed?"
Ruth squeezed her friend's hand as she saw that she was starting to get angry at herself. She couldn't let Shelby go there. None of this was her fault. "No...absolutely not...I definitely think that you should get her down here for dinner at least..." She trailed off as she chewed her lip. "It is okay not to have all of the answers right now. Everything is new to you too." She shook her head. "I wouldn't bombard her with the topic of therapy again just yet...not this fresh after the news of his capture." Ruth sighed. Ever since she had found out about Santana's attack she had wanted nothing more but to see that asshole behind bars. She wanted him caught and thrown in jail and forgotten about that way they could all start to move forward. She shook her head at herself. She had wanted all of this, and now it was happening but the problem was: she didn't realize how difficult it was going to be. Yes theoretically they should all be ecstatic that he was caught, and to a certain extent they all were... but it wasn't as easy as that. Seeing Santana the way she was had been a perfect example of it. She shook her head again as she refocused on her best friend. "I don't know. I'm sorry. I really want to help -"
Shelby cut off her friend. "I know you do…and you are. You have no idea how happy I am that you are here right now. I don't know what I would be without you." It was the truth. If Shelby was alone right now she honestly couldn't imagine being able to function properly for her kids. Ruth kept her in check while simultaneously giving her the chance to unravel.
Ruth felt the same way. She would feel like a lone feather floating in the wind if she didn't have Shelby and her daughters to hold her down. She chewed on her lip. "Maybe just... sleep on it one more night. I'll sleep on it...and maybe tomorrow morning between the two of us we will have a few ideas as to what to do next." She sighed. "It is all we can do Shel."
Shelby looked into her friend's eyes silently for a few beats. She slowly lowered her head. "Okay... alright..." She knew her friend was right. She just hated not having the answers that her daughters needed. She looked up at her best friend again with a sigh. "I just feel like right now I should be doing something. Anything."
Ruth twitched her mouth. She understood Shelby needed something to do, it made sense. Shelby liked to stay busy. They were the same in that way. Staying busy meant keeping their mind occupied. If their mind was occupied then it would cut the chances of falling into a mental breakdown. She looked at Shelby tenderly. "You wanted to talk to Quinn didn't you?"
Shelby frowned. "Yea...I did..." She trailed off. "But is now...is now a good time for that?"
Ruth shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe now is a good time...while you have the time." Ruth pointed towards the closed bedroom door. "She and Rachel are making penguins out of empty two liter soda bottles for some project boo has to do for school. They were almost done with it when I was on my way in here after seeing San..." She trailed off at the thought of the catatonic teenager again. Ruth shook her head in attempt to get her brain to focus. She cleared her throat. "I could go help Rachel finish them up while you talk to Quinn? If you want?"
Shelby slowly pushed off of the bed into a standing position. She smoothed out her shirt. "Yea...I guess I should..." She looked at the door. Her friend was right. She had to keep moving or else she felt like her brain was going to turn to mush. She did want to finish her talk with Quinn. She wanted to check in with the young blonde. No now wasn't the ideal time... but whenever was? No time was ever a good time. Something always came up, and she couldn't put Quinn on the back burner simply because she was too focused on something else. It wasn't fair to the young blonde. Shelby looked at her friend and gave her a nod.
Ruth stood up next to her friend and pulled her into a quick hug, giving her a kiss on her cheek before pulling away. "We are all going to be okay." Ruth said firmly. She couldn't predict the future, she didn't know what it held for them but she knew that they would all stick together and that she would fight tooth and nail to make everything better for all of them. She loved this family like it was her own and she would do anything to help protect it from any more harm.
Shelby nodded her head and began walking towards her bedroom door with Ruth at her side.
I stepped out of the shower again and walked over to my bed. I sat down in front of my TV and pulled the towel from my hair. I had spent the entire day lying in my bed, lost in my brain. I couldn't bring myself to participate in any conversation Quinn or Ruth had offered up. My brain was too focused on everything else. Guillermo Chavez. He was locked up. He is in police custody yet I can't bring myself to be happy about it. It all didn't seem real. Sure, I was relieved that he was off the streets, that he couldn't ever come near my family or me again... but how was I supposed to be happy? In all those Law and Order episodes it always shows the family happy and excited when the cops tell them that their perpetrator was caught. Why couldn't I feel the same way? Why was I so weird? What was wrong with me?
I shook my head and numbly clicked on the TV. I held my damp towel in one hand as I flicked through the channels trying to find something that I could at least pretend to care about. Nothing was grabbing my interest. I pressed the button one more time and the news room filled my screen again. As the man began to speak I couldn't help but roll my eyes at my horrid luck. Perfect timing. The man's voice filled my room.
A man classified as a serial rapist and sexual predator is in police custody in Lima. Authorities say this one man can be connected to at least three separate rape cases and that he preyed on young females who were alone outside after dark. His youngest known victim is 16-years-old.
Lima Police have charged one man, 27-year-old Guillermo Chavez, with 13 felony counts - three counts of first degree rape, one count of first degree sexual abuse, one count of first degree attempted sexual assault two counts of third degree aggravated assault, three counts of oral copulation by threat to retaliate, one count of first degree breaking and entering, two counts of first degree burglary and additional probation violations.
Investigators say Chavez is responsible for at least three separate rape cases within the Lima city limits. Chavez surprised and threatened his unsuspecting victims with a knife and forced them to secluded locations in the areas. Chavez proceeded to attack the victims, and then stole their identification after the attack with a threat of more violence if the events were reported.
There was reluctance on behalf of the victims to come forward to law enforcement and report the attacks. The victims all feared his return because of his extensive threats and their stolen identification. Detectives believe that there are possibly more victims and are trying to reach out to those possible victims. If you or someone you know have any more information about this case please contact the Lima Police.
This had been the third time that I've seen this news clip. Every time I had tried to turn on my TV it seemed to be the only thing that was airing. I shook my head. Third time's the charm. Seeing his mugshot hadn't completely knocked me off of my feet this time. This time as the newscaster spoke, I was able to concentrate on Guillermo Chavez's picture. This time I was able to keep my eyes open. He looked...mad, but maybe there was a little bit of fear in his eyes too? I couldn't be too sure. I hadn't ever seen fear in his eyes before. I clicked the remote button and turned off my TV. Long after the television screen was dark...his image seemed to burn through. Seeing Guillermo Chavez holding up his card...seeing his mug shot this third time really made reality seem to sink in. He was gone. Right now, as I sit on my bed staring at my TV screen...he is in some holding cell staring at the cast iron bars, where he belongs. He isn't out front of my house anymore; he isn't watching my every move; he isn't hurting anyone.
I tried to do a self-evaluation to sort through and figure out what emotions I was feeling right now...but I couldn't figure it out. I felt like I was feeling everything still...but maybe a little lighter version of it? If that makes sense. My head and heart still felt full...but it was a little easier to breathe... I shook my head at myself. "Your thoughts don't even make sense," I chastised myself.
I gave a heavy sigh as I looked down at my hands. The bruises he left on my wrists were practically gone. I studied them for a moment as more time passed. What was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to feel? I looked up at my dark TV screen as I chewed my lip silently.
What was next?
Quinn sat nervously on the chair in the office as Shelby closed the glass doors. Shelby had interrupted her and Rachel's craft time with a simple 'follow me' command. Quinn felt like her hands were shaking. There was so much that this could be about... none of which she wanted to talk about. When Shelby turned around to smile at her with her calming smile, it only made Quinn's nerves even more jumpy. She couldn't help it.
Shelby could feel the tension in the room. She could see the young blonde attempting and failing to hide her nervous body language. Shelby pulled the other chair in the office around from the desk and placed it directly in front of Quinn. She sat down in it and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. The awkward silence was getting too much, even for her.
Shelby smiled at Quinn. "How are you doing?"
Quinn didn't answer right away because she didn't know what that question meant. She didn't know what its purpose was and even if it was as simple as what it was asking, she didn't know the answer to it. Not really. Her best friend was a catatonic bump on the log in her room, she had spent the day putting away the random knick knacks her mother had dumped on her, she was no longer allowed in her parent's house, she had been avoiding Ruth at all costs: too embarrassed to look her in the eyes after what she knew the adult had seen, and seeing Rachel so sad and broken was killing her too. There was too much on her plate right now to answer that simple question honestly with just a few words.
"I'm..." Quinn trailed off trying to think of what to say. "Fine." She said with a shrug of her shoulders.
Shelby nodded her head as she chewed her lip. "Yea... me too." She gave a heavy sigh as she met the teenager's eyes. "Just fine..." She replied quietly. She felt tears in her eyes so she looked down at the carpeted floor so that she could gain control of herself. She refused to cry in front of the young girl sitting in front of her.
Quinn watched as Shelby tried her hardest to keep herself composed. She didn't know what to say, or if she should even say anything at all. So they sat in silence for a while. Suddenly Quinn had an urge to say something. She couldn't stand the awkward silence any longer. "I am glad that he was caught. I'm glad that he is going to be in jail where he belongs. I really am." She blurted out.
Shelby lifted her gaze to meet Quinn's. Her brows furrowed. "I know you are sweetie. No one said that you weren't. Where is this coming from?"
Quinn chewed on her lip as she looked at the bookshelf next to her. "I just... I don't want you or Ruth to think that I'm not happy about this."
"Of course you are happy about this Quinn. Why would you think that we would think anything less?"
"I..." She looked at the older woman sitting in front of her, who was studying her carefully. "Mama Lopez... I just feel horrible for not celebrating the way that Rachel was. I mean... this was great news but all I wanted to do was cry. What is wrong with me?"
"No..." Shelby shook her head and reached out grabbing Quinn's hand. "Sweetie nothing is wrong with you. We are all feeling that way." Shelby shook her head again and sighed. "I know I am feeling confused about it." She paused when Quinn's eyes filled with relief that she wasn't the only one. "It is difficult because, now that he has been caught we put a pressure on ourselves. We think that we should all be better. We assume that now that the threat is taken away... that we are supposed to go back to normal. But like I said earlier, Quinn, things won't go back to 'normal'...at least not the 'normal' we were used to before any of this happened."
Quinn let out a slow breath. "Okay..."
Shelby smiled at the girl and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I know you love Santana, just like this family loves you. None of us would ever question that okay?"
The blonde nodded her head. "Kay."
Shelby nodded her head. "Okay." She said again. She smiled gently at Quinn and took a deep breath. "Now that we got that out of the way... there is something else I wanted to finish discussing with you."
Quinn felt herself instantly deflate. Shit. She raised her eyebrows at Mama Lopez, waiting for the older woman to continue.
Shelby licked her upper lip as she thought about how she wanted to phrase this. Talking to teenagers about sex was complicated, even more so now since everything has happened. Especially knowing that the young beautiful girl in front of her had already been with multiple partners. She couldn't help but feel that this was too late, but it was necessary regardless. If Quinn got into any type of trouble with this because she didn't find the time or work up the courage to discuss it with her than it would kill Shelby. It was something she had to do, for Quinn's sake.
Shelby decided the best way to dive into this conversation would be to rip off the Band Aid. She gave Quinn's hand a small squeeze. "Last week we started talking about sex." She watched as Quinn's face instantly fell, but she continued before the teen could cut her off. "You told me that you were planning on being with someone the night of the party. You also told me that you have had multiple partners already." Quinn's face scrunched together at how that last part was phrased. Shelby sighed. "I wanted to finish this conversation."
Quinn quickly shook her head as she pulled her hand from Shelby's. "I don't really think it is necessary..." The blonde squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.
Shelby nodded her head. "It is."
"But I -"
Shelby cut Quinn off with a shake of her head. "Quinn, I just wanted to say that in the future... whenever you are thinking about having sex again -"
Quinn stood up from her chair quickly cutting off the older woman. "Mama Lopez, I -"
Shelby reached out and grabbed the younger girl's hand. "Quinn..." She gave the girl a sad smile. "I know this is awkward for you, hunny. It is not easy for me either okay? I just want you to hear me out. Please sit..."
Quinn looked into Shelby's eyes and paused. This sucked. She couldn't get out of it. The woman's eyes were filled with such a love that she couldn't possibly say no to them. Even though the thought of it made her nauseous, Quinn felt herself nod her head and slowly lower back down to her chair. She looked back over at the bookshelf so that she didn't have to look into Mama Lopez's eyes.
Shelby cleared her throat and began again, looking directly at the teenager's face who, in return, was doing everything in her power to avoid her gaze. "The next time...when you plan on having sex with a boy in the future...I hope..." Shelby shook her head and corrected herself. "I want you to come talk to me first okay?"
Quinn couldn't help but roll her eyes. She looked down at her lap. "I know about condoms..."
Shelby sighed. She hated that she knew so much about condoms. She hated that Quinn was having so much sex at her young age so carelessly with so many guys. But most of all Shelby hated that she didn't see the signs of Quinn's promiscuous behavior. Shelby knew that deep down the reason Quinn had turned to that behavior was because of the crap she was putting up with at home. It should have been something that Shelby predicted and watched out for, but for some reason she was so oblivious to it all. Shelby licked her lip as she thought of how she wanted to phrase this to the young teenager. "I know you do...I...I am glad that you were being safe with your previous partners...I just...I understand that since you've already had sex, you'll more than likely continue to have it -"
Quinn shook her head and cut off Mama Lopez. She was wrong. Quinn didn't want to have sex anymore... not since what happened to Santana. "No I -"
Shelby put up her finger immediately silencing Quinn and continued speaking. "I wish you would wait until you are older but I'm not dumb, I understand how that works." Shelby paused. She knew that once kids started having sex they rarely ever stopped. She was being realistic with herself. Quinn might say in this very moment that she won't but what if the opportunity presents itself in the next future months? Shelby wanted to make sure that Quinn really listened to what she had to say in case that happened. She continued. "I just really want you to come talk to me if you think you are ready to take that step with anyone else in the future. I know it seems silly to you and seems redundant and embarrassing, but it is important to me okay?"
Quinn looked at Shelby as she waited with raised eyebrows for her to answer. She felt so uncomfortable and exposed, it was humiliating. The blonde finally was able to make her head nod, signifying to the older woman that she had heard what she had just said.
Shelby continued. "There won't be any judgment. None, whatsoever. I just want to be able to check in with you before you make that choice...because I want to know that you are prepared, safe and know that you are loved."
Silence enveloped the room again. Quinn could hardly stand it. "Are we done?" She asked simply, trying her hardest to make sure that the question didn't come out rude or condescending in anyway.
Shelby smiled softly at Quinn. "Yes, we are done." She said with a nod of her head as she stood up from her chair. She looked at Quinn who remained seated in hers. She could tell by the look on the girl's face that she felt embarrassed and ashamed. Shelby sighed. That wasn't her purpose in that conversation. She didn't want Quinn to regret her history as it was in the past. There was nothing either of them could do about it. She just wanted to make sure that in the future she knew she could come talk to her whenever the timing felt right for her to partake in those...activities again. She wanted to make sure that Quinn knew she was worth more than that.
Shelby extended her hand out for Quinn to grab. The teen hesitated but obliged. Shelby pulled her to her feet. "Why don't you go finish up that penguin project with Rach while I start making dinner? I'm going to set the dining room table for us all to sit at -"
Quinn gave Shelby a weird look. "But it isn't Sunday?"
Shelby let out a small chuckle. "Sunday doesn't have to be the only day we use that table." She laughed again and watched as a small smile found its way to Quinn's face. "I figured since all of us are here we might as well sit at a real table."
Quinn's smile faded. "Do you think she'll come out for dinner?"
Shelby's smile faded as well. She knew Quinn was talking about Santana. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know if she'll want to or not... but I can't let her just lay in bed for an entire day. I need her to join us at the dinner table at least."
Quinn nodded her head in response thankful for Mama Lopez's honest answer. She chewed her lip. "Do you need help making dinner?"
"No, sweetie. Just...you finish up with Rachel. I have Ruth to help me out. Whenever you girls are done in there just come hang out with us in the kitchen okay?"
"Okay," Quinn replied as she followed Shelby down the hallway. Cleaning up from craft time seemed like an easy enough task to focus on. Quinn watched as Shelby turned into the kitchen to start preparing for dinner. The blonde continued walking to find Rachel and get everything cleaned up. Before she entered the living room Quinn forced a smile on her face in order to avoid Rachel asking any questions. All she had to do was finish cleaning up then it would be dinner time and then it would be bedtime. One foot in front of the other.
I slowly walked into the kitchen. Quinn was sitting at the island with my sister sitting on her lap as she braided her dark hair. My godmother was leaned up against the island across from them, saying something to my little sister that made Rachel's wonderful laugh echo through the room. My mom was standing next to Ruth smiling at them all as she held her glass of water. She looked up at me as I made my way further into the room.
I stopped walking and stood a few feet away from the stool I usually sat at by the island. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but I kept mine trained on my mother's. The room fell silent. They were all shocked into silence that I had emerged from my room on my own. The past few weeks... I've felt like I have been to hell and back. Everything felt like it crumbled down on top of me. I've been in pain, been scared, and felt helpless. I've been exposed, torn apart, poked and prodded. I felt like everything I did was the wrong thing to do. I let what...he did to me...change my way of thinking; change me. As I stare into my mother's strong beautiful eyes...I'm realizing for the first time, that I don't want to let him change me. I know I am different. I never will be the same girl I was before that Tuesday night, but for the first time since that awful night I want to start fighting to be me. The new me. Now that he is arrested I can stop looking over my shoulder. I can start looking ahead of me. What lays ahead of me are the people that I love most, all gathered together in one room...all of them have been there for me through this entire ordeal and now I want to be here with them. I am deciding, right here and right now, as I stare into my mother's eyes, not to let Guillermo Chavez ruin any more of my life. I want to be in control of me.
I finally open my mouth as I watch my mom's smile slowly fade from her face, "Ma?"
"Yes, baby?" I watch her quickly set down her glass of water and make her way around the island to stand in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Rachel and Quinn both staring at me silently from Quinn's stool. I can see Ruth slowly standing up straight from leaning on the island as she too silently waited for me to speak.
My eyes continue to focus on my mother. "I think..." My voice comes out shaky. I shake my head and clear my voice to make it stronger, "I think that maybe..." My eyes bounce back and forth between my mother's as hers are trained to mine. "Maybe it is a good time for me..." I briefly look at my baby sister, my best friend and my godmother before I look back at my mom and correct myself, "for us...to go see that therapist that you were talking about." I take a deep breath, "I want to see a therapist now." I nod my head to let my mom know that I was finished speaking.
The next thing I knew, I was being held in a totally cheesy, yet incredibly safe and satisfying group hug by all of the people that I loved most. I released a quivering breath and closed my eyes as I rested my head onto my mother's shoulder. I could feel my little sister's head buried into my side, felt the familiar tickles as my godmother rubbed my back soothingly, and could feel the strong grip of my best friend around my waist.
My mom's voice rang softly into my ear, "I think that is a wonderful idea." She released a slow breath, "I am so proud of you Santana Maree." She planted a small kiss on the top of my head.
As I was surrounded by my family, I let myself fall deeper into their hugs. Guillermo Chavez might have been the man who stole my virginity, but I refuse to let him steal anything else from me. He can't have my time. He can't have my emotions. He can't have my family. He can't have my future. That belonged to me. I still feel frozen. I don't know how to move forward, but for the first time, more than anything, I wanted to and I was ready.
For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of hope. I knew that this was still going to be hard, that things weren't going to magically get better overnight, but in this moment I felt like maybe my life wasn't over. In this moment, I was refusing to let him win. I am surviving. Not because he let me live, but because I chose to. With my family's supportive arms wrapped around me, I finally let myself smile. I gave into that moment and gave up on him.
…...
FIN!
A/N: Thank you ALL: every reader, follower, favorite-r and commenter. This journey has come to an end. I hope you all are satisfied with the ending. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Life after this type of trauma doesn't get wrapped up with a neat little bow so I wanted to kind of show that by ending on this note. Santana agreeing to therapy...and actually WANTING to move forward is an unfathomably big step. Her life, along with her family's lives, after something this traumatic will consist of steps. She won't wake up one day and find herself "healed". After a few therapy sessions she won't feel "whole again". She won't ever forget about it. It will just eventually start to hurt less and less and with help and support she will find a way to mold it into her life and learn to live WITH it. From the very beginning of this story, I was never intending on ending with a "happily ever after" because...well...that's not life and it wouldn't be realistic to the type of trauma these girls have been put through. I do hope you all enjoyed this story fully and I hope you got something from it. The purpose was to show that life doesn't stop just because one bad thing happens. The next day still comes and you are expected to be a part of it no matter what.
With that being said... (sorry this is the longest A/N EVER) I am in the process of working on a SEQUELish type fic. It might take a little while to get it all pulled together and get the first chapter posted... (darn your college and work.) but keep your eyes peeled for a new story by yours truly (that is: if you liked this one of course!) Just a little something to wet your whistles: The next story will take place 6 or 7 months in the future, and will have a shift in focus. It will have all of the same characters that you've grown to know and love (hopefully!) however, it will be more Quinn-centric. It will be focusing on how Quinn is carrying on with life under the Lopez roof and will mainly follow Quinn and a certain struggle she will be dealing with, or not dealing with.
So stay tuned! I do hope you all do! The link to my tumblr is on my profile page, if you all have any questions you needed answered etc. Thank you again so very much. I'm talking to each and every one of you reading this right now. It means the world to me.
All my love,
E