"The Daily Lives of Snake and Otacon"
By: Otaku Tess and Bad Ronald
With a little help from: Xel-Chan
If you were confused.... FFAG = "FanFiction Actors Guild" ^_~
I made that up just now. Isn't it cute? Doesn't just work on so many levels.... *Ahem* anyway.
Oh, and please welcome our most specialest guest with her obscene amount of special guestedness.... *drum roll* ....
X E L - C H A N !!!!!
OTACON: *enters from kitchen area to where Snake is laying on the sofa* Great News, Snake!
SNAKE: :::Burp::: ... :::Keeps on watching General Hospital::: No!!! She's a bitch, don't go near her!
OTACON: SNAKE! *Whaps him with the Want Ads section of the Newspaper, then drops it on him* Read that. *smiles proudly, fixes glasses*
SNAKE: :::Picks up newspaper and reads::: WANTED: A volunteer for taking it up to the max for... GAY PORNOGRAPHY!? .....
OTACON: NOT THAT ONE!! *blushes, Points out the correct Artical* That one... See? "FanFiction author in need of two sexy male Video Game characters to Star in up coming Story." ^_^ *grin*
SNAKE: .... :::Reads::: Hmm... Of course, I'll get it, since I'm so sexy... now you... :::Looks Otacon over::: ...I'm not so sure...
OTACON: Hey!! *strikes an anime pose, peace sign* I'm 100% sexy! -- Studies show! ^_~
SNAKE: ..... :::Drinks Tequila::: Well, just a little... ...! What the hell am I saying?! :::Flings Tequila down on Otacon's new rug, making a mess::: ...whoops?
OTACON: ....That is coming out of your salary when we get this job! NOW! *grabs him by the ear* Come on, auditions are, like, NOW. *Drags him out the door to the car*
SNAKE: OW! Dammit! :::Slaps Otacon's hand off::: ...I wanna drive.
OTACON: *whimpers* Ouch. *cradles wounded hand* Sheesh man, that hurt. I guess only dumb people can make things smart. *chuckles at his lame joke* Ehr... *gets in front seat* -- And, NO. You can't drive. *Has gotten in on the wrong side* Do'h! _ .... I hate when I forget I'm not in Japan.
SNAKE: HAAA HAA! :::Snatches Otacon's keys, turns the car on, and slams on the gas::::::CRASH!!!!::: ... :::Looks at the garage door and winces, Realizing that he forgot to put the car on reverse::: Whoops... heh.
OTACON: O_O *twitches angrily for a moment, then sighs in defeat* ... I'll be happy if we get there in one piece... Just drive.
SNAKE: :::Smirks, then drives out of the garage and into the street, speeding above the limit the whole way:::
OTACON: AHH!! *Shouts hysterically / frantically* Hands on the wheel eyes on the road! Hands on the wheel eyes on the road! Hands on the wheel eyes on the road!!!!! Foot off the GAS!!! -- *sarcasm* Oh, and... I DON'T KNOW... It might be a good idea to STOP at the red light...?!
SNAKE: :::Hands not on the wheel, eyes not on the road, foot placed firmly on the gas::: ... :::Drinks whiskey, staring outside the side window the whole while::: Hmm? What?
OTACON: *Gets out a piece of paper and scribbles out his last Will and Testiment* I, Hal Emmerich, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my Anime Collection to .... *Long pause* ... *looks to Snake* ... What a time to realize YOU'RE my only friend!
SNAKE: Huh? ...! Oh, I'm driving, aren't I? :::Throws Whiskey over shoulder and puts hands on the wheel, eyes on the road::: ... :::Eyes are suddenly distracted, stares at a hot girl passing by in a Corvette::: ...! :::Passes the Corvette, and, desperately, tries to look out the window to keep his eye on the girl::: Whoa....
OTACON: *Leans over and Grabs the wheel* O_O ...!!!! *Then... Spots the girl as well* ... You said it.... o_o *Car crashes through a wall, a wall that happens to belong to the building they're supposed to be in* AHHHGGG!!!!!
SNAKE: Ow....! Hey, cool... :::Steps out of car and looks around::: ...I gotta pee. :::Goes on the side of the building and unzips:::
OTACON: *gets out, dusts off the debres* Hello? *looks around room* Sorry about the wall! ... Uhh? ... We're, uhm, here for the job...?
XEL: *just dismissed an irate Cloud and Sephiroth... turns around at the voice and beams* YOU!!
SNAKE: :::Pees::: ....
OTACON: *Points to self* ... Me? ^-^?
SNAKE: :::Keeps on peeing on the side of the building::: AAaaahhh.... Such a good time to let go...
XEL: *bounces over to him, standing on her tiptoes to look closely at his face, unaware of Snake* Yes, you.... Hal Emmerich... I'm such a fan... 3
SNAKE: Aaaah.... OW! OOOWW! Dammit, my clap keeps acting up... :::Keeps on peeing:::
OTACON: ^_^ *Rubs back of neck* Ehehe, thanks! Er... My friend is peeing-- I mean coming -- I mean he'll be in here shortly... Er... *fixes glasses, blushes*
XEL: Wait ... does that mean you brought Snake? *eyes glitter* Snaaaaake~! I'm so glad you guys are here---! *skids to a halt and sweatrains as she sees him*
SNAKE: :::Stops peeing and walks over to the group, not noticing that his fly is open and that the sight is VERY revealing::: Hi... I'm Snake, nice to meet you. ::Sticks out hand, also not realizing that there are little splatters on it:::
XEL: o.o ...You know, I love you, but not THAT much. *backs away*
OTACON: *pokes head out the hole in the wall* I would have warned you.... *sweatdrop* *Grabs Snake's ear again, and pulls him inside, leaves the girl outside*
SNAKE: OW! What? What?! :::Glares at Otacon:::
OTACON: *straightens him up* Would you PLEASE behave?? We need the money for this! Geeze, you're so disgusting! And Zip up you're pants!
XEL: ....... Ahem. *follows, then runs up to Otacon's side* Onto business. I'm Xel. ^.^ I'll be your director.
SNAKE: Cool. :::Remembers that his pants are unzipped::: ...! :::Zips up pants, chuckling nervously:::
OTACON: *holds out hand politly* Nice yo meet you, Xel.
XEL: *swoons* I can see the chemistry between you two is already great... Your characters will compliment each other nicely. ^-^
OTACON: ¬_¬;; *looks back to Snake* Please forgive him... He's a little... er... disoriented. He's really upset about -- uh -- Laura from "General Hospital," she's his favorite character. And that Doctor with the bad Australian accent is hitting on her again and-- *realizing What Xel Said* --- Say what?
SNAKE: Well, yeah, we're friends... But I don't hang out with this dork. At all. I mean, I have my own house and I just came here on business.
OTACON: Heheh. ^-^;; Don't listen to him. We hang out all the time. He sleeps on my couch. *Gives Snake a goofy / friendly side hug* Isn't that right, Snake?
SNAKE: Dammit, Otacon, shut up! :::Turns to Xel-Chan::: He's been smoking pot. Please forgive him. :::Claps Otacon roughly on the back, making Otacon's glasses clatter to the floor, Otacon gives him a dirty look, and is about to retrieve them when...:::
XEL: *glomps him, much to Otacon's surprise, Then let's go and turns to squint at Snake* Now, now... I know your type. You're just afraid of showing your true feelings. ^^
OTACON: *picks up his glasses* He's my best friend. He really is. *Smug grin at Snake as he puts his somewhat crooked glasses back on*
SNAKE: ... :::Says nothing, but continues to glare at Otacon for revealing Snake's private life:::
XEL: -^___^-
SNAKE: :::Burps in Xel's face, not knowing that this is rude::: 'Scuse me.
XEL: T_T You're lucky I like the smell of tequila. --ANYWAY! Down to business... *ahem* Now, just to show you two I'm not completely inconsiderate... Just how much are YOU two willing to put into this?
SNAKE: I don't know... a lot?
XEL: :D You know just what I like to hear, Snake-sama. 3
OTACON: Uh... Well...
SNAKE: :::To Xel::: Heh heh ... and then, later on, you and me can--
XEL: *glitters!*
OTACON: *Bonks Snake in the head, cutting him off* Don't you dare!
XEL: *looks crushed* Oh, but he IS really more my type... *gestures to Otacon* Don't take it personally or anything... ^_^
OTACON: ... *blankly, in awe* I'm you're type...? *looks to Snake* Too bad I don't have a thing for Jailbait... *Snorts*
SNAKE: Mmp! :::Rubs head::: Well... when do we start?
XEL: Mmm... right now? *looks hopeful*
SNAKE: Sure. We'll do whatever it takes.
OTACON: I was gonna say... -- I mean... I'm not so sure that I'll do anything... Er... I mean, I'm pretty opened and all... But...
XEL: *beams happily and skips into the depths of the studio, not listening at all*
OTACON: Er... *sigh* AAAND.... you're not listening. *follows*
SNAKE: *follows as well, while talking to Otacon* ... Otacon, what are you talking about? First you were complaining that you needed the money, now you're having second thoughts?! You're hindering my chance to get laid! :::Looks at Xel::: Err ... did I say that out loud?
OTACON: Yes, Snake... You did. ... --- But I don't think that agreeing to ANYTHING would... *Gets a look from Snake* *siighs* Oookay. Whatever. Whatever the job requires. -- I mean, she's basically a little kid, how hard could this be...?
XEL: *fortunately already out of earshot, didn't hear either of their comments...*
SNAKE: ......Whatever. :::Keeps walking, keeping his eye on Xel's receding ... back:::
XEL: *muffled* In hee~eere!
OTACON: *follows* Alrighty~ee. ^-^ how does this work???
SNAKE: :::Snorts at Otacon::: Hmph. :::Walks in:::: ...You're not exactly "quivering in anticipation", Otacon...
OTACON: ... "Quivering?" ...? O_o?
SNAKE: Well, yeah. We'll earn some STRAIGHT cash, for once! Oh, by the way... :::Hands back Otacon's wallet:::
XEL: *the room is furnished simply, a desk in one corner, a bed in another, a table in the center, lights low* Well... I don't wanna control you... Just interact, I guess? ^___^
OTACON: Interact? *laughs* Give us something to go on...
SNAKE: Ok... now? ------ Or... now?
XEL: And well see what happens..... *a lecherous, slightly crazy look*
SNAKE: .... Ooh, I like that look.
XEL: I bet you do. 3
OTACON: I mean, nobody wants to see us interact... *ironic pause*
SNAKE: ...? The hell are you talking about, Otacon?
OTACON: What?
SNAKE: We're the most hated and loved VG characters this side of Super Mario Brothers!
XEL: That's why you're here though! So DO IT ALREADY.... T______T
SNAKE: Uhh ... okay. Are you gonna write? Or direct? Or ... whatever?
XEL: When you give me something to write about... *sticks her tongue out in a distinctly Emma-ish way*
OTACON: Er... Alright..... *looks at Snake, not a very good actor, partly because he feels foolish* So, Snake? *gives him a doapy "attaboy" shoulder punch* Howzit goin?
XEL: -_- Hal-kun... act normal. *whips out a pen and a pad of paper and perches in the corner*
SNAKE: :::Takes Otacon's punch as an insult and punches him back, HARD::: I don't know, how about you?! :::Venomous look:::
XEL: Ooh, coercion. 3 *scribbles*
SNAKE: Say what? :::Scratches head:::
OTACON: O_O *Jolted backwards by punch* Ouch.... *rubs injured arm looking at him with quiet anger*
XEL: Noooo~thing. Don't mind me... Pretend I'm not here! :D
SNAKE: Ok. :::Grabs Otacon and does a pathetic attempt to act normal::: NOOGIE! :::Painfully rubs his knuckles on Otacon's head:::
OTACON: *Scrambles away, and pauses, Still clutching his arm and glaring at Snake venemously* ....You're lucky I don't have my mallet, loser!
XEL: *sweatdrops* Well, it's a start.....
SNAKE: Hey, you're a loser, too!
OTACON: *shudders* _9 Oy Gavalt! *sighs, looking to Xel* This isn't working. Maybe if you told us what you want?
SNAKE: ... :::Looks at Xel, then smirks::: How about something involving you and me...
OTACON: I mean, do you want "beating each other up" natural? Or "destroying Metal Gear" natural? Or "Snakes a big dumb pedophile" natural? .... Birthday suit natural? WHAT?
XEL: O_o ...All right, you want direction? *stops to ponder* *perks* Birthday suit natural works. *grins!*
OTACON: *blanches*
SNAKE: ... Pedophile? Hey, shut up! ~~Emma isn't THAT young! --Birthday suit natural?
OTACON: I can see Snake is a little slow on the up take... But he did eventually catch up with the rest of us.
XEL: Indeed. *leers*
SNAKE: ... Whatever, just give us the directions...
XEL: I thought I just did.... *innocent*
SNAKE: What the hell is a birthday suit natural? What is a birthday ... oh...
OTACON: *folds arms, convinced he's the only one in the room that's not completely insane* ... My clothes stay on....
SNAKE: :::Glances at Otacon, then glances at Xel::: Well, you and I can wear our birthday suits...
XEL: *stares at Otacon* But that's what this was all about...!
OTACON: ... What this is all.... about.......
SNAKE: ...? What, surely you jest, Otacon. I mean, this can't be a yaoi episode? Right? ...Right? ...
XEL: ^_^ You didn't think I was just a Mary Sue, did you? Now let's cut out all the feudin' and a-fightin' and get down to some lovin'. 3
SNAKE: Lovin'? I thought the only lovin' around here was gonna be between you and me...
OTACON: *blanches, world around him utterly Shatters* .... So..... if we don't ... then you don't.... And err.... *the rest of his "speach" becomes unintelligible psycho babble that carries on under Snake's and Xel's conversation*
SNAKE: So ... what do I do?
OTACON: ::Continues sputtering::: O_O;;
SNAKE: Violate Otacon or something? Rape him?
XEL-CHAN: That's the idea! *titters*
SNAKE: Do it against his... Oh. Well... I don't...
OTACON: Moo!
SNAKE: Okay, sure. ...Actually. I don't... I am strangely at a loss for words...
XEL-CHAN: Well, I wouldn't say rape him ... especially after that whole glut of distasteful -- eh?
OTACON: Beebopsheewaaah! These aren't the droids you're looking for! Look at me! I'm the king of New York! This is what happens when you FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!
SNAKE: So this IS a Yaoi fic?
XEL-CHAN: *eyes Otacon* What's with you, Otaku Lite?
SNAKE: What the hell is an Otaku? :::Scratches head in confusion:::
XEL-CHAN: ^-^ He'll tell you during pillow talk.
SNAKE: ...
OTACON: I'm filled with chocolatey goodness. ^_^ :::has gone to his Happy Place::: I am the Lizard King! You say Salmonella, Chickens in my house tonight! It's Obi-Won! He's holding me BACK!
SNAKE: But... I don't really swing that way!
XEL-CHAN: Hm... well, I might consider rewarding you for your patience.. *winks*
SNAKE: Hmm... ...! :::Gets the hidden meaning::: OH! ....Erm... -- I dunno... It's up to Otacon here if he's willing to take it.
OTACON: I think it's 'bout time we blow this scene! Get everybody and you're stuff together! Okay! 3 ... 2. ..1 -- Let's Jam! --- ::pauses::: Hey, Snake, do you ever feel like a pink bunny?? 9_9
XEL-CHAN: *studies Hal* ........ Hmm... *peers* ..... *pulls out the last Cowboy Bebop DVD and waves it in front of his face* Hal, honey...
SNAKE: What the fu-- what -- Otacon-- wha-- what are you--- what are you implying-- no, umm ... what?
OTACON: Spiku?
XEL-CHAN: Wake up, dear. *pats him*
OTACON: ::shakes head to snap himself out of it::: Wah~! He~LLO!
SNAKE: What the hell is that? :::Points to DVD::: Some gay flick?
XEL-CHAN: Maybe I can hypnotize him to think you're Faye -- ah, nevermind, he's up.
SNAKE: You know, for motivation? ... What...? Shed some light here, please?
OTACON: Cowboy Bebop Session six. ^_^
SNAKE: Oh... Cowboys? I knew it was gay.
XEL-CHAN: Ah, it's not important. Big breasted women in hotpants. Nothing for us here. Bah.
OTACON: They're Bounty Hunters.
SNAKE: ...! GIMME! :::Lungs for the DVD:::
XEL-CHAN: *drops in in Hal's pants...!* *scrambles for a camera!*
OTACON: Ahh!! ::blushes::
SNAKE: :::Doesn't care::: GIMME!!!! :::Tries to take off his pants:::
OTACON: ::Reaches to take it out, but is glomped by Snake::: WAAH! Snake, you idiot! It's not even Hentai!
SNAKE: BOUNTY HUNTERS! GIRLS WITH BIG BOOBS! I MUST SEE! :::Stops for a moment, holding Otacon's pants:::
XEL-CHAN: *dashes behind a door and shuts it ... it seems that the 'room' is more of a cell -- metal plating, et al* Hnn....
XEL-CHAN: *over loudspeaker* He has cigarettes and booze! They're in his underwear! Hurry or they'll disappear!!
SNAKE: ...!
OTACON: ::grabs his pants from Snake, standing there in Dragon Ball Z boxers:: O_O What??
SNAKE: ::: Lunges for Otacon's underwear:::
OTACON: ::Dashes away:::
XEL-CHAN: Think I saw a ration too, Snake ... you know how precious those rations are~! *cackles maniacally*
SNAKE: :::Dashes for Otacon::: :::Gets closer:::
OTACON: :: summersaults::: Waaah! ::Action pose:: Beware my laptop action---! O_O Murrph! Don't.... Summersault.... in nothing but boxers. o_O
XEL-CHAN: *cameraclickclickclick!*
OTACON: Eeep.
SNAKE: The hell?! Gimme the beer! And Cigs! And Rations, Oh my! :::Runs after Otacon again:::
XEL-CHAN: *sets up a Lay-Z-Boy, orders pizza, watches*
SNAKE: :::Pauses::: Wait ... do you actually HAVE that stuff down in your boxers, Otacon?
OTACON: No!
XEL-CHAN: *mutters* ...screw the fic. I never finish the damn things anyway. *munches popcorn*
SNAKE: ...Oh.
XEL-CHAN: O.O *grabs the mic* He's lying! He wants it all for himself!
OTACON: What! Snake, don't be an idiot! -- o_O ::to self:: What am I saying? That's like telling birds not to fly south for the winter.
XEL-CHAN: Would you believe a woman or HIM?!
SNAKE: ...! :::Starts to lunge for Otacon, then pauses::: Wait, he doesn't like that stuff...
XEL-CHAN: ............
SNAKE: ............
XEL-CHAN: Maybe that's what he WANTS you to think!
OTACON: ::hides under the bed:::
SNAKE: ...! :::Looks for Otacon::: I'll get the beer and cigs and rations, you can't hide from me!
OTACON: ::Notices a bottle of ketchup::: Hmmm..... ::shrugs::: ::dumps it out and proceeds to fake his own death:::
SNAKE: :::Scratches head::: Dammit, where the HELL is he? What the hell? :::Notices the blood leeking out from under the bed:::
XEL-CHAN: *squints through the glass* ...? Where is he?
SNAKE: :::Pulls Otacon out:::
OTACON: ::plays dead, drips blood::: -_-
SNAKE: ... Hey! Now I can get my beer! ::Reaches for his boxers:::
XEL-CHAN: O_O HAL~!! *runs down and unlocks the door* What have you done to him, you manly beast, you!
OTACON: _ nurg... ::continues being dead::
SNAKE: :::Looks in::: Hey! Where the hell is my beer, there's nothing there except a hairy worm! ... : :::Realizes what he's doing::: AAAAAHHHH!!!! What the hell am I doing?!
XEL-CHAN: *takes a pic, then shoves Snake aside and cradles Otacon* Oh, Hal ... don't you see I LOVED you?!
OTACON: just make it end... -_-
SNAKE: ...I don't think he's dead.
OTACON: I am too! You're not even sad.
SNAKE: If he was dead, then I'd be sad. But I'm strangely not.
XEL-CHAN: *ignores Snake and WAILS, shoves his face in her chest* Hal... I'm so sorry ... forgive me...!
SNAKE: :::Looks under bed::: ...!!! Hey! Ketchup! Yum!
XEL-CHAN: ...? *looks down*
SNAKE: :::Takes it out and tries to pour it in his mouth::: Dammit. Why don't they use squeezable bottles...?
OTACON: :::Grins up at her::
XEL-CHAN: .............
SNAKE: :::Still tries to drink the ketchup:::
XEL-CHAN: I am strangely without complaint.
OTACON: Hi, Snake! ::stays in her lap::: ^_^
SNAKE: ...? Oh, he's alive. Oh, well.
XEL-CHAN: No thanks to you... .
SNAKE: ... Me? What did I do?
XEL-CHAN: *looks back and forth between the two* ...
SNAKE: ...?
OTACON: Well? Did you get the material you needed from watching us interact?
SNAKE: I hope to God that it's enough. So... :::Winks at Xel::: Do I get my reward?
OTACON: Yeah, do we get paid?
XEL-CHAN: ....All right. I'll let you go. *stares into space* Because... I learned that you can't make someone fall in love ... you have to let it happen... *blinks*
SNAKE: ...?
OTACON: .. ...
SNAKE: ... ...I want my Bedsheet Olympics... :::Pouts::
OTACON: Where are you getting you're morals from, girl?
XEL-CHAN: You just answered your own question! ^.~ ::Shoves their pay in Otacon's pants:::
OTACON: What? She's stealing my "A" material.... o_O ... And ... making it ... better. -_-;;
SNAKE: MONEY! GIMMIE!! ::Lunges at Otacon:::
OTACON: Ahhh! ::hides behind Xel:::
XEL-CHAN: *blocks the doorway* You may have your money ... but I'm not letting you go until I get a ki~ss! *shoves Otacon into Snake*
SNAKE: ... ...Erm...
XEL-CHAN: Come on, Snake ... think of him as a slightly less hairier woman.
OTACON: Ooph! ::blushes:: ::pulls the money out of his underwear and counts it, puts his pants back on, looks to Xel, looks to Snake:::
SNAKE: ... :::Thinks of Emma:::
OTACON: :: Thinks of Sniper Wolf:: _
XEL-CHAN: *ferally* This is a girl's club, little man! Now KISS THAT PRETTEH BOI~~!!
SNAKE: :::Gets closer, eyes shut::: Urg....
OTACON: ::Grabs Snake, dips him, and kisses him full on the mouth::: _ ... _9
XEL-CHAN: *suppressing a squeal of inherent fangirlism* *many, many clicks of the camera*
OTACON: ::Drops him abruptly, and turns and leaves without another word:::
SNAKE: AUGH! :::Spits::: Hey, I'm supposed to be doing the dipping! Otacon! OTACON! :::Goes after him:::
XEL-CHAN: ::Pats Otacon's butt as he leaves:: You're a good kid. 3 *waves and calls after Snake* My *coughmutter* fake *cough* number's in his back pocket...! Call me! *saunters off to call up Vamp and Raiden...* Sometimes I really think I should FINISH my fanfics. But hey, this is alot more fun. ^_^
Contact us with questions, comments, and requests...
How did she get on the show?
It sure was cool how she was on the show.
Can I be on the Show?
Stuff like that. u_u