Playing House
(Chapter Twenty: Ulterior Motives)
Elliot stood in the kitchen with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up chopping vegetables for the salad. On the grill outside were his famous steaks and the girls had already set the table.
"You are really excited about Liv coming for dinner tonight, aren't you dad?" Maureen asked from behind him.
"It will be nice to see her, yes. Did you get the wine I asked you to pick up?"
"It's right here," she said setting it on the counter and pulling wine glasses from the cabinet. "You miss her, don't you?"
Elliot lowered his chopping knife and looked at his oldest child.
"We are still very good friends. And I think it is important that we all do our part to show Olivia that even though we don't live together anymore, she is still a big part of this family."
Maureen smiled.
"I know that. But I also think you are just excited to be seeing her again."
"Why would you say that?"
"Dad, you have been running around here with this big grin on your face and humming while you cook. You don't normally serenade the produce and you never ask me to buy wine for dinner."
"It is Olivia's favorite wine. She had it at dinner all of the time when she lived here."
"And you're wearing the blue button up shirt."
"You don't like the shirt?"
"It's nice dad. But you never wear your dressy shirts on Saturday. Especially to cook dinner. And I happen to know that is the shirt Olivia bought you for your birthday. She said it brings out your eyes. You are up to something, aren't you?"
"Like I said, I want her to feel welcome."
"Even though you aren't married anymore?"
Elliot paused for a moment and stared at her for.
"Where did you hear that?"
"So it's true?"
"The divorce became final a few days ago." He watched as a look of sadness crossed her face. "Why don't you pour us a glass of that wine?"
Maureen nodded and began to fill two glasses.
"I saw the papers. You left them on the table this morning."
Elliot looked back at her as he picked up his glass.
"I picked them up before the other kids could see. I guess I was just hoping that you guys would change your minds and she's move back in. We liked her here. Everyone was so happy. You and Liv seemed happy."
"Baby, look at me. There are a lot of reasons that adults do things. Sometimes reasons you can't understand because you may not know the entire truth."
"I know you don't tell us everything because you are trying to protect us. But I'm an adult, dad. I think I can handle the truth."
He looked around the room for any signs of the other children.
"You're right. And I will tell you everything. But I don't want it to get out to your brothers and sisters. I really don't think they are mature enough to understand."
"I wont say anything."
"Olivia and I didn't share a typical marriage."
Maureen looked confused.
"It hurt me bad when I lost your mother. It hurt us all. I didn't know if I would ever get married again. I hadn't really even thought about dating. Then things happened with your aunt Kate. She and your grandma were worried that because I was so sad that mom died, I wasn't taking good enough care of you kids."
"That was so stupid. They should have just butt out!"
"Maybe so, but they did what they did because they love you guys, too. They wanted to make sure that you were all very well taken care of."
"We always have been."
"And you always will be, honey. But when I went to court, that judge told me that unless I were to remarry and provide a second parent for you kids…..I was going to lose you."
He watched as Maureen's bottom lip quivered and she realized the seriousness of the situation.
"Olivia and I decided to get married so that the judge would let me keep you guys. We got the new house and did everything he asked so we could bring you guys home. But the marriage part was just pretend."
"So you guys don't really love each other?"
"Of course we love each other, we are best friends. We just don't love each other the way a man is supposed to love his wife. We were only supposed to be together for six months or so, to make it look real. But it ended up being a lot longer than that."
"But you were never really in love with each other?"
"Honey, it just wasn't like that."
"Dad, you slept in the same bed. You went on a honeymoon!"
"The honeymoon was more like a slumber party," he said with a smile. " We stayed up late eating junk food and watching old black and white movies on television. And a man and a woman can sleep in the same bed without anything happening."
"Sex, you mean? So the two of you never had sex?"
Elliot took a deep breath, suddenly he was becoming uncomfortable with the idea of having this conversation with his child.
"After a little while Liv and I kind of started dating each other."
"So there was sex?"
"Eventually, for a little while, yes. But that isn't the case now. We are just good friends."
"Oh," she said sensing he was ready for the conversation to be over. "It's a shame you couldn't work it out. Everyone thought you guys made a really good couple," she said pulling the large salad bowl from the counter and sitting it on the table.
"I'm gonna go check on the steaks," Elliot said trying to remove himself from the uncomfortable situation he had just put himself into.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?" he asked turning to face her.
"Did you love her? I mean, like you loved mom. Did you ever love Olivia that way?"
"Sometimes I think I did. But it's over, honey."
"But isn't it possible? If you really loved someone in the past, I mean, for you to love her again? Do you think you could ever love her like that again?"
"Maureen, I think maybe your mom was the great love of my life."
"You said when mom died you would never love like that again."
"I know what I said."
"But you did, you were in love with Olivia like that for a while, too."
Elliot stared at her trying to see where she was going with this.
"So if there is supposed to be only one great love out there for everyone, don't you think this might be some kind of omen or something?"
Now he was lost.
"What are you talking about?"
"You've had two. Mom was the first great love of your life and you never thought you could love like that again. But then you loved Olivia. You are pretty lucky to find two people to love like that, dad. Mom was taken away from you. But Olivia is still here. I think that if you truly love someone, signing a piece a paper can't make you stop loving them. You say it is over dad, but it isn't. It can't be because she is still here. But she won't be forever. If you don't tell her how you really feel about her, she's gonna leave and you will lose her forever."
"Maureen, we are divorced."
"So what dad! You were never really married!"
"What are you saying?"
"I am saying, that if you love Olivia….if you really love her like the rest of us do…..you should fight for her. Don't let her get away without at least telling her how you really feel. Mom may have been the first great love of your life, dad, but I think Olivia is your soul mate. And I am pretty sure, that if you don't speak up before it is too late and you lose her to another man….you are going to regret it forever. The marriage may not have been real dad, but if the love was real then you have something to hold onto. If the love is real, it doesn't take much to make the marriage real as well," she replied brushing past him and taking the plate from his hand to pull the steaks from the fire.
Elliot exhaled and took another drink from his wine glass. He knew she was right. When exactly had his child become his voice of reason? He stood and brushed off his cornflower blue shirt as the door bell rang. He was going to have to step up and tell Olivia that he was still in love with her or he could lose her forever. But that was a matter for another night.
"Hey," he said with a smile as he opened the front door. "You don't have to ring the bell, you know. You can just come in."
Olivia smiled.
"I don't live here anymore."
"But you're welcome just the same."
"Thanks, El. How are the kids?"
"Excited that you're coming for dinner. They miss you. I miss you."
She smiled.
"I miss you guys, too."
"I should probably tell you that….um….Maureen already knows about the divorce."
"You told her? How did she take it?"
"She saw the papers. She's disappointed. She said she hoped that we would have worked things out between us. I explained everything to her."
"Everything?"
"Pretty much. I may have left out one tiny little detail," he said looking down at her abdomen.
Olivia laughed.
"You brought flowers?" Elliot asked looking at the mixed bouquet she held in her hands.
"I walked past the flower market and I couldn't resist. They all smelled so good. I thought they would look pretty in the center of the table."
"I think you are right. I'm gonna get a vase and put these in some water. Dinner is ready. I had Maureen pick up a bottle of your favorite red wine. I know under the circumstances you can't really drink much, but most doctors say that a glass of wine with dinner is fine."
Olivia smiled.
"You have really thought this through. I am still kind of handling the shock of seeing that stick turn blue. I don't think it has fully sunk in yet. How do you think the kids will take it?"
"Are you kidding me? They'll be excited."
"All of them?" she asked with a worried look.
"I think so. And I am sure they will spend a little time trying to convince us that we should get back together. Or try to work it out."
Elliot watched her for a reaction.
"But you can't work out something that is already over. I think those divorce papers sealed that deal."
"I guess you're right. Your life may not be completely back to normal, but at least it's yours again. We do need to think up some sort of plan though. I want us to raise this baby together. Even if we don't live under the same roof."
Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled.
"We will work something out. You are a wonderful father and I want to make sure that this baby has you and all of the kids in its life. But first step is first."
"Time to face the executioners," Elliot joked as he slipped his hand over hers. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"
Olivia smiled.
"I'm ready if you are."
"Dinner!" Elliot yelled down the basement steps for the third time.
"She's probably listening to her ipod dad," Elizabeth suggested dropping a large scoop of Maureen's homemade mashed potatoes onto her plate.
"Yeah, that this is like permanently attached to her head," Dickie remarked opening his Coke and taking a sip.
"I'll go get her," Elliot said standing.
"Let me," Olivia said with a smile as she laid her napkin on the table.
Olivia walked quietly down the basement stairs. She stood in the doorway and smiled as she watched Kathleen. The girl was stretched out across her bed with her earphones on and appeared to be studying.
Olivia walked a little closer and laid across the bed beside Kathleen.
"Oh my gosh, Liv!" Kathleen squealed as she slid her earphones down and threw her arms around Olivia's neck.
"Hey, sweetheart."
"I missed you so much."
"I just had lunch with you last week," Olivia replied brushing her finger over the tip of Kathleen's nose.
"I know. But things kind of suck around here since you moved out. I miss you. We all miss you. Dad misses you too, you know?"
"And I miss you guys. But I think that this is just the way things have to be right now."
"Do you think you and dad will ever get back together?"
"Things between your father and I are…."
"Complicated?"
"Exactly."
"That's what he says, too."
"I'm sorry that I don't have better answers for you."
Kathleen smiled.
"I really miss you when you're not here. I don't have anyone to talk to."
"You can talk to me anytime."
"And I do. I call you and text you and we have lunch and coffee. I'm surprised I haven't driven you crazy."
"Hanging out with one of my closest friends doesn't drive me crazy. What are you working on here?" Olivia asked looking over Kathleen's shoulder at the book on the bed.
"Spanish homework. I have a big test on Monday and I don't want to bomb it."
Olivia smiled.
"If you need any help, I used to be pretty good at this stuff."
"Actually, I could use your help. I've got this, but I have to write this essay….thing."
"An essay?"
"More of a short story. It's for a scholarship. My English teacher said that I should submit something. The scholarship is for creative writing and she said that she thinks I could have a pretty good shot at it. It's for a thousand dollars. I have already written most of it. I was kind of hoping maybe when I am finished you could take a look at it and tell me what you think?"
"I would love to. I am so proud of you. You have really turned your grades around and now you are applying for colleges. You, my dear, have a very bright future ahead of you."
Kathleen smiled.
"Do you really think so?"
"I know so. The possibilities are endless."
"Liv, I really want to go to college," she said softly. "I wasn't sure about it before. But now, I know that I really want to make something for myself."
"And you will. Any ideas what you want to major in?"
"I don't really know. But I do know that I want a college degree. I don't want work in a pizza joint for the rest of my life."
"Your dad and the kids are waiting for us upstairs for dinner. Well, I'm sure they're not really waiting, but they are expecting us."
Kathleen smiled and closed her book as Olivia helped her up from the bed.
"So, what is this story about?" Olivia asked as they started up the stairs.
"A female NYPD detective," Kathleen said with a smile.
"Anyone I know?" Olivia laughed with a smile.
At dinner Olivia talked with the kids about the things that were going on in their lives. If this evening hadn't had ulterior motives, it would have been the perfect family dinner.
Elliot cleared his throat as Olivia picked up her glass of wine and she knew it was time.
"Guys, Liv and I wanted to talk to you guys about something important."
The kids all stopped talking and looked at their father.
"What is it, daddy?" Elizabeth asked.
"Do you guys remember when we told you that Olivia was moving out and we were going to get divorced?"
"Did you change your mind?" Dickie asked.
"Not exactly. We wanted to have a family dinner tonight to tell you guys that as of a couple of days ago, Olivia and I are officially divorced."
Olivia watched as tears came to Kathleen's eyes and the other kids looked disappointed.
"I thought you were going to try and work it out?" Kathleen asked.
Liv and I agreed that this was the best thing for us.
"But you still love each other, right?" she asked through tears.
Elliot reached over and laid his hand over Olivia's.
"We will always love each other," he said as he stared into her big brown eyes. "Some people just aren't meant to be married, that's all."
"That's crap dad! If you two think that you are not meant to be together, then you must both be blind! You guys are so good together. You're good parents and we had a good family. You guys saved our family. Now you're just gonna rip it apart?"
"Kathleen, it's done. It's over now and there is no sense in getting all worked up over it. Things are going to stay exactly the way they have been the last few weeks. Liv is always going to be an important part of our lives. Just because we are not married anymore doesn't mean that you guys can't still love her. She and I will always be here for all of you and for this family. We don't have to me married to make us a family."
"I liked it better when you were," she said softly.
"Yeah daddy," Elizabeth agreed.
"Me too," Dickie noted.
Olivia took a deep breath.
"Guys, your dad is right. Me not living here and us no longer being married does not mean for one second that I don't love you anymore. You guys are my kids and I love you like you were my own. I am always going to be here for you, no matter what. We are still the Stabler family. I just happen to live at a different address. But I will still go to church with you and go to your ball games. We will still have family dinners and I will be here for every single birthday party."
"You promise?" Elizabeth whined.
"Cross my heart. Just because your father and I have decided not to be married anymore, it doesn't mean that I won't still be here when you guys need me. All you have to do is pick up that phone and I will be right here beside you. We're a family. And families are always there for each other. No matter what. Right?" she asked looking toward Maureen for support.
"Right," Maureen agreed.
"Right?" Olivia asked Kathleen.
"Right," she said softly.
"Guys, I know I am not really your mother…."
"But you are one of our mothers," Dickie interrupted.
"After mommy died….you loved us and took good care of us….and we love you….that makes you our mother," Elizabeth piped up.
"And we're proud to be your kids," Dickie said.
"Yeah," Kathleen agreed.
"You saved our family Olivia," Maureen said. "That judge wanted to split us up and take us away from dad. Then you came along and everything got better."
"I stopped getting in trouble at school," Dickie said.
"I stopped skipping school," Kathleen said. "I'm trying hard to stay out of trouble. You helped me with my homework and now I am making good grades and even applying for college. I never would have done any of that if it hadn't been for you."
"And you go to my Girl Scout meetings with me," Elizabeth said.
"You helped me decorate my apartment," Maureen added. "And you do all of the voices when you read Eli his bedtime stories."
"Yeah, and you don't skip over parts like dad does," Elizabeth added.
"All of these things are what makes you a great mother Liv," Dickie said. "You are our mother and we miss you so much when you are not here with us."
Olivia was crying now.
"I know you do guys and I miss you, too. But this is the way things have to be. None of the other things have to change, though. There will still be stories and help with homework….and even Girl Scout meetings. Sometimes you guys can even come into the city and spend the night with me. Me moving out doesn't mean that I am going to stop loving you. I will always love you guys."
"And we will always love you," Maureen said forcing a smile.
Olivia drew a deep breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She tried her best to compose herself as silence fell over the room.
"Do you guys really think that I make a good mother?" she asked watching the children for their reactions.
"The best," Kathleen said with a smile.
"That means a lot to me. And I am glad you think so, because I…." she paused for a moment and looked over at Elliot as he took her hand…. "we are going to have a baby."
"What?" they all seemed to say at the same time.
"You're pregnant?" Maureen asked unable to believe her father hadn't mentioned this little fact in their earlier conversation.
"I am," Olivia confirmed. "And you dad and I have decided that even though we are no longer married, we want to raise this baby together as a family. One big family. And you guys are going to be the best big brothers and sisters. And you will see me and the baby all of the time, you'll see."
"So you're pregnant, but you're still not moving back in?" Kathleen asked.
"No. I am not moving back in. We have not worked out all of the details just yet, we haven't known for very long."
"But there will probably be a crib here and one at Liv's place," Elliot jumped in. "And sometimes Liv and the baby might stay here. Other times they will stay at her apartment. We will have to see what works out best as we go along."
"This is crazy," Kathleen said laying her napkin down on the table beside her plate, "you get her pregnant then you file for divorce?"
"Kathleen!" Elliot scolded.
"We didn't find out about the baby until after the divorced was finalized. The divorce had nothing to do with the pregnancy."
"So this poor little baby is just another innocent victim of this divorce," she said.
Elliot glared at her.
"I'm sorry for being rude. That is just how I feel. You guys didn't ask us about getting married, you didn't ask us about getting divorced. Why should you care how we feel about you having a baby?" she asked wiping tears from her eyes.
"That's enough," Elliot said staring her down.
"Elliot, it's okay. I want to know how she feels about this. I want to know how you all feel about this," Olivia said looking at the faces around the dinner table.
"I'm happy about the baby," Kathleen said softly. "I just can't help but feel bad because this baby will never know how good things were when you were married. I think being shuffled back and forth is only going to be confusing and kids shouldn't have to take turns seeing their parents. They should get to see their mother and their father anytime they want to. Every day. And have a real home. Not just a couple of houses they alternate between depending on the day of the week. The baby is good news. It is the situation that sucks!"
"Anyone else?" Olivia asked.
"I agree with Kathleen," Dickie said. "This situation does kind of suck! But I think it's cool you are going to have a baby."
"Yeah," Elizabeth agreed. "I hope it's a girl."
"Or a boy," Maureen said with a smile.
Olivia closed her eyes and smiled. More than any of this she had worried that the kids wouldn't take well to the new addition to the family. As they sat there discussing the topic as a family, the mood began to lighten. Before long the kids were discussing names for their new baby brother or sister.