Author's note: I would like to inform you that this is a flashback chapter all from Sherlock's POV. It may be confusing and I apologize. But you are all a clever bunch and will surely follow. Warnings for mentions of rape, torture, gore, language. Rated M. Another thing! I have no Beta but would like one! Would anyone be interested in being my Minion. I mean Beta! You would get to read the chapter first!
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Drowning. Looping. Memories. No. Visions. Swirling. Focusing. Drifting. Meshing. Fading. Colors. Euphoria. Pain.
Throbbing.
Harsh.
Pounding.
.Pain.
At least it's better than feeling numb,
I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
But, God does it hurt.
My damn head! My Palace is caving in, the bricks crumbling falling away and tumbling into black nothingness.
All my thoughts are swirling, As soon as I grasp one it leaks through like water through fingers.
I catch it!
It's gone!
I am cold.
My God am I cold! I can't feel my feet, where did they go!?
Feet? Come back! Feet! Don't leave, where have you gone? Please come back feet!
I am going fucking insane.
It's the drug, making me crazy.
Yes, that is it. It is the Drug. The morphine. Maybe if I think of something I can come through the withdrawal easier.
Hungry. Food. Gnawing hunger eating away at me.
Mrs. Hudson's biscuits. Yum.
John's lasagna. Double yum.
Oh God this is making it worse!
Okay, don't think of food.
Water.
Parched mouth. Swollen tongue. Dry throat.
Water.
Drip.
Drop.
Now I am thirstier!
There is nothing else to think of. THIS ROOM IS DULL. THE PAIN IS DULL. NO NEW CASES.
IT IS SO FUCKING DULL.
Songs?
Do I know any songs?
Uhm.
Hmmp.
Come on brain, surely you have some entertainment.
"I have got a lovely bunch of coconuts-"
No! Bloody hell no!
"I love rock-n-Roll-"
What the fuck am I doing! I am English!
"And I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more-"
Did someone open a door?
It's too dark, I can't see! Is there someone there?
No. I am imagining.
Wait!
Is that breathing! Oh, God there is someone here.
No, there are several.
"Wake up, Bitch! You are having your rematch today!"
I wasn't sleeping you stupid, arrogant, disgusting, appalling-
MY FUCKING KNEES.
WRIST.
Oh.
That really hurt.
Where was I?
Oh.
Hideous, mangy, cowardice-
Who is touching me?
Moriarty.
If you don't move your hand I will bite it off.
That's better.
I have to get away from their staring, this is getting awkward. He said he was going to fetch the camera. Might as well collect myself first.
Oh, God, It is on.
I can't let John see my face.
Or the rest of me.
What if the others are watching!?
No. They aren't.
Please don't let them be watching.
Ow, my hair! OW OW OW OW OW OW OWWWWW!
Of course everyone is watching.
Moriarty, could you pull any harder?
SHIT!
Apparently yes.
Dear God, they are examining me. Oh, goodness, no. Stop looking at me you Morons!
What is he even saying? Ugh, My head hurts too much to even know.
Woah, Don't drop me!
My legs! Oh I can't stand! Easy, get your balance, Oh, God! My legs won't work! Wait, There, I got my footing. Much better.
Well, isn't this prideful, stumbling around like an idiot.
Why is he taking his shirt off?
.God.
Is he on steroids?!
I knew I should have lifted weights in university.
Okay Sherlock.
He may be stronger.
And buffer.
And bigger.
But you are faster! Agile? Possibly more stamina.
Fists up you git!
Damn it! Ow, come on, get up, fight.
Now, wait for the right moment to-
POUNCE!
Ooh, did that feel good! Right in the-OOoof.
Two blows to the face and one to the side.
Cracked cheekbone and bruised rib.
Another fist to his side.
Rib broken.
An elbow reared and slammed into his sternum, sending a jolt of pain through his lungs that rocked him to sit up only to be met with a blow to his face again.
Cracked sternum and broken nose.
Two hands grasped and curled into his shoulders with sharp fingernails, he was shaken roughly for a minute and a half, his head occasionally smacking against the tile or wall.
My head! Oh I am seeing spots! That surely can't be good.
Gotcha!
"So soon dear? Why we were just getting-"He was cut off by a large hand to his throat, he clawed at it viciously for air.
The grip tightened around his neck.
Sherlock sat up digging his fingernails into the Bastard's neck, drawing blood to its surface. The look of pain flashed across Moriarty's features made a spark in Sherlock blaze.
He. Had. Him.
Forcing Moriarty to a standing position and slamming him into the wall behind him sent a ripple of what may have been the grim apparition of a smile across Sherlock's bloody face.
Now, it was time for revenge.
My right eye, I can't see.
I CAN'T BLOODY SEE.
Where is he?
Oh, yes.
Take this you Bastard.
Sherlock lost count of how many times his leg coiled into the Consulting Criminal's body.
Sherlock simply let go and the man dissolved in his hands, crumbling to the tile. Sobbing.
My left..Oh no. Don't fail me! No please!
Damn it Blink! See! Come on!
That is it, okay.
I only lost my right. Head trauma. That's all, it should return, I still have my left.
I am scared.
I am so scared!
John please come soon.
Help me.
Oh, I wish you could hear my thoughts! Please!
A small voice whispered to Sherlock: Leave him be, you have done enough.
But a much louder voice screamed: He had you for four fucking years! What the fuck are you waiting for! Finish him while you can! Is this how you are!? Weak! Your own Father thought so too! That's why he fucked you to the floor you little Bitch! FINISH HIM.
Moriarty.
I will ruin you! You good for nothing Bastard!
This is for everyone who has hurt me!
For every time I was called a freak!
Every day Father and his stinking breath came near me!
Every Present less Christmas.
Every damn time.
I am not a Psychopath!
I am not a sociopath!
I am not a freak!
I am Sherlock Holmes!
And I need nothing.
I need-
I need John.
John, where the bloody hell are you!
I am growing lost without my Blogger.
John, Why are you looking at me that way?
Mycroft? Lestrade? All of you!
I am not a Monster! Damn you all stop patronizing me! I AM NOT A MONSTER! I AM NOT.
I am scared.
Terrified. Frightened. In agony!
Oh, please don't look at me that way John!
Not you.
You are my friend.
"Who would ever love a rotten child like you?!"
"Sherlock? Loved? Never!"
"Oh, Him? That ungrateful bastard! He should have died the day he was born."
"I wish you were dead!"
"You are going to grow up to be worthless! You are nothing! You will never be loved because you are unlovable you bitch!"
"You are going to grow old and die alone. No one could ever love such a disgusting, stupid, queer like you! Get lost Freak!"
"Come here Sherlock. Come to your Father! I'll teach you about the one thing you are good for. You make a great slut! Make yourself useful and make some fucking money with that pretty little face of yours, Whore!"
Look at the screen.
What?
Look at the screen you arse.
I love you.
...
.YOU.
John?
Mycroft?
Lestrade?
Sally?
You too Anderson?
No, I am imagining.
Head trauma. Blindness in my right eye.
NO!
Spots in my left! Get out! GET OUT!
Shadows, cloudy, thick.
It's getting harder to see.
Everything is fuzzy!
Focus. Focus on something.
John.
His eyes.
His blue eyes.
Focus on his blue eyes.
I guess if this is the last thing I see I might as well tell him what I am feeling.
I love you too.
Don't flicker please, No!
Blackness.
Is this what pitch black is?
How dull.
Absolutely void of color.
Where are they leading me!?
Shackles.
Okay.
Fuck! My wrist!
Wait, what was that?
Was that a-
BELT!
Oh, don't scream.
DO NOT SCREAM, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
Keep it together, Holmes.
A belt is nothing new.
Go to your Mind palace, just separate.
Oh, Yeah.
MY BLOODY PALACE IS FALLING.
Just deal with the pain. It is not that-
Whip.
Oh, God they have a -
Shit!
Alright, hush, it's no big-
Damn it!
Ooh, that hurts!
I can't feel it too much anymore Wonder why
Oh, thats right head trauma.
Ugh...
My head
Why am I on the floor
so much blood
my blood
my legs are sore
my b ack is sore
My-
No
that did not happen
NO
NO
NO
NO!
I let it happen again.
THEY DID IT TO ME AGAIN!
BASTARDS
SWINE
I am disgusting.
It's because I am no good. That's why they did it.
I am swine.
I am gross.
I am worthless, nothing.
No wonder I always get this.
Are they still here?
WAIT
What is that
Water
dripping
water
drowning
Get away
NOW
Where is it coming from!
Turn on to your stomach
SHIT.
My God. It hurts! I can't do this.
Wimp.
Crawl.
I am torn, my insides are torn to bits, It's like fire!
John, please help me.
I need you.
John, please.
Mycroft!
Mycroft help me! He is going to hurt me!
Some one help me.
I am scared.
I am alone.
Please.