Thank you to the wonderful authors who inspired this story and gave me permission to use some of their ideas.

I appreciate all your reviews, thank you so much for all your ideas and suggestions, I sure can use them!

Chapter titles are taken from Bon Jovi's "Have a Nice Day!" and they aren't mine, just as JE's characters aren't. Sadly.

Muchas gracias to Stayce for her tiredless efforts to make a decent chapter out of my scribblings!

Chapter 20

I'm gonna live my life

The ride home was quiet. A million questions were going through my head and I guessed Ranger was in his driving zone. I'd tried to read the expression on his face but he wore his patented blank face on the way out of the restaurant.

'Why are you doing this to me?' he'd asked me. Excuse me? If anyone was doing something, it was him getting engaged, and he accused me of…of what, exactly? Hurting him? Embarrassing him, cheating on him, what? Was that what he wanted to talk about? What was so important that it couldn't be said at the restaurant?

Why now, after the date with Lester? To say I was confused was an understatement.

Last night's talk with Lester still rang in my ears, he had insisted Ranger had feelings for me. But what exactly were those feelings? Friendship? Love?

Okay, so I didn't really need Lester to tell me that, I knew Ranger liked me. As a friend. Although my other friends were the kind that told me about it if they got engaged, I didn't doubt that Ranger saw me as a friend.

Was that what I wanted? If I couldn't have him as a…lover, for lack of a better word, did I want him as a friend, was that enough, or didn't I want him in my life at all?

So that was why I didn't try to start a conversation in the car like I usually do, trying to coax Ranger out of his zone.

Even the ride up the elevator was silent and by now, the tension was killing me. I was dancing from foot to foot like I was doing the peepee dance, I was so nervous.

But he'd asked for this meeting, I wasn't going to break the silence first. I was in love and confused, I didn't say I was mature.

I couldn't keep still, as soon as we were in my apartment, I marched into the kitchen and grabbed a water out of the fridge. I held a bottle out to Ranger but he just shook his head. That is, he moved his head from side to side almost imperceptibly; you had to know what you were looking for.

He disappeared into the living room while I drained half the bottle of water, stalling for time. After a few minutes, I straightened my shoulders and followed him.

"I owe you an explanation," he said formally when I'd taken a seat on the couch.

I was too perplexed to reply. If I hadn't known better I would have said Ranger was nervous. But Ranger didn't do nervous, it was just not in his repertoire! Who was this stranger?

Ranger closed his eyes and exhaled, then he sat down on the coffee table facing me.

"Steph, I'm not engaged."

WHAT?? I blinked. I knew what I thought I heard but that couldn't be right. Could it?

"You're not engaged," I repeated, just to have him confirm I'd heard right.

The only reason I remained sitting on the couch was my head was so full of questions and voices screaming at me anything from outrage to denial, there was no bandwidth to operate my legs.

"No," he said.

I nodded as if that made sense and waited for more. Did he honestly think he was done?

I was trying to sort the shitload of questions on my mind by priority, it seemed impossible.

"Then who is Conchita?" I finally asked.

Ranger was completely calm and composed, I tried to look like I was too when it actually took every ounce of strength to stay on the couch and not scream. Now I wanted to bang my head against a wall in denial.

"She is a job," he said.

Ah, now it all made sense. Not! Ranger was confusing me more rather than explaining.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. It hurt. I'd thought nothing could hurt worse than hearing about Ranger's engagement, worse than meeting him and Conchita at the obstetrician. I was wrong.

"You lied to me," I said, my voice hoarse from choking on the words.

It was all I could think of to say, I was almost speechless. My blood was rushing in my ears and I was feeling kind of dizzy. Part of me was hanging on to the hope that this was a bad dream I would wake up from. Already I could feel tears stinging my eyes, but I wasn't sure if they were tears of anger or pain.

Ranger lowered his eyes and took my hand. "I know. And I'm sorry."

I couldn't help it, I snorted. "You're sorry." It came out a lot colder than I'd intended.

"Babe," he said, reaching out to touch my face.

I shrank back, pulling my hand out of his. Suddenly I couldn't stand to let him touch me. Some emotion flashed in his eyes but I couldn't read it fast enough, it was replaced by the blank expression a split second later.

Slowly, his words sank in. There was no fiancée, there would be no wedding. The baby wasn't his. Ranger had lied to me for weeks, played the part, deceived me.

If I'd have had to guess how I'd react in this situation, I would have gone with Italian temper tantrum. But now that I was living it, I had to focus all my energy on continuing to breathe. It felt like I'd been sucker-punched in the stomach, it hurt physically and every breath was a chore. 'This is not happening, this is not happening,' a new voice in my head spoke up. I almost rocked back and forth with that chant.

"I think you need to leave now," I said without meeting his eyes.

"Steph, listen," Ranger began but I held up my hand in the universal 'stop' gesture.

"I think you said enough," I said. "Thank you for telling me. Good bye."

I didn't actually know this person in charge of my mouth at the moment, she'd taken over when I was at a complete loss for words.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "It was for your own good. No one but Tank knew. Babe, these people I'm protecting Chita from make the mafia look like Boy Scouts."

I scoffed. The phrase 'too little, too late' kept playing in my head. Did he honestly think I would just forget what he'd put me through these past weeks because he'd lied for my own good??

I looked up to meet his gaze. Yes, yes he did. He really did. He thought all he had to do was apologize and it would be as if nothing ever happened. The pain in my chest got worse, I had trouble getting enough oxygen to talk.

Suddenly all I wanted was to be alone. I felt a major crying jag coming on and I needed to let it out. Alone.

"Please leave," I whispered.

Ranger looked like he was going to say something else, so I shook my head. He got up slowly.

"Steph, trust me, it was better this way."

This brought back some of my old, more familiar self. His words were like the proverbial stick poking the bee hive. I didn't explode like I would have expected but there was this urge to tell him exactly how I felt, to hurt him like he'd hurt me. I wanted to kick him in the shin so badly I had to make an effort to keep my leg still.

"Trust you? Ranger, the one thing I'll never be able to do again is trust you."

I was amazed how steady my voice sounded even though I didn't feel any of the confidence. "I used to trust you, hell, even with my life, as corny as that sounds. Now I wouldn't trust you to tell me the correct time."

It was a line, I half expected Ranger to snort and call me on it, but I meant every word.

Ranger stood motionless, right in front of me. Since I was still sitting, he was looking down at me and I felt uncomfortable. But if I got up now, I'd be nose-to-nose with him and I wanted to avoid touching him.

I willed my hands to stop shaking as I stared at them in my lap. I was so focused that I flinched when Ranger's finger touched my cheek.

"Look at me," he said softly.

He lifted my chin up but I refused to meet his eyes, I just couldn't.

"Look at me," he repeated, increasing the pressure under my chin.

I gave up. I sighed and looked up at him. I was closer to tears than ever.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," he said, sitting down next to me on the couch. "You know I never lied to you before. And I wouldn't have lied now, except the truth was too dangerous for you. I lied to keep you safe. If anybody had found out you knew the truth they would have used you to get to me, like they used Chita to get to her father. You could have gotten hurt. Or worse. I made you her bodyguard to be able to keep an eye on both of you at the same time. I tried to protect you."

I closed my eyes. Although I couldn't read the emotion in Ranger's eyes, I knew it was strong. Even if he was telling the truth, that didn't make any of it okay. In fact, it could only mean one thing. I stifled a sob when realization hit me.

"You didn't trust me," I said.

"Trust has nothing to do with it," Ranger said, leaning closer.

"It's got everything to do with it," I argued and got up, crossing to the window to put some distance between us.

When Ranger was too close, I was tempted to deny the important stuff and focus on the fact that he was single. I don't know if it was the way he smelled or the way his body heat radiated off of him, it was like an aura surrounded him. Like a force field you didn't want to be sucked into, or you were done for. But this was too important. As much as it had hurt me when I thought he was getting married, this was ten times worse. I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. And why had he suddenly decided to fess up? Because of my date with Lester?

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. "You can go now."

"We're not done," Ranger said, not moving from his seat.

"There's nothing more to say," I said, my voice close to breaking now.

I didn't know how much longer I could keep the tears at bay. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run away and never stop.

I was hurt, I was angry, I was devastated; I was every negative emotion I could think of.

Suddenly Ranger jumped up, closing the distance between us in three strides. He backed me up against the wall, there was less than an inch between us.

"I think you have a lot more to say, Stephanie. I don't believe you want me to leave."

I shook my head, unable to speak. One hand was balled into a fist against him, trying to push him back. I closed my eyes to slowly count to ten, I needed to be able to speak, dammit!

I had just reached four when I felt Ranger's hands around my waist, his body pressing me against the wall. His lips were so close to my ear that it tickled when he spoke. "Don't do this, Babe."

Don't…excuse me???? All numbness left me then, I was outraged. I planted both my hands flat against his chest and shoved as hard as I could.

Ranger let me move him back a step.

"Get out. Now," I said, my voice stronger at last. "I'm not the one doing anything, you did this all yourself, Ranger."

"Stephanie…" he began but I cut him off.

"I've heard enough Ranger. You didn't trust me with the truth, you made that decision all on your own. Now it's my turn. Get the fuck out of my house!"
I had my hands balled into fist on either side of me, my nails digging into my palms. I wanted Ranger to make another move so I could kick him.

Ranger's eyes bored into mine but I held his gaze. I was hurt, but I was a lot more furious, I felt like I could beat the shit out of him at that moment. It would be an uneven fight, but I didn't give a rat's ass about that at the moment.

And I never wanted to see Ranger again. Ever. He'd gone too far.

"I'm sorry," he said again, finally lowering his eyes.

I pointed stiff-armed at the door without saying a word.

And then he left.

TBC

A/N: I know you wanted Ranger sex, sorry I didn't deliver :) What do you think, should Steph forgive and forget to be with Ranger or should she look elsewhere? Should Ranger grovel? What's the best way to get Steph to talk to him again?