Disclaimer: I do NOT own the following wrestlers, or any of the events that actually happened on camera, or anything else mentioned that is recognizable.

I respect the actual beliefs and sexualities of the following wrestlers.

The twenty-sixth one is for Browngirlwrites, Chris/Punk. Enjoy!

Idiot's Day Out

After an intense workout, Phil Brooks grabbed a bag of Oreos that he kept on him and began munching on them happily. Some people joked that the CM in his ring name stood for cookie monster, and he was one indeed: he enjoyed eating any type of cookie in his spare time.

Nick Nemeth was walking by with Maria Kanellis, his girlfriend, and he stopped and walked over. "Can I get a cookie?"

"Mine," Phil said, holding the cookies to his chest.

"Puh- wease?" Nick pouted.

"Baby talk and begging don't work on me," Phil said, shaking his head, "Mine. Be gone."

"You're a meanie." Nick walked away, holding Maria close. Maria turned back to wave at the Straightedge superstar, but he was too engrossed in his cookies to notice. In fact, he was so engrossed in them that he didn't notice a certain Canadian walk up behind him.

Chris laughed, and Phil looked up in surprise. "What're you doing here?"

"He's an idiot. Doesn't he know that nothing can separate the Cookie Monster from his precious?"

"I asked you what you were doing here," Phil repeated.

Chris laughed and planted a quick kiss on Phil's lips. "Rumor had it that a certain dark haired Straightedge would be working out today, so his boyfriend decided to join him. That a problem?"

"Not at all." Phil then protectively cradled his cookies. "Unless you're trying to steal my Nabiscoy goodness."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Chris looked him over and grinned. "Could you tell me how you stay so fit when you eat like Augustus Gloop?"

"One, I don't get the reference," Phil said, "Two, Morrison's been trying to act like my life coach, and he told me how to equate what you eat to how much you work out. But he eats so little it's inconsequential anyway. And three, is there a problem with the way I eat?"

"No way," Chris said, "And how do you not get the Willy Wonka reference? Did you not have a childhood?"

"Shut up," Phil said, "So, what're we doing today?"

"The same thing we do everyday," Chris said.

"Try to peep on people getting it on in the shower, get in a few warm up matches, have some fun in the neighborhood, and then go out to eat?" Phil asked.

"Actually, I meant take over the world, but we could do that too."

"Once again, the reference is lost on me," Phil stated as he stood and got his bag.

"You really didn't have a childhood, did you?" Chris asked.

"Bite me," Phil snapped.

"Gladly." Chris bit Phil on the shoulder, and Phil shrieked. Eventually, Phil pushed him off, and he crossed his arms angrily.

"Bastard."

Phil began walking to the showers, and Chris laughed. "I love you too, pumpkin."

*********

At the shower room, Phil and Chris began tip toeing around the dividers. They didn't want to get caughtl it was so much better when the performers didn't know they had an audience.

"First stall," Phil whispered.

"Let's see... brown legs... oh, ew, it's MVP, keep walking," Chris whispered. Chris looked under the stall to see who it was, and then they both peeped in through the space between the door and the divider.

"Second," Phil said.

"Um... tan legs, very muscular... and skinny tan legs... hmm... let's peep." Chris went to the crack, but then he immediately flew back, covering his eyes.

"What is it?" Phil asked, worried.

"Hunter and Stephanie!" he hissed, "Ugh, did not need to see the Cerebral Assassin's ass. Let's go."

The next stall had pale, muscular legs, which they discerned belonged to John Cena, and Phil wanted no part in peeping at that. Then, in the fourth, there were two pairs of tan legs, though one more tan than the other, and they were really close to one another. Both legs were really nice, and Phil and Chris nodded at each other- they found the stall to peep in on.

As they got closer, they heard a soft, but unmistakable sound of someone getting pleasured. "Jackpot!" Phil whispered excitedly.

"Shh!" Chris reminded him, "This requires finesse."

They looked in and were surprised to see that Matt Hardy had Randy Orton pushed against the wall and was rubbing his erection forcefully. Randy was moaning, trying to muffled the sounds by biting and sucking on Matt's shoulder, or by pressing his lips into the elder Hardy's.

"Hot damn," Chris said.

"Amen," Phil agreed.

"You think Matt's going to fuck him?"

"I have no doubt that Matt's going to fuck him," Phil replied.

"I never pegged Orton as a bottom."

"I did. Especially back in the Evolution days."

"Rhodes is going to be crushed."

"He has Ted."

"Who wants Ted when Orton's around?" Chris asked.

"Ted's hot."

"Fuck Ted!"

"Maybe I should," Punk snapped back. Suddenly, the door opened and Matt stood there, crossing his arms. They both blushed but found themselves unable to keep their eyes on Matt's face. Their eyes either went to Randy, who was trying to catch his breath while begging with his eyes for Matt to finish the job, or Matt, who, despite, the angry face, was still naked... and kind of hard himself.

"Do you mind?" Matt asked.

"Fuck Hardy, you're hot," Chris said.

"Hi Randy!" Phil said, waving at Randy. Randy put his hand on his head and sighed.

"Do you mind?" Matt repeated.

"He's right, you really are hot," Punk said, "I'd share my cookies with you if I thought it would get you naked." Matt blushed, and Punk said, "Oh, and Orton, the offer applies to you too."

"Go away so he can fuck me!" Randy shouted. People were now looking over stalls, trying to figure out what the commotion was. Matt shook his head, angry at the attention.

"Leave and you both get to keep your heads," Matt said warningly. Everyone knew just how homicidal Matt could be, so Punk and Chris ran away.

As soon as they got far out of the showers, Chris said, "Hey, you never offered to share your cookies with me."

"I get you naked for free," Punk explained.

"Maybe I should revoke that privilege."

"No!" Phil grabbed an Oreo and threw it at Chris. "There, now you have to get naked for me."

"Later, I promise."

****************

After they wrestled for a while and joked about how some moves they found themselves in felt oddly sexual (Chris even expressed interest in fucking Punk while Punk was in the Walls of Jericho position), the two bumbling idiots made their way outside and began walking together to find a place to eat.

"So," Phil said, "Who else do you think fucks in those stalls?"

"Besides the obvious answer of that question, being Shawn the King Whore himself and Jeff his little protege, there's a long list. I'm sure that Orton fucked both of the Priceless boys through the walls at least fifty times, and I think he got Adam too. Adam's had a go at Morrison at least once, and Morrison's cornholed the Miz. Cena's too much of a prude to make a move on Mizzie, but they would have so done it if he wasn't. I think Jay and Tommy Dreamer have gone at it, and Evan's gotten a bit of both of them. I heard William Regal's trying to pressure Jay into it, calling him Sunshine and whatnot, but that was met by a DDT from Dreamer and a nice little standing shooting star press from Evan. Hunter hasn't done anybody, because Steph has a long standing rule that, if he wants to fuck guys, she has to be present and able to watch."

"Shawn's not a cockslut," Punk said.

"He's not?" Chris said, "He's fucked his way through the main event picture at least three times per main eventer. Except Cena, but that's just because he's a prude. And Show. Eww, don't want to think about that."

"Banishing mental picture of Show and HBK," Phil said. They took a moment to clear their mind of the idea, and then Phil continued. "I swear, Shawn doesn't do that! He's all Christiany and whatnot."

"And I swear, he does. You don't know the Heartbreak kid like I do, Philly. You weren't around before he was found by Jesus or Mary or whoever found him and made him all Christiany. You think he wore chains and leather for his health? He obviously knew his water around a S&M store."

"It was a gimmick."

"He's a whore," Chris said firmly. They stared at each other for a while, but then Punk said, "Ooh! Chinese! I want lemon chicken!" Phil ran inside, and Chris laughed.

"Sometimes, I swear he has ADD... ooh, they have the placemats with the Chinese Zodiac on them!" Chris proceeded to run in after his boyfriend, excited about reading about his sign.

*************

As Chris and Phil rode a taxi to the hotel room, they opened their fortune cookies. "What does yours say?" Chris asked.

"Wealth comes to those who work diligently," Phil read, "Assholes! If I wanted advice, I'd get a shrink. This isn't a fortune! Anyways, what does yours say?"

"Thou shalt fuck a beautiful dark haired man," Chris said.

Phil stared at him. "It does not!"

"Does so!"

"No way. Besides, they don't talk like the Bible!"

"Are you saying I'm not going to fuck a beautiful dark haired man?" Chris asked.

"Now, when did I say that? I just want to know your fortune!" Phil tackled Chris and began tickling him, to torture away the fortune. Chris started laughing and trying to hold it away, but he soon lost to the onslaught of Punk's fingers. He took the fortune and read, "You will receive many rewards. That's what it says."

"Is it my fault I interpreted many rewards as the ass of a beautiful man I can fuck many times?" Chris asked, fixing himself.

"Yes," Phil said, "I'm mad at you now. You should've just showed me the fortune."

They were silent for a moment, and then Chris said, "I still get to fuck you, right?" Then, Phil started laughing uncontrollably, and Chris joined him in giggles. The taxi driver through them a glance and they stopped.

"Do you think he understands us?" Chris asked.

"No way. He probably speaks Indian."

The driver turned around and said, "Indian is not a language. I speak Hindi, but I also speak English very fluently. Now shut up. It's none of my business who you fuck, but you're distracting me."

That made the rest of the ride very quiet.

*********

Chris and Phil got home and Phil immediately went to the shower. "It's been such a long day, and I'd love a shower," Phil said, and then he sent a glance Chris' way. "Won't you join me?"

Chris didn't need telling twice. He got out of his clothes as fast as humanly possible and ran to the bathroom, where Phil was already in the shower, completely naked. He grinned lustily and got inside.

"Wash my back for me?" Phil asked, holding out the soap. Chris laughed, threw the soap to an unknown place, and moved forward, making their chests touch.

"We're not here to shower and we both knows it." Chris slid down Phil's body, licking the water from his chest as he went. Phil touched his beautiful hair, which was getting slightly damp from the spray misting down over him. Phil couldn't wait to feel Chris's mouth on him again.

He didn't have to wait long to be appeased, as Chris knelt down on the shower floor and took Phil's stiff cock in his hand, stroking it a little while he teased the head of it with his tongue.

"Just like that," he moaned.

"You want me to suck it?" Chris looked up at him and grinned again. Phil could only nod through his lust, letting out another soft moan. Then he gasped as Chris's mouth slid down over him.

Phil touched the back of Chris's head, guiding his movements, as they both got soaked. Chris slid his hands up to Phil's waist, steadying himself so he could increase the rhythm and intensity of the blow job.

Phil moaned incoherently as Chris continued, but he stopped him before it went too far. There were more fun things to do before they got to that. He motioned for Chris to get up, and he did.

Phil pressed his lips to Chris's, sliping his tongue into the hot sweetness of his mouth. Chris sighed and wrapped his arms around Phil, their wet bodies pressing together. Phil pulled out of the passionate kiss and walked out of the shower. "We better finish this at the bed," he said.

"Teasing bastard," Chris mumured. Chris reached around him, and turned the shower off. He followed him out but then stepped on the discarded soap and slipped onto the floor. "Fuck!" he shouted.

Phil ran back in. "Are you okay?"

"I slipped on the goddamn soap."

Phil giggled. "You are such an idiot."

"So are you." Chris grabbed Phil's arm and pulled him onto the ground with him. They began sloppily making out, touching each other lovingly. Chris grabbed the offensive soap and decided to put it to use- he worked it up into a later in his hands while he told Phil to get on his back and lie on the floor.

Phil did as he was told, and soon he felt Chris's slick fingers probing at his opening. Chris slid a finger up into him, and Phil groaned. He worked it in and out until Phil started to relax, then he pushed another into him.

"How does that feel?" Chris asked.

"Mmm."

"What does that mean?" Chris asked as he continued fingering him, but Phil was too dizzy with desire to answer. Then Chris slid his fingers out, making him groan in need. Chris put his legs on his shoulders and Phil almost shouted hurry up, but then he felt Chris's cock inching into him. He squealed a little, but then yelled as Chris impaled him with his full length.

"Oh yes!"

"Enjoy it baby," Chris purred. "You're so tight, you feel so good around my cock."

Chris moved slowly at first, sliding in and out of him, pushing his entire length in, then drawing back. As Phil's arousal grew, he started pushing his hips back against Chris, encouraging him to thrust harder.

Phil couldn't help but wanting more and more as Chris's cock slammed into him. He cried out in pleasure, clutching the bath side with one hand and stroking his aching cock with the other.

Chris reached underneath him, and finished stroking him off. Phil came so hard that his vision blurred. He let out a strangled scream as his fluid shot over Chris's hand. Chris slammed into his ass, letting out a shriek as he spilled his own hot cum into Phil. They rocked together in ecstasy, riding out the wave of pleasure.

When the feeling subsided, Chris slid out of him and collapsed in a heap beside him, both of them panting and sweaty. Phil turned onto his side and snuggled into Chris's arms. After a while, they remembered where they were, took another shower, a real one, and then went to bed.

And so ends our tale of two idiots in love. They are the terrors of the locker room with their childish ways, but I assure you, the wrestlers, even the ones they peep on, wouldn't trade them away. In fact, a few of them listened in on our idiots having sex, including Ted, Cody, Jeff, Adam, and Cena. And they all jerked off to it, except for Cena, because he's a prude.

Well, I had fun with that.

Next, by popular demand, we have Matt/Evan. Then, for Nooks, we have Matt/Edge/Christian/Jeff.

If you liked the couple, go onto JeriPunk21'a page... she does them justice. And Contract Negotiations by JadeandKate is a must read.