A/N: I'm sorry it takes so long for me to publish. I'm trying I promise! I'm going to Spain tomorrow for a week so I don't think I'll have time to publish then. But after that the story will get truly juicy! Have you seen that you can make images for your stories? SO COOL! If anyone of you would like to make a image to the story I would be DELIGHTED! :D I love you. Thank you for your kind reviews. xxx
So this is a song from Adele's album 19. Adele - Tired.
Chapter 20 – Tired
Where'd you go when you stayed behind?
I looked up and inside down and outside only to find
A double taking punching heartache laughing at my smile
I get closer you obviously prefer her
I'm tired of trying
Your teasing ain't enough
Fed up of buying your time
When I don't get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
~WWW~
I had such a great time with Nathaniel at the teahouse. I had rushed inside after seeing Fred standing on the curb. We talked about everything and it felt so easy just to chat. I really admired his way of knowing what to talk about and say. He didn't even mention the note even though I knew he had read it; he wouldn't be there if he hadn't. So he was a gentleman. He knew I would tell him when I was ready; if there was a ready-thing in the wizarding world. At first when I saw him I was always taken aback by his gorgeous face and I always felt so attracted to him. But the more we talked the more I knew I didn't like him; not like that anyway. He was a perfect, but gorgeous, friend and nothing more. We actually discussed this issue and he agreed with me, not in the hurt kind of way but just confirming my thoughts. We really liked each other, but he was my friend. Nowadays I can get friends easily and they are fantastic. But what about love? I have never loved anyone else than Fred and now I can't even understand how he loved me. If he ever did. I shouldn't blame him for cheating on me, hurting me or leaving me. I was, or am, a bloody mess, ugly as hell and too bossy for anyone to appreciate. I sighed.
Now, I was sitting on a bench in the Diagon Alley. I wasn't at the most crowded part because I needed a place to be. I didn't have any floo powder and no magic left to apparate. I was stuck in Diagon Alley. I could go to the twin's shop, but I would only do that in an emergency. I didn't want to see Fred, but I didn't want to sleep on a bench either. I made a deal with myself only to go there if I absolutely had to. I strolled around the alley and wondered about everyone else. I was so egoistic nowadays. Love had made me different; I wasn't sure I liked who I was at the moment. Maybe I just needed to talk to him. Tell him how I felt and how I wanted everything to be normal. But nothing could ever be normal again. He had truly hurt me and he seemed to not even care. And yesterday he had almost fooled me by seeming hurt when I had been hugged by Nathaniel. Rage was driven up by my other feelings and I just needed to hex him. Or someone. I almost wished it would come a death eater now so I could hex it. But was it really worth being angry? Fred had made his choice. He obviously saw something in that terrible girl and love is the most powerful force there is. You shouldn't separate it. I continued my stroll. I thought about the people I had hurt with my drastic choice to leave. Ginny and Harry brining up Teddy without his kind-of-aunt on the side; it just seemed so wrong. Ron being kicked off by his work and not having his almost-sister there to help him through it, but what was I? George had to go through the process with the hate towards Miranda, which he couldn't share with his twin or his other best friend; which used to be me. All these almost and kind of were the problems, though. I didn't really fit in. Harry had worked his way in by loving Ginny dearly. He and Ron had become best of mates the first day they met. For me, it had always taken so much longer. Ginny had always looked up to Harry and our second year was a bloody mess because of her love for him. It had taken me so much longer to find my way and find my love as well. Why was I different? Why did it always have to be me? I sighed. I found another bench and closed my eyes. My thoughts were killing me. I was nothing. I used to be something, I had something, I was the brightest witch of my age and now I can't even make the dish clean itself. I am a bloody mess.
~WWW~
I opened my eyes again when it was getting colder and darker. I had been sitting here for hours just feeling the air and trying to delete my daily nightmares. When I decided that I could sit here for another 30 minutes it started to rain. At first it was just nice summer rain but after 15 minutes the rain started to get cold and I saw absolutely no one in the alley. It was starting to become autumn and I felt it in the air. I had no idea about how to get home, riding the knight bus was not an alternative for me, and so I started to talk upwards the alley. There was 20 minutes until I would reach the twin's shop and I hoped Ginny or anyone else would find me before I found the shop.
I could hardly see 10 meters in front of me because of the heavy rain and the darkness. It was really cold and I prayed that I walked in the right direction. Everything seemed to be closed and I had no idea about where the shop was. I was almost frightened by this, and I was not the one to be afraid. I was becoming so, so cold and my whole body shook from the cold rain. I saw lights and noises in front of me and decided to follow the sound. I didn't care what was waiting in front of me; I only cared about getting warm. When I got closer to the sound and lights I saw a gigantic Weasley-figure waving his hat and I knew that I was there. I tried to sigh in relief but no sound came out. I was too cold. I walked as fast as I could to the door and tried to open the door. It was locked! I knocked on the door, the windows and then shouted to make anyone hear me. No one opened. I sat down on the doorstep in front of the shop and cried. I was cold and wet, and I had no magic to do anything. I was stuck. I cried and cried and felt so useless and my body shook like it had never seen cold before. Just as I was about to drift away my eyes felt like ice. A light had pierced my eyes and I heard something that I couldn't understand. I asked myself what it was and the next thing I knew everything went black. The cold had taken me.