When Johanna arrived back at her apartment after she returned from her show Jasmine was sitting on the couch, legs tucked underneath her, intently watching a film on their small television. The apartment wasn't much, but between the four of them they managed to get something decently sized in Manhattan without breaking their banks.
The dark-haired girl looked up from the television and smiled at her roommate. "The prodigal woman returns."
Johanna rolled her eyes and tossed her duffel bag next to the couch. She plopped down on the sofa cushions, throwing her legs over Jasmine's lap and kicking off her boots. After meeting at the audition they had become fast friends. Living together had drawn them closer in spite of their disparate personalities. Jasmine was an extremely studious bookworm with no patience for those who didn't work as hard as she did. She was an amazing ballerina and a hilariously snarky drunk, Johanna had learned. Johanna of course was able to amble through her classes on her talent and Initially she had been concerned that there had been an attraction between them but she was quickly snuffed out by two things: her heartbreak over Katniss, and Jasmine's asexuality. She simply didn't desire anyone. Johanna learned it made Jasmine's life both enviously simple but also an obnoxious source of tedium. Men and women both pursued her with equal vigor and she always had to explain she just wasn't interested.
Johanna had seen this infuriate some and confuse others. She had thought being gay was complicated but watching Jasmine, that seemed worse. Of course she took it in stride and never once complained, but Johanna had seen the look of disdain cross her features when someone would claim they could "convince her" otherwise. Johanna herself had almost knocked someone out for it.
Johanna hummed happily as Jasmine turned her attention back to the film. Finally she pressed pause on the remote and looked at her friend. "Jo, spill. You look like you're about to come apart at the seams."
Johanna tried to look as innocent as possible but she was practically about to burst. "Katniss and I made up. She's going to come and live with me here."
Jasmine raised a dark, manicured eyebrow. Johanna's tragic romance with Katniss was the subject of many a-late night talk between the two of them. From the time they were in dorms to now in their new apartment, Katniss was always a topic of discussion. She had seen photos of her that Johanna kept close to her, heard all about the way she spoke, dressed, acted, ate, the kind of lotions she used. Jasmine was certain she could pick Katniss out of a crowd of thousands simply by Johanna's verbal pictures.
She also understood that she was the reason behind the sash of pain that Johanna wore around her shoulders. Jasmine was befuddled as to how one person could lord such power over someone. Especially someone as hard-headed and independent as Johanna. But Katniss was written all over Johanna. She even cried her name in her sleep.
"The famous Katniss Everdeen! As I live and breathe. Oh my, I'll have to get out my formal dresses." Johanna pinched Jasmine in the side and the girl squealed in protest. "Oh come on! You have done nothing but pine and agonize over this girl for two years. You see her - what once? - and now all is forgiven?"
Johanna placed her hands on her stomach and laced her fingers together, musing upon that thought. Objectively, yes, this seemed quick. "There was nothing to forgive. We broke up, it isn't like she cheated on me. In fact, I don't think she's seen anyone else since we broke up." That fact brought a proud smile to Johanna's face.
Jasmine raised her eyebrow again. "And that woman who's come to see you? Who you don't think we all know you've slept with? Who you don't think I know is the one you spend nights talking to on the phone?" Jasmine looked at her smugly and Johanna averted her gaze to the ceiling. Cressida had come to visit her - four times in the last two years - and they did spend many nights talking on the phone. Cressida was her closest friend. "What happens to her?"
"What the hell do you mean, 'what happens to her?' She'll continue living her life?"
Jasmine rolled her deep brown eyes. "Do you really not see it?" Johanna gave her an annoyed, but honest shrug and Jasmine rolled her eyes once more. "Jo, that woman is definitely in love with you. You've been so shadowed by the memory of this girl who broke your heart you didn't even notice her." Jasmine hefted a sigh and looked over at her friend. "You really didn't know, did you?"
Johanna looked up, wide-eyed. It hadn't ever occurred to her that Cressida was in love with her. Well, it had crossed her mind but she knew it was no use. "Even if I had, there's nothing I would have done differently."
Jasmine snorted. "Really. Not even fucking her?" Johanna attempted to look scandalized but Jasmine was not taking any of her falsities. "Oh come on. You slept with her every time she came to visit. It's not like you were quiet. And she walked out in your shirt one morning, so you know, we all knew." Johanna frowned. How was she going to tell Cressida about Katniss? They had grown closer over the last two years, and the screenplay had been sold and was going into production soon so they'd be seeing more of each other, and if Jasmine was right... "I hope Katniss looks at you with half the love that Cressida does. If so then you should consider yourself incredibly lucky to have not one, but two people who adore you."
"There's a lot about me to adore," Johanna shot back with a grin, prompting her roommate to whack her in the face with one of the throw pillows off the couch. Johanna chuckled and placed the pillow under her head. "You're right though. I am really lucky. I've worked really hard for all this but the rest of my life? I'm the luckiest girl on the planet. But you're a close second."
Jasmine turned the television back on. "How's that?" she asked, not moving her eyes from the screen.
"Because you get to bask in the presence of the luckiest girl on the planet."
Another pillow collided with her face.
Forever can never be long enough for me.
The city just outside Panem was brilliantly lit on the sultry May night Katniss and Johanna returned to their hometown. While Johanna had readily agreed to come home for a small amount of time, she had done so under one condition: that they have one night before they went to their separate homes. Katniss had said yes so Johanna arranged a hotel for them and took Katniss to one of her favorite restaurants - a small cafe that sat on a lake. The food was brick-oven pizzas and craft beers and the music was always some sort of stomping bluegrass but Johanna loved it.
They sat at a table just on the edge of the lake, but Johanna couldn't concentrate on the delicious pizza in front of them. Her hand was halfway across the table, laced with Katniss's and she drew small circles on her skin with her thumb. Her eyes were completely engrossed in the woman in front of her. Katniss's hair looked a shade lighter - probably from all the sun - but no less beautiful. It was down around her shoulders, curled in ringlets. She had worn a deep emerald brocade dress with floral patterns stitched into the fabric, cutting just above her knee and leaving just enough of her collarbone exposed to entertain Johanna's vision.
To feel like I've had long enough with you.
Johanna had worn, at Katniss's request, the "stage outfit" she had become notorious for wearing: a pair of slacks, a tucked in button-down shirt, and a pair of thin suspenders. Her hair was in the faux hawk again, with about two inches on the sides of her head buzzed off entirely. Katniss met her penetrating gaze and a small blush scattered along the light freckles on her cheeks. Johanna smiled warmly.
"You haven't eaten anything, Jo," Katniss said quietly over their candle-lit table, squeezing her hand that it seemed Johanna was never going to let go of. Not that she was complaining.
Johanna shrugged. "I don't care. I'm not hungry," she replied dreamily, resting her head on her free hand. "I haven't been able to touch you or look in your eyes in so long. I don't give a fuck about the pizza."
Katniss smiled and pulled Johanna's hand to her lips, giving her knuckles a soft kiss before returning their fists to the table. "You do get a little cranky when you're hungry though."
Johanna pouted. "I do not."
Forget the world now, we won't let them see.
Katniss rolled her eyes and ignored Johanna's protestations. She took a slice of the pizza and folded it in half, aiming it toward Johanna's mouth. "Just eat something, please?" she asked gently. Johanna let out a disgruntled sigh and leaned forward to eat a bite of the offered slice. Katniss grinned triumphantly and placed the pizza on Johanna's plate. "You should have let me get the sausage one. It looked delicious."
"I don't eat meat anymore." Katniss's gray eyes widened as she looked at Johanna.
"Why?"
Johanna raised an eyebrow. "Why does anyone? Diet, animal cruelty, etcetera." Surely the real reason, that Cressida had said that's why she tasted good, was not appropriate for their first date as a couple again. Though if the taste of herself on Cressida's lips over the past two years was any indication, she was right.
The concept seemed entirely foreign to Katniss. She had grown up hunting animals in the woods, keenly aware of the delicate balance of nature. It seemed only natural that they eat their kills. She tried not to look too obvious. "Oh. Well okay." Katniss bit into her slice of pizza, her eyes gazing back out on the lake. A few people had boats out, coasting gently through the calm waters. "This is strange. It's like we're getting to know each other all over again."
Johanna snickered softly. "I'm pretty much the same woman that you left two years ago."
"Hardly," Katniss said, returning her eyes to Johanna's. Everything about Johanna seemed different. Her look, her attitude, her composure. It was not better or worse, just different. Underneath that she knew beat the same heart she had loved from the moment she laid eyes on her. And within those deep, guileless brown hues, was the same soul she adored. "But it's okay. You're still you. Just more grown up."
"You've changed too," Johanna replied, taking another bite of pizza. "More confident. I mean, you're about to move to a new city and tell your mom that you're dating me again. I can't imagine the Katniss that I saw on that boat after Finnick's wedding doing that."
That was true. That Katniss who was so afraid of hurting the memory of her dead father was long gone. Her father wanted her to be successful, to be happy, to be loved. She was all of those things, and much more, with Johanna by her side. "Don't take this the wrong way because I've loved every second of today... But I," Katniss blushed and tugged on the bottom of her lip, "I really, really just want to kiss you."
But now there's only one thing left to do.
Johanna looked mildly surprised but not at all in objection to Katniss's suggestion. Without a word she took out her wallet and placed a few - quite more than necessary, Katniss thought - bills on the table. She took Katniss by the hand and led her between the tables and out of the restaurant. The hotel was a short walk from where they had eaten. Johanna was glad for it, too, because this was the part of the night she had looked forward to most. Talking to Katniss was amazing, just being around her was the most content Johanna had felt in years. But kissing Katniss... that was what made the stars move.
No sooner had they gotten into the elevator did Katniss feel the coldness of the wall against her back as Johanna's lips descended upon hers. She smiled into the kiss as Johanna's intensity flowed into her, feeling both familiar and exhilarating. Her teeth gripped Johanna's lip hard and she pulled a delicious whimper from the other girl that shot a bolt of arousal straight to her stomach.
The elevator chimed and Katniss pushed Johanna out of the cabin and never lost the seize she had on her lips as they made their way toward the door of their room. Johanna's back hit the door as Katniss's lips ravaged her neck. She pulled the swipe card for the room out of her pocket, her other hand tangled in Katniss's curled locks. Her knees buckled as Katniss's tongue flicked along her pulse point.
The door fell open behind them and they went tumbling into their room. Johanna laughed and caught Katniss in her arms. "Easy there tiger." Katniss closed the door and locked it behind them. She turned and slowly stalked toward Johanna.
She smirked and rested her wrists on Johanna's shoulders, rubbing the nape of her neck with the tips of her fingers. "You look so sexy in this outfit." The sentence didn't feel finished and Johanna slowly raised her eyebrow. "But I can't fucking wait to take this off of you."
"That vice is plenty versa, baby girl." Johanna captured Katniss's lips and slid her arms around her back, rising up her spine with open palms as her back flexed beneath her touch. She pulled down the zipper on her dress moving her lips to Katniss's ear and compelling her to listen to her ragged breathing. Her fingers slipped under the material of the dress and pulled it down slowly, relishing in the slow reveal of Katniss's skin. Her eyes wandered along the newly exposed freckles and and her teeth flashed and tugged on her lip. Her initial impression of Katniss was proven correct again and again: she could inspire great works of art, moving measures of music or feats of literary excellence. She could write a symphony for every inch of Katniss's skin. "Where do you get off being so beautiful? Fuck."
Katniss stepped out of her heels, as did Johanna, and leaned in for a soft kiss. Her hands ran along Johanna's arms until she got to her collar, using it to pull Johanna in closer. With their bodies flush she began deliberately undoing the buttons of Johanna's blouse, kissing the newly exposed skin with each pop. Her eyes hungrily took in the peek of Johanna's cleavage and ...a small green tattoo just left of her breast, above her heart.
Promise me you'll always be happy by my side.
She traced the ink with her fingers and looked at Johanna. "You got a tattoo." It was a very simple crescent moon-shaped bow and a small arrow next to it.
Johanna's eyes flicked upward from Katniss's hand to her eyes. "No kidding, brainless." Johanna smirked, but her smile quickly fell. "It was... something for me to remember you by. Or.. to remind me of you. I-I wanted you to be near me always."
Katniss placed her hand over the tattoo, feeling the pounding of Johanna's heart beneath her rib cage. It was a beautiful pounding rhythm. Everything Johanna did was in beautiful rhythm. "And I will be. I am."
She hooked her thumbs underneath her suspenders and rode them upward until she was at Johanna's shoulders. Slowly she pushed one down, then the other. Her tongue danced with Johanna's in another kiss as she roughly pulled the shirt out of her pants and tugged it down her arms, tossing it on the floor. With a short gasp she realized that Johanna was not wearing a bra.
"Get. On. The bed." Katniss growled in a voice so thick with bass Johanna felt it reverberate in her heart. She couldn't help but smirk and stand there in challenge. She quirked her eyebrow and bit the inside of her cheek as Katniss stared her down with unabashed desire in her eyes. Katniss huffed a short laugh at her insolence and grabbed Johanna's chin to trap her in a kiss. Her hand slid down the column of her neck to her collarbone and shoved her backward onto the mattress, the smile now curled into a deadly smirk.
Her knees pressed on either side of Johanna's surprised form and she leaned in to kiss her as her fingers trailed down Johanna's sternum and down her stomach. She felt Johanna arch into her touch and she moaned into Johanna's mouth. She unbuttoned her pants and quickly yanked down the zipper with urgency. Katniss got off the bed briefly to shimmy Johanna's pants off of her and toss them on the floor on top of Johanna's shirt. She returned to the bed and placed both her hands on the sides of Johanna's head. Instead of kissing her she let her eyes wander along Johanna's face.
"You don't have any idea how much I adore you." Johanna's cedar eyes went wide as Katniss spoke to her, but her astonishment was more at how she was being looked at rather than her words. Katniss looked at her like she held all the secrets of the heavens in her eyes. It struck Johanna that this might be the first time she ever thought Katniss felt as deeply for her as she did. The brief moment of clarity was disrupted as Katniss grabbed her by the hair and forced her head back. She leaned down and captured Johanna's lips, holding her there and Johanna let out a small mewl of arousal into the kiss.
I promise to sing to you when all the music dies.
She lifted Johanna's hands that were keeping her upright and threaded their fingers together. Slowly she pushed her back on to the mattress and pressed their bodies together tightly. For a moment she did not move, she simply relished in their closeness. She felt Johanna's ribs push forward as she breathed in deeply and felt the heat of her core against her own. Every tendon in her body felt taut and heat seemed to rush everywhere, crackling and inciting her insides like a wildfire.
Katniss moved her lips down Johanna's neck, making no attempt not to mark her. Johanna's hips bucked every time she bit down on her skin and she did it at regular intervals, grinning into her skin at Johanna's aroused gasps. Johanna's back arched up to meet her with every kiss, especially when she gingerly probed her nipple with her tongue and received a gasp in response. She could barely contain herself as she pulled Johanna's tiny boy shorts down her legs and pushed her thighs wide, giving the tender flesh of her inner thigh a small kiss.
She hadn't been with anyone since the last time she and Johanna were together, and as she swept her tongue along her folds and pushed inside her, she was glad for it. Nothing would ever feel as breathtaking as giving Johanna pleasure and watching her writhe and pant before succumbing to the impending orgasm. No one could replicate the way Johanna rolled her hips to meet every thrust, the throaty way she said her name, the sexy way she'd curse under her breath, or how her fingers would grip her hair or the sheets in some attempt to ground herself.
Nothing would feel as satisfying as feeling Johanna's thighs trembling as she came, tasting her sweet arousal - sweeter than she remembered but it had been a while - as her head flopped back against the pillow. She didn't want to stop; she could live between Johanna's legs and consider her life full.
Her body moved up to meet Johanna in a kiss as the girl beneath her made quick work of her bra and panties, gripping her back and forcing their naked bodies to be flush. She positioned her center on Johanna's thigh as the girl clenched her muscles and applied pressure off and on as she tasted herself on Katniss's tongue.
Johanna's hands cupped her breasts, kneading them softly and bringing one to her mouth as her other hand snaked down Katniss's abdomen. With a gentle suck on her breast Johanna swiftly moved her fingers inside Katniss, her wetness slowly moving down her hand as she rode against her lover. Johanna guided Katniss on to her back and moved on top of her, gathering the blankets and covering them both as she thrusted inside her with greater force. Katniss gripped her back tightly with her fingernails, digging red marks into the pale flesh.
Her lips came crashing down on her as she fucked her with more force than Katniss could ever remember. The slight tinge of pain pushed her arousal over the edge and she found her cry of pleasure smothered in Johanna's lips. Johanna's fingers slowly left inside her and she placed them firmly on top of her clit, rubbing small circles.
Johanna pressed their foreheads together, her lips hovering over Katniss's. "Oh God Jo, I don't think... Fuck." Katniss' protests fell on deaf ears as Johanna continued her movements against her, wholly determined to make her come once more. Katniss' breathing came in short, staccato gasps as the heat and pressure built between her thighs and Johanna's lips found their way to her shoulder where she dug in with her teeth. Her soft tongue contrasting the sharp bite, combined with the relentless stimulation between her thighs pushed her over the edge once more. She gripped the back of Johanna's neck tightly as she came, her eyes firmly squeezed closed.
Johanna placed a closed-mouth kiss against the side of her neck as she collapsed next to her. Katniss snaked her arm underneath Johanna and pulled her close, snuggling her beneath the blankets. She kissed the sweat-slicked crown of Johanna's head and hefted a contented sigh.
"I love you, you know. I never, ever stopped."
Johanna looked up at her, shifting her body so they faced each other. "I have loved you with every breath that's left my body since the day we met." She leaned up and kissed Katniss softly. "And I will until my last."
Katniss searched Johanna's eyes for a moment, finding nothing but truth within them. Her heart swelled inside her chest. "Marry me."
Johanna smirked and tugged at her bottom lip. "I know I'm a great lay but -"
"Marry me," Katniss repeated more firmly. "Really. For real. Come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove."
Johanna's eyes lit up with amusement and her eyebrow raised to her hairline. "Did you just ask me to marry you and recite Marlowe?"
Katniss swatted Johanna's arm playfully. "I did. And I mean it." She gazed into Johanna's eyes with as much intent and meaning as she could pour into just a stare. "I can't live without you. I don't want to. I want to live every moment of the rest of my life knowing that you are mine and I am yours. And ..and I know we don't have to be married for that but... I want to. I know I don't have a ring and...I'm sweaty and I smell like ..well, like you and we're naked. But this feels right."
Johanna stayed silent for a few moments out of pure shock. She remembered the first moment they kissed, how it felt like all the doors to the future had swung open. How her world had been rocked with color, bursting with life just because Katniss was within it. Brilliant brown eyes lit up and she surged forward to capture Katniss's lips again, placing her hand on her cheek. "Okay. I'll marry you, Katniss. I'll marry the shit out of you."
Katniss laughed and hugged Johanna closer to her, kissing her temple as they settled back into the bed. "'I'll marry the shit out of you.' You're a real romantic. Here I am reading all these articles about the enigmatic Johanna Mason who quotes great authors and poets and I get 'I'll marry the shit out of you.'"
Johanna chuckled and nuzzled her face into Katniss's neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume and the salty tang of sweat. The moment was perfect. Katniss was perfect. "How you must have suffered getting accustomed to me. My savage, solitary soul, my name that sends them all running. So many times we have seen the morning star burn, kissing our eyes, and over our heads the gray light unwind in turning fans. My words rained over you, stroking you. A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body. I go so far as to think that you own the universe. I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells, dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses. I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."
Katniss grinned as she traced her fingers up and down the naked length of Johanna's back. "That's more like it."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Marry me. Today and every day.
Johanna smiled as she drove into the town limits of Panem. It was interesting to feel the difference between Panem, a town that she had thought so large when she was smaller, grow tiny even as the roads grow wider, and New York City. The streets of New York City were so narrowed and crowded with people and cars and yet felt huge. There she felt insignificant, here she felt large.
Well hot and heavy, pumpkin pie. Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ.
Her agreement to come home was one that she thought she'd have to wrestle with, especially considering she hadn't been back for more than a few weeks at a time in the last two years. She had seen her mother every so often and she'd spent time with Cressida but that was all. The town held no sentiment for her any longer. It was only her mother that she missed, and Cressida. Both of whom she had asked to move to New York and both of whom had declined.
But the decision was made as soon as it left Katniss's lips. Katniss had a way of making anything that seemed insurmountable seem completely possible. How good it had felt to kiss her. How right and how fitting. The last two years had been a whirlwind. Going to school was amazing; her friends, her peers, her professors, everyone was so drenched in music. Traveling the country had been eye-opening. Seeing all the different people and how music moved them, hearing them shout her name it all helped fill in the gaps inside her heart.
There ain't nothing please me more than you.
Her future continued to widen and get brighter as the years wore on and she enjoyed it more than she thought she would. Having Katniss back in her life made it seem even more worthwhile. They needed each other. Perhaps love shouldn't be that way, so consuming and dependent. Whether it was right or not felt irrelevant. She felt happy with Katniss. She felt whole. She felt home. That seemed much more important than wondering if they relied on each other too much.
Maybe in ten years these feelings would fade. But Johanna didn't want to spend another minute without Katniss in her heart. She'd take ten minutes, ten hours, ten days, months, whatever fate was willing to give her. She'd fight for every moment.
She was barely out of the car before her mother had gobbled her up into her arms and held her tightly. She rolled her eyes good-naturedly at her mother's tears that dampened the side of her neck. Her hair was styled up in the faux hawk, the red streaks going straight down the middle, leaving her neck exposed to her mother's hysterics. Polly pulled away from her daughter and cupped the sides of her face.
Home is where I am when I'm with you.
"My baby is home. How long will you be gracing me with your presence, superstar?" Polly ribbed with a twinkle in her eye.
Johanna shrugged and looked away back toward the house. "A few weeks. Let Katniss have some time with her family before she goes with me to New York."
Polly smiled, her eyes wrinkling at the corners as she stepped back to appraise her daughter's appearance. Johanna seemed happier every time she had come back to visit, but none so happy as she looked at that moment. The distant sadness in her eyes was long gone. "Have I told you how happy I am that you two have reconciled?"
Johanna rolled her dark brown eyes. "About a million times. But I like to hear it." Johanna grinned and Polly couldn't help but grin back. Johanna retrieved her bags from her trunk and followed her mother inside, greeted by the familiar smell of home. Her mother's cooking was on the stove, some unfinished project was in the living room giving off a sawdust smell, and the scent of pine wafted through the open windows. She even had music playing. She sat down at the dinner table as her mother shuffled around the kitchen grabbing plates. "Mom?"
"Yes dear?" Polly answered without looking back, stirring the pan on the stove.
"Would you be ...open to helping Katniss convince her mother to let her move to New York?" Polly stopped stirring the sauce on the stove, turning off the gas. She hefted the spaghetti onto the two plates next to her, pouring the homemade sauce over them. She turned around and put the plate in front of her daughter, sitting down next to her and pulling her chair in.
Polly cleared her throat and placed her napkin on her lap, then her worn hands on the table. "Johanna, I think you need to understand something about Katniss's mother. Clara is not a homophobe. She's not a bigot. After you and Katniss broke up I paid her a little visit."
"Mom!" Johanna instantaneously replied, retroactively embarrassed.
"Oh don't 'Mom' me, you were devastated. I was certain Clara had something to do with it. She was always hinting that she thought I should think like her - that you were too young, that it was too fast. And I can't say she was entirely wrong." Johanna shot her mother a look as she slurped spaghetti into her mouth. Polly shot back a disapproving stare at her table manners. "However, I went over there and I gave her a piece of my mind."
We laugh until we think we'll die.
Johanna twirled the pasta on her fork and shook her head in disbelief. "Well I'm sure that went well."
Polly raised her eyebrow. "Actually it did. I simply explained to her that the dreams she had for Katniss and your relationship were not mutually exclusive. Katniss could achieve her dreams and still be in your life. She told me what she must have been telling Katniss - that James had wanted her to finish school, specifically to Stanford. And I said, 'And what about after? Did he ever talk about what she would do with that education? Did he ever talk to her about love?' And let me tell you, I got her goat. She's passionate, that one."
"Runs in the family," Johanna muttered.
"Well, those in glass houses you know." Polly shrugged as she began cutting the spaghetti. "In any case, I just asked that she keep in mind that Katniss's present happiness is worth more than the past. The past and the future are just dreams. The only thing we can hold to for certain is the present." Polly stabbed at the pasta with her fork. "That gave her something to think about. But I will remind you that I'm a mother, too. I get it. Do you know how angry I was with Katniss for what she put you through? I wanted to slap that girl for breaking my little girl's heart."
"Mother."
"Well I did," Polly defended with an indignant sticking out of her chin. "However, since you were goin' away anyway I figured there was no real harm done. Heartbreak is only temporary. But never in a million years did I think she'd be the one going back to you. Or that she would agree to move in with you."
Johanna frowned. "You thought I'd be the one groveling?"
Barefoot on a summer night. Never could be sweeter than with you.
Polly smiled warmly and put down her eating utensils. She took Johanna's hand and smoothed it with her own. "Sweetheart, you are so full of love. It's one of your best qualities. And you have chosen to direct all that love at Katniss and without that target, yes, I was worried you'd abandon your dreams to chase her. I was relieved when you didn't. And proud."
Johanna had to admit she had thought about it a lot. Some nights she sobbed silently into her pillow, aching full-bodily to see Katniss again. Any time her phone rattled with a text message she hoped it was her. Eventually Jasmine had gotten her out of checking her e-mails nonstop and helped her focus back on music. And the band had been a big part of her thoughts diverting away from Katniss. As her life kept expanding all she truly wanted, deep down, was for Katniss to share it with her.
And she was not going to let Mrs. Everdeen come between them again.
Katniss winced as she waited for her mother's response. She had waited a day or two after arriving home to sit her mother down at the kitchen table and lay it all out. She laid out her plan to leave school, to work on the novel she had been germinating for two years, to move to New York, and to be with Johanna. It had come out of her like a rushing river; she was never a good liar.
Her mother took all the information in with her hands wrapped around a light blue mug of hot tea. She hadn't sipped it once since they sat down, simply staring into the dark liquid with an unnerving amount of focus. Katniss attempted to be diplomatic but she didn't quite have the trait in her.
"I know you don't approve and I'm not here for your approval." Her mother's eyes flicked up to her. "I'm sorry, but I'm not. I'm telling you this because as my mother you have a right to know. I am moving to New York. I'm going to be with Johanna for ...as long as she will keep me. I'm going to write. Because Dad wanted me to write. Because I want to write. He wanted me to be happy and I am happy."
Her mother stayed silent for a few more moments before taking a sip of what must be lukewarm tea by now. "Are you finished?"
Katniss was mildly offended. "Yes?"
"Okay. Katniss, when I advised you to break up with Johanna, I was doing so out of my concern for you. I could see what I hold she had over you and I didn't think it was healthy." Katniss was about to object but her mother placed her hand up. "Please let me finish." Katniss reluctantly backed off and sat back in her chair. "Your father and I, above anything else, wanted you and Primrose to be as happy as possible. I genuinely thought, and I still do to an extent, believe that you will be happier if you stay in school." She placed her hand over her daughter's and grasped it tightly. "But I want you to follow your dreams. If they're not what I thought they'd be, or what your father thought they'd be, are they wrong? No."
Katniss felt her eyes brimming with tears and she looked away from her mother's pale blue gaze toward the window in the kitchen. She remembered back to the day they moved in, the sunlight bursting through the window that had no curtains. Her mother fumbling with the broken chair that ultimately led her to Johanna's mother's shop and to her seeing Johanna for the first time. That swirling feeling of nervousness and arousal still happened whenever Johanna shot her a sultry glance, and oftentimes when she didn't.
She brought her eyes to her mother. "I asked her to marry me."
She felt a coldness as her mother's hand left her own. "You what?"
"I asked Jo to marry me and she said yes." Katniss set her voice in a tone of certainty. A tone of accusation. To dare her mother to object to her decision to marry the girl she had dreamed of every night since they had broken up.
Her mother shook her head a few times, a low screech echoing in the room as she backed the chair over the tiles. She stood up, abandoning her tea and walked toward the window. Worn hands clasped the edge of the counter, her head bowed over the sink. "You know I enjoy Johanna very much."
Katniss rose from her chair, nearly toppling the wooden furniture over in her quickness. "I am not a child. Don't posture at me. If you're going to break into one of your 'you're too young' speeches, please save us both the trouble." She moved to her mother, standing directly next to her and forcing the older woman to look at her. "I am in love with her. And she's in love with me. We make each other happy."
Her mother placed a hand on her forehead and breathed deeply. Katniss remembered from childhood her mother's reaction to stress. To breathe in deep sighs. "I don't want you to miss out on opportunities because you are blinded by love. That's all. Maybe someone else will come along, someone better suited and you won't even see him because he -"
"What?" Katniss growled the question almost under her breath, taking on a frightening intensity that made her mother stop speaking immediately. Gray eyes, ones that looked so much like her father's, swarmed with anger. "That's what this is, isn't it? Your last ditch attempt to make me realize that I'm straight?"
"Katniss that isn't what I'm saying."
"No, it is," Katniss insisted, puffing out her chest and trying to straighten her spine. This is what Johanna had been talking about - the confidence she now had. There was something very satisfying about being certain in who you are and what you want. Everything felt possible. "You're holding out some hope that I change my mind and settle down with some boy." Her eyes drifted down to the floor, bits of sadness washing into them. "My happiness is worth more than your dreams for me."
Her mother's eyes brimmed with tears when their gazes met but Katniss attempted to keep her emotions in check. "You're my daughter, all I want is your happiness."
"You want your happiness at my expense. You know what your real problem is? You think that my being with Johanna is some fault of yours. That somewhere you fucked up and people will blame you. Oh poor Mrs. Everdeen, no husband and her kid turns out to be a dyke." She dodged her mother's attempt to slap her and she grabbed her bag from the table. "There is nothing wrong with me. You and dad raised two really good daughters. If you can't see that then I just feel sorry for you."
She'd have to say good-bye to her sister another time. Being in the house with her mother was too painful, too claustrophobic. She had anticipated their talk to be hard, but hearing her mother wish she was with someone else, that she was someone else, struck too deeply in her heart. Once she was outside she typed off a text to Johanna. Confusingly she gave her an address Katniss had never seen and told her to meet her there.
Katniss knocked on the door to the unfamiliar home and waited patiently on the doorstep. A few very well manicured flowers lined the home, pale blue drapes in the large bay window. Johanna's muscle car was at home in the driveway next to another muscle car that looked vaguely familiar.
When the door opened, she realized why. Cressida smiled at her. It was strange to see the teacher outside of school. She was wearing her hair up in a messy ponytail, a t-shirt with a graphic of the cover of The Old Man and the Sea on it, and a pair of hip-hugging jeans. "Katniss. How very nice to see you again. Come inside."
Katniss stepped inside the residence and gave it a cursory look around. Johanna was sitting at the piano - typically - plucking out some notes as she stared at a set of sheet music propped up. What struck Katniss most was how at home Johanna looked. This was clearly not the first time she had been here. Her jacket was thrown over the couch, her shoes discarded near the entrance.
Johanna looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Hey baby girl." The greeting comforted Katniss, untwisting a knot in her stomach she didn't know she had. She left her bag near Johanna's shoes and crossed the room to her. She placed a small kiss on Johanna's lips, then looked to Cressida.
"Would you like some wine?" she offered, picking up a dark green bottle from her coffee table and pouring it into a glass without waiting for approval. Katniss nodded and took the proffered glass, taking a long sip of the golden liquid. "Johanna was just telling me that you were having some troubles at home."
Cressida sat on her couch with her glass of wine, putting it to her lips as she waited for Katniss to answer. Johanna had come over in the morning under the assumption they'd work on some of the score, but they had chatted about her reconciling with Katniss and her proposal of marriage. While both had broken her heart just a bit, she was happy to see Johanna in a place of less pain. Unfortunately, that seemed to come at the price of Katniss's relationship with her mother.
Katniss sat next to her as Johanna kept playing the piano. All of this seemed very strange. This teacher Johanna had been close to giving her wine and offering to listen to her problems. Johanna seeming so calm and at home in this place Katniss had never seen her go or even speak about. "My mother has never approved of my relationship with Jo. And I told her about me moving to New York and us getting married and basically..." Katniss hefted a sigh. "Basically she thinks I should be straight."
Cressida laughed sadly. "I'm very sorry to hear that. From what Mason has told me your mother seems like a wonderful lady. It's a shame she can't grasp the concept that you are who you are."
"She wants me to be who she wants me to be. Not who I am." Katniss gulped down the rest of her wine, making herself another cup. When had Johanna talked about her mother to Cressida? The alcohol swam in her head as she focused on the blonde next to her. "She wants me to be happy but she fucking insists on putting a stake into the one thing that actually makes me happy."
Cressida mused on that a moment. She placed her wine glass on the table and shifted herself closer to Katniss on the couch. "I can empathize. When I came out to my parents, they disowned me. Completely. Not really out of some misguided homophobia, although that certainly played a large part, but more because they felt like they had failed as parents. They saw me as a disappointment. My success, both professionally and personally, meant little to them because I did not fit into the image they had of me. And for that, all I can say is, they missed out."
Katniss's eyes began to water. She didn't want to not see her mother anymore. She wanted her approval. In spite of everything, that's what she wanted. "I just want her to be happy for me."
"And she will be, poor girl," Cressida said, placing her hand on Katniss's thigh. "Once she realizes that your future and your success as a person is not reliant on the gender of your partner, she will come around. She will want to be in your life because your life will be very, very happy." Cressida moved her eyes to Johanna, who was busy scribbling something on the sheet music. "Johanna loves you very much."
Comin' out of my cage and I've been doin' just fine.
Katniss continued to drink an enormous amount of wine as she and Cressida talked about their respective families. Johanna was always close to Cressida, Katniss knew. She had always been a little jealous so she never involved herself with getting to know the older woman. But as the night wore on she wished she had. She was smart and funny and an incredible listener.
An unsettling feeling began to spread inside Katniss's stomach. Something about the way Cressida was looking at Johanna. All night Katniss had noticed the blonde's eyes wander across the room. Of course her own eyes did as well, but that's because she was always drawn to Johanna.
Click. "It's you."
Cressida looked over at Katniss, furrowing her eyebrows. "What's me?"
Katniss rose to her feet, feeling slightly unsteady after several glasses of wine. "You're the one she slept with."
Cressida smirked and drank down the rest of her wine, placing the empty glass on the coaster on her table. "Yes. After you had broken up with her, and after she was no longer my student. We've had a physical relationship."
Katniss looked between Johanna, who was looking a little nervous, and Cressida, who looked abnormally calm. "How can you sit here and give me life advice when you've been fucking my girlfriend?" She moved her gaze to Johanna. "And you're going to bring me here?"
Cressida stood up and smoothed out her jeans. "Miss Everdeen." Katniss brought her eyes back to Cressida, trying to will down the anger inside her. Somehow Cressida still managed to instill a little fear in her heart. "I care very deeply for Johanna. I consider her a great personal friend. Our relationship has not always been platonic, I won't deny that. I don't care to. We took care of each other in a time when we were both in great pain. It was not some sordid affair or some ploy to anger you. I'm sure you feel this is a betrayal, but it is not."
"I can't believe I'm hearing this."
Cressida rolled her eyes. "Please. Be reasonable. It was just two very close friends providing each other comfort."
"You were fucking."
"No," Cressida denied firmly. "It was more than that. It was not meant to hurt anyone, least of all you. This is why I'm telling you this. If you and Johanna are to have a life together, then know that I am, and was, a part of her life." She went to place her hand on Katniss's bicep but the girl jerked backward. By this time Johanna had stood from the piano, standing nearly in between both women. "She loves you. She always has, she always will. She doesn't love me. Not in that way."
Katniss narrowed her eyes. "But you love her, don't you? You were in love with her." It only took a flick of Cressida's eyes toward Johanna and back to Katniss to confirm it. There was a very depressing melancholy in Cressida's bright blue eyes that took Katniss by surprise. She did love Johanna but Johanna couldn't love her. Had she not been so jealous, she would have almost felt sympathy. "I don't really know what to say."
Cressida folded her arms over her chest. "I know you're probably very angry. You feel betrayed by your mother and now you feel betrayed by Johanna. But she didn't keep this from you to hurt you. It was not relevant, until recently when you two have reconciled. Which, no matter what you may think, I am very glad to see. I haven't seen Johanna this content in a very long time. Possibly ever."
Katniss's hardened gaze softened just a little as she looked at Johanna. Cressida had started teaching just after Johanna's rape, so she was probably correct in saying she hadn't ever seen Johanna truly happy. "Are you still in love with her?"
The older woman sighed, giving a glance to Johanna before looking back at Katniss. "I don't know that I was ever in love with her. I love her very much yes. I bear no desire to be a wedge in your relationship, Katniss."
Johanna, who had been silent, placed her hand on Katniss's cheek. "She's telling the truth. We had a thing, a short thing, that was just kind of ...making each other feel better. But above all that, we are friends. And I want all three of us to be able to be friends. With the movie being picked up we're probably going to be seeing a lot of each other. I don't want it to be awkward."
"And how do you suggest we do that?" Katniss asked scathingly, looking to Johanna. The shorter girl glanced warily at Cressida, who looked just as confused as Katniss. Johanna licked her lips and there was suddenly a bright wash of clarity over Cressida.
"Mason. You can't possibly be serious." Katniss felt completely disoriented as she looked between the two women. Their proximity was close and had it not been apparent all night that they had once been intimate, it would be now. The close way they stood, the familiar tone they took with one another, the way Cressida's eyes darted to Johanna's lips. Sensing Katniss's floundering Cressida aimed her intense blue gaze at her. "Johanna is suggesting we engage in a menage a trois."
"You're what?" Katniss's eyes grew large and her cheeks were enflamed.
Johanna shrugged her shoulders and her eyes darted between the two women. "I'm saying... We are going to all be spending a lot of time together. Maybe things would be less awkward if there was no mystery."
Katniss was positive that had she not drank so much wine she would've walked out immediately. But the stinging combination of jealousy and alcohol was making her far less inhibited. Cressida wasn't unattractive, and certainly she wanted to know what Johanna saw in her, but ...sex? Was that necessary? Then again, what did they have to lose?
I gotta gotta be down because I want it all.
Johanna cupped Katniss's chin and brought their lips together in a soft kiss. Johanna tasted like whiskey and the faint hint of cigar. Her stomach turned and warmed with arousal as Johanna deepened the kiss. In the back of her mind this seemed ridiculous. But her body was moving on its own, grasping Johanna by the biceps and returning the kiss.
Johanna broke free of her and they both looked to Cressida, who was unflappable. Katniss and Johanna both looked at her and Johanna's mouth moved into a sly grin at the wanton look in her eyes. With a small nod toward her girlfriend she leaned up and kissed Cressida, placing her hand on her cheek. Katniss watched for a moment, the emotions of jealousy and arousal clashing against each other like blood enemies.
When they were finished Johanna looked between them. Cressida gave Katniss a look that explained her position: we don't have to. Katniss thought back to her mother, demanding she be normal. Wishing she were someone else. Somehow this act would be the ultimate defiance, even though she never would know of it. She grabbed the back of Cressida's neck and pulled her in for a kiss, threading her fingers in her curled locks of blonde hair. Cressida tasted like wine and her tongue danced with her own in what felt like an absolute battle for the upper hand. She felt her hand go around her back and grasp her hip, pulling their bodies flush together.
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
In a feat of calisthenics the trio of them managed to move into the bedroom where Katniss trapped Johanna in a kiss while Cressida pulled Johanna's shirt off of her, breaking their kiss as she tossed the material on the floor. She wrapped her arms around Johanna from behind and laced kisses along her shoulder blades, watching them over Johanna's shoulder. She pulled off her own shirt, unfastening her bra as well as Johanna's while Katniss moved her lips to Johanna's neck, suckling on the soft skin beneath her ear.
Johanna maneuvered Katniss's t-shirt over her head, undoing her front-claps bra and immediately filling her palms with the heft of Katniss's breasts. Cressida's hands snaked along Johanna's abdomen, coming up to knead her breasts in a mimicked rhythm to Johanna's. Johanna leaned back and rested her head on Cressida's shoulder as Katniss lowered her mouth to her breast, taking the swell of her nipple into her mouth.
Katniss was unsure of how this was going to work. She had no experience taking on two lovers; she had only ever been with Johanna. This probably was not the time for her to ask. Johanna took control and shoved Katniss on the bed, presumably taking revenge on Katniss for the other night when she was at her mercy. While she pressed hot, wet kisses along Katniss' abdomen Cressida undressed next to them, then began to pull down Johanna's pants as she bit down on Katniss's stomach.
Katniss flipped their positions and trapped Johanna beneath her, unbuttoning her own pants and pulling the garments down as she met Johanna in a fearsome kiss. Cressida took Katniss by the chin and kissed her straddling Johanna's thigh as she plunged her tongue into Katniss's mouth. Johanna was certain as there was soil in the earth and air in the skies that nothing had looked as erotic as the two women she craved most kissing as fiercely and hungrily as they were.
It was only a kiss.
Cressida's lips moved to Katniss's ear and the girl groaned as she whispered something to her. Johanna raised her eyebrow in question as Katniss nodded, giving her one more closed-mouth kiss and turned her attention to Johanna. She crawled up her body, positioning her center directly over Johanna. She gazed down at her tenderly, but hungrily, stroking her fingers through her hair.
Before Johanna could lift up her head to taste her, Cressida's tongue prodded into her center and made her gasp and her hips buck. Two hands pushed her hips down solidly to the mattress as Cressida's tongue ran the length of her folds to her clit. Johanna grabbed Katniss's thighs and pulled her center down to her, flattening her tongue against Katniss's wetness and lapping at her core.
Katniss's hips rolled slowly against Johanna who seemed insistent on keeping an extremely slow pace. Every so often she'd moan in pleasure, sending reverberations through Katniss that made her thighs tremble in Johanna's hands. Her hands gripped the top of Cressida's headboard as she practically begged Johanna with her bouncing hips to fuck her. A look over her should revealed Cressida buried deeply inside Johanna, her biceps flexing as she pushed her fingers in and out of Johanna, her mouth clamped on her clit.
The image was enough to send Katniss into a shaking orgasm, coating Johanna's chin and cheeks in her arousal. Johanna looked up at Katniss, eyes squeezed shut and arms clenching the board, and with another thrust of Cressida's fingers she tumbled into her own orgasm, her hips bucking wildly against Cressida's mouth.
Cressida wiped her mouth on the back of her hand as she rose from her bent position. In a move that surprised all three of them Katniss grabbed her by the neck and pulled her into a crushing kiss. She tasted Johanna on her tongue and rolled her eyes at the eroticism of that. She couldn't even fathom jealousy at that moment; she was craving Cressida just as she was sure Johanna had done.
Cressida climbed up the length of Johanna's body, straddling her thighs and kissing her deeply. Luckily for Katniss, from her position behind them she couldn't quite see the look of adoration in Cressida's eyes or the gentle way Johanna stroked Cressida's face in the kiss. But Johanna didn't love Cressida; she just knew this would be their last embrace. There was no way Katniss would ever agree to this again. This was their goodbye.
But it's just the price I pay.
Bright blue eyes flew open. She broke her kiss with Johanna as she felt two hands gripping her backside, and she felt Katniss's tongue deeply inside her. Over her shoulder she saw Katniss behind her, lapping at her clit with her tongue. One of her hands traveled down Cressida's thigh and as she turned her attention to Johanna, she felt her gasp into their kiss. Johanna began rocking her hips and as Cressida looked down, she saw Katniss's fingers moving in and out of Johanna like a piston.
Bringing Johanna to orgasm, and now being greeted to this, Cressida was already on the edge of coming undone as Katniss's mouth sucked hard on her core. With her lips pressed against Johanna's she muffled her moans of pleasure into their kiss. The brunette became more gentle against her, sliding her tongue against her folds until finally the sensation was gone, and Cressida collapsed almost on top of Johanna. Katniss soon flopped next to them, laying on her back and staring up at the ceiling.
Destiny is killing me. Open up my eager eyes.
All that was sound in the room was just the panting of the three women, sticky with arousal and sweat and out of breath. Katniss suddenly felt very sober. She crawled out of the bedsheets and made her way to Cressida's bathroom. After completing her shower she returned to the bedroom to see the two women fast asleep, Cressida's arm thrown across Johanna's bare torso. Katniss didn't want to admit it, and she wouldn't to Johanna, but she didn't feel as jealous. Johanna's sexual experiment had worked. But she wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she had been right.
She snuggled in front of Johanna, who instinctively wrapped an arm around her middle and pulled her closer. She sleepily kissed Katniss's bare back through her damp hair, falling back to sleep quickly. Home is a construct. Katniss didn't feel at home in her house anymore. Somehow, home had morphed into the bed of her girlfriend's former teacher, cradled in her embrace, hearing the even breath coming from her chest.
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside.
Author's Note: OKAY. I know this is a Joniss story. Again, I repeat, I know this. I've been wanting to write this scene for fucking ever and I felt like I should do it now. The next chapter will be the last. I apologize if this alienates some of you hardcore Joniss people but I went with my instincts. *shrug*
Music: "Marry Me" by Train, "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, and "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers.