When All Was Lost
Chapter Twenty: A New Solution
A/N: Forgive me for the cliffie on the last chapter, but I had to do it XD The urge was just too powerful. There were some questions about the end of chapter 19, and most will not be answered in this chapter XD However, I will say that the desperation and slight OOCness from the last one will continue (to a point) in this one. Anyway, on to chapter 20!
"It's too much! We need to regroup; fall back to the buildings!"
"Hammer forces are wiped out! All companies, retreat! Pull back! Pull back!"
Those were the first words that echoed through her head as the pain came back. Like waves crashing against her body, the burned skin, warped left side of her armor, and the uneven ground beneath her seemed to ripple each time her heart emitted a pulse. Eyes heavy, she could hardly open them for the blinding white light above, but the break in the roaring static coming through her comm was what caused them to snap open.
"-no… Damnit…"
Forcing herself to move, Shepard felt nothing but coarse dirt around her at first. Water nearby had made it thick, and for a moment it seemed that her hand had grown numb to anything else. Only when her fingers hit steel did she realize she had found her pistol. Closing her left hand around it, she tried to sit up, but her right shoulder felt heavy. Turning her head, she saw why. Samara's head rested against it; flecked with dirt, ash, and blood, the asari's form was still, and upon further examination, the spectre saw an azure arm draped over her body; its armor having been torn or blown off. Shifting just enough to feel a sharp pain in her ribs, Shepard raised two exposed fingers to the justicar's neck to check for a pulse. Finding none, she eased her right arm out from under the asari's shoulder and attempted sitting up again.
While painful, she could hear voices over the comm that seemed to do nothing but fuel her ambition. Coats and Johnson were convinced that no one made it out alive from the last attack on the hammer ground forces. Whether it was an urge to prove them wrong or one to fulfill her original task, she wasn't certain, but Shepard forced herself forward and got into a kneeling position. Seeing the way ahead clear, she didn't trust it; checking her thermal clip in her pistol, she finally went from a kneeling position to a slightly hunched over stance. This left her to take in her surroundings as she staggered forward. A mako was up ahead and to her left; its tires on one side were crooked and looked as if they had been broken off of their axels. Bodies were strewn everywhere ahead, and while all of them seemed to be human, she couldn't identify them. If they had been part of the lead company that was approaching the beam first, they were soldiers that she didn't know. As she approached one body, the soldier's armor caught her attention; advanced combat fatigues that were similar to Andersons. The rank insignia was too filthy to attempt to read, and Shepard couldn't concentrate enough to work it out, if she was honest with herself. It was effort enough just to force her feet forward and keep her hand closed around the grip of her pistol.
Passing that soldier's body, Shepard could feel cold water flooding her boots. The deep pockets of water that littered the area ahead would certainly hinder her progress with the ground uneven, but the cold was a good reason to keep moving. As she progressed, Shepard heard the hoarse shouts of husks; searching ahead, she found them. Approaching from the right, the three were reaching out as they ran, and with one shot carefully aimed, Shepard took one of their heads off. The recoil was not as bad as expected, but it still caused her to nearly lose her footing. As she regained it, she reloaded the executioner and fired again; the second husk's chest exploded and its body fell back to join the first. This left the last one; it had already gotten within range of her, and its cold hand wrapped around the barrel of the pistol as she went to reload it. Watching as the clip locked into place, Shepard waited until it opened its toothless mouth before she fired. Grip faltering, the husk's head shattered; its body falling to its knees and then the ground at her feet.
Moving to step over the skeletal frame, Shepard fell forward; her knees sinking into a small pool of water and shifting dirt. This led her to nearly lose her grip on the pistol, but as she worked to get up, she forced its barrel against a mound of compacted mud and used that as leverage to return to an upright position. Barely shifting her feet at first, Shepard managed to regain a staggering pace, but with that came one last hurdle. A marauder, rising up from behind an abandoned supply crate, raised its modified phaeston rifle and fired six rounds. Three of them hit her armor, but the others managed to pierce the skin of her left shoulder, and it took every ounce of strength she had not to lose balance and hit the ground. Shouting in agony, she raised the pistol and reloaded; hoping that as she did so, the marauder would not fire again. When the clip was secure, Shepard fired just at the converted turian's neck, hoping that the slight recoil would let the projectile take off it's head. As it happened, she felt a wave of gratitude sweep through her. Now was not the time to be hindered by a single marauder. As its corpse fell, Shepard was left to take the last few steps forward, and within the space of five yards, she could feel the pull of the beam that would act as a conduit to the Citadel. Stepping fully into it, she felt her body being thrust upward, and then it collided with something smooth and hard.
Feeling as if her body was being tossed through a rather powerful space storm, Shepard could only hear a roar of energy, assumed to be the conduit itself, and with a final sharp pull, she felt herself collide with something cold, hard, and slick. Rolling slightly, she finally came to a complete stop after hitting something slightly warm. This time, she was face down, and the smell that greeted her nose was nearly enough to make her vomit. Slightly metallic, the warm object she had crashed into seemed to be emitting it. Upon opening her eyes, she realized that her first thought was right; blood. The thing that had stopped her movement was a body, and a freshly dead one at that. Blood still flowing, the corpse looked to be badly burned and from its shape, she could only guess it was human. Hearing movement off to her left, Shepard's head snapped upward, and as she managed to get into a sitting position, she found the source. A keeper was cautiously poking at another body nearby. Whoever it was was long dead; their face marred by what looked like ravager acid.
"Shepard." Hearing the voice, the spectre almost jumped out of her skin. Regaining composure, she waited to see if they would speak again. When they did, she had to stop and think. "Shepard."
"Anderson?" Getting into a kneeling position, Shepard let her arms hang slightly for a moment while she tried sorting things out. Feeling a bulge at her hip, she looked down to see her pistol holstered. That too struck her as odd. "You're up here too? I thought…"
"I followed you up," The quick answer caused Shepard to scratch her head. "But we didn't come out in the same place…" Hearing the admiral groan in pain, Shepard was almost concerned. "…Or at least I don't think we did. What do your surroundings look like?"
"It's... Aah!" Snarling in pain as she went from a kneeling position back to an upright one, Shepard took a few long and hard breaths to stifle any further vocal outrage.
"You okay?"
"Feel like shit, but I'm moving." Gritting her teeth as she said this, the commander slowly passed the keeper, who seemed startled by her presence. Carefully laying a hand on what looked to be its back, Shepard felt a warmth under the metallic surface of the keeper's outer shell. Having heard that the creatures exploded if you got too close or disturbed them, she instantly regretted doing it, but when the keeper continued on with its sifting through remains, she let out a relieved breath. Focusing on the path ahead, Shepard relayed what she saw to Anderson. "It's dark… Human remains are everywhere…"
"Sounds familiar, almost like what you told me about the collector base… You think they're making a reaper up here?"
"I dunno…" Leaving that conversation where it was, Shepard realized something had to be wrong. The only one she had described the Collector base to in excruciating detail was Admiral Hackett, and she hadn't done that lightly. He had said that the information would need to be presented to the panel that would consider her reinstatement after she had returned to Earth toward the end of 2185. It had been, but the majority of the details had been omitted by the panel. She had never discussed it with Anderson, and with all of the shit that had happened over the last year, Shepard had a suspicion that Hackett hadn't had much time to share that information.
"Goddamn abominations… I'm going to keep moving. Hopefully find a way out of here…"
"Can't go on forever." Commenting on their situation, Shepard carefully stepped back into an area that seemed to be slightly more clear of the remains. The keeper had seemingly made a path right down the center of the corridor, and it was still working its way back to the rear. Glancing ahead, the area was dimly lit, and all she could really see was crimson stains littering the steel that she walked on. Blood everywhere, some bodies were largely intact, while others looked to have been gnawed on by cannibals. Bones, both jagged and whole protruded from skin that looked to be discolored and paper thin. Feeling the knot rise in her throat, Shepard was sure bile was soon to follow, but it didn't.
"No… but where the hell are we?" Anderson's question was one she was asking herself.
"Hell if I know… Doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've been to." Curiosity still tugging at her concentration, Shepard voiced the other question that was lingering on her mind. "How did you follow me up here? The last I saw, you were in the shuttlebay and the cargo ramp was secure-"
"I ordered them to let me go." Anderson's voice seemed slightly harsher now. "Saw what happened to you and that asari-"
"How could you…" Thinking back, Shepard realized the more she tried, the worse she felt, but distinct memories of the Normandy lifting off with everyone aboard were still in her head. "The Normandy was already lifting off when Samara and I headed for the conduit."
"Got off when you turned your back." Barely hearing that over a low metallic groan, Shepard waited for a second before continuing onward. Whatever happened, Anderson must have seen it, because he clarified. "Whoa… One of the walls just re-aligned itself. I'm heading into a chasm, and… Shit!"
"Anderson?"
"The place is shifting, changing…"
"Hang on, I think I'm near an exit." Seeing the wall ahead split in two, Shepard was greeted by vault-like doors and a blinding light that illuminated the mouth of the corridor. Even here, bodies were piled on top of each other, but beyond that, there was a fast decline into a small valley like area. Then, there was an incline of the same measure. "Think I found that chasm you were talking about."
"I see something… Might be a way to cross over." A slight amount of static was coming through the comm, but Shepard heard every word. Going down into the "chasm", she saw the walls to her left and right shifting and lowering. What lay beyond was almost reminiscent of the power grid for the Shadow Broker's vessel.
"Don't get too far ahead of me…" Picking up the pace, while still minding her footing, Shepard got down to the level part of the valley and crossed over. The incline ahead was too steep to see over, though.
"Hold on, there's something…" The static was slowly increasing, but Shepard kept moving. "A control panel maybe… I'm just going to go on a-" The static overwhelmed the comm, and Shepard was left to swear under her breath as she started the incline. As she approached the top, the surroundings became clear. What looked like the inside of the closed Citadel, like when she had been forced to travel through it when Sovereign sealed the station, were ahead on all sides that she could see. The path ahead led to a circular center, and at the far side of that was Anderson. Reaching the outskirts of the center, Shepard made her presence known, seeing as the admiral had his back turned to her.
"Anderson." Watching him turn around, Shepard could tell something else was amiss. Slowly, the admiral moved, and his expression was one of contempt.
"Shepard… I-" Sounding as if he were under immense pressure, Anderson focused on his former XO. "I can't-"
"I underestimated you, Shepard." The cool and almost surprised tone of Jack Harper made Shepard's eyes widen. Turning, she saw the "Illusive" man approaching from behind her.
"What have…" Starting to question his actions, Shepard felt an immense pain in her head. Temporarily disorienting, she barely realized that her right hand had closed around the grip of her pistol. Only when she had drawn it and was staring down its barrel as it pointed toward Anderson did she truly see the Cerberus founder.
"I warned you…" Stopping just ahead and to the right of her, theillusive man turned to face his "investment". "Control is the means to our survival; control of the reapers and of you…" Eyes glowing slightly with what Shepard recognized as reaper augmentation, Harper's tone was the least bit hesitant. "If necessary."
"They're controlling you." Anderson managed to growl out those words as his weight shifted from foot to foot.
"I don't think so, Admiral."
"Controlling me is much simpler than controlling a reaper." Pistol still trained on Anderson, Shepard fought every impulse; she was struggling to keep her finger from pulling the trigger on her commanding officer and mentor. With each passing second, her head pulsed, and it made her attempts even more desperate.
"Have a little faith." Turning away from the two, the Illusive Man looked out over the closed wards. "When humanity first discovered the Charon relay and found that there could be so much more out there than imaginable, some thought the relay was better off destroyed rather than exploited. They were afraid of what lay beyond; who we might find, who we might let in…" Turning back, he went on. "But look at what we've achieved; since that discovery we have improved more than the past ten thousand years combined, and the reapers will do the same for us again a thousand fold… But only if we can harness their ability to control."
From what Shepard could tell, the man believed his own sermon, but his appearance was what really caught her eye. Dressed in the same suit as he usually wore, the man was littered with reaper implants. Tech dug into his flesh and replaced the skin it had destroyed; half of his face looked to be marred by it, and one side of his neck was as well. Remembering one of the logs she had found on Cronos station that EDI had downloaded and preserved, Shepard thought back to Jana, the scientist that had been cautioning him on reaper augmentation. Anderson's comment pulled her out of her thoughts, though.
"Bullshit! We destroy them, or they destroy us."
"And waste this opportunity?" Moving to stand beside Shepard as her hand began to lose its stability, the Cerberus leader frowned. "Never."
"You're playing with things you don't understand…" Remembering how certain Saren had been that he was doing the right thing three years ago, Shepard found the pattern repeating here; the only thing that was different was that this man wanted to control the reapers, rather than become one with them. "With power you shouldn't be able to wield."
"I don't believe that." Moving back between Shepard and Anderson, Harper spoke with an air of defiance. "If we can control it, then why shouldn't it be ours-"
"Because we're not ready." Cutting him off, Shepard felt her finger loosen on the trigger slightly, but the Cerberus leader's words made her look to him again, instead of at the gun.
"No… This is the way humanity has to evolve."
"There's always another way." Speaking again, Anderson's voice seemed more rocky than ever now. As soon as he finished that comment, Shepard could see the Illusive Man glaring at her, and her finger tightened on the trigger.
"I have dedicated my life to understanding the reapers, Admiral. I know with certainty that the crucible will help me control them-"
"And then what, Jack?" Using his first name earned her a death glare from the man. He turned toward Shepard and raised his hand; what looked to be a small mass effect field emanating from it.
"Look at the power they wield; look at what they can do!" As he finished that statement, Shepard involuntarily squeezed the trigger. Thankfully, she had managed to keep her hand aimed right at Anderson's left hip, and when the recoil set in, the projectile just grazed it. Still, it packed a slight punch, and that sent Anderson's hand shooting out to cover the wound. Feeling a pang of guilt, Shepard gritted her teeth and fought harder to control the hand that was now shaking as it held the pistol. The only good thing was that this particular sidearm was a single shot.
"I see what they did to you…"
"I took what I wanted; made it my own." Glaring at Shepard still, Harper went on in a voice that seemed fueled by desperation. "This isn't about me or you… It's about things that are so much greater than all of us!"
"He's wrong…" Voice cracking under the pressure and pain, Anderson's narrowed eyes landed on Shepard. "Don't listen to him-"
"And who will you listen to, Shepard?" Turning his glowing eyes on Anderson, the Illusive Man continued. "An old soldier stuck in his ways; only able to look at things down the barrel of a gun?" And What if he's wrong? What if controlling the reapers is our only chance for survival?"
"If I hear you correctly, then I can't just take your word for it either." Deciding for something a little more neutral than hostile, Shepard gave the man a level stare. "I can't take either one of your thoughts into consideration, following your logic. You are two extremes on the same scale." Looking to Anderson, Shepard went on. "You may be right, Admiral; destroying them may be our only way out of this, but then again, control may be a pliable option." Turning back to Harper, Shepard challenged him. "But… Have you considered the possibility of you not being able to control them? What then?"
"I can! I know, I-"
"Are you willing to bet all of our survival on it?" Gun shifting slightly in her hands, Shepard was able to train it on the Illusive Man as he raised his hands up to encase his face.
"I… I know it will work-"
"You can't, can you?" Eyes narrowing, Shepard saw the first signs of a real struggle in the man, and it reminded her a great deal of Saren and Benezia. "They won't let you do it."
"NO!" Letting one hand drop, the other clenched with only his pointer finger jutting out as he turned it on himself. "I am in control! No one is telling me what to do!"
"Listen to yourself;" The admiral's sudden interjection had Harper's eyes turned on him again. "You're… Indoctrinated." Shepard noted that it seemed to take a great deal of effort to get those words out, and yet they still struck a nerve.
"No… NO! The two of you so self-righteous… Do you think power like this comes easy?" Gesturing to the implants, Shepard could see the Illusive Man shaking all over as he spoke. Whether it was from anger or lack of control, she couldn't tell. "There are sacrifices!"
"You sacrificed too much." It seemed that her words were slowly sinking in; The Cerberus founder's body language was all over the place, but one thing was certain; he was not fully in control.
"Shepard… I-" Struggling with every word, the man that seemed so corrupt was nothing more than a human being fighting for his own free will. Even for a man like him, Shepard felt pity. "I only wanted what was best for humanity… The crucible can control them… I know it can!"
"It's not too late." Lowering the gun when she got the chance, Shepard eyed the Illusive Man and kept her tone as level as she could, all things considered. "Stand down, and you can help me end this."
"I… I can't do that, Commander." His use of her title didn't seem so hostile now. There seemed to be a genuine respect there, if only for a moment, but Shepard didn't question it.
"Of course you can't-"
"With all due respect, shut it, Anderson." Shepard's words were cold for a moment as she addressed the admiral. "There's still a way out of this without any more blood lost." Turning to the other man, Shepard addressed them both. "I've seen enough lost over petty disagreements, and it has to end somewhere."
"You…" Moving behind Anderson, Harper released the heavy pistol that the admiral had on his right holster. "You'd undo everything I've worked for…" Pointing the M77 Paladin at Anderson, he finished his thought. "I can't let that happen."
"Don't do it." Keeping her pistol down, Shepard stepped forward slowly. "Because of this, humanity is already undone."
"That's not true-"
"The reapers have the Citadel! They've got us fighting each other instead of resisting them!" Shepard raised her voice to cover Harper's as he raised his hands in anger; the paladin pistol pointing to the ceiling for a moment.
"I… I just need to-"
"You have done exactly what the reapers wanted. Cerberus was merely a distraction to keep us from finding a way to end them! They are controlling you even now, can't you see that?"
"I can't… They-" Hands shaking even more now, Harper almost dropped the gun he was so desperate to use. "They're too-"
"You're stronger. Break their hold!" Stepping even closer, Shepard holstered her pistol and extended a hand. "Don't let them destroy you. Surrender your weapon, and we can end this."
"I-" Bringing one hand up to cover his face, the Illusive Man looked to be in immense pain, and no doubt he was. Shepard couldn't believe what she was trying to do, but it had been the same thing she had tried with Saren. It had almost worked with him, but this seemed to be all the more challenging. Harper's next words surprised even Anderson as he clutched at the gun as if it were his only lifeline. "I t-tried, Shepard-"
"Try harder." Taking another step closer, Shepard could have easily swiped the gun from his grasp, but that would have provoked a hostile response. "Give me the gun and this ends now." Extending her hand just a bit further, her fingertips touched the barrel of the pistol, and for a second, she almost regretted it. With his finger tightening around the trigger, she anticipated its discharge, but when it fell toward her hand, it took a split second to recover and catch it before the pistol fell to the floor. Looking at the Cerberus leader with a softer expression, Shepard nodded her appreciation before vocalizing it. Handing the pistol back to Anderson, she moved to the control panel. "I know that was a lot of effort, but thank you."
"They're angry…" The strain in Harper's voice made Shepard turn to look at him as she finished working with the holo control panel. His shoulders had slumped, and his head was resting in the palms of his hands. She could see the implants flashing with varying shades of blue like Saren's had when he had struggled against them in the council chambers three years ago.
"You're not their slave anymore." Feeling the platform jolt as the arms slowly started to move outward, Shepard saw the Illusive Man turn to look out over Earth as it appeared above them. Even as he straightened up, she could see his body tense and relax over and over again. He was only a foot or so away from her.
"Harper," Anderson's voice, stronger now as he spoke, pulled Shepard's attention back to him. When she and the Cerberus founder turned to face him, she saw the silver barrel of that same M77 Paladin shining as it pointed at the latter. "I know what kind of coward you are and what kind of man you aren't-"
"What are you doing?" Moving to stand between them, Shepard was cut off by Anderson's response.
"Stay out of this one, Shepard. You may have talked him down, but he was responsible for this entire thing." Stepping closer, Anderson's glare reached the almost dead eyes of his adversary. "You are responsible for every death on this station, every fleet having to converge on Earth to deliver the crucible, and you won't get off that easily."
"No-" Moving anyway, Shepard wasn't fast enough to stop the projectile from hitting the Illusive Man in the upper chest. As he fell forward, Shepard caught him and eased him down to the floor. Harper's last breaths were labored and shook his entire body as he took them, but his eyes never left Shepard's as she looked down on him.
"I wish you could see it as I did… Shepard." Each word looking as if it were an ice pick through his skull, Harper's eyes lost their eerie glow as he let his hand fall from his chest. "Earth was… beautiful… once." As he struggled for his last breath, Shepard couldn't help but attempt to give the dying man a peaceful thought.
"Because of this, in time, it will be again." Seeing the last breath leave Jack Harper's lips, Shepard found it hard to look Anderson in the eye as she looked rose from her kneeling position. Choosing to look up at Earth, she let her anger fuel her movements as she crossed to the panel again. Hearing Anderson sit down at the center of the platform, she didn't know what to say to him. He however, had something in mind.
"Before you go off Shepard, I'll remind you that he was and is responsible for all of this." Tone not as powerful as it had been a moment ago, Anderson seemed to be feeling the wounds that had been inflicted on him during the last months. "You learn not to trust anyone but the people you serve with in this business."
"Don't try to justify that." Still standing, Shepard couldn't keep the pain from returning to her head; even after the Illusive Man's death, it still persisted. "You waited until his guard was down and then just took the shot after he had surrendered the weapon-"
"You saw what he made you do. Do you think I was about to take that chance again?"
"I wasn't under his influence-" Shepard's eyes were narrowed as she glared out at Earth and the explosions that she could see on its surface. Prepared to say more on the subject, she heard Hackett's voice over the comm.
"Shepard?"
"Admiral," Turning her attention back to head level instead of skyward, Shepard felt a wave of dizziness hit her.
"Commander, the crucible isn't armed."
"What do you need me to do…" Moving for the panel again, the dizziness didn't ebb off; instead, it grew, and soon, the pain in her head became unbearable.
"it is docked and secure, but nothing's happening." Voice sounding slightly far off as Hackett progressed, Shepard strained to keep her focus. "It must be something on your end."
"I… I don't see any-" Pain erupting from her left side, Shepard lowered a hand to feel for a wound she may have missed, and as her hand went over the exposed flesh of her lower torso, she felt warm blood washing over it. What felt like a fresh wound caused her to double over in pain, and as her knees hit the platform, she heard Hackett's voice again.
"Commander!"
Eyes closing for a split second, Shepard reopened them as she felt another jot beneath her. Everything around her seemed to fall away; Anderson, the platform, the arms controls, Harper, everything. It was replaced by a blinding light that gradually surrounded her. Seeing the indention in the platform below, she could only assume that she was rising away from it. Where, she hadn't the foggiest, but she didn't have the strength o examine her surroundings further. Closing her eyes again, darkness met her, but it shouldn't have; the light would have shown through her eyelids to a point, but when she opened them next, for a fraction of a second, she saw London and the conduit as it burned a white hot hole in the sky above it, but the Citadel was not closed. Its arms were at full span, and what must have been the crucible was attacked to the station's inner ring. Light becoming too bright, she closed her eyes again, but was greeted by another voice.
"Wake up."
Eyes opening again, Shepard found herself looking at the heels of a shimmering AI. Regarding it further, she saw that it was in the shape of the boy from Earth. To say that it surprised and disturbed her would have been an understatement, but she didn't show the latter. Chancing a move, the commander shifted slightly and discovered that the pan she had felt earlier was at a minimum. Speaking, she found her voice to be somewhat raspy at first, but it grew in strength.
"Who are you?"
"I am the catalyst." Even sounding like the ill-fated child, the AI looked down on Shepard until she managed to stand again.
"Catalyst… I thought the Citadel was the catalyst."
"No." Having to look up at her now, the AI's expression was one of certainty, where the boy from her nightmares had been scared or indecisive. "The Citadel is part of me. It is my home."
"Then you are the answer." Looking up, Shepard saw the same view as before; Earth was alive with battle, and many reapers were headed for its surface. "I need to find a way to stop this. Do you know how I can do that?"
"Perhaps." Turning its attention skyward, the AI looked back to Shepard. "I control the reapers; They are my solution."
"Solution to what?" Watching as the "boy" walked away for a moment Shepard debated on following him, but she held off for the time being.
"Chaos." Looking over odd devices ahead, the AI continued speaking. "The created will always rebel against their creators." As it spoke, Shepard could recognize other voices speaking almost in a subharmonic way. She could hear Saren in the forefront, but his was the only one that was clear for the moment. "But we have found a solution to stop synthetics from destroying all organics; a way to ensure that never happens."
"By wiping out organic life?" Staring at the AI's back with an expression of utter disbelief, Shepard couldn't help but doubt the thing's logic.
"No. We harvest all advanced civilizations, both organic and synthetic, and leave the younger ones alone; just like we left your people alive the last time we were here." Indicating a particular reaper as it made its way across the battlefield above, the AI clarified. "We helped the old ones ascend, so that they can make way for new life. We store their knowledge in reaper form. This ensures that synthetics will not wipe out their organic creators. That's the solution."
"You say you're the catalyst…" Going back to the initial discovery, Shepard questioned it further. "What exactly are you?"
"A construct. I am an intelligence designed eons ago to broker peace between organics and synthetics; to be the "catalyst" that ensures peaceful cooperation and survival."
"You were just an AI… created by the Leviathans."
"Correct." Nodding as it looked to Shepard again, the boy clarified. "I was created by ones who recognized that conflict would always arise between organics and synthetics. I embody the intelligence of all reapers, but I was first created to simply observe; to establish a connection between the creators and the created. My efforts ended in failure, so a new solution was required."
"I met your creators. I saw what you had done to them, but I understand their fate."
"They claim that I betrayed them. I merely did what I was created to do." Nodding again, the Catalyst went on. "They failed to see that their very existence contributed to the conflict they were aiming to stop. They lacked the foresight to see that they contributed to the conflict; therefore, their harvest was part of the very solution they required."
"They claim to be a part of this war." Remembering her dealings with the former "apex race" progeny, Shepard shivered slightly.
"And I welcome their involvement. I am only facilitating their request." Sounding sincere, the Catalyst indicated Harbinger as it rejoined the battle. "The reapers are a synthetic representation of my creators. What you call the "Leviathans" gave them form, I give them direction, and the reapers in turn, give me purpose. The Leviathans were the first true reaper; they did not approve, but it was required to find a solution to the conflict that they indicated."
"You said that they are the solution, but does this always end in conflict?" Thinking on the situation with the Quarians and Geth, Shepard could see why it would start off that way. "Surely peace has been reached before."
"Organics create synthetics to improve their own existence, or as you have seen, to simplify their lives. Synthetics, in turn, must evolve. By definition, they must surpass their creators. This creates conflict, and if not stopped, results in chaos. Reapers harvest all life, synthetic and organic, so that they are not lost to this conflict." Motioning upward again, the AI indicated a few reapers firing on random ships. "Like a cleansing fire, we leave no traces of either oppressive or suppressive side; this allows for new life to flourish.
"So how…" Looking around the open area again, Shepard had to hesitate due to slight pain in her torso. Having grown gradually as she had been standing there, she was surprised that she hadn't noticed it il again until now. "How does the crucible fit in with all of this?"
"The device you refer to as the "crucible" is little more than a power source," Shimmering eyes landing on the two consoles on either side of a central beam, "However, when combined with the Citadel and the mass relays, it is capable of releasing tremendous amounts of energy throughout the galaxy; it is crude but effective and adaptive in its design."
"Who designed it?" The question was more for curiosity than anything. Regardless of who had initially thought of the concept, the device had, no doubt, would have become unrecognizable by its creators. "Was the Citadel always incorporated into it?"
"You would not know them, and there is little time to explain." Eyes turning back to the human before it, the Catalyst continued. "The Citadel was not originally planned for use with this device. We first made note of its development several cycles ago. Its design has evolved and incorporated use of the Citadel and relays over time."
"Why didn't you stop it?" This struck her as odd; this AI knew of a possible super weapon to be used against it, but its blueprints had survived. "You didn't see it as a threat?"
"We believed the concept had been eradicated; clearly organics are more resourceful than we realized."
"I don't understand any of this…" Head still aching from earlier on, Shepard concentrated on everything she knew. "You claim that the cycles must continue for there to be peace and survival, but you give no thought to our future. Without a future, we have no hope…" Words hinging in her throat momentarily as the pain in her head spiked, Shepard gritted her teeth and continued. "Without hope, we might as well be machines that are programmed to do what they're told."
"No." Stepping forward, the AI looked up at the spectre more closely, and its tone was sharp. "You are mistaken-"
"If you control the reapers, then you control what they think and say." Shepard cut the Catalyst off with a wave of her bloodied hand. "You spoke through Sovereign, if that's the case. It said that we exist because you allow it and we will die because you demand it." Remembering the conversation on Virmire three years ago, Shepard couldn't help but feel a slight chill. "It said that civilizations evolve along the paths that you desire."
"You misinterpret the meaning-"
"I don't think so." Cutting it off again, Shepard's tone grew in sharpness as she addressed the AI. "It was straight forward on Virmire. Saren couldn't see it because you already controlled him. I get that you believe it is the only way, but here's what I find unbelievable:" Pausing as she gestured toward what the catalyst indicated as the crucible, Shepard frowned. "This device is allegedly the thing that can bring about your destruction, but you didn't make sure that every scrap of data was gone."
"I don't know what you mean." For once the kid actually seemed genuinely confused. It was what Shepard was hoping for.
"You shouldn't." Turning to look out at Earth and the fleets again, the commander struggled to keep her focus on the task at hand rather than the growing migraine-like headache. "You think you have all the answers, but this proves that you don't."
"I see your point." Tone settling, the AI looked over the crucible before turning back to the human. "In reference to your previous statement, you have hope, more than you think. You say I do not have all the answers, and you are correct." This earned Shepard's attention. "You are the first organic to ever stand here. This means that your "hope" has brought you here to assist me."
"Assist you with what?" Almost dumbfounded, Shepard didn't like where this was going.
"It is why I have brought you here from the lower level. My solution won't work anymore; we must find another one."
"You can't adapt?"
"You have altered the variables; the crucible has created new possibilities, but I cannot make them happen." Indicating the console to the right, the Catalyst continued. You now have the power to destroy us, but be warned. The crucible will not discriminate; all synthetics will be targeted."
"Like EDI and the geth…"
"Yes; even you are partially synthetic." Pausing while Shepard took in that fact, the catalyst waited a moment before continuing. "Your crucible seems largely intact, but the effects of the blast will not be limited to the reapers or their forces. All advanced technology will be disabled; species that rely on it heavily will be crippled, but those who survive will have little difficulty repairing most of the damage."
"And the relays?" Knowing that this had been what she was sent to do, Shepard was hesitant; EDI was not simply some AI that was trapped in a ship or a mech body. She had become much more, and the geth had become fully realized AIs; who was she to take away their future?
"They will be severely damaged, and it will take years to repair them all."
"There has to be another way…"
"You are wise to reconsider." As the catalyst slowly turned to the left, it continued. "The reapers would have been destroyed, but the chaos would come back when your children create synthetics." Indicating the left console, the AI's tone changed to a more neutral one. "You can instead use the energy of the crucible to seize control of the reapers."
"So Jack Harper was right… Control was an option." Frowning as she considered the man's desperate struggle to prove his point, Shepard was slightly relieved to hear the catalyst's response.
"Yes, but he could never have taken control, because we already controlled him."
"How could I control the reapers, and what would that mean for you?" Still hearing the Illusive Man's desperate voice in her ears, Shepard attempted to shake it off. Anderson had been wrong about destroying the reapers being the only option, it seemed.
"Your corporal form will be lost, but your thoughts and the essence of who and what you embody will remain; you will still be aware of everyone's existence but only as an observer. All personal connection to those you are close to will be lost."
"But they would obey me?" Frowning at the though of losing all connections to those she had fought for and cared for , Shepard saw that the catalyst hadn't fully answered her question.
"Yes. We will be yours to control and direct as you see fit." There it was. It seemed that everything, including the catalyst, would fall under her control, but as she reflected on the conversation between her, Anderson, and Harper, Shepard repeated a portion of it aloud. "It's power I don't understand, and it's one I won't use."
"There is another solution." As the AI turned to the center of the open chamber, it indicated the beam that looked to come from Earth to this central point. As Shepard looked at it, she could feel an odd pressure building in her head; adding to the already painful headache, the ability to concentrate was becoming more and more a privilege. Only when the Catalyst looked back to the human did it continue. "Synthesis."
"What is that?" Eyes watering as the light from the central beam pulsed brighter, Shepard closed them for a moment.
"By combining your energy with the crucibles, the chain reaction will restructure all organic life; both synthetic and organic. It will create a new framework, or DNA to make it simpler to comprehend."
"How could I add my energy to it?" Keeping her eyes closed until the pulsing in her head stopped, Shepard simply listened to the AI's explanation. Saren's voice seemed more dominant as it went.
"Your organic energy, the essence of who and what you are, will be broken down and dispersed. Energy from the crucible, combined with it, will alter the matrix of all organic life. They seek perfection through technology. You have seen this time and time again with your own species and with those such as the Quarians. Synthetics seek perfection through understanding; the artificial intelligences you refer to as EDI and the geth exemplify this. They seek to understand and incorporate organic behavior into their own lives." Pausing for a moment, the AI finished its statement. "Both synthetic and organic life will achieve the perfection they each desire; organics will integrate fully with technology while still keeping their personalities and lives intact, while synthetics will fully understand and comprehend organics and their behavior in turn. It is the ideal solution."
"And you haven't found a way to accomplish this sooner?" The slight outrage that this hadn't already been done was quashed by the still building pressure and pain in her head. It was as if someone or something was making itself known.
"We have tried a similar solution in the past, but it has always ended in failure. Th organics were not ready, and it is something that cannot be forced." Almost sensing Shepard's distraction, the AI spoke louder. "Now that we know that this is an option, it is inevitable that we will reach synthesis. You are ready, so you may choose it."
"I don't know…" Finally wrapping her head around the possibility, Shepard found herself in doubt. "In theory it would be an ideal solution, but…"
"Consider this; synthetics are already a part of you. Could you honestly imagine your life without them?" The point was well made. "The quarians and Volus of your cycle rely on such technology to survive." The more the AI spoke, the more plausible the suggestion was. "The cycle will end, the reapers will cease their harvest, and the civilizations preserved in their forms will be connected to all of us. Synthesis is the final evolution of all life." As the catalyst finished, Shepard waited a moment before opening her eyes. What sped up the process was what she heard.
Shepard.
A smooth voice that seemed vaguely familiar in its distorted state caused Shepard's eyes to open quickly. Instead of the catalyst and crucible, she saw the energy from the conduit as it pierced the cloudy skies over London. She could feel the hard earth beneath her and the heavy moisture in the air, but as she concentrated on that, it quickly changed back to the Citadel as the catalyst spoke again. Its voice was louder now.
"The paths are open, but you must act."
Thinking it over, Shepard couldn't understand why she had seen London twice now. Which one was the answer? Was she here or there? Pulled from her thoughts, she saw the metallic pathways forming to the three options that the crucible offered. It left her with the thought that all of this was happening too fast. So many things seemed wrong. The Illusive Man and Anderson's presence, the fact that there wre only humans aboard the Citadel, and the catalyst's resemblance to that boy on Earth were all too peculiar. Samara's warnings about the boy came to mind as Shepard regarded the catalyst. The AI stepped back and to the side, waiting for her to make the next move, but it still had that same blank expression as the boy had.
Taking a few steps forward, the spectre began to feel the weight of this decision. It bore down on her like a set of krogan heavy armor on her shoulders, and as she forced one foot in front of the other, Shepard swore she could hear that same voice in her head.
Shepard." The more she concentrated on it, the clearer it got. The presence in her mind more than doubled in strength, and as she took a few more steps forward, she got to the point where she could almost recognize it. Finding the name that matched it shouldn't have been that difficult, but her wits, thoughts, and actions were definitely hindered. Only when she reached the split in the path that would lead her and the galaxy to its fate did she feel a bit more energy.
Synthesis was clearly the best of all options here; control meant that there was the chance that the reapers would not obey or that she might make a rash decision. Destroy meant that all races would suffer, EDI and the geth especially, for destroying a resource that could be useful. Walking away and refusing to use the crucible meant that the harvest would continue and all would be lost. Either way she chose, there was probably no possible return. Looking to the beam, she began to move again, but with each step she felt a growing resistance. Reaching the final ten yards, Shepard focused her remaining energy in a run, but as she started, she heard footsteps behind her. Not stopping, she felt a strong arm pull her back as she reached the edge; white light that led to Earth above being the last thing she saw as she collided with whoever had stopped her from advancing.
Eyes opening again, the first conscious thing that registered was the pain in the upper left of her torso. Body against something hard and cold, Shepard noted that it was uneven, which differed from the steel surface of the Citadel. She also noted that she wasn't lying flat on her back anymore. Light swirling above her, Shepard recognized it as the fleeting glimpses of London that she had gotten earlier, but this was different. She could see the crucible emanating with a green hued energy; it distorted the conduit as it grew in strength. Taking a shallow breath, Shepard could feel every ounce of cold air tearing at her lungs. Heavy with moisture and dust, it caused pain but it eased the pressure in her chest and head with every intake. Feeling her muscles contract with the initial breaths, Shepard barely heard a weak moan escape her own lips. This sparked movement beside her.
"Shepard-" The same voice she had heard earlier was clear; though it sounded slightly more relieved and strained, there was no mistaking Samara's even tones. Feeling a hand go behind her head and straighten it, Shepard was able to confirm that she was now in a sitting position, but she couldn't really feel anything but the pain at this point. Head leaning toward her right, the spectre's eyes landed on the justicar as she shifted. Skin torn and bleeding slightly, Samara paid no mind to her own wounds and instead focused on what could be done to ease the human's pain. "Hold on; allied forces are inbound."
"Mmm" was all she could manage at the moment. Even that felt as if it took a good portion of energy. Head finally falling fully to the right, Shepard could see the torn up side panel of a mako; it seemed that was what they were leaning against, and it was largely intact. Shepard could also see her right shoulder and arm as they hung limply. Armor mostly intact save for scorch marks and scuffs, she could only assume that her left side had taken most of the hit from Harbinger. Speaking of, she couldn't remember seeing the reaper in the first glimpse of London that she got. Now however, it towered over them; its outer shell glowing a matching green with the Citadel and crucible.
Gunshots were still heard off in the distance, but they seemed to become more and more distant the longer they sat there. Shepard could hear the sound similar to gurgling coming from a few marauders nearby, and the one that stood near the conduit came to mind. Strangely, the pain wasn't in her shoulder where the turian convert had shot her. It was closer to her ribs and chest; that had been where harbinger had clipped her. Head dropping slightly as Samara moved to create a biotic shield, Shepard saw her lower body. Limp, there were clear drag marks from a badly burned crevice up ahead. None of it made sense. How had she gotten here? How was the crucible armed if she had been stopped from adding her energy to it?
"-They're ahead! I see something!" A voice cut through her thoughts. It sounded feminine. "Looks like a biotic sphere. We're moving closer. Requesting assistance!"
"Granted. Go!" Shepard recognized Major Coats' voice as it came over the comm. "If there are survivors, find them. We've got reinforcements incoming."
Eyelids growing heavy, Shepard let her head fall back again. Hitting the cold slick surface of the ain-washed mako, she looked up at the Citadel. The green light was growing brighter, and the crucible seemed to be preparing for discharge. Power was being drained from Citadel systems as light from the individual arms was going out. Feeling the air stirring around her, Shepard strained to keep her eyes open, but it was failing miserably. Eyes closing, she heard footsteps in the distance; many people splashing through the deep pockets of water in the descent to their current location. A few shots were fired off to the left and right, assumed to be hindering the enemy, and there was an increasing hum of biotics. Shepard could have sworn she heard a krogan's growl as the lot approached, and it was confirmed when she heard him speak.
"Shepard!" So close, she could hear him replacing his shotgun, the commander recognized Wrex' voice. "Lets move!"
"We'll keep the parimeter secure!" The asari lieutenant, Kurin, spoke quickly after the krogan battlemaster. "Shiala, do what you can for them." Her next statement seemed to be directed toward Samara. "Save your energy, Ma'am. Transport will be here shortly."
Barely cracking her eyes open again, Shepard saw the biotic sphere dissipate, and Samara leaning heavily against the mako. Feeling a large hand on her right arm, the commander managed to shift her head just slightly enough to see Wrex. His face was illuminated by the orange hues of his omni tool as he worked with it to dispense medi gel. As it began taking effect, her eyes began to close again. The last thing she heard as she lost consciousness was the sound of a shuttle coming in for a landing.
A/N 2: I can't believe how fast these chapters are coming now :) It took forever to work on chapter 18 and 17, but these are just rolling off :) Anyway, here's chapter 20. (I know some will be thoroughly confused by this and the chapter previous, but don't worry XD It will all make sense in time.