Chapter Twenty: Owning up
Salem University Hospital, Rm #357
Sami sat up in the hospital bed, taking a deep breath. They finally trusted her enough to not harm herself or anyone else, and unbound her. She couldn't have gotten through the last week without her mother and Lexie. She could've died. How had her life come to this? How had she let some man slip into her life, poison her repeatedly, abuse her and her children, push the love of her life away, and convince herself he was the second coming? She barely survived this train wreck.
She blinked; did she really just think that? No, she shook her head. EJ was not the love of her life, he was… he was… something, but not that.
Salem U would release her to her own recognizance today, but she had to continue the therapy, and the drug treatment. She agreed, and she would continue, until she left the country that is…
"Sami?"
Her head jerked toward the door, Lexie smiled at her. "Hi."
"How are you feeling?"
Sami rolled her eyes, "I'm feeling like I want everyone to stop asking me that."
"Good… sounds about right." Lexie said, "You're release forms are almost ready, Marlena is going to take you home… I'm really proud of you Sami, I mean it. You've come really far, and made some really great progress."
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Sami asked, "Not as a doctor-patient thing, as mother to mother?"
"Sure."
Sami bit her lip, "Do you…do you think EJ did the right thing?"
By the look on her face, Sami knew that was obviously not the question she expected. Lexie's brow knit together, and she looked like she was choosing her words very, very carefully.
"I think he thinks he was doing the right thing." She said, "He knew something was wrong, and his first instinct was to protect the children… as a father, you couldn't ask for more than that." She held her chart to her chest, "on the surface, it seems like a selfish act, but I really believe he thinks he rescued them."
Sami nodded. It hurt, but Lexie was right. EJ knew something was wrong, he knew all was not as it seemed. She couldn't remember, but he probably tried to tell her on more than one occasion and she just couldn't listen. Rafe destroyed her life. Every single thing about it, and she didn't even know why? Why had he chosen her? What made him choose Allie? Was it all just to get at the DiMera's? Everything about her life for the last 3 years was a big fat lie… except for EJ and how did she repay him? With a bullet to the brain!
Her whole body shuddered at the thought, how could she have shot him? Even under the influence of Rafe's cocktail, how could she shoot the father of her children in the head while he lay unconscious? It would be one thing if he had truly been threatening her, or even coming after her, then shooting him would have been justified. How had she convinced herself she was in the right?
"Sami?"
She looked up, "Hmm?"
"You alright?" Lexie looked concerned all of a sudden, "Where did you go just now?"
She reached out with a Kleenex, Sami took it, but didn't understand why it was being offered until a hot tear landed on her hand. She wiped her face, when had she started crying?
"I'm fine…" She said, "I was just thinking …about the kids."
"Alright, I'll go check on your papers okay, Marlena should be here to take you home any time now… she told me about 4 o'clock."
"Thanks." Sami answered, "Lexie…"
Lexie stopped in the doorway and turned back toward her, "Yeah?"
"Thank you… I mean it." She said, "I know… I know what would've happened if you hadn't been there." She shook her head, "And after all the horrible things I've done… you still helped me."
"You're welcome, Sami." She smiled and joked, "Don't make me regret it."
xxx
"Sami, honey, you don't have to do this… you can come back to the townhouse and stay with John and I."
"I have to do this."
She stood staring at the loft door, stared at the 4B so long her eyes blurred. Sami had to go in, she had to face this, and own up to the things that happened here. She had a few things to collect, and then she'd never step foot in this place again.
Her hand shook as she twisted the knob; she pushed, and let the door swing open. Her mother had apparently come back and cleaned up, because the place damn near sparkled.
"You shouldn't have." Sami said.
"Well," Marlena sighed, "Honey, I didn't want you to come home to that mess."
"But it was my mess… another one of my messes."
She stood in the open doorway for several minutes, just looking at the items in the living room. They were her things, all of it, but nothing felt like it belonged to her in this place. She though it had been such a sweet, wonderful gesture when Rafe had everything taken out of storage and set up in here as a surprise. More lies.
How would she ever trust anyone ever again?
"Sami."
"No, mom." She put her hand up, "I have to do this."
She took a deep breath, and stepped into the loft. Sami went into her bedroom, and picked up her purse from the dresser, it contained all the things she had to have. She looked around the room, at her things, and at Rafe's things. Sami clutched her bag, and left the room, there was nothing in there she wanted. Nothing. She could buy new shoes and clothes, items that didn't have memories attached to them.
Sami stepped into Johnny's room; her eyes scanned the room for anything important she must take for him. That stupid fucking penguin sat on his bed, laughing at her.
She turned to leave, and something on his dresser caught her eye, carefully hidden beneath one of the boxes. Sami moved the little decorative box; her eyes welled with tears again. She picked up the 5x7 of the family portrait EJ had arranged for them before they tried to get married the last time. They all looked so happy, she knew that's all Johnny wanted… mommy and daddy, and brother and sisters, all together. She ruined that too.
Next she went into the girl's room.
She sat down on Allie's bed, collecting her little ladybug pillow, and crushed it to her chest. How would she ever look her daughter in the face again?
"Sami…?"
"Here…" She quickly wiped her face, "Allie and Sydney's room."
"Honey." Marlena came into the room, and sat down on the bed next to Sami, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "We'll get through this… I will help you get through this."
"How could this happen right under my nose?"
"There were a lot of outside factors, Sami, that you didn't have control of. You can't control what other people do."
"But I should've known." She said, "I think Allie tried to tell me, and just didn't even listen to her."
"You couldn't listen to her, sweetie, you were being drugged."
"That's no excuse." She said, "I mean sure they played a part, but I should've known something wasn't right with my daughter. I've done such awful things! I let Rafe into our lives without even bothering to learn anything about it, I just used him to push EJ away… without even thinking of any kind of consequences!"
"Well, Rafe deceived us all."
"But I MARRIED him, without even bothering to dig into any of his background, because he would get mad at me anytime I asked, and then leave. And, I needed him to avoid my feelings for EJ, I couldn't have him leave." She could hear her voice rising, but couldn't control her tone. "Nothing I did was right!"
"Feelings… for EJ?" Marlena asked curiously.
Sami looked away from her, and finally she admitted the truth. "I did love EJ."
"Did?" Marlena shifted into Doctor mode before Sami's eyes, "And how do you feel now?"
"I… I don't know." Sami looked at her feet, "it doesn't matter… I was horrible to him, I took his children from him – ripped them from him. I pranced around with a douche bag, the same way I flaunted Lucas. I sho-" she caught herself before admitting she shot him, she wasn't sure her mother knew she'd done that. "I hurt him… over and over."
"Just as he hurt you, over and over."
"But I kept this cycle of hate and revenge going." Sami admitted, "I pushed him… and I knew if I kept pushing him, he'd react."
"Why do you think you did that?"
"To make him do something to prove he was all the things I claimed he was… to make him seem like a bigger monster than me. He wouldn't have ever done any of it if it weren't for me and the things I've done."
"You mean kidnapping Sydney?"
No, she meant shooting him, remorselessly, but she wasn't going to admit that. "Yeah."
"Sami-"
"No… mom," She stood up abruptly, "I have to get out of here."
As quickly as she could manage, she fluttered out of Allie and Sydney's room. She rounded the corner toward the kitchen, and leaned on the counter.
Marlena came up behind her, "Is there anything else you want?"
"No." Sami said, looking away from her. She saw the travel brochures in the wastebasket. "Actually mom… there's a little blanket in Sydney's room, one side's shiny pink satin, and the other is fleece… I'd like to have that… I need her smell."
"Alright."
She waited for her mother to leave the room, and then plunged her hand into the garbage for the travel brochures. Sami stuffed them into her purse, her fingers touched the rubber banded wad of cash she'd forgotten about. She had plans to make, and she needed to get away from her mother to do it.
"Okay sweetie," Marlena came back with Sydney's pink blankie, "Where would you like to go?"
"I think I'll just get a room at the Salem, for right now… while I look for a place to say."
She nodded, "At least let me drive you."
Sami smiled, "Absolutely."
xxx
"Sami," Justin said, "I've gotta say I'm really surprised to see you here."
"I know…" She blew out a hard breath, "I know, but I couldn't go to uncle mickey's firm… not with this."
"I'm surprised Rafe's defense is okay with this? If anything, they'd want you to stand strong next to him… especially since he's pleaded not guilty."
She looked around Justin's office, which looked like the rest of the Kiriakis Mansion. She had to be honest; this place was just as creepy as the DiMera Mansion, what was that about? Sami wondered how many times her asshole husband came here to meet with Victor, while parading around as god's gift to Salem.
"Well… I haven't exactly ran it past them," Sami but her lip, "And… me standing strong next to him would have worked better if he hadn't been drugging me consistently for the last 3 years so he could abuse my daughter."
Justin looked taken aback. "You think the allegations are true?"
"I know they are."
"Did he make a confession?"
"I don't need a confession, I almost died going through the withdrawal because of what he did. I don't know about Allie… but I've seen the pictures." She leaned on his desk, "Will you help me divorce the fucker or not?"
"I think we can get an annulment on the grounds of fraud and defect of consent," He nodded, "We can draw up the paperwork now if you'd like?"
"I'd like."
xxx
Salem Inn, 3 days later
Sami stared at the travel brochures, lying next to the brand new laptop she purchased. She would find that son of a bitch, and her children. Nothing would stop her, not the SPD, not her mom and dad, not her soon to be ex-husband or his stupid lawyer, not the FBI, and definitely not the fear churning deep inside her.
She worried she'd get there, find them, and none of them would want to see her. Who knows what kinds of things EJ was filling their sweet little heads with? Why would he say anything good? She and Rafe certainly hadn't.
Her cell phone rang; Sami checked the caller ID and ignored it. Rafe's lawyers calling again…
The alert for the new voicemail sounded, she hesitated. What she really wanted to do was just delete it; it probably said the same thing the other three messages said anyway, but she tapped the button to listen.
"Good evening Mrs. Hernandez-"
"BRADY." She yelled at the phone.
"This is Rachel, from Brown, Winston, & Cash, the office representing your husband for his legal case. Mr. Hernandez has given us some information regarding a bank account to be used as payment, however, the funds don't seem to be available… if you could, please contact me to resolve this matter…" blah, blah, blah, Sami hit the delete button.
With any luck the prick would end up with a public defender, and then he'd really be fucked.
Right now, she had to focus on EJ; she didn't have time to worry about Rafe's shit. God, what had she been thinking? In what world would a woman choose that jerk over a man like EJ? Sami felt like she must've slipped into some kind of alternate reality, and she just made her way out of it.
Mexico, Africa, or South America?
Mexico was too easy; he wouldn't have gone there. Africa, maybe, but the info Bo had on the DiMera flight plan led to the Ivory Coast – which she now knew was also in Africa, and that also meant he wouldn't have gone there… it had to be South America.
She clicked on the web browser, and typed in Caracas, opening Google maps. South America? Why would he choose South America? She wracked her addled brain, there had to be something she overlooked.
"Oh my god!" She remembered something EJ told her a long, long time ago! "Yes! Oh, d'uh Sami!"
She immediately searched for the next available flights; there was only one airport in Caracas, so no doubt that's where they landed. However, there were several hoighty-toighty resort hotels to choose from… but she'd worry about that when she got there.
Sami booked a flight, set to leave in the next four hours. All she had to do now was collect her meager belongings, and make it over to the airport without anyone finding out. That should be easy; people hopped planes in the middle of the night all the time, right?
Piece of cake!