THANKYOU FOR THE REVIEWS. SORRY IT WAS A BIT SAD. x
Nikki swallowed hard as Lola still stood in the doorway. Looking down at her, hurt and humiliated. Nikki wished she cared and knew she should but all she could think about was Lorraine and how she should be with her right now. As bad as she felt about how she'd treated Lola, she just wanted this over and done with as fast as possible.
"So?" Lola finally sat down next to a silent Nikki. "You know... I wasn't too bothered about you accidentally saying Lorraine last night... I thought it was a genuine mistake... we'd been drinking, spent the evening with her and I thought it was just a slip of the tongue... I've come round here to tell you it's fine, I don't mind... But it's not fine. Is it?" Lola looked down at her hands.
"No. I love her Lola. I can't apologise for that. I won't." Nikki was straight to the point. She really didn't have the time or headspace for this.
"So what was I then?" Lola frowned looking straight into Nikkis eyes, searching for emotion that just wasn't there.
"I guess... I guess I thought you could help me get over her but-" Nikki shrugged
"Wait a minute... It's Lorraine? She's the ex who ruined your life?" The penny finally dropped for Lola.
"Yeah but it wasn't that simple. I was angry when I told you about it all. Still hurting." Nikki wished she'd never opened up to Lola. Looking at her, she felt nothing.
"She'll do it again Nikki. She'll hurt you. I'd never do anything to upset you. I love you." Lola held Nikkis hand desperately searching all over Nikkis face.
"I'm so sorry Lola. I should never have lead you on." Nikki shook her head and pulled her hand away.
"You might learn to love me too though. At least I'm safe, at least you know how much I love you." Lola pleaded trying to hold Nikkis hand again but Nikki stood up, moving away from her, turning her back on her.
"But I don't want safe. I want Lorraine." Nikki wiped her hands on her pants as if she needed to get any evidence of Lolas touch gone. Guiltily feeling like it was a form of cheating.
"You'll come back. You will. We're meant to be together Nikki." Lola spoke cooly. Scarily so. With that she was gone. Nikki watched her walk down the path through the window and breathed a sigh of relief when she was out of sight.
Lorraine was sitting on the balcony. Drinking a glass of wine, closing her eyes as the warm liquid hit her throat and burned down her chest. She felt so much better after telling Nikki. Like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders Well half of it, because they were going to deal with it together. As a couple. Despite everything else, that made Lorraine smile. She trusted Nikki completely and if she said it was going to be ok, then maybe she was right. People do beat Cancer. They do. Everyday. Maybe, just maybe Lorraine would be one of the lucky ones. She knew one thing for sure, now that she had Nikki, she wasn't going to give up without a fight. She finally had something to live for. Her money, properties, businesses, they meant nothing to her and she'd give them all up tomorrow if it would buy her more time with Nikki. Nikki. Lorraines heart went out to her right now. She knew Nikki wasn't the confrontational type and would be hating having to explain herself to Lola. Lorraine wondered if she was right to have left... maybe she should've stayed? Helped her explain... Apologise to Lola. Perfect, healthy, smiley Lola. Ugh. Lorraine suddenly felt a pang of jealousy at them being alone together.
"Get a grip, Lorraine" Lorraine shook her head and poured another glass of wine. Nikki wouldn't cheat on her. She loved her. Unless she was so freaked out by the Cancer bombshell, upset, and Lola was there to comfort her? Lorraine tutted at her over active imagination. Nikki was hers and she was Nikkis. Properly this time. For keeps. She wished she was there though, the longer she was parted from Nikki, the harder keeping the big C word at the back of her mind was. She had so many questions... Why her? Was she being punished for something? What if the lumpectomy didn't work? She'd have to have more treatment... would she lose her hair? Before Lorraine knew it, tears were streaming down her face. She didn't want to put Nikki through this, but she knew she had no choice, Nikki knew now and would be there for her no matter what. Lorraine was so grateful for that but also so sad that they'd wasted so much time apart. All her own fault and it angered her.
Lorraine picked up her phone for the tenth time to check if Nikki had text. She'd been ages, it can't take that long to tell someone it's over... She hadn't text and Lorraine was starting to panic. Regret telling her. She opened another bottle of wine, she probably didn't need to, her head was already spinning and the alcohol wasn't numbing her like it should. It was making everything seem ten times worse. She looked at herself in the mirror. Still in her dress, hair pinned up. Immaculate, except for her face. Black lines of sadness covering her cheeks. She was about to wipe them off but was interrupted by the doorbell. Ugh. She didn't want to see anyone and was certain it would be Sonya, come round to gush about Zeb. She decided to ignore it but the noise was getting louder and louder.
"For gods sake" Lorraine muttered under her breath and made her way to answer it. Swaying slightly and realising just how drunk she was. She opened the door with a heavy heart. A heart that fluttered back alive when she saw Nikki smiling down on her.
"Hello gorgeous." Nikki stepped towards Lorraine and wiped away the black smudges on her cheeks.
"I wasn't expecting you to come over?" Lorraine leaned her head into Nikkis chest with a smile.
"Leave you on your own? You don't get rid of me that easily." Nikki stroked down Lorraines back. "You look exhausted. Lets go to bed" Nikki took Lorraines hand, taking contol, leading her to the bedroom.
Neither having the energy to even undress, they lay in bed, Nikki spooning Lorraine, holding her tightly, she kissed her neck once and they both closed their eyes. Lorraine holding Nikkis hand that was wrapped around her. They drifted into a peaceful sleep. Holding each other as if they would drift apart, as if their lives depended on it. For Lorraine right now, it did.