Chapter 20: Memories

Tony doesn't remember how long he was there for; crying over Jarvis's corpse but it must have been quite awhile anyway. He's spent the rest of the day tinkering in the lab, fixing up the device that will let him see all of Jarvis's memories. Dr. Banner had long since retired to bed and now it was just him in the lab. To think that for them everything had come to a close already with the Kaiju Master destroyed and the portal in the rift sealed forever, peace reined the earth now.

He fixed the last screw on the headgear that he had created. It looked sturdy enough. He picked it up, that along with the little memory chip that contained all of Jarvis's memories, Tony slotted the memory chip into the device at the front of the headgear, a memory reader as he had come to call it. He packs up the rest of the tools, picking up the memory reader. He turns off the lights in the lab, headed back for his room.

He opens the door, looking at the room. It is dark and empty. Tony steps inside, closing the door behind him. His right shoulder is aching where the stab wound is. To think just this morning he had been sleeping in bed with Jarvis curled up in his arms. His vow to protect him…had been for nothing because Jarvis had gone and gotten himself killed anyway.

Tony was about to settle down on the lower bunk bed when he saw a white piece of paper on the desk opposite the bunks. His eyes lit up. Tony set the memory reader down on the mattress as he crossed the room, going over to the desk. He picked up the note, pulled out the swivel chair and sat heavily down in it. On the front of the piece of paper was his name 'Tony' written in Jarvis's neat scrawl.

He unfolded the piece of paper and his eyes scanning the page now:

Dearest Tony,

I'm sorry that I had to go against you like that. But I needed to protect you Tony. I didn't want him to destroy you like I know what he's capable of. Loki is evil and I want to protect you from that evil. You need to know that what I did was of my own accord so should anything happen, DO NOT blame yourself. Do not blame yourself for anything that happened to me Tony. You probably still are so stop it.

Don't blame Steve either. I wanted him to help me; I needed him to help me to protect you. Being a co-pilot is like being one's partner for life and I'm so happy that you chose me to be your co-pilot. I regret nothing at all. There's not much to talk about since you already know so much about me. Each time we Drift, I'm sure you can feel it, my emotions. I'm sure you can hear all my thoughts. Like you, I'm glad it was you who was in my head and not any one else.

If you're reading this and I'm still alive, then come and look for me, I need to tell you something very important; something that you probably already know but just want to hear me say it out loud.

Yours forever,

Jarvis

Tony blinked back the tears that had gathered in his eyes, sighing he folded up the letter once more as he leaned back in the chair.

"Being a co-pilot is like being one's partner for life," Tony murmured staring down at his name scrawled across the front of the letter, "Well what happens when your partner for life is gone, forever?" he said bitterly to no one at all, "You don't have anything to remember him by. There were too many things that were left unsaid; too many things that they had never mentioned, apologies that went unsaid, what then?"

Tony lugs his tired body over to the bunk bed, falling into it. He puts on the memory reader, pulling the pillow out from under his head; he curled up on his side, hugging it close to him. It smelt like Jarvis and he buried his nose in the scent. Well the moment was here, he had finally finished putting together Jarvis's memories after the long years of work and with a little help from Dr. Banner recently here and there, it was complete. He'd never actually stopped working on trying to get Jarvis's memories back. And it is only now, only after Jarvis is dead does he get to see Jarvis's memories of their past.

He presses the button on the little device on the front of the headgear and it feels just like the Drift as he lets his mind meld to Jarvis's memories. Images flit through his mind, images that are Jarvis's memories. He is looking at things through Jarvis's eyes, seeing the same scenarios through Jarvis's eyes and feeling the same feelings that Jarvis too had once upon a time felt.

Each action Jarvis had performed out of loyalty, out of love. Every time Jarvis came to look for him it was because he sought his company and yearned to be close to him. Jarvis didn't mind being a servant, a butler, if it meant being close to him. And every time Jarvis had looked at him, he could feel Jarvis's love spreading through his body. He focused on one memory now the one of their first kiss.

It was late at night now and Tony had called for him. Jarvis knew what this was about now and he smiled to himself as he entered the young man's room.

"Yes sir? You called for me?" he asked, seeing Tony in bed already, dressed in a random band shirt and his drawstring sweat pants as his pajamas. Jarvis thought he looked sexy like that, the shirt's collar gaping open, his hair tousled like that.

"Come in, close the door," he heard himself say and Jarvis did so, a feeling of excitement spreading through his body. He calmed himself though as he moved to stand at Tony's bedside.

"What did you want to see me for sir?"

"Will you drop that? It's just the two of us here."

"Yes Tony?" Jarvis asked, making the other boy smile.

"Sit…I um…wanted to talk to you about what happened this morning."

Oh…this morning. He could still remember how he had shut Tony up with a kiss. He didn't know why but he just went ahead and did it and he'd liked it. Jarvis moved and sat on the edge of the bed, and Tony reached for his hand. Jarvis licked his lips in anticipation as the boy moved closer towards him. He wanted to kiss Tony again. He seriously wanted to.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"Because I felt like it," Jarvis replied.

It felt so strange to watch through Jarvis's eyes as a younger version of himself leaned in to kiss him. He could feel the wave of emotions that washed through Jarvis when their lips met, the passion, the love, the need. It had been so wildly sweet, their first kiss. After which Tony remembered asking Jarvis to stay the night and sleep in his bed.

Tony is lulled off to sleep as Jarvis's memories play in his head like dreams and with each passing memory he realizes that all this time, all the while, they were in love.

They were always in love they just never got to say it out loud to each other.

If anyone else was in the room that night, they might have seen a figure in the room as well. A figure that looked just like Jarvis but they would be too scared to approach it.

Jarvis is shocked at what he sees in the reflection of the mirror. A transparent body is what he has. He reached to touch the mirror but his fingers just pass through the mirror. Ghosts do not have matter…they are made up of ectoplasm and are therefore intangible and not substantial.

Looking across the room, he sees Tony asleep in bed and he sits himself on the edge of the mattress that Tony is sleeping on, well floats at the edge of the mattress that is. He looks down at Tony as he sleeps. A weird device on his head, Jarvis reaches his fingers to brush against Tony's cheek. He was unable to touch him though, being a ghost now. He could do nothing more but to watch as his fingers passed through Tony's flesh. The sleeping man mutters something incomprehensible and burrows further down in bed.

It had been his last wish to visit Tony and here he was by the grace of whatever forces at work.

"Good thing you're sleeping Tony," Jarvis murmured as he continued to watch Tony sleep, letting his fingers run through the length of Tony's arm, still unable to touch him. "I hope you'll be alright Tony. You're going to pick yourself up and be strong and continue living do you hear me?" Tony's only reply is a soft snore.

He leaned in close to Tony now, if his body was substantial, his lips would have been brushing by Tony's ear, "I wanted to tell you that I love you Tony Stark, I always have."

Tony seemed to respond to his words even in his sleep as he moved closer towards him and Jarvis smiled down at him, his heart…if ghosts had hearts, ached at the sight of the man he loved, sleeping before him. Out of his reach.

"Who knows you might actually build a machine that can substantiate a ghost's body in the future, huh Tony?" Jarvis murmured, smiling as he felt his vision blur with tears – if ghosts can cry that is. "I'll be waiting for that day you know. So you better make it quick," he said as he swiped his hand across his eyes, making the tears go away.

"But until then, I'll be your guardian angel."

-FIN-