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Jay's POV
"So they finally scheduled a shutdown?" Hank asks, letting out a long sigh, a rare smile pulling at his lips. "When?"
Mouse looks up from his computer screen, and the entire bullpen turns to him expectant, waiting to hear what he has to say.
"In two days."
"Is the virus ready to go?" Hanks asks.
Mouse nods. "Yes."
Hank looks pleased, nodding his head, the harsh lines of his face softening ever so slightly
"So how are we going to play this?" Antonio asks.
"Once we have access to their security network, we can disable it and begin our take down from the inside, bottom up. We have the blueprint and now we have the access. They won't see us coming."
"While we were looking at the blueprint, Kev and I found another pipeline from the outside that leads to the Aedes," Ruzek chimes in. "It's a hidden HVAC system that is no longer in use. They replaced it a couple of years back, but didn't tear down the old ducts." He pauses and walks up to the board and point to the blueprint. "Right there. it's smaller than the other pipe, but big enough for Erin to crawl inside."
Erin and I quickly exchange glances, before she smiles up at him. "Yeah. That's doable, but—"
"You won't need to worry about being infected this time," he adds playfully.
"Oh, right. Yeah. That too," she says.
Hank doesn't say anything, but looks pointedly between Erin and I. We figure we should probably come right out with it. They are family. They should know too.
Erin pushes herself up slowly from her desk. "I need to tell you guys—"
"We need to tell you guys something," I interject and she smiles warmly at me. Her cheeks are pink; her eyes, soft and glowing with a bit of apprehension. I walk to where's she is standing and reach for her hand and bring it to my lips.
"If you're going to tell us you're together, don't' bother. We know," Ruzek says jokingly, and of course everyone chuckles lightheartedly.
"It's not that," Erin says. "We consider you guys family and we wanted to tell you before rumors start."
"We also ask that this doesn't leave intelligence," I add.
"Ya'll are making me nervous. Just come out with it," Kevin says.
Erin appears to be drawing into herself, the skin tightening across her cheekbones. After a short pause, Erin says, "I'm pregnant."
The room falls completely silent. You could hear a pin drop. The only sound I'm aware of is my heart thumping in my chest.
"Pregnant?" Kevin says, breaking the silence. "Like, for real?"
We nod.
"I'm a few weeks into my second trimester," Erin adds, with an uncharacteristic shyness to her voice.
"T-That's wild," Ruzek says. "And It just happened?"
Erin nods. "We didn't know it was possible…"
"But this is good news, right?" Ruzek says, looking around at others for confirmation.
Erin smiles. "It's good news."
Everyone comes around and gives us congratulatory hugs and pats on our backs. The mood is light and happy. I smile and accept everyone's cheerful words, Erin too. Her face is suddenly freed from the little cloud of worry that had hovered there a minute ago. I watch her hand caress the still mostly flat surface of her belly as though it is our baby's skin she is touching, rather than her own.
"There's one more thing," I say and I get everyone's attention again. I look at Erin and the smile fades from her lips, and she adopts my serious demeanor like a mirror. She knows what I'm about to say.
"Don't tell me it's twins?" Ruzek ventures. "Triplets?"
"No," I shake my head, my mood sinks, and it is probably showing on my face because everyone turns serious too.
"What? Is everything okay?" Alvin asks.
"Everything is fine. Dr. Manning has been really gracious and is making sure we are healthy and well," Erin says.
I feel Erin squeeze my hand, her way of encouraging me to continue. My voice comes out in a whisper, "The baby is a donor. Type O, like me."
It takes a moment for this piece of information to be digested, and the implications to sink in. It gets quiet in the pen again. A kind of solemn atmosphere, though. Erin hugs her midsection tighter.
"This also needs to stay between us. And only us," Hank says. "If the Aedes gest a whiff of this baby's existence, they won't hesitate coming after it."
Everyone nods.
"I-I an truly sorry to put you guys in this position," I say apologetically. "You didn't sign up for this. I know it's dangerous and I know we are asking a lot—"
"I know you'd put your life on the line to protect my kids," Antonio pipes up. "I won't hesitate to do the same for yours."
"Me too," Alvin says.
"Count me in," Kevin adds.
"We won't let anything happen to him. Or her," Ruzek says.
As I hear their words, my chest squeezes tighter and tighter. I'm stand in reverent awe at their unselfish support. Not even my own blood family could have showed me the same solace.
"It's a her," Erin adds quietly, eyes watery, probably mirroring my own.
"A girl?" Ruzek asks.
She nods.
"Well, good thing her uncle here is a good shot," Ruzek says, pointing both thumbs at himself. "Don't worry, I'll keep the suitors away."
"Suitors? What century are you from?" Kevin asks.
We all laugh and hug again and Erin brakes into silent, albeit happy, tears. She's been a champion through all of this. Ever since we found out the baby was a donor, I've been tormented by my own thoughts, trapped inside my own mind, while she's been a quiet beacon of optimism. I try to shut the pessimism from my head but I can't. All I can think about is this baby being ripped from us.
For a while my story was my own. But now there are two protagonists and another five supporting characters, and I fear the end that was meant only for me will be shared by everyone.
The bullpen meeting is adjourned and we all go our separate ways, doing our routine jobs around the Refuge. Erin retreats to the greenhouse, while I help patrol canvas the Refuge.
Around midday when the sun is at its highest, I get a message from Hank - he wants to see me. I venture back inside and am greeted by the cool air-conditioned air. I go up to the pen and his office door is open. I knock and simultaneously poke my head inside.
"You wanted to see me?" I ask.
"Yeah. Come in," he waves me in from behind his desk.
"How's Erin?"
"She's good. Dr. Manning is keeping a close eye on her," I reply.
"Mmmphm." He nods. "How are you holding up?"
I think before I answer, pondering on how honest I should be. "I'm scared. I worry I won't be able to protect them. The Aedes won't hesitate coming after my girls."
Hank nods. "We'll keep them out of sight for as long as possible. No one will think Erin is pregnant. It will be the last thing they'll suspect. If word gets out, we'll make a formal announcement to quench the rumors. We won't mention she's a donor."
"Shouldn't they know, though? This affects them too. Full disclosure is always the best policy."
"Not here," Hank says with a hint of finality in his voice. "This stays in intelligence."
I nod, watching Hank look down on his hands, turning them over though looking for something hidden in the lines of his palms. His face is expressionless as usual, but the crinkled eyelids twitch at the corners. I have a feeling our wellbeing is not why he called me up here to discuss.
"Is this why you called me up here?"
Hank stands up and turns on his heel and pauses, thoughtfully, as though considering his words. "Did you talk to anyone when you went to Cicero?"
"Not really, as soon as I got to the center of town Erin was coming down the hill, Bunny trailing behind her," I say.
"So you met Bunny," he asks pointedly.
"Only briefly. We exchange pleasantries nothing more. There was no time for formal introductions. All my focus was on bringing Erin home."
Hank stands with his hands on his hips. I don't fail to see the worry-lines growing deeper across his features.
"What? What is it?" I ask.
"Does she know you are the father?"
"I'm can't see why she wouldn't think so."
Hank shut his eyes and begins to inhale and exhale deeply.
"What?" I ask again, feeling a cold dread fill my gut. "What are you not telling me?"
"I don't trust Bunny as far as I can throw her. She won't think twice before selling you out."
"What do you mean? She doesn't even know I'm a donor, and has no reason to suspect that I'm."
Hank digs through his desk and pulls out a piece of paper. Although there is no picture, there's a good sketch of my face and all my identifiers are listed. Suddenly, I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. I even let out a weird yelping sound from my throat and my eyes grow wide. I glance nervously at the paper and then back at Hank.
"The hunters have been circling this around the settlements."
I sink into the chair, defeated, deflated, and immobile. "She knows about the baby," I say, understanding where Hank is getting at. "Would she sell out her own daughter, though?"
Hank scoffs. "It wouldn't be the first time."
My dad and Bunny should meet. They seem to have a lot in common.
"Can we just ask for her silence?" I ask, desperation creeping into my voice.
"It won't be cheap." Hank say, pulling a backpack from underneath his desk. I don't even have to ask him where's he is headed.
"You shouldn't go alone," I tell him. "At least take Ruzek or Atwater with you."
"I'll manage," he says. "Don't tell anyone where I went, specially Erin."
"Radio in if there's any trouble."
He nods. "I should be back by sunrise."
"Hank…" He stops and looks back. "Thank you," I tell him.
He pats me on the back wordlessly and leaves.
x
In the end of the day, I find Erin sitting on the fence outside the greenhouse wrapped in a shawl. The air is chilly with a hint of the coming winter. She's not aware when I approach until I wrap my arms from behind her. She smells like the fresh herbs from the garden - of parsley, basil, and cilantro.
"I could see you shivering from the door," I tell her, taking her cold hands in mine. She nestles back against me, shuddering. "You could catch a cold, if you're not careful."
"What about you?" She twists to look at me. In her defense, I'm only wearing a T-shirt.
"I like this weather." I tilt her chin up and kiss her nose, it's reddened by the increasing bite in the air. She takes me gently by the ears and adjusts my aim towards her lips.
The kiss lasts long enough for our temperature to equalize. I gradually feel myself relaxing, and the tightness of my mind gently unwinding. The breeze blows behinds us, fluttering the strands of Erin's hair across her face. I brush them off her shoulders, spreading the ruffled honey locks out with my fingers so that the setting sun shines through the strands. In this light she looks like a celestial being.
"You look like one of those saints we see with a halo on its heads," I tell her.
She chuckles softly, tracing the edge of my jaw. "I don't feel very angelic at the moment."
"Nausea still lingering?"
Erin leans back, balancing on the fence rail. "I think I made it worse by lending a hand in the greenhouse today. The different smells got to me, that's why I stepped out - to breathing in some fresh air."
"But Dr. Manning said it's normal, right?"
"Yes," she says softly, half her whole face is now lit by the glowing sun. "Everything is okay."
She reaches out and draws me to her, pulling me close, so that I'm standing between her legs. She wraps them around me and enfolds us with the wings of her shawl. She leans down and traces the lines on my forehead with her fingertips.
"Is something wrong?" She asks.
"Why would you think that?" I counter.
"You look worried."
I guess having our safety rest on Bunny keeping her mouth shut put a few worried lines on my face. I try to mask it with a smile. "Nothing out of the ordinary."
She pauses, further studying the details on my face. "You worried about the baby?" She asks.
I look at her and feel a familiar heart pang. "Yes," I answer honestly. "Though, I think it's a requirement when you become a parent. It's probably written on a manual somewhere."
She smiles sweetly at my lame attempt at a joke, then quiets for a moment. Her silence is very telling. I study her face and look deep into her eyes.
"What is it?"
She hesitates. "Have you thought about leaving?" She asks in a small, timid voice.
I do think about how my presence puts everyone in danger, and the thought of leaving does cross my mind, but I won't tell her that. "I'm not leaving. You don't ever have to worry about that."
It is only when the tension leaves her shoulders that I notice it had been there. "Good. Cause I'll come find you," she says, poking me in the ribs with her finger. "I will find you, tranq your ass, and drag you back here."
I chuckle.
"I did it once, and I will do it again," she says narrowing her eyes at me. But her teasing smile fades and her face grows serious. "Look, I want you to tell me when you feel like the hole is getting too deep. When things get dark in your head, okay? I know you worry about us. I know you might think it will be best if you weren't here. But that's not true. Not in the least bit." She runs her hands soothingly through my hair. "We all have our demons; God knows I do. But sometimes we focus too much on the bad that we forget the good."
Erin reaches for my hands and places them on top of her tiny baby bump. "Don't ever forget the good."
"Never," I say and our lips meet - a slow, sweet kiss that makes me only want more.
The sun is halfway down the horizon and its dimming rays have barely any warmth. The cold breeze has picked up and Erin and I cuddle closer together. Neither of us are ready to go back inside. We let the silence wrap around us, comforting against the cold. It is in the safety of this little cocoon we've created that I summon the courage to ask her something that's been on my mind since she told me we are having a girl.
"When should we start thinking about baby names?" I ask.
"We have nearly five months to think about." She hunches her shoulders, with one of those half-shrugs of hers. "But I guess it's never too early." She pauses studying my face. "I get the feeling though, that you have a name in mind already."
"I may have."
"Let's hear it."
I hesitate. "Eleanor." When Erin's face pinches slightly I quickly add, "We can call her Nora."
Erin's lips part as if to smile, but closes again in a neutral line that is neither smile nor frown, but might easily become either when she hears my explanation.
"It's after my mother," I tell her.
She smiles fully then, making her eyes dance and sparkle and her charming dimples appear in the perfect, smooth skin of her cheeks.
"Nora," she repeats, as if testing the name on her lips. "I like it."
"Really?" I feel a sense of relief. "I was scared you wouldn't."
"Why?"
I shrug. "I don't know."
"Nora…" She intones the name again. "Your mother seemed like a pretty amazing woman. She raised you, and you didn't turnout so bad." She smiles, reaches out and strokes my hair. "And I can't think of a better way to honor her."
I stare at her dumbstruck. I love Erin desperately – especially as of late – my love seems to be picking up speed, overwhelming me almost, tinged as it is with panic: I'm so afraid of losing her.
"She would've love you, you know that?" I pull her face to mine and kiss her. Her cheeks flush a healthy pink and she offers me a shy smile. I step back and lift her from the fence. "C'mon, let's head inside before either of us catches a cold."
x
My internal clock wakes me up sometime in the early hours of the morning. I look at Erin and she's peacefully asleep. She was restless most of the night. I'm sure the nightmare had most likely returned in one form or another throughout the night, but she hadn't cried out and she stayed mostly asleep.
I gently ease myself away from her and get up slowly. She stirs, but doesn't wake. I go to the bathroom and shave and shower quickly. On my return to the bedroom I find her still sleeping soundly. I don't want her to wake up and find herself alone. So I crouch down at her bedside and stroke her hair and softly kissed her cheek. Her beautiful emerald eyes flutter open and I smile.
"Morning, Babe," I greet her.
"Morning," she mumbles with a sleepy smile dawning her face.
I place a quick kiss on her lips. "I have some things to take care of, but try to sleep in," I tell her.
Erin frowns and looks around drowsily. "What time is it?"
"Almost five."
"Okay," she nods her head, her eyelids dropping.
"I'll meet you for breakfast," I tell her.
She snuggles underneath the covers and I leave.
I walk into the bull pen, but no one's there. The room is dark and quiet. I pace around for a minute and decide to wait for Hank at the roll up. He should be back any minute now, and just as the sun is rising, with its rays of light peeking above the horizon, the garage-like door creaks, groans, then surrenders upwards revealing Hank.
He is not one bit surprised to find me waiting for him.
"So?" I ask impatiently. Hoping he'll get straight to the point. "Were you able to talk to Bunny?"
Hank doesn't response, but his solemn face gives away the answer.
"Why would she want to hurt her daughter like that?" I ask indignantly. "I just don't get it. How can someone be so—"
"Jay," Hank raises his hand interrupting my rambling. After a beat he says, "She wasn't there."
"What?"
"Bunny. Wasn't. There."
"Oh, where do you think she went?"
Hank shakes his head. "The locals couldn't confirm, but a guy behind the bar thought she left with some city men."
My throat closes up as if to strangle me as I think of what this could mean. "Do we know who?"
Hank looks at me and gives me a look, as if to say, you know exactly who.
Despair comes, numbing my entire body until I can't feel my extremities. Breathing is odd, I can hear the sound of air entering and exiting my lungs, but I can't feel my lungs move, my ribs expand.
"It's not over," Hank assures me. "There's the off chance they won't believe her. She is an addict. Will do anything for a fix. Doesn't exactly scream trustworthy."
I nod. "What if the Aedes come?"
"Let's hope Mouse's virus works and we'll be able to know when they are coming."
"Then what? Everyone is uprooted because of me?"
"We'll cross that bridge then." Hank pats me on the back and before he leaves he says, "Not a word to Erin."
I nod.
Hank disappears up the stairs and I tense, resisting the feelings, but then I let my thoughts flow through me, let myself feel everything – fear, anxiety, despair, and guilt for putting everyone at the Refuge at risk. I've been trying to be strong for Erin, and prove to everyone – including myself – that I can do this. But now, facing the Aedes taking everything away from me, I realize how weak and insignificant I'm. And how quickly I must take them down.
Thanks for reading. I always enjoy reading your comments and answering any questions you might have, so feel free to ask. Cheers!