Chapt 20. The End. Randy's Point of View.

"Your mom is the most beautiful woman that has ever lived. She's resting upstairs right now, but I think she's coming down to see you tomorrow. Hopefully she can hold you. She talks about you in her sleep. She loves you so much Charlie. I don't know what I did to get so lucky, but I sure as hell don't deserve either of you. Crap. Let's not tell Mommy that I just cursed. She'll kick my ass. Oops. Let's leave that one out too. You need to rest and I need to go see grampa and mommy. I love you my little miracle Charlie." I kissed her tiny little head gently as the nurse took her from my arms. She'd fallen asleep, my daughter fell asleep in my arms. I'm awed by that. My daughter. She blows my mind, already. Geezus, when she's able to talk... wow. She looks so much like me. I wish she looked like Angel. Poor kid.

I got up and stretched. The nurse that had put Charlie back in her little baby oven-looking thing smiled at me and I nodded in her direction as I walked out the door. I took the elevator back up to the 8th floor, too tired to take the stairs. I put my hand against my stomach as I rode up the three flights. God I'm getting pudgy. As soon as the elevator doors opened, I took a deep breath and stepped out, then..... panic.

The intercom system had a strange alarm and suddenly doctors and nurses were rushing past me. I completely lost it. It took me a full 4 seconds to realize what was happening, and I ran down the hall.

"Angel! Baby? Ang?" My dad grabbed me at the door and held me as I watched them. They looked like they were moving in slow motion, but it was so loud. Alarms were going off. That flat green line that you see on TV looks entirely different in real life, when it's telling you that your wife is dead. I struggled against my dad but he just held on. "Let me fucking go! Angel! No! No don't you stop! Bring her back! ANGEL!" The slow motion suddenly wasn't slow. It was fast forwarding. They were suddenly rushing out. Out of her room.

"I'm sorry Randy." The doctor put his hand on my shoulder, and it was heavy. Too heavy. My dad was holding me up, otherwise I would have fallen to the floor. She looked like she was sleeping. Just... she told me she was tired. I left her alone. Oh God. My wife died alone. My wife died. I'm 22 goddamn years old, and in an instant I'm a fucking single dad and a widower. God.

"Son?" My dad put his hand on mine in the car. I took a breath. I'm on so many fucking pills right now I can barely keep my eyes open. What's the fucking point anyway? She's gone. In case the 8 zanax I've taken in the last 3 hours had a chance of making me forget, the rain at the cemetery certainly reminded me. She's dead. My wife, the love of my life, my everything... is dead. She's in a box. In the ground. I have no idea who came to the funeral. I have no idea what anyone said. I guess people spoke to me, but I honestly have no memory of it. She's dead. That's all that matters. And now I get to go back to the hospital and look at my daughter, who will never have any concept of her mother.

"Randy? Hunnie?" My mom this time. I can't look at her. Angel's parents are in the car behind us. I can't look at them. They disgust me. They've been waiting for her to die all along. Like they're in a fucking rush or something. Now they get to go about their lives like she hoped they would.

"Ran..."

"Shut up! Just shut up! God! Just...." I suddenly lost all the steam that caused me to yell at my parents, and the rest came out as a whisper. "Just leave me alone. I don't know what you want me to say, but just pretend I've said it. Just stop talking to me please."

The car took us back to our house. Our house. God I hate it here. Everything about here is her. I can't look at the stairs without picturing coming home from our honeymoon. Her laugh echoes through the whole place. There isn't anything about this place that doesn't remind me of her. People are gathering here, to pay their respect and all that. What the fuck ever.

"Mom, I can't deal with this. I just.... I can't be here. I'm going to be with Charlie. She doesn't even know what she's lost. What we lost."

"Son...."

"Mother, please. Please. This one time, can you just not question me? Please? Can you just go back down there and do what you do, and let me leave and go mourn the death of my wife, with our daughter. Please?"

"Be careful. Do you need your dad to drive you? Let him drive you Randy, you don't need to drive. God son, how many pills have you taken today?"

"16." I answered numbly. She didn't look surprised at all, but I didn't wait around for her to process it either. I didn't wait around for anything. I just left. I went back to the hospital to sit and stare at Charlie. The only reason I'm alive at all. The only part of Angel that's left.

"We're so sorry for your loss Randy." The nurses that took care of Charlie loved me. Angel was amused by that. She said everyone instantly adored me. She didn't though. God, I've never worked so hard for a girl in my life. And I've never met anyone more worth it. My dad wanted this. This is what he wanted all along, for me to learn responsibility but not have to worry about being stuck in a long marriage. Well I hope he's fucking happy now. That's not really fair though, I guess. Ang said I instantly charmed everyone, but the truth is she's the one that was instantly adored by everyone that ever met her. Well, except Ash, of course, but who fucking cares about her. And Maryse. And Alicia. Okay, so, she did tend to piss off whores that wanted to sleep with me. I sighed. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Randy? Did you want to hold her?" Bonnie was as old as my mom and she had those kind of mom eyes, ya know. I know she was talking about Charlie, but she isn't the one who popped into my head. Yes I want to hold her. Yes I want to hold Angel and never let her go.

"No let her sleep." I sat next to her little clear plastic bed and stared at her face. I know I said she looked like me, but now, all I can see is Angel. My beautiful perfect obnoxious Angel. "Charlie, baby, Daddy's here. I'm here. We had to send Mommy to heaven today. She's watching us now from up there, so I guess we have to be on our best behavior." What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Ang was right, I don't have the foggiest idea how to change a diaper. Why the fuck would I have ever learned that little talent? Fuck.

Charlie cried today. Angel's been gone for 18 days. The nurses have been great, showing me how to do all the stuff I'll have to do at home. Charlie has to have a special light because she was turning yellow. Liver issues, they said. Whatever. Just add it to the list of things that suck about the past few months. Mom offered to let us move back in with them, but I can't.... leave her. Angel. She's in every part of that house. I can't leave her. It. The house. Whatever. So instead, Mom and Dad are coming to stay with us for a while. Tomorrow. When I take Charlie home for the first time. I installed the car seat yesterday. Mom assured me the nursery is ready. I just took her word for it.

The house is suffocating. The air is heavy, and the pressure feels like a weight that my body can't hold up. But it's just air. I haven't been in here in a long time. In her closet. I can smell her. I nearly collapsed. But I rushed out and quickly closed the door behind me, trying to keep her scent in. My own little piece of Angel heaven. God I'm pathetic.

"Daddy?"

"Yes Charlie?" I looked up from the newspaper to see Charlie staring at me. She's five now, going on 30. She knows everything, just ask her. Right now, she has a very familiar, very frightening look on her face. She's up to something. It's a devious smile that she absolutely got from her mother.

"It's very pretty outside." She had her fingers twisted in her curls, twirling back and forth around the kitchen table.

"Is it?" I raised an eyebrow at her and she giggled. In case I ever forgot anything about my wife, her daughter reminds me every day. But only the best parts. Well, okay, she also has her temper and attitude. And, thank God, her beauty.

"Can we go swim in mommy's pool?" Charlie, like Angel, is a master manipulator. She knows I can't deny her anything that lets her feel her mommy.

"Have you been good?" She was nodding her head like a bobble-head on a rollercoaster before I even got the question out, and I quirked an eyebrow. I swear to God, she rolled her little blue eyes and sighed.

"He deserved it Daddy! He pulled my hair!" She stamped her foot for good measure and I had to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth to keep from laughing. She'd been sent home from preschool with a behavior report that said she pushed another child. To me, that sounded petty, so I asked the teacher about it. Apparently, Justin Gabriel pulled her hair and told her she was stupid, and she defended herself by pushing him… off the top of the monkey bars. Thankfully he wasn't hurt, and I know I should punish her, but.... I imagine what Angel would think in situations like these. Actually, I'm never sure at all what the hell to do, so I 'consult' my wife. I sit in a chair in her closet and think, remember, cry. I miss her. It's been a long time, but I don't miss her any less. But I only cry in there. Nowhere else. Well, when I go to the grave, I cry there too, if Charlie isn't there. Charlie goes every week to take her mommy new flowers. I know she doesn't remember her, but I'm doing my best to share my memories.

"Charlotte..." I used her full name for effect, and I wasn't disappointed. She cocked her hip, crossed her arms, scowled, and tapped her tiny foot. Classic Angel.

"Dad..."

"Charlie, it's not okay to push people off of things like monkey bars. I know we've had this discussion, but I'm not sure you're listening."

"Daddy, I know I shouldn't have pushed Justin off the monkey bars, but.... well..."

"Well what?"

"He wouldn't move! He was just sitting there Daddy! And we wanted to play and he wouldn't move even when I asked him nicely. I really did try to be nice like you said mommy likes me to be nice, but he was a jerkhead and then he pulled my hair. It was shelf offends Daddy!" She stamped her foot again and I couldn't quite contain the laugh. I coughed to cover the slip.

"That's self defense baby. And I forgive you, but just like mommy wants you to be nice and sweet to everyone, what does Daddy say?"

"Don't get caught." She laughed and ran upstairs.

"Charlie do not make a mess with your clothes!" I called up to her as I went to answer the doorbell. "Hey guys. Come on in. You just missed a delightful conversation with the Princess."

"What now?" Trey was so completely enamored with Charlie that it made me laugh. She had him wrapped around her finger, worse than me even. Yeah, in case there was any question, she is just like both her parents. No one is immune to her. Ted's just a softee. Mickie's 7 months pregnant now, and freaking huge, and when she pops that kid out he's just going to be completely gaga.

"Sweetheart, I left the bag in the trunk. Do you mind?" Mickie smiled at him and he trotted off like a trained dog. I'd make fun of how whipped he was, if he was even half as whipped as I was by a 5 year old mini-Angel. I helped Mickie sit on the couch as Ted came in with a small plastic bag. "Thank you baby." He kissed her head and went to the kitchen. They pretty much do whatever the hell they want here. Whatever.

"What's Miss Thing been conning you into?" Mickie and I are friends, and we talk about things we have in common—mainly, Charlie or Ted. But it's hard for me. She was Angel's best friend. She threw that fucking shower, and while I know logically it isn't her fault the way it all happened, part of me can't stop blaming her.

"She got in trouble at school yesterday. Justin was being a shit again, and she pushed him off the monkey bars..."

"Oh shit."

"Well he deserved it, but you know Ang would have a fit if I didn't get onto her about it. I mean, you know she'd have done at least as bad, but I just know she'd want Charlie to be better than her. Not that there's any such thing...."

"Charlie pushed that little shit off the top huh? Good for her. That kid is annoying as hell." Ted worked with Justin's dad, so he might have been slightly biased.

"Yeah well if she does it again I have to go have a parent-teacher meeting. Like I can even deal with that shit right now."

"Uncle Ted!" We all turned to see Charlie bounding over to Ted, wrapping his legs in a mini-bear hug. He picked her up and she laughed. Then she saw Mickie and jumped down to hug her.

"Careful Char..... Aunt Mickie's... umm..."

"Fat?" She finished my sentence with a sweetness that only a child could muster. Ted coughed to hide the laughter and I choked my own chuckle down. Mickie glared at both of us.

"Umm, no baby, she's not fat. Let's go outside before daddy and Uncle Ted get castr--"

"Randy!"

"Castigated." I corrected myself quickly. Ted's whole body was rocking with laughter. He helped Mickie stand up and we went outside. Mickie sat on a chair in the shade while Ted got in the pool with Charlie. I went to change, but I glanced back at the scene and for a moment I saw.... something different. I saw Angel, pregnant with another baby, while me and Charlie swam in the pool. I saw a whole life that I couldn't ever have. I saw the life I always pictured. Then Mickie yelled at Ted, and reality came crashing back. I love you forever Angel.

AN: I'm sorry for all of you that wanted Angel to live. She was dead at the end of the last chapter, you just didn't know it. This chapter was hard for me to write, and I pretty much cried the whole time. There's an epilogue coming tomorrow.