Okay, so in order to differentiate between Pirate Arthur and Modern Arthur, I'm going to refer to one as Captain Kirkland and the other as Arthur, just saying.

Tori hadn't been expecting to see two captains when he came up on deck, nor that other random guy either.

Before his past self could speak, Arthur cut in. "Would you care to explain WHY I'm in the 1500's? Because I'm sure as Hell that it was you who caused this, not me!"

Alfred almost laughed at Arthur's tone; he hadn't expected his boyfriend to be so condescending towards his past self. Not to Alfred's surprise, though, Captain Kirkland was unfazed by Arthur.

"I tried to summon the kraken to attack that French ship that was on the horizon, but one of my men bumped into me when the ship lurched, messing me up," the captain explained. "Who's this guy?"

"Alfred. That's all you need to know." Arthur said hastily before Alfred could even open his mouth. His past self was eyeing Arthur's modern clothing when the air resounded with the sound of cannon fire.

"Captain! It's the French! We're under attack!"

Alfred turned to look where the man was pointing, only to have Arthur yank him down to the deck as a cannon ball whizzed over his head. Unfortunately, he didn't really remember what happened after that…

-I am awesome I am awesome I am awesome I am awesome I am awesome-

Alfred awoke later with a pounding headache, Arthur helping him slowly to his feet. "What happened?"

"We got attacked, and my past self er, he kind of…got captured by the French. Right now the ship's in port to restock supplies."

"Who's in charge then?"

"Me, duh," Arthur said, earning a smile from Alfred. "Now come on, love, let's go see what charts I have in the cabin."

Alfred shut the doors behind him as they entered the cabin, and realized that it was much quieter inside than he'd expected. Arthur was peering intently at some old piece of parchment on the desk, an old-time navigational chart.

"I've found something that might help us," Arthur said. "According to this treasure chart, there's a lighthouse on the coast of Ireland with something in it that can supposedly help us, I think. At least, that's what the note attached to it implies, that there's something useful there."

"That's awesome!" Alfred said excitedly. "No way, Iggy, we're going on a pirate adventure. I've always wanted to see what you were like as a badass!"

Before Arthur could shoot a retort back, there was a knocking at the cabin's doors. Arthur opened them, only to see Tori on the other side.

"We're ready to sail on your call, Captain."

"Set sail, then, and show this to the navigator," Arthur said to Tori, handing him the chart. Tori smiled, and ran off to do as told. Arthur felt a pang; it had been a long time since he'd seen that smile.

He was brought out of his reverie by the sound of Alfred's voice. "Arthur, babe, you've got to try this on!"

Arthur turned, only to see Alfred holding an armful of clothing, and grinning like a fool. "Oh, no, Alfred," Arthur said. "That would be stealing!"

"Okay first of all, it's not stealing when it's yourself we're talking about. Second of all, what happened to you being a pirate?"

"What happened to you being a hero?" Arthur asked. "I didn't expect heroes to encourage piracy."

"Well, these are different circumstances, so it's totally okay! Now, put these on!"

"Gah! You git don't FORCE them onto me-augh!"

About twenty minutes later, Arthur practically stumbled out of his cabin, looking like his pirate self. He turned to Alfred, who was STILL smiling like an idiot. "Okay love, here's the deal. No matter what, we can't be touchy feely about anything. Until we get my other self back and return to the present, I'm commanding the ship, so don't act all surprised if I'm a lot colder and harsher than normal. Not to mention that somewhere in all of this, people are probably going to die."

"Aye aye, Captain Kirkland!"

SMACK!

"Hey, Tori, is it just me, or did the future Captain just smack that one bloke with the funny accent?"

"Yeah, he hit him. Although I don't quite understand why that guy's laughing, but who knows…"

George came over to Arthur. "When we got supplies for the crew, we got clothes for…er…"

"I'm Alfred."

"Really? I have a cousin named Alfred, he's a sweet little chap. I'll be right back with those, mate."

"This is so cool," Alfred said. "As soon as that guy comes back, let's go explore the whole ship!"

"Oh, Captain!" Tori said, running up to them. "Here's your sword and pistols. They fell off the um, captain of now, I guess, however you want to call him…"

Arthur took the weapons from Tori gratefully, knowing he'd probably need them later.

"Oh, so you're Tori! That's so cool! Iggy- I mean Captain Kirkland here has told me so-OW! That hurt dude, don't go elbowing heroes like that!"

Tori looked rather amused, as did other crew members who were working on the deck. George handed Alfred his clothes, and whispered, "Keep making him mad like that, and he'll shoot you, lad."

Yeah, too bad George was unaware that Iggy- I mean Arthur, wasn't as battle-hardened as he used to be. Or at least that's what Alfred thought…

-I am awesome I am awesome I am awesome-

It took a few days, but they finally arrived to the deserted port off the coast of Ireland, in a small town called Port Prosperity. Arthur could see quite plainly from the deck of the ship that the small town had failed to live up to its name; the buildings were in ruins and there wasn't a living soul in sight. Despite the creepy feeling the place was giving him, the Briton really, REALLY needed to get off the ship after listening to Alfred blabber about how awesome the ship was for ten days straight, running to and fro and chattering away at the crew like no tomorrow. At least the American hadn't said anything about the future to the others on board.

"Is that the lighthouse? That old crumbling thing right there?" Alfred asked, pointing at a tall building upon the Cliffside.

"It has to be," Arthur replied. "Now let's go find whatever the bloody Hell is inside."

Arthur told his men to wait behind at the ship, as there was no point in having a lot of people come along; just him and Alfred would be fine. Alfred tried to push the door to the lighthouse open, but it fell inwards with just a gentle touch. Convenient, but also a bad sign, as it showed that the building was so old it was falling apart.

There were winding stairs inside, leading all the way up to the top where the light was supposed to be. Neither man could tell if there was anything else up there as well, but the pair started the ascending climb anyways.

The stairs creaked and groaned under the weight, and Alfred knew both he and Arthur were at normal weights for their heights. The stairway just had to be old, that's why it was creaking.

"My God, it's dusty in here," Arthur commented as they walked. "And that spider looks like it belongs in Australia, it's so massive."

Alfred chuckled at the commentary. Suddenly, he heard a snap, and turned around just in time to see Arthur's shocked face fall through the floor of the stairs.

"ARTHUR!"

That was when Alfred saw that Arthur had managed to reach up and grip the next step; his fingertips were the only thing holding on to the stair, and they were slipping. Not wasting any time, Alfred grabbed Arthur's arm, and pulled him up and safely onto the next step.

"I-I'm all right," Arthur said. "Thank you."

"Don't scare me like that," Alfred said as he kissed Arthur's forehead. "Now we just need to get to the top. I don't think we're too much farther."

Alfred turned out to be correct in that assumption, as he and Arthur soon reached the top. Unfortunately, there was nothing really up there except the broken light. Arthur looked crestfallen, when Alfred pointed out something in the corner.

It was an old iron chest, and Alfred had to pry it open because it was rusted shut from age and exposure. The hinges of the chest snapped, the entire lid popping off. Arthur peered inside, and pulled out the object that lay within the torn and stained silk lining.

"Is that what I think that is?" Alfred asked.

"Yeah, and there's something in it," Arthur said. He was holding a human skull, and was trying to pry out the object wedged inside. After a few moments of tugging, Arthur pulled out a folded up piece of parchment. He unfolded it, only to reveal it was blank. Suddenly, print began to appear on the page, transforming into a map. It began to show a coastal portion of France, and a town. Then on a tiny dot, there was a caption that read "Captain Arthur Kirkland."

"Dude, Iggy, we found an enchanted map! And it shows the person we're trying to find!"

A booming voice interrupted Alfred's outburst.

"WHO DARES ENTER THIS PLACE? HOW DARE YOU STEAL WHAT'S MINE!"

The entire place began to shake, and the two nearly fell trying to get to the stairs. They ran, everything crashing down around the two, even the stairs. Alfred felt like he was running on air. There was a ghostly wailing and shrieking, as if someone was right behind them and all around them at the same time as the lighthouse thundered. Debris and dust came cascading down, narrowly missing both the Englishman and the American as they attempted to flee the building.

Finally, they got out just as the entire lighthouse came smashing down, yet when Alfred looked over, Arthur was grinning.

"Exciting, huh love?"

"HELL YEAH!"

-I am awesome I am awesome oh look a chicken-

After sailing for another week of Alfred's ship-athon, they Britannia Angel finally reached port in France, in a bustling place called Port Frog. (Well, that's what Arthur called it.)

"Okay, so this map here says he's in this little section of town…it looks like some little inn," Alfred said.

"Why would Francis take me to an inn?" Arthur asked.

After Alfred gave him the srsly dude face for a few moments, Arthur figured it out.

"OH GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"

Alfred face-palmed. "Let's just try to get there as quickly as possible," Arthur said.

"No, it has to be just me," Alfred said. "If Francis sees you, he'll want to know why there's more than one Arthur. We can't create some type of time paradox, at least not more than we already have, and Francis has never seen me before."

"Well, I need to do something!" Arthur countered.

Alfred picked up the map. "The inn is about five minutes away. In fifteen minutes, after I get to the inn and take a scope of it, I want you to get the crew to launch an attack on the town to get Francis out. In the confusion, I can rescue your past self and we'll get out of here."

He kissed Arthur quickly and was gone. Luckily, none of the crew saw that.

-I am awesome I am awesome I am awesome Yeah we get it-

Captain Arthur Kirkland was not enjoying the fact that the not only was the frog in a bedroom with him, but the damn wanker was also on top of him. You know, trying to get the smaller of the two to take off his clothes.

"Get off," Arthur hissed angrily as Francis pinned his arms with one hand, using the other to reach for his shirt.

"But Angleterre," Francis said, feigning hurt. "I just want to get to know you better oui?"

"No!"

"Ooohhh, that fiery spirit of yours gives me the chills, mon cher. Too bad I'm probably going end up having to share you with Antonio, c'est vrai."

Outside the door, Alfred stood poised, waiting for the cannons to sound. He didn't like what he was hearing, and he wanted to get Arthur's pirate self out of there as soon as possible.

Francis leaned downward to kiss the struggling Brit when he heard something loud go off, followed by screaming. "Quoi?"

He heard it again, then again, followed by more screams and the sounds of pounding feet. Francis released Arthur for a brief second, but snatched him up again as he prepared to leave the room.

"I know those cannons," Arthur said with a satisfied smirk. Francis tightened his grip on the other, anger starting to flood through him.

The Frenchman yanked the door, only to get punched in the face and knocked out by Alfred. Captain Kirkland stared at him.

"You're that one bloke…"

"Yeah I know, come on!"

Alfred wished suddenly that cell phones had been invented back then, so he could call Arthur and tell him to stop the barrage so they could get back to the ship without having to avoid falling debris all over the place.

They finally made it back to the Britannia Angel, and Captain Kirkland resumed command immediately.

"You need to go home, right? Too bad I didn't actually get to know you," past said to present. Arthur couldn't help but smile at his past self.

"You'll get to who I am, trust me. Oh hey, that medallion you're wearing. Be careful with that, I lost it in a fight," Arthur said.

Captain looked down at the gold medallion around his neck. There was a dragon carved onto it, emeralds studding the eyes and scales. The pirate removed it from his neck, and then put it around Arthur's.

"There, now I've never lost it," Captain Kirkland said with a smile. There was a flash of light, and Alfred and Arthur returned to the present…

…And then Arthur woke up in bed. He sat up in disbelief. Had that whole ordeal truly been a dream?

He looked over at his phone, which had the date and time on it. It said it was eleven thirty, on the day before he and Alfred had gone sailing. So it really had been all a dream…

Arthur lay back when he felt something on his chest, a chain around his neck. He lifted it, bewildered at the little thing dangling in his face. It was the dragon medallion he had lost so long ago, emeralds twinkling in the moonlight.