I slid the shirt Sirius had told me he liked over my head. Had he actually gone to the library to see Remus? Somehow I doubted it. How had I managed to hurt him so bad. My heart felt like it was breaking.

No. That couldn't be right. I just felt guilty. I felt guilty that I had hurt him so bad. This wasn't supposed to hurt me. I never had real feelings for him. I didn't. This wasn't allowed to hurt me.

I tried to push it out of my mind. It wasn't fair to Lily, the girl I had asked out and I had made plans with tonight. It wasn't fair to made her have a miserable time because I had screwed up my best friends life.

Thinking that made my eyes well up with tears.

Had I really ruined his life? I didn't know. I really didn't know.

I had to focus.

Deep breath.

"Hi," Lily walked up to me in the common room just after six o'clock. She looked stunning. She was wearing a green dress that brought out the green in her eyes and looked amazing on her.

"Oh. Wow." I whispered.

"Pardon?"

"You look amazing." I smiled.

She blushed and I hesitantly took her hand. "Shall we?"

She nodded and I led her through the portrait hole and to corridor that housed the room of requirement.

"Where are we?" She asked.

"A little secret of mine. Here, you stand here and close your eyes."

She bit her lip, looking nervous, but she did what I said.

"Alright just give me thirty seconds here. Keep your eyes closed!" I was trying to focus on what I wanted from the room, but I was having a really hard time with it. The first time I did it, I opened the door to find a scene I was familiar with, but not want I wanted at all. The room was small, dark, candle lit with a giant bed sitting squarely in the middle. I closed my eyes, swore under my breath, and tried again.

Finally I got it right. The room was painted a dark burgundy colour with soft cream carpet. A single round table sat in the middle, accompanied by two soft chairs. The table had a red table cloth on it, a single candle, and a single rose in a vase. It looked perfect; romantic, simple, and elegant. Just what I was going for. There were two places set at the table, the plates covered with those metal serving plate covers. I quickly checked to make sure there was spaghetti under there like I had wanted. There was. And it was hot. Perfect. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked back over to Lily.

"Alright, you can open your eyes," I told her, taking her hand again. "But you have to promise me you won't tell anyone about this."

"I promise." She smiled and let me lead her into the room. "Oh. Wow." Her eyes widened with excitement. "Where are we?"

"It's a secret." I told her. "But I can promise you, it isn't against the rules and we are still on school grounds."

Lily giggled. "How many people know about this?"

"Very few I believe," I told her honestly.

"This is amazing. Did you set this up?"

"I guess you could say that." I smirked. She didn't need to know the logistics.

"This is fantastic." She told me as she took a bite of her spaghetti.

"Thanks." I smiled.

And then the silence took over the table.

I didn't have anything in common with this girl. I didn't have anything to talk about with her. What? School? Boring. The fact we were both in Gryffindor? There wasn't a lot to talk about there. Oh my god the conversation is really lagging now and I'm sure she notices. I have to say something quickly. What am I going to say?

"So do you enjoy Care of magical Creatures?" Fuck.

Lily laughed slightly at the awkwardness. "I don't mind it. Not my favourite class though. I really like Charms."

"Me too." I agreed automatically. I hate charms.

Lily laughed again. "I thought you were more into Transfiguration." She cocked her head to the side.

My cheeks burned. "Yeah. I like that class too."

"What about your family?" She changed topics effortlessly. "Why don't you tell me about your family? Do you have brothers or sisters?"

"Sisters. Four of them. All younger."

"Oh wow."

"Yes, the oldest is nine and the youngest is two. My father left my mother just a couple of years ago and so I end up spending most of my summer babysitting."

"Oh I bet that is fun!"

No. Not at all. Why the hell would it be fun? But I just smiled and nodded. "What about you? Why don't you tell me about your family?"

"It's just me, my mom and dad, and my older sister Petunia."

"Lily and Petunia," I smiled. "That's cute."

Lily's smile faded. "Yeah." She looked back down at her spaghetti. "Everyone seems to think so…"

"You don't?"

"Just sick of hearing about it, that's all." A fake smile covered her face now.

"Sorry." I apologized quickly.

We sat in silence again.

I should be talking about something. Why was this so awkward? Conversation never lagged with Sirius. If it did, it never felt awkward. I could sit in silence with him and not even care. What is with this girl? Why does she just make me feel so awkward!

"Thanks for a lovely dinner." Lily told me politely as I cleared away our plates.

"Oh, you are very welcome."

"We should do it again sometime." She grinned and took my hand.

"Uh yeah. Of course." I tried to smile back at her.

"Well. Goodnight." She smiled again.

Was she expecting something from me? "Night." I didn't move. She didn't move.

Suddenly she was leaning in towards me. Her lips met mine and my stomach churned. This just wasn't right! She tasted wrong. She felt wrong. Everything about this was wrong.

I missed him.