-/-
"So, how did the appointment go yesterday?" Quinn asks, plopping down onto my bed and setting her bag beside it.
I abandon my bag as well and elect to sit cross-legged on the corner. "Good," I tell her. "Really good. They told me the gender."
"What?" she exclaims. "I thought you couldn't find out until the next one!"
"I thought so too," I say. "But I guess they could see it clear enough or something."
Quinn raises her eyebrows. "So?"
I bite my lip as an involuntary grin stretches across my face. "It's a girl."
She smiles. "Aw, that's great, Rachel. Congrats."
"It's weird, you know?" I start, fiddling with a loose thread on my skirt. "I guess this all hasn't really hit me until now, now that I know she's a girl. It kind of puts me in perspective, a little."
"I know what you mean," she nods. "Have you decided on a name yet?"
"I have no idea where to even start," I laugh. "At least my options are narrowed by half, now."
She shrugs. "I guess I don't have that problem, since, you know."
I shoot her a sympathetic smile. "You're doing the right thing for your daughter, Quinn. And if you ever feel like you're missing out, you can borrow mine sometimes. I'm sure I'll be completely enthusiastic for a night off here and there."
She chuckles a little. "Oh, I know it's the right thing. I just hate how bad I feel doing it."
Before I can say anything to this, she glances up at my clock. "Oh, I have to go. I'll call you later, Rachel."
I watch with solemn eyes as she scoots off of the bed, retrieves her bag, and finally heads out. Maybe I shouldn't have acted so happy around her. I know she's getting more sensitive to these sort of things as her pregnancy comes to an end. She's due in three months already! It seems just like yesterday we were all finding out about her, back in the days of Grease numbers, mash-ups, and crushing on Finn. You know, when my innocence was still intact and Will was still just my teacher.
Will. God, has it really been an entire month since we last talked? I think he expects me to give him an answer about whether or not I want to be with him. And to be completely honest, I don't even know what I want! Yes, there are still feelings there and he seems like he's sorry for what he's done, but he can't just take it back! And I know that he wants to be involved with the baby, but does he even deserve that right?
My thoughts are paused for a moment when something catches my eye. The edge of a plastic bag sticking out from behind my desk; what is that?
I drag myself from off of the bed to investigate. Upon lifting it up, it clicks in my memory. Oh! My Barbra album! I bought this months ago, right after I found out about the pregnancy. How did I manage to completely forget about this?
I unsheathe the record from it's cardboard cover, walking over to my dresser. On top of it sits my baby blue Victrola; I set everything up and fall back onto my bed just as the music begins to play.
Seems like dreams like I always had
Could be, should be making me glad
Why am I blue?
It's up to you to explain
I'm thinking maybe, baby, I'll go away
Someday, some way, you'll come and say
It's you I need and you'll be pleading in vain
I tilt my head. Well this sounds familiar.
It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, finally found somebody who
Could make me be true, could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad
Thinking of you
Yeah...
Some others I've seen,
Might never be mean, might never be cross,
Or try to be boss, but they wouldn't do
'Cause nobody else gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I love you still
It had to be you, crazy old you,
It had to be you
-/-
I had figured my years of dance lessons would make up for whatever challenges I'd face dancing while pregnant- I was sorely mistaken.
I'm nineteen weeks along, so about four months, and the combination of my bloated body and chronic dizziness has led to my balance being thrown completely off-guard. That, and I get more winded than Mercedes does before a single number is through.
Somehow Quinn is better off than me, despite her two month lead on me in relation to our condition. I guess after being the head cheerleader on the most competitive squad this side of the hemisphere, she's used to it.
"Turn, hands, step-ball-change," Will chants, at the front of our ensemble. "Turn-"
I'm still recovering from the first turn when out of nowhere, the force of an elbow smacks into my chest. "Ugh!" I'm shoved off my feet and I land on the ground, hard; it knocks the wind out of me. What the hell was that?!
"Watch where you're going, fat ass!" Santana sneers.
"Woah, woah, woah," Will stops the music. "Rachel, are you okay?"
He offers his hand out and I have no choice but to grab it. Ow...god, this hurts! Most of the impact went into my rear, but my entire lower half is throbbing with pain. Agh!
I'm pulled on my feet. "Okay?" he repeats, making eye contact for the first time in a month. It takes a moment for me to look away, and then I silently nod, grimacing.
"Why don't you go take a breather for a second," Will says softer, dismissing me with two pats on the shoulder. I then turn back around with a glare to Santana, and stagger my way back to the risers.
As I pass Brittany, she stops me and leans down to say something.
"Rachel, I think you got your period," she whispers not-so quietly.
What? What does she mean I got my period, I'm pregnant! I see her referring downward so I look, pulling the skirt of my dress back.
There's a wet smear of blood on my inner thigh. Why the hell is-
Then my head shoots up, and instantaneously Will and I share an equally terrified look. Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god-
I've captivated everyone's attention now; they're all talking at once and it's too loud, too loud for me to even think, I can't even think about why I'm bleeding down there, why am I bleeding down there, shit, why am I bleeding down there?! Oh god, the baby-
My arm is grabbed and it's a blur of faces and colors and I feel like I'm spinning until I pass the piano- am I walking? "Alright, let's take you to the nurse real quick," I hear Will say, his voice trying to stay level but ending in a crack.
It isn't until the door slams behind us that the reality of the situation slams into me, the numbness evaporates. I'm crying now, too petrified to say anything but to call his name "Will?" in a faltered, trembling voice that isn't mine.
He doesn't answer me, only grips my arm tighter.
We round the corner and he swiftly guides us into the nurse's office. The older woman sits at her desk, and I can sense that she knows this is serious from the look on her face.
"She's pregnant," Will informs her. "She's just had a hard fall, and now she's bleeding."
The nurse shakes her head. "I'm only licensed to administer medicine and basic first-aid. But honey, this is not good, you probably should go to the hospital and see if your baby hasn't aborted."
Aborted. What.
The next thing I know, we're in the hallway again and I cannot will my legs to move. I can't will anything to move. He starts to say something, but before he can finish his sentence I completely break down, somehow managing to remain on my feet. My hands cover my face pathetically.
"Oh, Rachel," he whispers, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "It's gonna be okay. It's all gonna be fine."
"What if the baby's dead?" I sob. "God Will, what if the baby's dead?"
"The baby's fine, Rachel," he assures. "Now c'mon, we have to go."
My upper arm is grabbed again and I force my feet to shuffle across the floor. Shit, how is he so calm?! How can he even process all of this?! What the hell is going through his mind?!
I think I must be pulling behind again because he stops suddenly, right as we're about to go out the doors. "Rachel," he says again, pushing my hair away from my wet face. I feel like a small child when he does this. "It's all gonna be okay."
I sniffle, trying to slow the crying that is drawing dangerously close to hyperventilation. Will looks into my eyes.
"Trust me," he says.
-/-