Warning: Read at your own risk! This story is rated M and for good reason. The prologue alone is going to be hard for some to handle. If you're uncomfortable with language, drug use, and borderline non-consensual sex, I wouldn't recommend this story.
I don't own the characters. I'm just a poor college student borrowing them from someone else.
Chapter 19: Look After You
BPOV
The bright sun made its appearance far too early for a Saturday morning. Even after two weeks, I had a hard time growing accustomed to anything other than clouds. How anyone managed a full night's sleep without curtains to block the light was beyond me. I missed Forks, but not nearly as much as I did yesterday.
I couldn't believe Edward was actually here.
Still asleep, he resorted to hiding his face under the pillows to block out the sunlight. I doubted he'd be awake anytime soon. As if the time difference between Forks and Jacksonville wasn't enough, we stayed up until at least five in the morning, talking and becoming, well, reacquainted with each other. I knew I still had a long way to go before I truly earned his forgiveness, but I was willing to do anything to try. I kissed him between his shoulder blades, shutting my eyes and snuggling closer in hopes of getting a few more minutes of rest before Renee brought Seth home.
I slept better knowing that things were at least kind of okay again.
When I woke up for the second time, it was to the opening of my bedroom door and the sound of footsteps. Silent relief overcame me. Not only for Seth and Edward, knowing their reunion was seconds away, but also because we had at least gotten dressed after we last made love this morning. The only thing missing was Edward's shirt, but that was nothing new. I'd already scarred my kid enough. The last thing we needed to do was make it worse.
He ran to Edward's side of the bed, of course. Even when we lived in Forks, he would do that. Edward had a way of making Seth feel safe... of making both of us feel safe.
I sat up and watched in shock as anger riffled his face. His hands clenched into fists and he used all of his strength to pound on Edward's back.
"SETH TYLER CULLEN!" I shouted. "Apologize right this second!"
He kept hitting and frantically yelled, "NO! GET AWAY FROM MY MOMMY!" Edward's head shot up and out from under the pillow, and Seth's lip quivered shamefully. I realized, regrettably, how Seth must have interpreted the situation.
He thought Edward was someone else.
"Seth," Edward whispered, his voice full of emotion. He sat up and pulled our son onto the bed. "It's okay, son. I'm here. I've got you."
"I'm sorry, Daddy!" he cried, hugging his father close. "Don't be mad at me! I didn't know it was you!"
Edward laughed and asked without thinking, "Who else would I be?"
"M-m-mommy's friend," he stuttered. "The one that picked her up last night."
I could see the heartbreak on Edward's face. Neither of us knew what to say. He had every right to be furious, and I was flat out ashamed. Edward knew about James. I told him never, not even when I was drunk, did he pose any real threat. I thought about it, sure. But thinking and following through were two very different things. Never in a million years did I expect Edward to show up last night. And knowing Seth assumed I would go home with someone else, even if he didn't quite understand what going home entailed, was more than unsettling.
"Seth, listen to me," I said sternly. I tried to think of a way to put it into context for him. I wanted him to understand that no one would replace Edward. Not for him, not for me. Ever.
Edward waited intently to hear I had to say.
"I have friends. Kind of like how you have friends at school. Auntie Alice is my best friend. Uncle Jasper is Daddy's. But just because you have a best friend doesn't mean you can't have other friends, too. And someday, when you're older, you'll meet someone that no one else can replace..." I paused, carefully trying to pick my words. I didn't want to say girlfriend or boyfriend. Edward was much more than that. "kind of like a super best friend."
Edward cocked his eyebrow. "Really, Bella? Super best friends?"
"What I'm trying to say, boys, is that even though I may have friends at work, none of them will ever be able to replace Daddy. Your super best friend is your soul mate. You can only have one."
"But why can't you be Daddy's girlfriend anymore?" Seth bawled, simplifying it into the term he understood and the one I assumed wouldn't be enough.
"I... am?" It came out like more of a question. I looked to Edward for help. I mean, he hadn't outright said it... but he didn't need to, right?
"You are?" Seth asked.
"Seth, this isn't something you need to worry about," Edward sighed, almost as if he were deflecting. My heart sank. Of course, he was still mad. Probably more so now than ever. "Mommy and Daddy had a fight. A big fight. But we're going to work past it, because we love each other and we love you."
"Like a real family?" Seth asked.
Edward slid his hand into mine and began to fumble with my ring. I still wore it, even when we were apart. He chanced a glance into my eyes and when I saw his smile, I couldn't help but smile back. "Like a real family," he said proudly, soothing Seth's fears and my own.
"Hey," I said, walking into the kitchen as Mom fumbled with the dishwasher. I didn't realized she stuck around after dropping Seth off. "You don't need to mess with the dishes. I'll do them later."
Seth and Edward were still in my bedroom. My son wanted to know every detail of his father's journey to Florida and with all of the time they'd spent apart, I figured they might want some alone.
"I see Edward spent the night," Renee said, assessing my spaghetti strap tank top and sleep shorts. You'd think I wore a fucking teddy from the way her words hung in the air.
I could feel the heat rushing to my face. Even at 24 years old, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about sex with my mother. "Mom," I groaned.
"Oh come on, Bella," she baited. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's obvious how much Edward cares about you. And he's a very handsome man."
"Yeah, okay, can we please talk about something else?"
"Well, Phil and I were talking," she hedged, "and I know it might be too late, but we just wanted you to know that it's okay if Edward needs to stay with us."
I shrugged. "Why would he?"
"Maybe you two should try taking it slow," she suggested. "After all, isn't rushing into something you weren't ready for what got you into this mess in the first place?"
I wasn't sure if the mess she referred to was now, or six years ago. It probably didn't make much of a difference. I knew she had a point, but I didn't really want to live apart. At the same time, I didn't want to rush Edward. And if things didn't work out, it would be better for Seth if we weren't living together.
"I don't know," I hesitated, "Maybe he will. I'll ask him."
"Ask me what?" Edward said, emerging from my bedroom with Seth in tow.
By Monday morning, we still hadn't come to a real decision over where Edward would be living. He spent the weekend at my house, but I wondered if it was more so for Seth's sake than our own. Our son refused to let his father out of his sight. Everywhere Edward went, Seth followed. We couldn't get a moment away, not even at night. Seth slept wedged between two very sexually frustrated parents. Bribery and Bear hadn't been enough to keep him in his own room.
I was beginning to feel sorry for the mutt.
I dreaded the start of a new week almost as much as Seth did. What meant school and time away from Edward for Seth also meant work and James for me. When I left the club on Friday, I made my feelings for Edward very clear. I told James I still loved him and couldn't picture myself with anyone else. He seemed to understand, probably having guessed as much from the start.
I knew Edward still felt uneasy about me working and associating with him.
Edward and I took Seth to school early, dreading the temper tantrum that was sure to come when our son realized he'd have to spend eight entire hours away from his dad. But even though we anticipated some sort melt down, neither of us could have been prepared for it's severity.
"Edward, you have to leave him," I finally said, not being able to afford anymore time at the school. I needed to get to work, and he was due at the Mayo to fill out some paperwork.
"No!" Seth cried, "Daddy, please don't leave me!"
"I have to," Edward sighed. "It's school, buddy."
He kept crying. And kicking. More parents came in to drop off their kids, and they looked at us like we were crazy... or maybe, just bad parents. The clock struck 7:50. School was officially in session. Seth's teacher led his classmates to PE, and we remained in his home room.
"What if I came to pick you up early?" Edward eventually offered, "I need your help this afternoon anyway."
He nodded, his breathing unsteady from the crying. I knew we were getting somewhere, but I didn't want Seth to make a habit out of his poor behavior. Picking him up early once was no big deal, but I worried conceding to his temper tantrum might come back to haunt us later... kind of like every other parenting mistake we'd made.
We seized the opportunity anyway, giving him one final kiss goodbye and walking him to the gym before he could change his mind. I watched as he became fully engrossed in a game of baseball, telling all of his classmates about Phil. Once content he would not freak out again, we left.
Edward and I walked to the car in silence. I wasn't happy about the means by which Edward calmed Seth down and judging by his frown, Edward apparently wasn't happy with me either.
"Dude, what the fuck!" I snapped, ignoring the ring of my cell phone. "You can't just bribe him with going home early every time he throws a little fit! What happens when you go back to work?"
"I didn't see you coming up with any better solutions!" he retaliated.
"Baseball seemed to work just fine!"
"Yeah," Edward agreed. "After I calmed him down!"
My phone rang again. I didn't even look at it. "Whatever, Edward."
We hadn't even left the parking lot. I had to be at work in five minutes but Edward made no move to start the car. I wondered if this was his own way of stalling. "You know, babe, this wouldn't even be happening if not for the fact that you moved him 3,000 miles away from me in the first place!"
"Oh, right. Act like its all my fault."
"It is your fucking fault, Isabella!" he seethed.
"You're the one who ignored him for the first five years of his life!"
My words cut deep, but he knew they were the truth. "Fuck, Bella," he breathed. His grip tightened around the steering wheel of my mother's Toyota.
"Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say-"
"No, I know it's true," he argued. "We can't keep throwing this shit back at each other."
He was right. "I know," I said, reaching over to put my hand on his thigh. "I still love you."
He looked at me. "I still love you, too."
"We need to set up that appointment," I reminded him.
"Sometimes, I just feel so helpless, babe. Everything I do backfires. Maybe I should stay with Renee."
I tried to tell him no. "Edward-"
My phone rang again, causing me to pause mid-sentence. I reached into my bag, annoyed by the persistence of whoever kept calling. The number on the screen was unfamiliar, but I answered anyway.
"Who is it, babe?" he asked as my face fell. "Is everything okay?"
I looked at him, trying to find the words. I didn't want to scare him, but I was terrified. My hand found the door handle, and I was half way out of the car before I even gave him an answer.
The school secretary's words repeated in my head. "Ms. Swan, we've had to call an ambulance for Seth."
We opened the gym doors, expecting to see some sort of injury. What we saw was so much worse.
Seth laying on the floor of the gym.
Teachers crowded around him.
Edward rushing to his side.
Pain in his shoulder.
Unable to speak.
Coughing.
Blue lips.
Silence.
Sirens.
The gym teacher recounted to Edward how Seth had stepped up and volunteered to play catcher. The first batter came and went. The second batter, a larger boy, swung hard and missed, hitting Seth with his backswing. At first, Coach Gardener paid no mind to the area of his injury. He assumed it hurt, but knew little about Seth's asthma. Kids got hit in gym all of the time, but none of them reacted quite as severely as Seth.
The trauma, combined with an already weak lung, caused a tension pneumothorax in Seth's left lung. By the time paramedics arrived, he was already in shock. Edward recognized the signs. Edward calmed him down. He knew what to tell the paramedics; what to do.
Edward kept everything together when Seth fell apart.
I was a mess. I couldn't even follow the ambulance; Mom had to come get me. Edward rode in the back with Seth, but more so as a comfort measure than anything else. They took him to the Mayo, and by the time I arrived he had already been intubated. They knocked him out, drained his lung and kept him for observation. I don't know what I would have done, if not for Edward's comfort and reassurance during the entire ordeal.
"He's going to be okay, babe," he told me over and over again. "Everything is going to be okay."
"Bella," Edward whispered, shaking me awake sometime during the night on Thursday. Seth was finally out of the hospital, and I was exhausted. "Get up," he urged.
"What's wrong?" I asked, still groggy from sleep. "What time is it?"
"Midnight," he said quietly, looking to make sure our son was still asleep between us. "I'm hard."
I frowned. "What am I supposed to do about it? I told you to make him sleep alone tonight."
"You know I tried. Take a shower with me," he pleaded.
"Right now?" I chided.
"No, this is your ten minute warning," he said snidely.
I sighed, feeling rather unattractive as I made my way towards the bathroom. The last thing I wanted to do was take a late night shower, but I knew he could be easily coaxed out of that idea. Sex had been the last thing on our minds after Seth's accident. Now that he was home and well, we hadn't gotten a free moment to ourselves. Edward eagerly followed me out of the room, his mesh basketball shorts doing little to hide his... condition.
I locked the bathroom door and got down on my knees.
"Fuck, yes," he hissed as I pulled his shorts down just far enough to expose his dick. I ran my tongue across the tip, eliciting a groan. "Dammit, Edward, that was too fucking loud. You're going to wake him up if you-"
He didn't allow me to finish the sentence.
Point taken. Edward didn't want to talk. He wanted a release. I looked up to see his eyes closed, teeth gritted. I knew he was trying to be quiet, so I playfully tried to take him as deep as I could... which, actually, turned out to be a lot deeper than usual. He ran his hands through my hair. "Bella," he whispered. And again, "Bella, stop."
My new bathroom was a lot bigger than the one in Forks. It had a shower, jacuzzi, separate sinks and enough room to lay down... which is exactly what Edward wanted to do.
He actually wanted to have sex on the bathroom floor.
"I don't want to live apart," he whispered, removing my tank top and balling it into a pillow.
"Me either," I agreed, shifting my hips. He continued removing my shorts and panties. I was already wet, and my need for him grew more and more by the second. So did his. He entered me with one swift push. The intensity led him to pause, giving me time to adjust to his size. I loved the feeling of Edward, bare and deep.
"I don't want Seth to ever have to worry that the person his mom wakes up next to isn't his dad," he worried, placing open mouth kisses along my neck. "I always want to wake up next to you, even if it means getting kicked in the ribs repeatably by the five year old between us."
I snickered, trying to keep it quiet. Edward always had to say something about Seth being a kicker.
"I don't ever want to take our son to court," he asserted. "I never did."
I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I believed him. I should have believed him from the beginning. "I know," I whispered, knowing all of this could have been avoided.
"I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you; that I never loved you."
He brought his lips to mine, kissing me with an intensity only matched by the movement of his hips between my thighs. Edward loved me. I felt it present in every kiss... every thrust.
He pulled his mouth away from mine and smiled. "I wanted to fucking wait. To do this right. But the more I think about it, the more I can't stand waking up tomorrow and worrying I might lose you because I'm too little or too late. I love you, Bella. I always have, and I always will."
"I love you, too." I wondered where he was going with this. Sex usually wasn't so verbal for us.
"I don't ever want my son to think it's okay to abandon the mother of his child."
I tried to argue. "Edward-"
He cut me off, pausing his movements.
"No, Bella. I'm serious. I've set a terrible example for my son. This is not the kind of life I want him to live. He's got too many other things to worry about without having to think about us. Waiting six years to propose to the mother of your child is not okay. The way I've taken you for granted has never been okay."
My breath hitched. I bit my lip and waited for him to continue. "You're worth the wait," I finally said when he didn't.
He argued, "I'm not. But I still want to call you my wife, even though I'm not sure I'll ever be worthy enough to be your husband."
"I've never wanted anyone else," I told him, capturing his lips with mine again.
He pulled away too soon. "Bella, will you marry me?"
I nodded with my head and my hips. "Yes," I sighed, the movement creating a frenzy within my veins. I repeated my answer over and over again before it lost all meaning. Edward's movements sped, and it wasn't long before my fiance followed me over the edge.
"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" I asked, crawling back into bed. Edward searched through one of the dresser drawers before walking over to my side. He sat next to me, sliding a ring onto my finger. "Bella, I think I forgave you before I even stepped foot on the plane."
:)