Chapter Twenty – Princess Bride

"You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it!" Sarah yelled out once Severus had decided to calm her down by getting her to quote The Princess Bride for who knew how long.

"With pride," he bowed slightly, "What can I do for you?"

"You can die slowly cut into a thousand pieces!" she yelled at him.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. That's hardly complimentary Highness. Why loose your venom on me?" Severus asked curiously.

"You killed my love!"

"It's possible. I kill a lot of people."

"Fine then," Ron shouted exasperated at their insanity and his not understanding, whisking his wand out for a duel. "To the death!"

"No! To the pain," Sarah grinned, eager to have a new playmate.

"I don't believe Ron's familiar with that phrase," Harry grinned, having watched the movie they were quoting.

"Then I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon," Sarah sneered at Ronald, who was paling as she argued with the dreaded bat of the dungeons.

"That may be the first time in my life that a man has dared to insult me," Severus frowned, thinking of his adult life.

"It won't be the last," Sarah grinned at him.

"Away witch!" Snape cried out striding off.

"I'm no witch! I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not sure I want to be that anymore!" Sarah retorted. "Don't listen to him! He's been like this ever since Humperdinck fired him!"

"Gah!" Snape gasped, covering his ears. "You promised you wouldn't say that name! You promised and you said it!

"Humperdinck."

"Gah!"

"Humperdinck," she repeated. "Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdinck."

"But this is Buttercup's true love," Harry cut in with Inigo's part. "If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding."

"Wait, wait," Snape stopped striding and Sarah stops chasing. "I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?"

"Humiliations galore," Harry grinned widely with mischief.

"That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job!" Severus ordered, and Sarah whooped softly. "It was ten days to the wedding. The king still lived, but buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse."

"See!" Sarah cried out. "I told you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck!"

"Yes, you're very smart. Shut up," Snape sneered, and then remembered a blooper reel. "My people! A month from now…*stares blankly*… I've forgotten my line!"

"Let's go," Sarah grinned happily.

"Where?" Snape asked curiously.

"The man in black, obviously," Sarah said like it was obvious.

"But you don't know where he is," Snape pointed out, not wanting to point out that if he had a mask on, he could have passed as Wesley with black hair.

"Don't bother me with trifles. After twenty years, at last my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!" she yelled with an idiotic grin plastered on her face as she dashed out the door and raced across the Weasley's front lawn.

"I apologize for her erratic behavior," Severus smiled softly while chuckling, finally stopping the quotes from the movie. "As you can see, quoting movies alongside her has a calming effect on her. somehow, I'm the only one who can quote movies as spontaneously as she can that we know of that is outside of her family. Again, I apologize for what she's done."

"It wasn't a problem, Severus," Molly laughed. "It was worth it in the end to see you two quoting back and forth at each other. It was quite entertaining."

"Yes, I'm sure it was," he sneered. "Again, thank you for handling the hellfire hooligan, Molly."

"Is she really your wife, Professor?" Ginny asked him, and Snape turned to her.

"Fiancée," he corrected. "She makes it all too easy to create a distraction. Sometimes I wonder whether or not a two-year old has a longer attention span than she does…"

"Sounds like someone who would drive you nuts," Ron grinned.

"Only sometimes, Mr. Weasley, as she can also be on the opposite end of the spectrum to the point that I will have to literally drag her away from what she is engrossed in," Severus growled. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get going before she is yet again on the verge of a breakdown."

With that statement done with, he walked out of the burrow and to Sarah to apparate her back to Spinner's End. She saw the box on the table where Dobby had put it, and her eyes watered up as Severus put his hands on her shoulders. A statis charm had been cast around it, and Sarah was at her wits end trying to stay composed.

"I thought we could bury her together," he whispered. "I – I put everything back as best I could, but there are some things you just can't. Sarah, I…"

"Please help," she whispered, and he kissed her jaw gently from behind her. He picked up the box, walked outside, and they held a short and tiny funeral for the small dog that had been Sarah's best friend in her time of greatest sorrows before she was of age. Severus used a sharpened shovel to get the job done and was quickly done with the work of the shallow grave. "Severus…"

"Shh, my love," he soothed as he led her inside for the night. "It'll be alright. As soon as we're done with the wedding in two weeks' time, we'll take our honeymoon and, if you want, shopping for a new familiar. We won't shop until you're ready, my love, just the same as our … intimacy, or lack thereof."

"Take me," she gasped, sobbing. "Take me! Make me yours!"

"Shh, love," Severus soothed as he led her to the bedroom, knowing it was her suffering that was triggering this. "Here, drink," he said as he held up a vial, and she drank the Dreamless sleep potion without a second thought. She collapsed on the bed almost immediately, and Severus had to contemplate whether or not he wanted to change her clothes by hand. He mentally slapped himself and simply transfigured her clothes. She had had a long and very tiring day, after all, and it was now midnight, meaning a new one had just begun.

OoOo(Snape PoV)oOoO

Thank God I made it a small wedding. Well, sort of small. Sarah felt the need to invite Potter and Granger, but their redheaded spouses didn't come since they had to keep an eye on the kids. That was it for her side, surprisingly. Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco Malfoy were representing my side of the family, which was biologically nonexistent. Minerva and Fillius came as well, and I was quite happy that oaf Hagrid was absent. Not a Muggle in sight either…

Naturally, I sensed that Sarah was having a hard time paying attention to the vows because they were so bloody long. I couldn't blame her, and even I caught my concentration on it slipping every so often. I smiled at how beautiful she looked in her white dress robes, while I was wearing my standard black. I swear, if Sarah could sleep on her feet, she'd have fallen asleep and would have been out for a while.

When it came time for the "I do's" her attention snapped back, forwards to the minister. We both said "I do" at the appropriate times, and her erratic breathing was so endearing to me. I cupped her face gently with my fingers, bringing her in for the gentle kiss that would begin our marriage forever. I smirked, and she gave me a don't-you-dare-apparate-us-away look with her eyes. I sighed, knowing that we'd have to go through all the pleasantries yet again. Hmm…. Who to approach first?

"Congratulations, Uncle Severus," Draco said with his eyes glowing in pride as he came forward to hug me. "I, um, apologize for my rudeness when we first met in the pub, Mrs. Snape." I rose an eyebrow.

"It's alright," Sarah smiled. "You were upset about missing him, I think. But yes, I really was his apprentice at the time."

"What? And you – how? You wound up sorted into Slytherin, didn't you?" Draco smirked.

"Yes," we laughed. Lucius and Narcissa smiled as they each put a hand on their son's shoulder.

"We'll write to you as soon as your honeymoon's over," Narcissa promised.

"And when we get a reply, I'd like some background and hobbies of your new bride's, old friend," Lucius smirked. I noticed that sarah was a bit uncomfortable, but so did Narcissa, so she hurried her boys along.

Finally, once all the other pleasantries were over with, only Minerva and Fillius were left to talk to.

"Congratulations, Severus, Sarah," they smiled in unison. "It's about time, but you already knew that."

"Yeah," she grinned sheepishly. "Professors, what will we do next year when he has to return to teaching?"

"Could you teach Defense?" Minerva asked worriedly. "Harry's worried the Aurors won't let him teach."

"Yes, I'll teach if he can't make it," Sarah agreed. "After all, I learned from the best! Do you still need a Muggle Studies teacher?"

"Admittedly, no," she said shaking her head. "Another Muggle born already took the position. He was very adamant about it. as for when Severus is teaching – he can have every other weekend at home, as well as all the vacations if he so chooses, or you could come live at Hogwarts."

"Ooh, does that mean that if I took over Filch's job, I could use magic on what he can't?" she asked excitedly, and Fillius and Minerva looked at each other before laughing.

"yes," Minerva replied. "Or, perhaps as a Potions Mistress? Severus is your mentor and husband, after all, I'm sure he'd be more than willing to help you."

"Would you, Severus?" she asked me, her eyes alive.

"Hm," I pretended to think about it. "I do believe, my Princess Bride… that I will."

"Oh, thank you, Sev!" she gasped and flung herself onto my neck. It hurt, but I wasn't one to complain, not when she so rarely got them at home with her parents. Maybe now the confrontation with them would be easier?