A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews. I truly appreciate them. It's always nice to throw in a happy chapter in a story like this every once in a while... this, however, is not one of them. ;) See the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you guys enjoy this one, and please review! :)

Twenty

The street was abnormally quiet for downtown Chicago. Jay found himself looking around for any bit of life that might exist in the streets, and found almost nothing. He wasn't sure what was going on, considering that he couldn't remember a time in his entire life that the streets had ever been this quiet. And now… it was whisper-quiet, like walking through a graveyard on Halloween night.

The fog was rolling through the streets, coming off of the Chicago river and seething its way through the streets. There was something odd about the fog, and not just because it was coming out of the river. It took Jay a minute to realize that it wasn't really fog, and that it was actually steam.

And that the river was boiling.

Jay wouldn't have thought twice about it if it wasn't for the fact that through the mist, he saw hands coming out of the water. Thousands of them. The screams came crashing through the silence, reminding Jay that people were still attached to the hands, and that they were still alive. Jay made it to the edge of the water, the heat and steam more palpable as he reached out for some of the hands.

He found himself having difficulty trying to pull people out without finding himself getting pulled in. He managed to free the first person, their skin red and nearly melting off their bones to the point that he could hardly recognize them. Then, he pulled out the next person: Mouse.

Mouse was almost dead, eyes wide and clouded over. His skin was sloughing off as Jay attempted to get him onto the sidewalk. He worked to find if there was any pulse left in Mouse's body, and noticed that the skin on Mouse's chest was completely gone. The muscles had melted through the ribs, and he could see Mouse's heart beating through his ribs.

And watched, in horror, as Mouse's heart slowed to a stop.

Jay found himself shaking Mouse's body, trying to get his friend to wake up.

"Jay…"

"Jay," Erin groaned, half awake from Jay's shaking her shoulders.

Jay finally snapped awake, realizing what he'd done. "Sorry," he whispered, pulling his hands off of her shoulders and tucking them against himself.

"What's wrong?" she asked, still trying to wake up.

"Nothing," he said, rolling away from her.

She turned toward his back, and wrapped her arms around him. "What was it?"

"The river was boiling," he told her. "And… I watched Mouse die."

She nodded, knowing that the idea of Mouse going back into the military was starting to weigh more heavily on Jay's mind. "It was just a dream," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but what if…"

"You can't let the what ifs keep you up at night," she told him gently.

He shifted his weight as she kissed between his shoulder blades. "I know," he said quietly. "I wish I could stop it."

"I wish I could, too."

He turned again, facing her. She gave him a small smile, running her hand across his cheek. He offered a glimmer of a smile before kissing her cheek. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he exhaled softly, trying to relax enough to fall back asleep.

Erin, on the other hand, was out as soon as her head rested against him. He held her close, happy to be holding onto her still, and that she hadn't left him through all of this. He'd given her plenty of opportunity, but she was still here, and that had to mean something.

…Right?

"You tell me," Dr. Charles said.

"I think it does," Jay told him. "She hasn't run away. She hasn't left me. And, when the nightmares wake me up… she wakes up with me, and stays awake until I manage to calm down. Some nights, that takes hours, and some nights… some nights, it's a few minutes. So… I don't know. I'm just glad she's behind me."

"It's good to have her back there."

"I wish there was a way I could thank her."

"When the time feels right, you'll know what to do."

Jay leveled a half-smirk toward Dr. Charles. "Do you ever talk in complete thoughts?"

Dr. Charles laughed slightly. "It's my job to guide you toward your own solutions, not to give you answers. It's up to you to figure these things out. I just try to provide another way of looking at it."

"That's… I'm not sure. Is that what psychoanalyzing is?"

"Psychoanalyzing is looking between the words you're saying to find the hidden meaning. Psychotherapy is guiding you to a path for clarity and solutions that you come up with on your own, because you're more likely to act on something you come up with yourself."

"Are you calling me stubborn?" Jay teased.

"Not at all," Dr. Charles replied. "Bull-headed, maybe."

Jay laughed softly.

"So, let's get back to these dreams you've been having," Dr. Charles redirected. "This time, the river was boiling, and Mouse was drowning. This isn't the first time the river has come up in your dreams. Why do you think that is?"

Jay shrugged. "I don't know," he replied. "It almost seems like the river is when I feel overwhelmed, so maybe it has something to do with feeling like I'm drowning. But… I get these panic attacks, and then… I'm dreaming of fires, and deaths, and of being strangled… the dreams keep changing, but the theme is always the same: I'm alone. I'm alive, but I'm alone."

"What do you think that means?"

Jay shrugged again. "I don't know. Maybe that I feel alone, and that it's pushing people away from me, which is why they're all dying off, and I can't help them because I can't even help myself?"

"Is that how you feel?"

"Somedays, I guess. I mean, there are days where I feel fine, and like everything's okay and I'm ready to go back to work. And then, there are days when I just feel like I'm stuck, and the idea of getting out of bed is just too much. And then, some days start out fine and end up horrible, or some days start out horrible and end up being okay. I don't know what makes things change, I just know that they do."

"We don't always know why," Dr. Charles reminded him.

"Yeah, I know," Jay replied. "I just wish I could figure out what's behind it, so either I can avoid it, or I can manage it."

"Some triggers, I imagine, will make themselves more clear to you, as time goes on. Others, perhaps, never will. But knowing that you have a good group behind you… a stable relationship, a dedicated brother, a solid family of colleagues and friends… this can sometimes make finding the triggers a little less… cumbersome."

"Yeah, I know," Jay repeated. "I'm good at being patient, so I'm sure that helps."

"Yes, it does," Dr. Charles said. "Though, this isn't a trait that your brother exhibits all the time…"

Jay laughed. "Yeah, sometimes Will has no patience, and sometimes, he'll wait with you forever. There is no in between."

"How is he with you?"

"Patient. He's been good with the physical rehab, and good about the… well, this. He just… listens. Good sounding board."

"Has he always been?"

Jay scoffed. "Will and I have our fair share of being at each other's throats. It's just being brothers, you know? You love each other, would do anything for each other, but would just as easily be ready to kill the other for something that he did."

"That actually sounds like a good description of most sibling relationships."

"It's just… it's different this time," Jay added. "Because, it's not that one of us just lost a girlfriend, or like when our mom died… it's just… I was kidnapped, I was raped, and… and… and I'm just… just trying to survive."

Dr. Charles arched his eyebrows. "I think that may be the first time you've ever said that out loud," he commented.

Jay paused for a moment, thinking. "I think you're right."

"How did it feel?"

Jay furrowed his brow. "That's a weird question."

"Well, saying the word out loud… that's often a big step for people, especially when they're talking about what happened to them."

Jay shrugged. "I guess I didn't really think about it. Is that a good thing?"

"You tell me."

"I don't know. I mean, basically calling it what it is…"

"True. But, you weren't doing that before. You were mostly saying, 'when I was kidnapped,' or stopping yourself before saying anything about it. It's a step. How did it feel to you, to take that step?"

"I'm not sure," Jay replied honestly. "I guess it makes it just… real? I don't know. It's just hard to describe."

Dr. Charles nodded.

"Not bad, though," Jay added.

"That's good," Dr. Charles said.

Jay simply nodded.