Thanks to all of you for being patient, I don't know if you knew this but I was in France for ten days, which is why this chapter took so long, it was amazing! I can't wait to go back.
And of course thank you for all the reviews and alerts, they mean the world to me.
AND THANKS TO JOSS WHO BASICALLY KICKS ASS! She's the worlds coolest beta. Enough said.
The song for this chapter is 'Come Back When You Can' By Barcelona.
And now onto chapter twenty.
BPOV
"Thank you, again for not bringing up anything involving Bella's past." Joss shook David Letterman's hand and smiled gracefully.
"Not a problem, Miss Diaz. Bella, it was a pleasure, I hope I'll be hearing from you soon." He gave me a business-like hug and walked away.
That performance, well, was emotionally and physically draining, especially since I haven't slept for what felt like years. I was dead on my feet, which were screaming to get out of these goddamn stilettos. I thanked my band again before I got into the limo and headed home, my thoughts were focused around my performance. I knew for a fact that Felix would be pissed about my last second set change, but tomorrow my contract would be over and I would never have to deal with him again. Thank little baby Jesus.
I wondered if Edward saw it, maybe he would understand what I have been desperately trying to say, but also desperately trying to hide from him. But, maybe I was only hiding it because I didn't want to admit it to myself. Our relationship was slowly slipping through the cracks, crumbling away before our eyes. Being on the complete opposite coast as Edward was harder than I ever expected. We never had the time to talk and when we did it felt like he didn't care, even though he said he did. Every time those words left his mouth the first word that popped into my head was lies, it made me sick to my stomach, but I ignored it as best as I could. I didn't know what to do or what to think. I just wanted everything to go back to normal. Ha! Normal. A word that has never described me or my life and most likely never will.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
I woke up relatively early the next morning. I could hear the maid in my living room sweeping. The toilet flushed. Joss must have stayed last night. She came walking into my room with a toothbrush stuck in the side of her mouth, foamy toothpaste seeping out of her lips, making her look like a rabid dog.
"She's alive!" She proclaimed loudly. I made a face before giving her the finger and slowly getting out of bed.
"What do I have to do today?" I asked rubbing my sleepy eyes.
"First, you need to take a shower because you look like hell, no offense," she said.
"None taken." I waited to hear the rest of my schedule.
"And then you have the rest of the day free. I will take care of all the contract business and the Felix bullshit this afternoon and then we can go out for drinks." Joss smiled as she headed back into my bathroom.
"Joss, you know I don't drink. I haven't since the accident." She popped her head from the bathroom with a look of horror on her face. She shook her head and apologized profusely. I assured her that it was fine and she went back inside.
"You have so many oral hygiene products, it's unnatural," I heard her call out from the bathroom.
"Oh, shut up. You're the one who has an unhealthy obsession with the Kings of Leon." Her jaw dropped as she she ran towards me. I ran squealing but she managed to tackled me to the bed.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I walked down the street with cameras in tow. My music was blaring in my ears through my iPod, directing my thoughts to the lyrics instead of the fans screaming my name and pulling on my clothing, making it hard to ignore them. I really shouldn't have dismissed my body guards for the day.
I pulled open the door to Loretta's. It was eerily quiet. I felt awkward and unsure of what to do. I waited for Loretta to walk in from the back room or for Shawnee to scream my name , but nothing happened. I walked slowly to the back of the salon, feeling like I was in some messed up horror movie waiting for a masked man to jump out with a chainsaw at any moment.
I knock on the storage room door. "Loretta?"
She swung the door open, her eyes appraised me harshly making me cringe. "Can I help you?" she asked indifferently.
I didn't know what to say. She had never treated me like this before in my life. She's always been so welcoming and gentle. "Uh, hi Lo?" It was more a question than a greeting.
"Is there a reason why I'm so lucky to be graced with your presence this fine morning?" She closed the door to the back room and led me out to the main room of the salon. "Maybe you're doing some charity work around the neighborhood?"
I stumbled over my words, not knowing what to do or say. "I don't understand what you're getting at, Loretta? If I've done anything to offend you, I'm-" She cut me off.
"Don't even apologize. I haven't heard from you in almost seven months, not even a phone call or a postcard. I have to hear about your life from a goddamn magazine. Shawnee's always asking where you are, but every time we call or visit there's always someone there reminding us that we aren't important enough to be in contact with you. I don't even know you anymore. Look at you. Everything that set you apart is gone. Your tattoos are hidden with make-up, I've never seen your hair that plain. And your clothes? What the hell, Bella? Everything you wear costs hundreds of dollars, only designer names. Goodwill must not be good enough for you now that you're famous and have millions of adoring fans. But here's a newsflash Bella, Shawnee and I were your fans before everyone else, we were here for you, always. And you left us in your wake, not even bothering to care anymore."
"That's not true and you know it." The words were intended to sound harsh and final but came out soft, falling to the floor in front of me.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me in front of one of the mirrors, she left me there and grabbed a picture from her desk and shoved it into my hands. It was a picture of Shawnee and me last year for Shawnee's birthday. "Look at this picture and tell me you haven't changed, changed to what they want you to be, changed into those girls that you used to make fun of."
"It's not like that Loretta!" My voice was becoming louder against my own will and judgment. She had to know that I was still the same Bella. Wasn't I?
"Then tell me what it is like Bella. Because I never expected this from you. Anyone but you." She looked at me with disappointment and disgust that made my stomach churn.
"I don't have a choice, I-"
Shawnee's voice floated in from the office. "Mommy, who's here?" Loretta's posture stiffened.
"No one you would know." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "It's time for you to go, Bella."
I listened to her heels click on the wooden floor, walking away from me.
Words have never cut me as deep as hers just had.
-.-.-.-.-.-.
I pushed away some leftover tears as I walked into my apartment. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Edward's number from memory, even though the chances of him picking up are slim to none, like always. It rang and rang and rang finally ending with his voice mail message telling me to leave a message.
"Edward, it's me. Bella. I really need to talk to you. Call me back. I love you." I hopelessly hung up my phone and resisted the urge to through it against the wall in frustration and sadness and anger. Anger at myself for letting Felix and his group of evil minions turn me into this. Frustration because of Edward and not knowing what to do about our failing relationship and sadness because Loretta was right, she was right about everything.
More tears escaped and I felt pathetic, useless, and anxious. Benny and Roxy crawled into my lap even though they were both too big to fit. "You guys still love me, right? Even though I'm a fake bitch?" Benny licked my face and Roxy nudged my arm.
I didn't know what to do other than just sit there and think about everything that was happening. I realized that I was different than I used to be, but until Lo pointed it out I hadn't realized just how much I had changed. I remember how I always thought no matter what I did in life, no matter who I met that I would always be myself. Always. Losing myself was just never an option for me. But now I'm just a hypocrite, an idiot, a liar.
It was all because of the record contract, the fame, the money, the pressure to conform. And it all started with Felix. The anger at myself was quickly replaced with red hot hate for Felix. I grabbed my car keys and a pair of sunglasses and made my way down to the parking lot behind my building. I screeched out of the parking lot in my BMW, another thing Felix pushed onto me. It was preppy and girly and made me want to gag. Yes, it was a fucking nice as hell car. But the candy apple red color and the perfect tan leather interior with matching red 'B's on the headrests was just too much for me.
I got to the studio in no time flat. Steam was practically pouring out of my ears, my heart was racing, my breathing erratic. I pounded on Felix's door, but I couldn't wait for an answer so I just burst in. Joss was looking at me with amused eyes, she knew full well what I was here to do. Felix was sitting, poised at his desk with a curious smirk.
"Well, well, well. Bella Swan. What can I do for you? Ready to sign on for another album." He smiled smugly at me thinking that I was here for his help. I didn't want anything from him. Not anymore.
"Fuck no. Felix I have something to say, so just sit there and keep your goddamn mouth closed. Until today I never realized what you've done to me. At first I thought you were just being nice to me. Taking the liberty of hiring someone to work on my music so I could have more free time, hiring me a personal stylist to give me a free, brand new wardrobe, pairing me up with James. But now that I'm finally being rational I realize that you had ulterior motives. You just wanted my voice, my lyrics. You just had to mold me into what you saw as perfection. You just wanted money, a new claim to fame. And you used me to get that, by tricking me into signing that creative control contract. God, I was so fucking stupid. I got a little suspicious when you started covering up my tattoos, but I let you do it because you said you just wanted to protect me from criticism, and I fucking believed you, I thought you were on my side. You must've really thought I was an idiot. You are the lowest form of a human being, you're disgusting and I will make sure karma comes back to bite you in the ass."
Joss was standing in the doorway, prideful tears welling up in her eyes.
Felix stood up and leaned against the front of his desk. "You were such an easy target, Isabella. A girl with a hard past, trying to prove to her parents that she was worth something. You were such a pushover too, at first I thought I'd have trouble with you. But like you said I needed your voice and your lyrics, so I pulled strings and played Mr. Nice Guy for a while, until I could break you down into what this company was lacking. A teenaged female pop singer, that's all we needed. When I saw you on YouTube, I realized that it would be convenient to have you, you were already living in the city, freshly signed to a hot off the press manager who was also looking for daddy's approval. It was just easier than I thought it would be. But is it really me who's at fault? Take a look at yourself, you're the one who didn't second guess anything, you jumped in, head first, to the choices that I said are best. You were merely taking my advice. Don't blame others when you had control over the situation the entire time." I was speechless, how dare he turn this around on me? "Please leave, Bella. You're causing a scene."
I turned to leave, but I couldn't help myself I let my hand rip, it connected with his cheek and a loud snap.
Fuck, that felt good.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I called Rose, but there was no answer. Same thing with Emmett and it was around two in the morning for Alice and Jasper, so calling them was out of the question. But I did leave each of them a text message telling them how much of an idiot I was and the I missed them and that they could expect the old Bella back as soon as I burned all of my pink clothing.
I got my lazy, pathetic ass up off of my couch and went in search for my lip ring. It took me a good twenty minutes but I finally found my small purple stud. I poked it through the hole and looked in the mirror after taking a deep breath.
Much better.
The doorbell rang sending Rox and Benny into a frenzy. "One sec!" I yelled to whoever was behind the door.
I threw my hair up into a ponytail as I made my way across the cold floor. And much to my surprise James was standing behind it. "Hey, Bella."
"Hey, what are you doing here?"
He held out a magazine. "I, uh shit. Okay, before you even take a look at that magazine let me tell you what I know currently."
I scrunched up my face in a confused expression. "Uh, okay? Go for it." We headed over to my living room and sat down on the couch.
"Well, I just got off the phone with my cousin, Tanya." My jaw dropped.
"Fucking hell! She's your cousin?" How did I not know this, again?
"Uh, yeah. But, anyways. Her and Heidi are really close friends, like sisters almost, or whatever. Anyways, I'll start out by saying that Edward's an idiot and he doesn't deserve you." Okay what the fuck is he getting at but I didn't interrupt, hoping this was going in a different direction than anticipated. "But, Heidi claims that she and Edward have been fooling around for the past few months, and that things are getting kind of serious."
All breath escaped me, I felt like I'd been run over by a monster truck. "No, that's not true. Edward's been distant lately, but that's just because he's been filming and shit, he's been busy."
"But think, Bella. Who is he on set with every day? Heidi." There was pain in his eyes and I could tell he was uncomfortable with what he was saying to me.
I stuttered thickly, trying to sort of my now erratic thoughts. "He would never do this to me. I know him. He loves me. Heidi is just a jealous bitch, she's just trying to break us up, she's tried it a million times before just like Tanya has." My excuses for Edward spewed out of my mouth, barely making sense.
"Maybe you should take a look at the magazine, page forty-eight." I quickly flipped to the page I was told.
It was a picture of Edward and Heidi at lunch together. It was kind of a dark picture, they were in the back of the cafe where I met Nyxon. They were sitting next to each other, her head was on his shoulder as he had his arm around her. There was another one. Same cafe, different day. It was a picture of Edward handing Heidi a jewelry box.
I took the magazine and threw it into the fireplace before collapsing into James's arms and letting the pain overtake me, tears flowing freely. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't be losing him, not now. I prayed to God that this was a dream. But when I pinched myself nothing happened I was still stuck in this nightmare.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
How could everything go bad so quickly? How could everything I believe suddenly be turned into a lie? I am an idiot, that's how. A goddamn fucking moron.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. "Hello?"
"Bella?" It's amazing how Edward's voice could calm me down in an instant.
"Edward! Holy shit!" It's Edward, my Edward.
"Are you okay? Your messaged sounded urgent. I just got off set about a minute ago. Fuck, I miss you." I could just picture him running his free hand through his gorgeous bronze locks.
"Uh, yeah. There's something I need to talk to you about and I'd really appreciate some brutal honesty. That's all I'm asking." My heart picked up its pace, my palms were sweaty. I can't do this. Fuck. Just spit it out.
"Of course, love. Anything."
I swallowed thickly before continuing. "Uhm, are, uh, are you and Heidi seeing each other?" There, shit, I said it. It was out in the open.
My stomach dropped when all I heard was silence.
He let out a strangled gasp. "What are you talking-"
"Edward, its a yes or no question." I was biting my lip hoping to hear a two letter word pop out of his mouth, tears were battling to stream down my face.
"No! Bella! No! I wouldn't do that to you. I swear on everything. What would give you such an absurd idea?" I couldn't help but breathe out a sigh of relief. It felt like some of my crumbled world had fallen back into place.
"Tanya mentioned something to James and there was a picture of you two in a magazine and you were handing her a jewelry box, and I don't know, I guess I was just being insecure and paranoid. I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it's not your fault. The jewelry box was actually something I bought for you. I was just getting another female's approval before sending it to you in case it was hideous. Heidi and I are strictly friends and she understands that, she understands that I'm in love with you."
And that's all it took, all my doubt and tears and pain were gone in an instant. Thats why I love him, he makes all the bad stuff go away.
We talked for four straight hours, about any and everything. I felt like our relationship was turning around. I felt like maybe we were getting back to how we used to be.
After my conversation with Edward ended Joss came in the door with the thick smells of pizza. "This would be why we are best friends, Joseline." I grabbed a slice and a Mountain Dew throwing a Dr. Pepper at Joss as she sat down on her stool.
"So, guess what." She quirked an eyebrow at me with a devilish smile.
"I'm scared to ask. But, what?"
"I have to go to LA for a few weeks to scope out some talent. Would you be interested in joining me, so that maybe you could stop by a visit your hunky boy toy?" I dropped my can of pop and ran over to Joss and hugged her harder than I've ever hugged anyone before.
"Fuck yes!" I screeched.
"Good, cause I already bought your ticket." I love this woman, I honestly do. And right now, I love her more than my own life. "Are you gonna text your man and tell him?"
I thought for a long moment, taking everything into consideration. "No, I'm gonna surprise him, actually."
"What a wonderful idea, Miss Swan." I smiled at her as I cleaned up our dinner mess. We got around to talking about Felix and the contract, and how I've changed without realizing it.
"Joss, I have the best idea!" I grabbed a pair of scissors, she looked at me as if I had just escaped from the insane asylum. "Come on, follow me."
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to my closet, which was just oozing pink and girl and snob. I pulled everything down from the racks and started ripping, taking out all my pent up frustration. Joseline joined in too. This was my type of therapy, destructive therapy. I felt refreshed and relieved when we had finished.
I took all the scrap fabric and threw it into my fireplace. I sighed contently, mentally welcoming back my old self.
"So when does our flight leave?"
She smiled widely back at me. "Noon, tomorrow."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
AN: So this is the prologue to the new story I'm going to start after I am finished with Thursday Nights, it's called 'My Coach's Daughter'.
Enjoy.
BPOV
I watched my dad anxiously on the TV, the NFL draft was today and I was praying to God that he wouldn't give up his star quarterback because of me. But, knowing my father and his damn rules I knew that James didn't have a chance in hell to stay in Dallas.
One of the announcers sounded surprised, "According to our sources, it looks like Coach Charles Swan has decided that he is going to trade out James Clark to the Jets. Which is a huge shock, seeing as Clark lead him to second place in the Superbowl this year. I've never seen a coach do something of this nature. He'll most likely have to pull in a QB from college now."
"Shit, Charlie!" I cursed at his picture on the TV.
Finally, Charlie's pick was up. He got up out of his chair and walked confidently to the podium. "The Dallas Cowboys choose Edward Cullen from UCLA."
I clicked the TV off and shot off a text to my father knowing he'd get it as soon as he walked off.
You're in serious trouble. What in God's name are you doing? Do you want to lose another Superbowl, because that's what's going to happen if you let a rookie play. Just because James couldn't keep it in his pants doesn't mean you have to kick him off the team dad.
Love,
Your very pissed off daughter.
I sent it and threw my phone across the living room, missing the TV by a mere inch or two. I stomped up to my room and turned on the music full blast.
Who the hell is Edward Cullen anyways?
EPOV
It was the first day of real practice and it was blistering hot in Dallas. Not that I wasn't used to heat, hell I lived in LA for four years before coming here. But that was a different kind of heat. Dallas heat was dry, suffocating. Practice was going to be hell. I already could feel it. I grabbed my pads out of the trunk of my Volvo and slowly headed towards the locker room, showing my ID to the guard waiting at the gate.
When I got there only a few guys had shown up. You could tell which ones were veterans and which ones were rookies, rookies had this green tint to them, looking nervous, like they could puke at any given moment. And I'm absolutely certain that I had the exact same expression on my face as well.
Twenty minutes later I was ready and anxious to start, today would be the first time I was going to be able to actually touch a football and practice with my team since my senior year at UCLA. But this was the big leagues, things would be different and much harder.
The locker room was packed and full of adrenaline and testosterone. I heard a whistle and a loud, scruffy voice. Coach Swan. "Listen up guys, especially the rookies." A few of the guys murmured their hellos to the coach. "As many of you know today is the first day of practice, we'll be working hard, you will be in excruciating pain, and many of you will run back to your mommies and daddies with your tail tucked in between your legs like a little girl. If you can't take the pain then get the hell off of my field, simple as that. But it's all worth it when you get to wake up every goddamn morning and see this on your finger." He pointed to a platinum Superbowl championship ring, the one he himself had won back in the seventies as a quarterback for Cincinnati. He pointed to the two men on either side of him. "This is the defensive coach Billy Black and the offensive coordinator Harry Clearwater, these gentlemen know what the hell they're talking about, so listen well and learn. This year, like last year, we will also be joined by my daughter, Bella. She knows the game of football like the back of her hand, even tried to play in high school, she'll be around to give tips and pointers, take what she says seriously. She will not take shit from any of you and she can dish it out twice as bad as any one of you. And that brings me to my one and only rule. Do not touch my daughter, if I hear one word out of Bella's mouth about anything inappropriate or if I see it myself you'll end up like James Clark, traded to the worst team in the NFL. I do not care how good you are or how far you've taken the team, you will not be here next season. Mark my words, men."
I looked at Charlie, he was decently tall and was well built except for his newly developing beer belly. He had dull brown hair kept in a short crop. His eyes were a sullen brown surrounded by puffy, sagging skin. If his daughter looked anything like his father, staying away from wouldn't be an issue for me.
"Let's go guys." A few players let out loud yells of excitement, while my breakfast threaten to spew everywhere.
A few hours later we were running up and down the stairs of the stadium when coach called us down for a rare water break. I grabbed a paper cup from the stack and filled it with ice cold water from the cooler. It was gone in two seconds.
Emmett McCarty, arguably the best defensive player in the nation, grabbed a cup of water and grinned at me, "Hey Boss Man. How's your first practice going so far?"
"It's the closest thing I've come to hell, but nothing I can't handle." I said confidently.
"So, coach didn't scare you with his pre-season speech?"
"Nah, nothing I haven't heard before, but the 'don't touch my daughter' thing was new for me." I filled my cup again, trying to hydrate myself for the next three hours of practice.
"Yeah, he's real protective over Bells, always has been, when he found out about her and James he went ballistic. I can't blame James for trying though."
"What, is she cute or something?" I crumbled up my cup and threw it into a large trashcan.
He laughed humorlessly at me, "Edward, man are you in for it." He hit me on the helmet a few times before running away to go join the next drill. I ran up to Coach Clearwater and got ready for a passing drill. Mike Newton, a two year veteran QB was in line behind me, I heard him let out a soft moan. I backed away from him slowly. That was just awkward and wrong on so many levels. I followed his eyes to the other side of the field.
It was a girl about my age yelling at Coach Swan, her long, thin arms flailing in the air. She was in Daisy Duke shorts, her long legs going on for at least ten miles, somehow the cowboy boots she had on made her look incredibly sexy. her shirt was cut off right below her perfect rack showing her well-toned midriff. Her skin was a light bronze, throwing off light to make her look ethereal. I took my eyes off her body and noticed that her dark brown hair was thrown up into a high ponytail. I held back a groan as I stared at her greedily. I was already thinking of ways to getting her into my bed and fucking her until she's sore for weeks.
I looked over at Mike and knocked on his shoulders. "Is that one of the infamous cheerleaders?" I asked hopefully, knowing that if she was I'd get to see her in next to nothing every game.
He laughed at me. "God, I wish. But, no. That, my friend, is thee one and only Isabella Swan."
Oh dear God in heaven, please help me.
-------------- So? How was it? I know its a little rough but I have plenty of time to work on it.
Any suggestions or comments?
Anyways, I know this chapter was a short one, but I wanted to get this up before I went to Indiana this weekend for a volleyball tournament.
Thanks for reading guys!
Love you all :)
-Devyn.