A/N: I was hoping to have this up earlier today but stuff got in the way. No worries, it's here now. And it's not that bad. Well, maybe it is. I don't know, I'll let you be the judge of that. In a review?
DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Castle. Jeez, stop reminding me.
"Katherine Beckett! You better have a damn good reason for not showing up here earlier," Lanie scolds as Kate enters the morgue.
"Do being kidnapped, hospitalized, and arresting slash charging the bad guy count as damn good reasons?" Kate grins at her best friend.
Lanie shrugs, "I guess so." She puts her tools down, peels off her gloves, and walks away from the dead body on the table. "How are you doing, Kate?"
"I'm alright," Beckett answers.
The look that comes from Lanie is one only her best friend would dare give her, "Oh really? You're alright? You were kidnapped and you're alright? Yeah... You might want to rethink that answer of yours."
"Lanie!" Kate says. "I'm fine! Seriously, doctors checked me out, Castle fed me, I slept, we charged the jackass who did this. I'm good."
A nod and sigh from Lanie, "Okay, so the doctors looked you over, alright. Would it kill you to let me check on you?"
Kate shakes her head, "No, go ahead. Whatever floats your boat."
The medical examiner grabs her friend's hand and looks it over. She then continues checking over her entire body, using the tools she has that are able to be used on living human beings.
"How's your arm?" she asks.
Kate shrugs, "It's okay. Doc said I shouldn't use it until I go back and have them check on it. It's okay though, it's not bothering me much. I've had worse."
Lanie frowns, "Yes you have. Kate, what's going on in your head?"
"Sorry - what?"
"Your head. What are you thinking about?" Lanie clarifies.
"Nothing," Kate shakes her head. "Lanie, I am fine. Seriously, do you not believe me?"
"I believe you Kate," Lanie says. "I believe you in everything you do. But when it comes to how you are, I don't know if you're actually capable of telling the truth. You don't open up, you don't share. And that's okay, because it's your coping mechanism. It's how you deal and how you keep moving forward. So it's fine that you don't always share how you're doing. But Katherine Beckett, you were kidnapped, held hostage, and almost murdered. You were alone with no food or sleep. You don't have to hide how that affected you. Because there is no way you're fine. You will be, I believe that, but you're not right now. So, Kate, what's going on in your head?"
"I don't - a lot," Lanie's best friend sighs. "I just - I can't stop thinking about how it all happened. I asked stupid 'Dave' out. I don't do that. It took me four years to finally get with Castle. You said it! I don't open up, I don't share. I don't know why I did that. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been kidnapped and this whole thing would have been avoided."
"You asked him out to win a bet because you thought Castle was asking someone else out, remember?" Lanie reminds her.
"And that just brings up another problem!" Kate blows up. Her breathing increases and she has to sit down again. "I thought he was asking someone else out for the date. He wasn't! But I didn't trust him. I thought he would do that to me. Again."
"Didn't you tell me that you had talked over it and agreed to go ahead with the bet anyway?" Lanie stays calm and reassuring. She puts a hand on Kate's knee and takes a seat next to her. "C'mon Kate, you know that's true. You do trust him."
She nods, "Yeah, I do... But I still opened up to him and then I got hurt. I opened myself up to Dave and I got hurt. I opened myself up and I got hurt. That always happens. Every single time I allow myself to share or be with someone, I end up getting hurt."
"No, Kate, that's not true," Lanie shakes her head. "Opening yourself up to people is a strength. Sometimes you get hurt, and sometimes it makes it better. You open yourself up to me, and you've never been hurt. You open yourself up to Castle, and he doesn't hurt you."
"But, Lanie," Kate chokes out. "It's only a matter of time."
"Kate, don't you dare do this to yourself!" Lanie glares at her.
"Do what?"
"Put them damn walls back up. Don't block yourself in, it's not good for you. Let us help you," the ME tries to help her best friend. She hates seeing her like this.
Beckett angrily wipes at her face even though the tears threatening to fall have not yet. She sucks in the deepest breath she can muster before she speaks, "I have to. Lanie, it's how I stay safe."
"Kate, you don't need to use walls to stay safe anymore. Castle will keep you safe," Lanie says. "Unless, you blame him for getting kidnapped?"
"What! No! God, no! Lanie, no. It is not his fault," Kate says adamantly. "I love him. I am not blaming him for this. He had nothing to do with me being kidnapped."
"So then keep the walls down," Lanie says. "Wait. Did you say you love him?" A small nod from Kate causes Lanie to squeal and grin. "Kate!"
"I told him at the hospital," Kate gives a shy smile. "His face..." Her face lights up simply at the memory. "Lanie, if something happens to me and I've opened myself up to him, he's going to get so hurt. I can't do that to him."
"If something happens and you didn't open yourself up, he's going to spend forever thinking about why and what ifs. What if you didn't trust him, what if you didn't really love him. He's going to question everything forever. Barricading yourself behind those thick ass walls of yours is going to do nothing," Lanie tells her. "Kate, as your best friend, I'm telling you to keep those walls down."
"But -"
"No buts," Lanie cuts her off. "Writer Man spent four years working on bringing those walls down. You need to give him the benefit of the doubt. He'd rather have a little time with you being open and honest than a ton without you. And let's pray to god that you don't go anywhere for a long time, but if you do, girl you want him to know that you loved him with all your heart. Because you do, right?"
Kate nods, "Of course I do. He spent four years trying to win me over."
"He didn't just try, he succeeded. Don't leave him now," Lanie says.
"Thank you," Kate smiles. "Thank you Lanie."
They wrap up their conversation and Kate turns to head out and go back to the precinct.
When she gets to her car and checks her phone, to see that it's later than she thought, she sees too many missed calls and texts. The majority of them are from Castle.
"Shit," she mutters. It dawns on her that she had promised to call him, which she completely forgot to do. Hitting his speed dial number, she waits for him to pick up.
"Kate!" his frantic voice can be heard through her phone.
"Hey, I'm here," she says apologetically. "Castle, I am so sorry. I totally forgot to call. I got caught up talking with Lanie and I lost track of time. I'm at my car now. I'll be at the precinct soon."
"No, don't get in your car," he says.
"What? Why?" she asks, confused.
The noise of a speeding car alerts her and she turns around to see her boyfriend pulling into the lot. She presses end on her phone and pockets it.
"Hey," she says when he rolls down the window.
"You didn't call," he says sternly.
The smile is wiped off her face, "I know. I am so sorry, Castle. Really, I am. I completely forgot..."
"Yeah, yeah," he waves it off. "As long as you're okay."
She nods, "I'm fine. Promise."
"Want a drive home? The boys told me not to bring you back. They don't need you right now," he offers. "We can get your car tomorrow."
She nods, "Yeah, alright. Thanks."
She doesn't ask what home means, because she knows they're going to the loft. There's no place she'd rather be.
"I love you," she reminds him.
"And if you say it every day for the rest of my life, it won't be enough," he kisses her. Then he pulls off into what would be a picture perfect scene, had there been a sunset. But the busy traffic of New York on a Friday afternoon is enough for him.
"You're cheesy," she rolls her eyes.
He grins back, "But you love me."
Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Please review!
I'm thinking a few more chapters? I want to tackle all this insecurity Kate has, and I want to have a Martha/Alexis part as well. What would you like to see before I wrap this up? Also, an epilogue seems like a popular idea, so that will probably happen if I can think of something to write.
Reviews make me happy! Happy makes me write! Writing guarantees updates!
xo Sarah