Act Of Remembrance

Chapter 20

Helen's grave was in an older part of the graveyard but by taking a few shortcuts that Mike knew well, it hadn't taken long to get there. Steve stood back a little to give Mike a bit of privacy and watched as the older man carefully placed the roses on Helen's grave. He saw Mike touching the headstone tenderly as he had done with Evelyn's and saw his lips move and figured he was talking to Helen as he had with Evelyn a short while before and felt himself getting upset again. He was glad that this day was nearly over. He felt physically and emotionally drained. He hated feeling this way. Steve always managed to keep his emotions in check and always dealt with his problems in his own way but this time it had all proved too much for him. However he was glad that he had finally been able to talk to Mike. While at first he had been horrified to know that Mike had seen him breakdown the way he had, now it was somehow comforting to know that Mike understood and Mike's wise and comforting words always had a way of making him feel better.

As Steve stood waiting for Mike his side started to hurt again. All the walking he had done had started to take its toll and looking at his watch Steve reckoned that his last painkillers were starting to wear off. Not wanting to disturb the tender scene playing out in front of him Steve kept his growing discomfort to himself. He felt lousy. His eyes felt slightly puffy from the tears he had shed and rubbing at them only seemed to irritate them further. His side had begun to throb mercilessly again and he was feeling slightly unsteady on his feet so he was glad when he saw Mike blessing himself and heading back towards him.

However as soon as Steve started to walk to meet him the throbbing changed to a shooting pain and robbed him of his breath for a few seconds, as he grabbed his injured side and swayed slightly. Seeing Steve's difficulty Mike raced over to where Steve stood and putting an arm around his shoulders he steadied him, looking closely at his partner's pale and pain-filled face.

"Come on. Let's get you back to the church . I shouldn't have made you come with me to Helen's grave. You've already overdone things enough for one day. Can you make it that far with my help?"

"Yeah. I'm ok Mike. I'll make it." and not wanting the older man feeling guilty he added "It wasn't going to Helen's grave that did it. I think the pain meds are just wearing off that's all ! "

Smiling at Steve's thoughtfulness he placed his arm around Steve's waist and put Steve's arm around his shoulders and started guiding him back towards the church. With every step they took Mike felt Steve tense up and knew the young man was in considerable discomfort. He kept a close eye on him as they walked and saw beads of sweat break out on the younger man's forehead as he struggled to walk with the pain. While he marvelled at the way Steve managed not to make any sound that would give away the amount of pain he was in he also wished sometimes that he would feel easier about verbally expressing himself and wondered what kind of childhood the young man had that would cause him to be so guarded where his feelings were concerned. Mike determined in that moment to eventually break through that bad habit of his no matter how long it took!

As the church came into view, Steve let out a sigh of relief when he saw a bench a little way off that he could finally use to take some weight off his injured side. The sigh was not lost on Mike and following Steve's gaze he saw the bench and figured out Steve's desired destination.

"Can you make it to that bench buddy boy? You're looking a little flaky. You're not going to pass out on me again are you?" Mike asked worried about the pallor of his partner's face.

"No ... no I'm not going to pass out. Don't worry. I just need to sit down for a little while and take some painkillers."

"Do you have them with you?"

"Yeah. They're in my jacket pocket. I just need some water to wash them down with."

They reached the bench and Mike sat him down carefully. Sherry came around the corner just at the moment. She had been waiting in the church as Mike had requested but when neither one had returned and the church had emptied of people she had decided to come outside and look around instead.

"Mike! You found him!" she shouted out but as she hurried towards them Steve's pallor and his pained expression frightened her. "Oh my God! Is he ok Mike?"

Mike who was standing in front of Steve and loosening his tie looked up at Sherry.

"He's ok Sherry. He's just not up to this much after only leaving the hospital this morning and he needs his pain meds. Could you please get us a glass of water?"

Mike's request wasn't heard by Sherry who was staring at Steve with great concern on her face seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Mike's eyes looked between Steve who was resting his head on the back of the bench with his eyes shut tight and holding his side tightly and the young woman who was standing watching him and realized in that moment that Steve wasn't the only one who was traumatized by the events of the previous year. So placing a gentle hand on Sherry's shoulder which brought her out of her trance as she looked at him, he spoke softly.

"I tell you what. Why don't you keep an eye on Steve for me while I go get him a glass of water to take his pain meds with. Ok?"

"Sure ... sure Mike. I'll watch him." Sherry replied shakily as she sat down beside Steve and took his hand in hers.

"Steve! I'll be right back ok? Sherrys here. I'm just going to get you some water. Hold on now buddy boy."

Then looking at Sherry he smiled.

"He's in your hands now until I get back!"

"I got it Mike." Sherry replied smiling back.

Knowing that he was leaving Steve in good hands, Mike left them and headed up the steps into the church but before he entered he looked back at the two young people on the bench with fatherly concern and hoped that the two friends could somehow help each other through their heartache. Then he headed inside towards the sacristy in search of a glass of water.

After Mike left, Sherry squeezed Steve's hand and brushed his hair from his face with her other hand. This made Steve open his eyes and seeing Sherry he smiled and saw the worry in her face.

"Hey I'm ok. Don't look so worried. I just need some painkillers. That's all."

But then seeing something bothering the young woman he momentarily forgot his own discomfort and sitting up a little he squeezed her hand back and questioned her softly.

"Hey. Sherry, what's the matter? Are you ok?"

"Oh Steve!" Sherry exclaimed and unexpectedly burst out crying, threw her arms around him and laid her head on his chest.

Steve hadn't expected that reaction and worried about Sherry even more. Pulling her closer and stroking her hair he spoke sympathetically to the young woman.

"Hey, hey now. I know, believe me I know. Today has been tough. Do you want to talk about it? I'm a good listener you know."

Sherry lifted her head and releasing Steve she sat up and rummaged in her bag for a tissue. She dried her eyes and looked at Steve slightly embarrassed by her outburst.

"I'm sorry Steve. It's just that I miss her you know? And I've ... well I've been having awful nightmares about that night. I keep seeing him standing in my bath tub. The way he looked at me Steve. I thought you had gone. If you hadn't seen his car and come back that night ... well ... he would have ... Oh Steve, this service could have easily been for me too." and with that Sherry started to sob heartily again.

Steve felt so sorry for Sherry and pulling her into a hug again he held her tight and felt his own emotions becoming frayed again too.

"Hey, hey I know. I ... I've been having nightmares too ..." Steve admitted shakily.

Sherry lifted her head again and looked at him sympathetically. That was the last thing she had expected Steve to say. He always gave the impression that he could cope with anything and never showed his true feelings but now seeing the hurt in his eyes, he was displaying a side of him that she had never witnessed before.

"You've been having nightmares too?" she asked almost incredulously.

"Yeah ...not so much about that night but ... about Evelyn. She's usually someplace where I can't get to her and she's calling me ... He's with her and I want to help her but I can't ... and then she asks me where I was and ... why I didn't ... try to save her ..."

Steve couldn't say anymore as his voice broke and tears ran down his cheek. Tears ran down her cheek too as she listened to Steve's tormented dreams and grabbing his hand once more and seeing how upset he was gave her the inner strength she needed to help him.

"Steve! You weren't responsible for what happened to her! Oren Prentiss was! Evelyn knows that. She knows you would have done anything in your power to save her if you'd had the chance. You saved me! I can't ever thank you enough for that. If you hadn't been there ... Steve, we both have to let it go. We can't go on torturing ourselves like this. What happened, happened. Nothing you and I can do will change the past."

Steve rubbed the tears from his face and cleared his throat.

"I know. That's what Mike said. I just wish ... I'd been able to save you both. I loved her Sherry."

As a new tear fell from his eye Sherry reached up and brushed it away with her fingertips and looking closely into his eyes.

"I know you did. And I know it's hard. I loved her too ... but we have her in on our hearts and our memories Steve and no-one can take her away from us there. She'll always be with us. She'll give us the strength we need to go on."

Steve nodded sadly and then they hugged each other again this time causing Steve to wince and groan as his side protested.

"Oh God I'm sorry Steve. Did I hurt you?"

"No ...no it's ok. I wonder what's taking Mike so long?"

Actually Mike had fetched the water quite quickly but as he returned through the porch he'd heard Sherry and Steve talking about their nightmares. Torn between not wanting to listen to their conversation sneakily and not wanting to interrupt them from confiding in each other Mike had decided that letting them share their pain would be far more therapeutic for them both so he had stayed in the porch waiting for an opportune moment to reappear to them. Hearing the bad dreams that both of them had been having and the touching conversation they were having brought a lump to Mike's throat and a tear or two to his eye too. He cared about the pair of them and wished that there was some way he could take away the pain that was haunting them both. Instead all he could do for now was let them talk it out and be there for them whenever they needed him to be. Casting his eyes up to heaven Mike whispered shakily.

"I'm sorry too Evelyn. I was in charge. I should have let Steve drive you home that night and made sure you were safe. I'll always regret that. Please, forgive me and help them Evelyn. Please. They both need you."

Just then he heard Steve's groan and heard him asking where he was and he knew it was his cue to resurface so taking his ever-present handkerchief from his pocket he wiped his eyes quickly and hurried down the steps and back towards his partner and Sherry.