(Oh my god, yes, I know this was a late chapter. For most of this time I did absolutely nothing except write small portions of this at a time and tried to find ways to get out of the house. I tried to go to Anime Club, but no one could pick me up from it so I couldn't. I tried to get a few friends to drag to the park with me, but no one could. Hell, I tried to go to my boyfriend's house and couldn't, just because no one was here to watch my brother! So, really, I haven't been typing because I don't want to be here. I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life so I've been trying to leave for at least one day and couldn't. So don't complain that I posted this way too late, because my life is a bed of roses right now. Just read the damn story. Kthx.)
Kurisuten: Here it is. Second to last chapter. Let's all cry together.
Kishichi: Oh come on, you can still cry after the last two chapters?
Kurisuten: Touche. Anyway, I just want to thank all of my reviewers and the readers of this story for sticking with me thus far. I'm surprised you people would want to even read this. The first... four or five chapters are just horrible. Because those chapters, I almost deleted this story! But I had people that liked the way my writing changed. It went from bad to almost flawless (yeah right.) in the matter of a few chapters! I didn't even notice how the writing changed until I re-read the entire story! I thank you guys so-so much for staying with me!
Kishichi: There is a MAJOR time skip in this chapter. The chapter would have been split into two chapters, but that idea was thrown out. Originally, the scene before the time skip would have never happened, but it was a nice idea to add in.
Kurisuten: Remember those questions I put at the end of the chapters? The questions that started in chapter 10? This chapter answers a few of those. If you need to, go back and look at the questions, so you know which ones are answered! See if you were right!
Kishichi: Which, most of you probably are anyway.
Kurisuten: Though, some of them didn't have a definate answer. Those are the ones you have to determine for yourself!
Kishichi: Reminder: SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER. Next is the last chapter, then an epilouge and an afterword. So really, there's three chapters left after this. But it's just an epilouge. And an afterword. So they don't count.
Kurisuten: So anyway, enjoy the chapter!
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Christmas is supposed to be a holiday of joy and happiness, right? Christmas is supposed to help you forget your hardships and have a day of caring and giving, right? You're supposed to wake up that morning and have all of your bad feelings completely washed away, right? When I wake up, I should be at least somewhat happy, shouldn't I? I should at least be happy enough to put a real smile on my face when I go downstairs, right?
Every single statement above is false for me.
When I woke up to the sunlight pouring into the window and glinting into my eyes, I couldn't help but feel like a part of me was missing. There was something that used to be there, but now it's gone. It's been like this for at least a week. Today, it was worse. Was it because I was looking so forward to being with him on this day? The answer is yes. I wanted to be with Yami. Today. Everyday. Today was different than every other day. Today... was special.
Waking up was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to lie here forever. There was no point in waking up. I'm not saying that I'm going to end up suicidal and kill myself over this. No. No way am I ever going to do that. No, what I'm saying is that I'd rather lie in bed for the rest of my days. Though, that's about as miserable as living the way I am. But hey, I think of it this way: If I go kill myself, and Yami finally returns the day after I do so, wouldn't it be for nothing? Actually, if he comes back any day after I do so, then it would still be for absolutely nothing! Because then I'd be dead without him. A little more miserable than being alive without Yami. But now I'm way off topic.
What was I talking about again?
Ah, right.
If anyone really wanted me to get myself out of bed and go downstairs, they'd come get me. Knowing my grandpa, I won't be laying here for long. Christmas is one of those holidays where he would drag me out of bed to get downstairs. Even my parents used to do that. Well, before they died. And I don't see why. It's just a holiday! I can sleep in as long as I want. Like a weekend, except I actually get presents and whatnot. I don't want anything, though. Therefore, I have no real reason to leave my nice warm bed where I'm at least half happy (Sleep is the one time I can escape reality. Too bad my dreams don't comfort me much either.) to go downstairs and live my horrible life where I'm not happy at all. The only thing that would actually get me out of bed was if Yami walked through the front door.
Or my bedroom door. That would be a lot better. Much better.
I made a small glance at the clock. Only ten o' clock? I think I'll sleep for about three more hours, thank you very much. (Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean I can't add humor in my dialouge.) Obviously, the sun wants me awake; it shone directly though the glass of my window and directly in my eyes. I could barely open my eyes without squinting or blocking my eyes. I placed the pillow over my head to block the sun. It ended miserably. You can't really breathe with a pillow over your head. Sighing loudly, I threw the pillow to the other end of the bed and stepped to the floor. Too tired to yawn, I trudged out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
Upon reaching the living room, I was greeted by my grandpa sitting on the couch. There was one thing that I was thinking when I saw the room: When in the hell did we have a Christmas tree?! There it is, placed right next to the window. I didn't even remember having one. No matter. I walked over to him and sat in the seat next to my grandpa. I placed my hands on my knees and stared at the floor. Neither of us said a word. I hadn't been talking lately, so maybe my grandpa was waiting for me to say the first word. But what could I possibly say? What could I possibly want to say?
"Good morning, Yuugi," he said, a cheerful tone in his voice. I repeated the same sentence back, though never looked up from the floor. "You do know it's Christmas morning, right?" he then asked. How could I forget? This was supposed to be the best day of the year. With Yami. That plan failed. I nodded. He then reached for something, but I didn't know what. "And, I got you something." I told him not to get me anything this year!
I finally looked over at him, and my grandpa held a flat, square-shaped object wrapped in a colorful paper. "Grandpa, you didn't have to get me anything." Still, he held the gift out for me to take. "I really didn't want anything this year." All he did was try to push the gift closer to me. Sighing, I took it. At first, I stared at it like I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't want to open it. I didn't want to even get a present. Finally, I placed a finger under some of the looser paper and pulled it off, trying not to destroy the paper. Finally, a CD case became visible. I read the words on the cover as 'AN Cafe'. A pain stabbed my chest. This was the exact band Yami had gotten me to like, and I wanted their latest album. Now, I wish I hadn't want it. Although, I still put on a fake smile and hugged my grandpa. "Thanks," I was able to say.
"No problem, Yuugi. I overheard you and Yami talk about them, and I knew you wanted this album. Got the last one, I did," he said proudly. I laughed, but only slightly.
I remembered something. "Oh, you saw my present to you, right?" I said. He nodded.
"I opened it before you even got downstairs," he replied. "How'd you know I wanted that book? I don't remember telling you about it."
I smiled sheepishly. "You told me about it the day you found out about it."
"Ah, right! Well, thank you, Yuugi."
Another akward silence.
My grandpa broke the silence by asking, "So, is Yami coming over?" Suddenly, my slow heartbeats felt painful against my ribcage. Before I could answer, he commented, "You haven't actually hung out with Yami in a while. Did something happen between you two?" Oh, yeah, something happened alright. "Did he reject your feelings?" I don't even know. "Is he dead and you're afraid to tell me?" Yami better not be dead. "Yuugi, what happened?" He then interrupted himself. "Actually, answer my first question first. Is Yami coming over here later today?"
I didn't know how to exactly answer. If I say that he is coming over, then he'll realize I wasn't truthful. Either that, or he'll think something's wrong between us. If I tell him that he's not, he'll still assume there's something going on between us. I didn't want my grandpa knowing that Yami was gone! I should have know this would happen. I should have known that he would find out. Why didn't I figure that out earlier? Well, I could tell him that Yami's vacationing with some other family for Christmas- no, wait, that doesn't explain my emotionless void, and that would be something I wouldn't be afraid to tell him. I have no options! I have to tell him everything!
"No, he's not, Grandpa."
"So something happened?"
"Yes, Grandpa."
"Can you tell me?"
No, I can't! But I have to now. What choice do I have now? "Grandpa, do you remember last Friday, when I came home and I seemed sick? And the day after, when I seemed so depressed? And all week, how I'd barely leave my room or talk to anyone?" I took in a shaky breath. "The whole reason for that was because... On Friday, Yami... left." Before my grandpa could ask if he was dead, I continued quickly. "Bakura and Marik-- you know, the tall guys with the white and bronze hair? The tall ones, not short. --took Yami to Egypt. They... didn't want me and Yami to be together. They were trying to make us feel as much emotional pain as they could. I didn't have enough time to stop them. And... I don't know when he's coming back..." I was surprised that I wasn't crying right now. Not even one little tear had ran down my face. That didn't mean they didn't threaten to go over the edge of my eyes.
My grandpa didn't sound like he held anyform of sympathy for me. Instead, he asked, "Is this related to that phone call you got on Saturday?"
I nodded. "Y-yes... Yami called me from Egypt. We only had about two minutes to talk, and I tried to tell Yami my feelings... I did get to tell him though. But... he didn't accept them, nor did he reject them. Right after I told him, the line cut off. I didn't get to hear Yami's responce. That's what kills me the most inside." Am I really opening up to my grandpa, about everything? Was there really nothing I wasn't going to say to him? Out of all of the people I could talk to (Well, if you count Ryou and Anzu as a lot of people.), I pick my grandpa? Anzu has known Yami longer than he has, and Ryou has known Yami longer than that. Why talk to my grandpa? Is it because he understands me the most? Yes, that has to be the most sensible solution. Though, just becaue it's the most sensible solution doesn't mean it's the reason that satisfies me. There's something, right?
He quietly listened to me. I didn't think that he cared much for my situation. He proved me wrong when he said, "Yuugi, I don't think you'll ever understand how sorry I feel for you. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. I could never want my own grandson to go through this much pain and suffering. I'll never understand the pain you're going through, but I can help ease that pain. All you had to do is talk to me about it."
Talk about it? But that's it. That's just it. There's nothing else to it. I shook my head slowly. "Grandpa, talking about it just makes it harder for me to understand. I don't want to talk about how I want Yami back; I just want Yami to return. It's as simple as that."
"No, Yuugi, it's not as simple as that." I looked at him in confusion. "You've allowed yourself to let all of those emotions you've been feelings bottle up, and soon it'll be more and more difficult to let those emotions go. Why didn't you tell me the day Yami left? What made you hide it from me?"
Why did I hide it from Grandpa? Why did I act like nothing was wrong, even though it was completely obvious that I wasn't just feeling ill. I shook my head again. "I... I really don't know. I was afraid that you would be worried about me. I didn't want you to constantly ask me if I was okay. I was... I was scared you wouldn't think of me as the same grandson that would always come home with a story of my day. I was scared you'd think of me as the depressed kid that you'd never want under the same roof as yours." I was still able to hold in the tears that treatened to push over the rims of my eyes. It was obvious by my tone of voice that I wanted to let those tears go. I couldn't bring myself to do it. All of the things I said were just statements I was thinking at the time. I didn't mean to say them out loud.
Apparently, it wasn't a bad thing I had said what I said. My grandpa put an arm around my shoulder. "What? You thought I'd do all that if you told me? That's what I did when you didn't tell me!" He chuckled. "Yuugi, you thought I wouldn't want you in the same house as me? Why would I want to kick you out? I'm thankful that you have friends like you have! Without them, you'd be more boring than you've been in the past week!" He laughed loudly. I had to smile at that. Grandpa became serious again. "Listen, Yuugi. Yami will come back to you one day. You're just going to have to wait patiently and enjoy the days that pass you when he's gone. Yami's not the person to wait for something to happen on its own; he's going to take action. You told him your feelings. He's going to tell you his. And he's going to be in front of you when he does tell you, whether it be an acceptance or a rejection."
I sat in thought. He was right. He was completely right. He was right about everything! Yami would come back! Yami would come back to tell me! And even if he rejected my feelings, there was no way he'd stop being my friend! Yami wasn't like that! Yami was going to try to come back to stay! Suddenly, the lady from six days ago appeared in my mind. Her words were almost the exact same. In fact, they weren't different at all! I was filled with feelings of happiness once again. I smiled widely and hugged my grandpa tightly. "You're right. I'm so sorry for not telling you this earlier. You wouldn't have had to worry about me so much this week. Thanks so much."
He laughed. "I'm glad you waited to tell me! If you had told me on Friday, I wouldn't have to give you that inspirational speech!" I laughed with him. I had to agree with him.
There was a knock at the door. I walked to the window to peer out and see who was at the door. After looking, I gave a short look to my grandpa, and he gave me a confused look. I didn't hold on expression on my face. I was trying to regester my thoughts. I then walked to the front door, unlocked it, and turned the door knob. I pulled the door open and smiled. "Oh, hi-" I didn't get a chance to finish. He attacked me with the biggest hug of my life. I almost fell to the floor, but I held my balence. "U-uh, can you please get off my, Ryou?"
Ryou looked at me and a look of shock and surprise. "Yuugi! You're smiling! Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd see the day! What happened? Did Yami finally tell you his feelings?! Oh my gosh, Yuugi, I'm so happy for you!"
My grandpa laughed from the couch, and I stiffled a small chuckle myself. "N-no, Ryou. He didn't."
He raised an eyebrow. "Bakura called me on Saturday and said that Yami was going to drop a phone call here when he hung up. I would have thought you'd have tried to tell him your feelings when he called you. What happened?"
I sighed. "Well, I did tell him. There wasn't enough time left in the phone call for him to reply." I didn't wait for Ryou to ask why I was so happy at the moment. "I told my grandpa everything that happened, and he told me Yami would try to come back to the city to tell me his feelings. I know it's true, because that's how Yami is."
"Yup, that's just like Yami." Ryou patted my shoulder. "You've got nothing to worry about there, Yuugi."
My grandpa interrupted by saying, "So, you're going to spend today over here?"
Ryou nodded. "Yup! That was my plan! I was also hoping to cheer Yuugi up, but I guess you've already done that." A small smirk appeared on Ryou's lips. "Though, I can cheer him up even more."
I tilted my head to the side. "Really? How?"
Ryou held out an outstretched hand. In that hand was a tiny red box with a small green bow at the top. I studied it a bit. I noticed it was the same type of box that would hold a ring. Was Ryou proposing to me? Was Ryou giving me a box that Yami was going to use to propose to me? Why the hell am I getting a ring in the first place?! I gave Ryou a puzzled look, but he just held out the box even further. I took the box in my own hand and stared at it. I hoped that I'd suddenly get x-ray vision so I could see the contents of the box before I opened it. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen. I put a fingernail under the lid of the box and pryed it open. I slid a finger under the lid and opened the box. Inside was... a key?
"Um, Ryou?" I asked. "Why did you give me a key?"
"It's the key to Yami's house," he replied. I looked up at him immediately. "I had the spare key to his house, and I knew the door had unintentionally been left unlocked. I locked it for myself, then I thought that the key would have much better place in your possesion. So, I guess now Yami's house is like your second home now." He laughed a bit. "I don't think Yami would mind you having the spare key anyway. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you going in his house either. And who knows? You may find something in there that answers your question of whether or not he loves you."
My eyes widened. "W-what?! I'm not going to snoop Yami's house! If anything, I'm just going to check a few things inside the house and leave!"
Ryou looked unamused. "Whatever you say, Yuugi."
In the end, though, all three of us laughed. We knew everything was going to be alright. Even me. I had nothing to worry about now.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
I had been happy. I kept in mind that I had to keep my head up and smile. I knew Yami would return to me. Yami wasn't the type to leave me hanging by a thread and to keep me lying in wait forever. Yes, I was anxious for his return, and I could barely wait. Everyday, I smiled like Yami was still there with me. There was no reason to be sad. There was no reason to not be the same person I had always been before. Not even the bitter cold brought me down. Overall, I was almost the same person I had been before Yami left. It was like he was never gone.
Oh, how those days became ephemeral.
After a span of two months, in early March, I started to grow... impatient? Hmm, it's not the right word, but it'll work. I had started to lose all faith that Yami would return. The smile on my face grew smaller as the days went on. I couldn't hide the absence of Yami. He was gone, and there was no way to get around it. I found it harder to believe Yami would soon come home than to realize that I'd be waiting forever for his return. Although, even after I had started thinking this, for a while I had enough happiness left in me for people to think nothing had been wrong with me. Eventually, I had talked to people less and less. The first person to notice this was Anzu. She had asked me a countless amount of times if I was alright, thought I'd never respond fully; I'd give her a small smile and tell her that I would be fine. Ryou had noticed next. Even though he never asked if I'd been alright, he took note of my glassed-over eyes and dead expression. My grandpa never noticed until I had come home and went straight to my room and not coming out until it was dinnertime. Soon after that, I barely left my room to eat anything! I noticed I was slowly spiraling into a deep depression, and I wasn't going to be able to escape it.
I used to sit in class and pay full attention, looking forward to the future. I used to keep my grades at the top of everyone. I actually made both my teachers and my grandpa proud of me. After a while, though, my mind started to wander away from whatever the teacher was talking about, and I was falling behind on my schoolwork. My grades went from A's to C's in no time at all. When I tried to do my homework, I'd sit at the desk under the window in my room and I'd get frustrated about how I didn't get the concept of the work. I asked Ryou to help me a few times, but the same result would occur; I'd let my mind wander to other things, mainly Yami. I was given no peace of mind at anytime. The habit of never being able to sleep at night returned; I was down to two hours of sleep at most. In fact, I was so tired during the school day, I'd sleep during class when the teacher finally shut up. I knew I should have been paying attention, and I felt a bit bad I was letting people down. I was letting down my grandpa by falling behind in everything. I was letting down Ryou and Anzu by acting so out of character and making them worry about me. I was indirectly letting Yami down for ending up this way. I was letting myself down, because I told myself I'd never get this way again.
I got no phone calls from Yami. I got no letters from Yami. I got nothing from him. A few times, I decided to go inside of Yami's house for the soul purpose of finding something. No, for the soul purpose of finding someone. Each time I entered Yami's house with the spare key Ryou had given me for Christmas, I searched each room for Yami. Though, all I found was a thick blanket of darkness and a new set of tears brimming my eyes. I never did let them fall down my face. I refused to let myself cry. I didn't care if I was alone. I did not want to cry. Crying was a sign of weakness. I wasn't weak; I wanted to prove to myself I was strong without Yami. I wasn't doing a very good job of it, though. If I was really strong without him, then I wouldn't have been so depressed. For some reason, though, I don't care about how depressed I was. Showing weakness was based on crying, for me at least. I would never let myself get that far. I don't ever want to let even one tear fall down my cheek. I was better than that. Wasn't I?
A countless amount of times, I remembered mine and my grandpa's conversation Christmas day. I remembered everything that was said, and I wondered what happened to those words. What happened to standing up, brushing the dust off my pants, and standing tall, showing everyone I wasn't afraid to fall down once in a while? Why couldn't that be me anymore? I've dug a rut for myself, and I haven't found the stregnth to get out or call for help; I was so far down, I didn't think that anyone would hear me, no matter how loud I scream. It was possible to shout loud enough for someone to hear me and help me get out of that rut, but I was too afraid that no one would take the time to get me out. I felt alone. I felt as if a piece of me is gone. That piece of me has a possibility of no return. I'd have a missing part of me that would never be found again. I was the puzzle that no one wanted to put together, because there was a piece missing; there was no point in solving an incomplete puzzle, right?
Some time at the end of January, snow had built up and never left the ground, and the tempurature was a miserable cold. However, those were the days where I could care less how cold it was; I was just enjoying life as if was given to me. By the middle of March, the tempurature was finally warming up, the snow was melting, and the sky had more clouds than sun. That was when my emotions went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I thought it was the lack of sun at first, but it appeared again within the matter of a few weeks. Sun wasn't the problem; the problem was my faith that Yami would return was fading with each passing day. Time was going by so slowly to go with it all. A day felt like a month, a month felt like a year; I'd never want to figure out how long a year would feel like.
The end of the school year was coming close, and I was somehow able to pull up my low D's to high B's. I didn't know how, but I had managed to pull it off. Still, I wasn't satisfied. I would never be satisfied with anything in my life. I have been so far in depression that everyone is more worried about me than ever; everyday when Ryou sees me, he pulls both of my arms out in his full view and checks them thoroughly for scars or cuts. Have I gotten so horribly in a depressed void that people look from my face to the pale flesh under my hands? Each time Ryou would find nothing, but then he always tells me that I can always talk to him if I needed any help. Even this far along the road of lonliness, I would never, ever resort to putting a blade to my skin. I know better than to do that. I have always heard about the people that constantly slash at their wrists and end up in the hospital. I don't want to be one of those people, no matter how things got. Although, I have searched my life for any deep meaning, but I'd find none. Then, I searched my life before Yami left for any deep meaning, and all I found was Yami. My life was-- and is --so centered around Yami, I'm starting to question my dependency on him. Am I really that dependent? Can I really not live peacfully on my own? No, that's not it. I've fallen so in love that I find it too difficult to let him go.
Yami left for Egypt without a definate date of return. Yami was taken away from me with no promise of early return.
That was six months ago.
That's right. It's June the eighteenth now. It's no longer December. It's no longer winter. It's almost summer. Exactly six months since Yami left.
Oh, and here's a faboulous detail I left out. They found out who murdered the two Kaiba's. Were they Bakura or Marik? No, they were completely different people.
What a coincidence?
I think not.
Since Wednsday, there have been the final exams for classes, each day having two classes. The school day was cut in half instead of a full day. So, for example (for all you slow folk out there.), Wednsday had hours one and two, and the school day started at seven and ended at eleven. Get it? I'm not explaining again. It has finally Friday, meaning it was the very last day of both horrid exams and the school year. This had to be the single-handedly happiest day of my life. Well, sort of. School was one of those things in my life that made me dread waking up in the morning. Now that it's ending, I feel like some of the weight on my shoulders has drifted away. But school was the least of my worries anyway.
I didn't expect it, but I was able to finish the test in no time at all, which meant that I had a full hour and fifteen minutes to myself. I looked around at the other students, seeing who had finished; I was the first one done. Even Ryou, who because of the stupid seating chart was four seats in front of me, hadn't finished. There wasn't much to do anymore, was there? I had no extra paper to draw, let alone any inspiration. I didn't have a book to read, not that I wanted to read anyway. I had absolutely nothing I could do right now. I yawned quietly. Well, I've found something to do. I folded my arms on my desk and layed my head behind them, shutting my eyes and trying to find sleep.
How long would I have to wait for Yami? Just how long? Shouldn't six months be enough torture? I had so many questions to ask, it made my head spin. Marik, Bakura... why won't you let him return? Malik, why can't you help Yami leave? Ryou, how could you let yourself fall for Bakura's lies? Anyone who'd listen, why can't you help me? There was one question that didn't relate to the others, but it was still most important to me. Yami... do you love me like I do?
An annoying buzzing noise, then a tap to my arm, woke me up from my light sleep. I opened my eyes and looked around to see students standing up quickly and exiting the classroom quickly. I looked up next to me to see Ryou, staring down at me with concern. I looked away from him, rose from my seat, grabbed my backpack, and left the room with Ryou. I didn't speak to him. He didn't speak to me. I think he knew I wasn't up to talking and respected that. Though, there was a part of me that wanted him to talk to me. And yet, I still walk in complete silence, Ryou doing the same. The halls were much noisier, though. People running to the exit while screaming happily that thier nightmare ended for another year (or the rest of their life, depending on what the grade level was.). It sort of made me feel like an outcast, though; I was silent, not having one bit of emotion on the fact that school is finally over. I could care less about that. Right now, my mind is more of a blank slate than anything.
The sun was warm, I noted as I stepped out into the open air. The air is nice, too. Who cares about that? Well, actually, I think it's pretty nice outside, so I wasn't really complaining much. Or saying how much I don't care about the world. I do care about the world! Because somewhere out there in the world is Yami and at least I'm in the same world as him. Hopefully. Ugh, I try to add humor to horrible situations and I just bring myself down. Yeah, I'm great. But anyway. Ryou and myself still walked along the sidewalk in complete silence, as if unknown of each other's presence. Overall, though, it was very peaceful with the silence and all. Still, I can't help but feel like something would happen. Something...
"Hey, Yuugi," Ryou finally said, not looking at me and keeping his voice low. I hummed as a responce. "Are... you okay?" Well, this is new. When was the last time he asked if I was alright? As far as I knew, he never has for the longest time.
With a monotone voice, I replied, "Ryou, do you seriously have to ask if I'm okay to know if I am or not? You should know by now. You should already know that I'm not."
Ryou sighed. "I know, Yuugi. I just wish you'd at least try to get over it."
It was at that point I wanted to yell in his face that I was never going to fully get over it, but I could control my anger quite well now. I've learned to hold in my emotions. "I've already tried to get over it, and you know it," I said, my tone not changing. "I don't know what happened, though. I just let everything slip away and now I'm this."
"I wish you'd try harder." Ryou's voice was cold, not even trying to comfort me anymore. "All you're doing is hurting yourself and everyone around you. Don't you get that? I really wish you'd at least try to get over everything and just be the Yuugi you were a few months ago."
I was becoming angrier, and some of that anger had slipped in my voice. "Don't you get how torn I am about this?" I walked faster, passing Ryou. "I don't think you do."
What happened to me? What happened to the Yuugi that was quiet, innocent, and acted like a schoolgirl when it came to crushes? Where did he go? I missed that part of me. Though, that part of me was brought out by Yami. Everything I was before was brought out by Yami. How-- or why --does everything go back to Yami? Is all of this Yami's fault, and not actually Marik and Bakura's? No, that's not it. Did I develop schizophrenia when Yami left, because I'm starting to get worried about my arguing with myself thing. Okay, all I need is to calm myself down and get some well-deserved sleep. If I could sleep, that is.
Ryou called after me, "Wait, Yuugi!" He ran a little faster to catch up to me. "Yuugi, I didn't mean to say that. I'm really sorry."
I shook my head. "Ryou, don't apolozige. I should be saying sorry."
He left it at that. Ryou couldn't find anything worth saying to me at this point. We've figured out that I was an emotionless pit of depression. We've figured out that nothing could save me. Except Yami. And who knows how long it would be until I wouldn't be the two things I just mentioned.
Well, there's my house. The same house I refuse to leave. I turned to walk up the driveway and made a small wave to Ryou. He mumbled a small 'see ya' as he continued to walk straight ahead. I feel guilty. I feel like I'm losing more of me with everything I say or do. Yet, I'm discovering more and more reasons to let my bottled-up feelings go. So why couldn't I? Sighing heavily, I opened the front door and stepped into the familiar house. My grandpa, who had just walked down the stairs, greeted me with a hopeful smile.
"So, excited that school's finally over?" he asked, taking a step toward me. I kicked my shoes off in the same place by the foot of the stairs and walked past him, trudging up the steps. Grandpa turned to face me and waited patiently for a responce.
Without looking at him, I replied, "Yeah." The conversation ended with that as I walked away.
I stepped into my room and tossed my backpack at the desk, it landing next to one of the legs lifelessly. I wouldn't be needing it anymore, and I was able to admit that I was happy about that. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to be happy. I threw myself onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. The same ceiling I stared up at everyday, every night. The same ceiling that I'd search the patterns for answers and never could find them. The same ceiling that mocked me in a way that made me regret staring at it in the first place. Nonetheless, I'd stare at it as if it would do something miraculous if I continued to stare at it. I sighed, closing my eyes. What could I do? I felt defeated. Why do I feel defeated in the first place? For what reason can't I stand up and take a punch and brush it off like it was nothing? Why am I doing this to myself? So many questions buzzed in my head that I didn't have answers to. How confused I am.
From downstairs, I heard a frantic knocking at the front door. I didn't know who had arrived, and I didn't care much about who it was. Despite this, I still held my breath in hopes of hearing the conversation that would start when Grandpa opened the door. I heard the door open and a rapid voice talking to him. I recognized the voice immediately. Please tell me this isn't happening. My grandpa tried to make him slow down with his talking, but it hadn't been working. He requested to see me, and not even five seconds later my grandpa was yelling up the stairs that I had a visitor. I took a deep breath before standing up and exiting my room to downstairs.
As soon as I appeared, Ryou tackled me to the ground. My grandpa laughed, and I shot a small glare at him. I pushed Ryou off of me and stood up, brushing off my pants. "Ryou, what was that for? I swear, you dislocated my back or something," I snapped, stretching.
Ryou shook my shoulders. "Yuugi! Yuugi, I forgot to tell you something super important! I need you to come with me right-right now!" What could be so important? Before I could ask, he dragged me out of the house and toward his house. Wait a second, I was still wearing socks! I struggled to get out of Ryou's grasp.
"Ryou, let me go! I'm not wearing shoes!" It seemed like Ryou didn't hear me. "Ryou, let go of me, I'm serious!" What is Ryou's problem?! Is he trying to ignore me? "Ryou! Come on, let me go right now!" Now I was just shouting protests more to myself than to Ryou. I growled. "Ryou, I'm not kidding! Let me go! What's wrong with you? What's so frigging important?! Ryou, let go of me!" Whether he heard me or not, I was still being dragged to Ryou's house for whatever reason. "Someone better be dying, Ryou! This better not be for nothing!"
Well, Ryou heard that one. He looked over his shoulder and said, "Oh, trust me! This is super very important!"
Yeah, it better be.
When we got to Ryou's house, I was slightly disappointed; I almost expected to see the shiny red car owned by Malik with Yami standing there waiting for me. Unfortunately, no such thing existed. He dragged me into the house and quickly shut the door before dragging me to the couch. Confused, I sat down, wondering what Ryou had to say. A sudden thought came into my head; what if Yami really was here? What if the car was just hidden? So many hopeless thoughts.
I stared at Ryou. "Okay, what am I doing here?"
Ryou sat-- okay, more of jumped --onto the couch and had a glitter in his eye. "So, about three weeks ago, I was changing my bedsheets--"
"Not sure how important this is," I interrupted.
"Gah, shut up!" Ryou snapped. "I was taking off the pillowcase and stuff and you would not believe what I found inside of it!" Before I could answer, Ryou continued. "I found a note from Bakura!"
I was silent. Was that it? What was the meaning of telling me this? Disappointed, I replied, "How the hell is that important? I don't get it. Did I miss something?"
Ryou shook his head frantically. "No, no! The note from Bakura said something you'd want to hear!" I suddenly straightened my back and directed my attention to Ryou. "It said that Yami and everyone else would come back if and only if I sent them a relpy letter to an address inside the note! And I did as soon as I read it!" My eyes widened. Ryou couldn't be serious! There's no way!
"N-no way..." I muttered. "Let me see the note! I want to see if you're serious!" I reached forward and grabbed Ryou's hands, smiling widely. I was so happy right now. Yami was going to come back to me!
Ryou gasped, smiling just as wide as me. "Oh my gosh, Yuugi! You're smiling!" I nodded. Ryou stood up. "I'll go find the note right now!" he said, running off into the hallway and disappearing from sight. As he was gone, I noticed a light feeling in my chest; I finally felt hopeful. I finally felt like I wasn't waiting around for nothing. Yami was going to come back! He was... Yami was going to finally come back. I've never felt more happy in my life. It felt good to feel alive, as if I were flying, as if nothing could touch me. How great this was...
I jumped when Ryou returned, jumping onto the same spot on the couch he had been before, holding a folded piece of blue-lined paper. I pointed to the paper. "Is this the note?" Ryou nodded, handing it to me. I snatched it and unfolded it as quickly as I could. There they are; there are the words that helped bring my hopes up. The handwriting was very messy and barely ledgible, but I managed.
Ryou,
So you found the note. Didn't think it would happen. Anyway, Marik and me decided to give Yuugi a second chance to be with Yami. We aren't totally evil. In fact, we'll let Yami return. All you've gotta do is send a reply to this note to the address at the bottom of the page. Then when we get it, we'll ship everyone (including Yami) back with no problems at all. Let's see how fast you can send it.
Bakura
Below his name was the address Bakura had mentioned. I skimmed the address, then re-read the note over and over again. I couldn't believe it. Yami was going to come home! This wasn't a joke! Ryou wasn't lying. Yami was going to finally come home, no strings attached. I was so excited. I was more than that. Then, a few things entered my mind that were worth considering.
"Ryou, why didn't you tell me this when you found the note?" I asked.
Ryou rubbed the back of his head, smiling sheepishly. "Well, I sort of forgot."
I rolled my eyes, smiling. "What a surprise." My face became serious again. "Ryou, you sent the reply letter the day you found it, right? That was exactly three weeks ago. You sent it then, right?" Ryou nodded. "It doesn't take more than three weeks to get a letter a few thousand miles away. Bakura said he'd let Yami come back as soon as they got the letter."
"Yeah, well," he said, "you have to remember that maybe they don't have the money to get four plane tickets-- or even one --to come back. Maybe they still have to get the money."
"Ryou, Bakura must have had a way to get Yami here if he said that they'd all come back as soon as they got the letter."
He sighed. "Yuugi, Bakura is Bakura. He obviously knew he couldn't come back as soon as they got the letter. And even if they were able to come back right then, they obviously weren't going to leave then. You know Bakura. He's going to try to make you miserable."
I stared at the floor. Ryou had a good point. Well, they probably got the letter by now, so I don't have to wait much longer for them to finally come back. I slowly led my eyes up until something caught me; on the coffee table at the top of a stack of envelopes was a small white envelop addressed to Ryou, as with all of the others. Though, this one was different. The return address was the same address listed on the note Bakura left for Ryou. I looked at Ryou. "The letters on the table... were they from today?"
Ryou drew his eyebrows together. "Yeah, they are," he said, nodding. My heart pounded in my chest. I brought my attention back to the envelop, and I reached out to grab it. I held it in my fingers. "Yuugi, what's wrong?" he asked, looking at the envelop. Seeing the return address, he gasped, taking it for himself. He tore it open and took out the single sheet of paper inside. He read the words quickly, his expression growing more and more shocked as he read.
"What? What is it?" I said, concerned about what might have been written on the paper. It was known for Bakura (and Marik) to want to ruin my life. What if... What if they said that they lied and Yami wasn't going to come back? What if it was from Yami? What if Yami said he wasn't going to come back? Fear filled my thoughts. "R-Ryou, let me see the letter!" I exclaimed, taking the letter and holding it in front of me. The handwriting was recognized as Bakura's. I skimmed the words to look for the important part of the letter. I got to a certain line toward the bottom of the page that had it's own special line, spaced out from the words above and below it. I stared at it, refusing to believe what I was reading. All feelings of hope and happiness left me. I couldn't believe it. Those three words... They threatened to tear me up from the inside out.
Yami was murdered.
No. No, Yami couldn't be dead. There was no way... No...
Ryou put a hand on my shoulder. "Yuugi... Yuugi, I'm so sorry..."
Without looking at him, I said, "Ryou, didn't you say that Bakura tries to ruin my life all of the time? Didn't you say that he would do anything to get me to be miserable?"
Ryou blinked. "W-well, yeah, but-"
"So isn't there a big possibility that Bakura is lying about this to ruin my life?"
He shook his head. "Yuugi, I've know Bakura for what feels like forever. No matter how evil his intentions could be, he would never lie about something like this. I know he said that him and Marik were the ones that murdered Seto and his little brother, but he wouldn't lie about someone that close to him dying. Yami may not seem that close to him or Marik, but in reality, they're actually very close. Bakura wouldn't lie about that." I held my breath; I didn't blink. There was no way.... Yami couldn't be.... Bakura has to be.... No.... I set the letter on the table in front of me and stood up. Without a word, I walked toward the front door and opened it. "Yuugi," Ryou said cautiously, "where are you going?"
I took a look at him. "Just going for a walk."
"Where are you going." There was no question to this; this was a cold, hard statement.
Taking a step out of the house to get a headstart, I said, "You know that bridge just a few blocks from here by the boat dock? The one right over the water passway?" I left it at that. That was all I needed to say for Ryou to know what I was talking about. Ryou stood up to try to follow me and tried to call me back, but I was already out of the house and running toward my said destination. I ignored all of Ryou's attempts to get me back. I was going to that bridge. I was going to do what Ryou had suspected me of doing. At this point, I didn't even need to say what I was going to do.
I was going to jump.
I ran past houses, cars, people. I ran past life itself. The vision of six months ago appeared in my mind. I had ran past many houses, many cars, many people, to try to stop Yami from leaving. And to think I almost succeeded. If only I had run a little faster. Then, I ran faster. I knew from experience that you had to run faster to succeed with your goal. You had to run faster to get there in time. Knowing Ryou, too, my time limit was running slim. Who knew what Ryou was going to do. Who knew who he'd call. My grandpa? The police? The Mental Health Hotline? With Ryou, I could never know. Maybe he was going to try to stop me himself. And we both knew that Ryou was the faster runner between us. Come on, Yuugi, move those little feet of yours!
I could feel pebbles and small rocks jab the bottoms of my feet through my socks, and I could have sworn I stepped in some glass at one point. Still, I didn't slow down or stop running even for a moment. I've been dealing with a worse pain than this. I'd last. I took a quick glance behind me to see if anyone had been following me; all I found was a trail of blood drops that grew smaller with my footsteps. So I had stepped in glass. No problem. Wounded feet were the least of my worries.
I stumbled a few times, but I haven't actually fallen yet. What a surprise. I'd think with the way and pace I had been running, I would have fallen at least once. I must be lucky. No, I wasn't lucky. I felt like the most misfortunate person on the planet. To think that those bottled-up emotions had left me the second that I read that note Bakura left Ryou. No, no, they only hid themselves, then returned twice as heavy as before. Crying had to be the hardest thing not to do right now. You'd think that by now I'd have tears streaming down my face because Yami was dead. You'd think I wouldn't be so twisted as to jump off a bridge into the seemingly bottomless waters below it. Looks can be so decieving, can't they?
By car, if it was going the speed limit, it would probably take at least fifteen minutes to get to the bridge from Ryou's house. I had been running the entire time, and I had been running my full speed, yet I felt like time was going be so slowly. The world was disappearing so quickly behind me, but time had been slowed down in front of me. It was like it didn't matter if the world was passing quickly or not as I ran, because the fabrics of time didn't depend on the speed of the world. It was like time was teasing and mocking me. At the moment, time and fate were the enemies.
There it is; there's the bridge, just ahead and to the left. Without hesitation, I ran faster toward it. I dashed quickly across the road without waiting for the road to be cleared of passing cars. Surprising how I haven't died by getting hit by a car. Yes! I was now on the same road as the bridge. Come on, just a little bit more, run just a little more. It was so difficult to keep running. My lungs and chest felt like they had been lit with a match. I was finding it difficult to breathe. Still, I ran the last half-mile to get to the bridge. The path to the bridge would soon have multiple police cars surrounding it with crime-scene tape blocking the entrance to it. I could picture it, yet I couldn't think of it as the best of thoughts. As if I care what would happen here within the next hour. All I care about is what was trying to accomplish.
I finally made it. I was right in the middle, right at the top, of the bridge. I hunched over with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. My heartrate must have been beating so fast it sounded like a buzzing noise. The heat didn't phase me, either; I didn't care about everything else. I glanced around me to discover that there was no one around. No one was on the road, no one was following me in the distance. Perfect is all I can say. Feeling like I rested enough, I stood upright once again.
I walked toward the edge of the bridge and looked over the one and a half meter tall wall separating me from the water. The way down was much farther than I thought. I gulped. Was I really going to go through with this? This didn't seem like me at all. Me, Yuugi Mutou, commiting suicide? Uch, I hate that word. It seemed so... dark. But, I never thought I could put that word in the same sentence as my name. Unless the sentence is 'Yuugi Mutou would never commit suicide for any reason.'. Why is it now, as I look over the edge of my death, I start to want to back out of what was my idea in the first place? No, I didn't run here for nothing. Get on the edge of the small concrete wall right now and fall. Fall into the water. Do it.
So many voices in my head... which one do I believe? The one telling me to go back to Ryou and apologizing for scaring the shit out of him? Or the one telling me to jump over the edge of the bridge for the sake of being with Yami? I went over the pros and cons of each. If I go back, then I wouldn't put feelings of depression over my friends and my grandpa, but I would be stuck with living without Yami (which wouldn't be so bad in the first place if I knew how Yami felt about me!). Although, if I commit suicide, then I could spend an eternity with Yami and wouldn't have to deal with the pain of being without him. Though, I would also hurt the others around me. And I couldn't put myself over them.
Do it, a voice in my head hissed. Step on this ledge right now and jump. Do it now before you're stopped by someone.
I took a deep breath. I pressed my palms to the concrete wall and pushed myself from the ground. I carefully swung a leg onto the top of the wall before rotating myself onto my backside. I put the other leg onto the wall and, making sure I didn't lose balance, stood up on the concrete barrier, facing the water below me. I stared down at what I would soon fall into. The way down seemed so much farther down, even though I only became a few feet higher than before. I tried to calculate the distance from here to the bottom, but I was lost in my sea of thoughts. Was this really worth it? The voice telling me to jump hissed my my ear once again, and I tried to shift my weight to the water below me. I discovered something, though. I couldn't do it.
Instead of a step forward, I took a step backward. My cut-up feet hit the sidewalk and I placed my folded arms on the top of the barrier I was just about to jump off of. My forehead layed on my folded arms. "I can't do it..." I said with a shaky voice. "I can't do it..." Somehow, I knew this would happen. Why did I waste so much of my time doing this if I knew I wouldn't be able to jump in the first place? So much of my life has been wasted, but this had to be the most wasteful thing I've done yet. What the hell was I thinking?
I stood up fully again, staring at the ground. "Might as well go back," I mumbled to myself, turning to the direction I had ran before. Though, just as I put one foot in front of the other, something caught my eye. It was a folded note on blue-lined paper. I wouldn't care as much if it didn't have my name written on the side that was face up in purple ink. Out of all of the things to be running the show, why was it a series of notes? Still, I bent down and picked up the paper. For a moment, I just stared at it. Carefully and slowly, I unfolded it to read the contents of it. Time seemed to be in slow motion. I was so anxious to read the note I was trembling. When the note was finally opened, I drew my eyebrows together. I recognized the words on this. There were two people's handwriting on this. They were... myself and Ryou's handwriting! This was the note that I passed to Ryou! The one I lost! What was it doing all the way out here? Actually, better question; how is it still here?! Then, I gasped.
Something new was written on it.
Right next to one of the sentences I wrote.
There, in purple ink, next to the line that read, 'I kissed Yami.', had the shocking two words,
I know.
My eyes widened. Who knew? Who found the note and read it? Where is the person now? Are they behind me?
My question was almost immediately answered when a person standing behind me, though they weren't directly behind me, cleared their throat. It was a male that was behind me, I knew that. "Yuugi," he said. There was an emotion I couldn't read in his voice, but I recognized both the voice and emotion. I looked up and spun around. I gasped and covered my mouth with both hands, letting the paper flutter to the ground graciously. He stood there, hands in his pockets, a playful yet comforting smile crossing his mouth, and eyes with a soft gleam in them. Finally, after six long months, I could feel tears run down my cheeks and line the outside of my hands. Is this a dream? Is this really happening? He spoke again, the same emotion coating his voice. "Been far away for far too long."
I moved my hands from my mouth, holding them together and pressing them to my chest. Tears were flowing endlessly by now, but I was too wrapped up in the moment to stop them. Then, I whispered one word that I was so used to saying, thought it felt like such a forgein word to me now.
"Yami..."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Kurisuten: HAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER! I am so evil, I love it!
Kishichi: ...wait, weren't you just angsty about how your parents are the reason you have no social life?
Kurisuten: Pft, I'm going to his house tomorrow hopefully anyway. Plus, I'm going to see him at school on Monday anyway. What, you think I can't handle four days without seeing him? Jeez, I'm not that weak!
Kishichi: -_-
Kurisuten: But enough about my personal life. Yes! After two long weeks I finally updated the story! At first, I was just going to let the story hang for a little bit before I updated, but then I became really lazy and it was only small pieces an portions a day. Hell, some days I didn't even open the chapter! But today, I realized I didn't want to die in my sleep by the Puzzleshipping fanbase that reads this so I typed the rest of this!
Kishichi: Because dying is no fun.
Kurisuten: Of course not! Dying sucks! That's why I decided to let my two favorite YuGiOh lovebirds live! -peace-
Kishichi: ...special.
Kurisuten: Oh, you're just mad because I didn't save any leftovers from Thursday for you. Remember that note from chapter 12 that Yuugi and Ryou were passing? Guess who fitted that into the later plot? I DID! I decided that the note needed a purpose in the later chapters, because what good is a useless note? That's why I keep every note I pass. Not that they'll matter much later.
Kishichi: Plus, the chapter said that Yuugi didn't have the note, even after he made sure he saved it. The only other person to have gotten the note was Yami, and that had to be put into here. And saying in the last chapter, "Oh, yeah, Yuugi, I still have that note that you asked me about forever ago." wouldn't fit the story at all! Plus, this had a much deeper meaning than that.
Kurisuten: Aren't I smart? QUESTION TIME! Hmm, I didn't think of a question for this chapter... Well, besides "what do you think of the fact that Yuugi almsot because suicidal?"..... Oh, I got it! What do you think would have happened if Yuugi actually did jump? Yeah, yeah, not a very good question, but it was all I could come up with without spoiling the ending!
Kishichi: Anyway, the next chapter will be the last chapter, then the epilouge, and finally the afterword. And who knows, maybe ever after that, you'll get a special chapter! Like maybe an alternate ending or something even more special! Keep reading and sending your feedback and you will definately get a special chapter!
Kurisuten: No lie! Please review! Ja ne, minna-chan!
Kishichi: Ja! -waves-