A/N: I'm back! I know it's been forever and ever since I last updated and I am sooo sorry! I was totally brain-dead, I have been stuck on the first page for ages! But last night I got a mad brainstorm and wrote five pages in less than an hour. Then I finished it up this afternoon and here it is. I'm really sorry about the update and I hope this chapter makes up for it!

Chapter 20: The Best Experiment

Saitou: Okay… since we're stuck here in this damn field and you three girls are the only way we're going to get out of here, I guess we can try to get along with you…

Ryouko: Sounds nice.

Himizu: Best idea I've heard all day… except for me kidnapping Hiei!

Hiei: Grr…

Saitou: In return, you three will take us back at some point and make some attempt to be civil, okay?

Ryouko: We can consider it.

Himizu: It's a possibility.

Saru: Not if you don't let me go…

Saitou: Sano, you can release her.

(Sano lets go of her arms and Saru is free)

Saru: WOOHOO!

Hiei: Hn…

Saitou: Okay, is it a deal?

Ryouko: Sure.

Saitou: Himizu?

Himizu: I guess…

Saitou: Good… THEN GET OFF MY HEAD!

Disclaimer: I don't own any Animes and I don't own Monty Python. But I own the experiments and the mansion. Mine! Bwa ha ha!

Lawyers: Die!

Himizu: How'd you get out of your cages? Oh well… (Pulls out flamethrowers and torches them)

Zombie Lawyers: Die!

Himizu: Uh oh… this can't be good…

The girls raced into a room and halted before a large steel door. The Anime characters screeched to a halt behind them. The girls were suddenly having a furious discussion. Ryouko and Saru seemed involved in an argument with each other and one with Kitsune.

"KARASU!" yelled Saru.

"ELDER TOGURO!" screamed Ryouko.

"You're both so mean! Stop torturing them!" Kitsune cried. Himizu stood to one side, arms crossed and eyes closed. She pulled out her MP3 player and started headbanging to Pon de Replay (AWESOME SONG!) and ignoring the argument. Mitari tapped her arm lightly.

"Shouldn't you try to stop them? What are they arguing about?" he asked.

"One, no. I'm not suicidal. Two, they're arguing about who to use as a victim to show off our remaining major experiment. I'm not participating because I'm the one that has to teleport them here. My counterpart is the one writing this fic, so she gave me most of the powers."

Mitari gulped, thinking of the possible destruction Himizu could unleash if her counterpart was as psycho as she was. (Which I am, but that is definitely not the point of this.) Himizu winked at him, then turned back to her friends.

"DECIDE ALREADY, YOU PSYCHO PEOPLE!" she yelled at them. They glared murderously.

"I don't see you helping…" Ryouko snarled.

"Why should I? Both you and Saru have great ideas!"

"Then transport both of them here!" Saru exclaimed happily, ignoring Kitsune's cries of protest. Himizu shrugged vaguely, made some strange signs with her hands, then pointed to an empty corner of the room. Elder Toguro appeared a moment later. As soon as he saw them, he began to shriek and yell about giant fish. Himizu uttered a girly giggle that didn't sound quite right coming from her mouth after all the times that that same mouth had uttered maniacal laughter. A moment later, Karasu appeared. He looked awful, his hair was burnt and singed, he was covered in scrapes, bruises, cuts, and tire marks. The four girls burst into hysterical laughter, even Kitsune.

"Oh, this is priceless!" Ryouko gasped, wiping tears from her eyes and whipping out a camera and capturing several shots of a PO'd Karasu.

After a few minutes of this, the girls prod the freaky villains to their feet with sharp sticks. Then they marched them up to the giant metal doors, which Himizu opened by pressing her palm against a keypad next to one of the doors.

"If anyone but one of us four tried that, the doors would still open, but some lovely little dingle bells would fall on you and then… you'd be in deep shit, put it that way." She smirked happily.

"For once, she and I combined forces, along with Ryouko… it worked out well, this is possibly the best thing we've ever come up with besides the security guards," Saru said. "They're our attack squad, masters of disguise, masters of weapons, masters of martial arts, they can drive or pilot any kind of vehicle, and know every single language, they've never been beaten in a fight, never failed to steal anything, never been caught in any spy mission, never failed in any mission we come up with, and they make damn good chocolate cake. Meet…"

Ryouko and Himizu quickly put dingle bells on Karasu and Elder Toguro.

"…The ninja penguins."

Ryouko and Himizu shoved the two villains into the apparently empty room. The bells jingled. Then they attacked. Hundreds of penguins wearing the leaf headband from Naruto and various karate belts sprang out of nowhere and began to attack the two villains with various jutsus and weapons. After quite a long time, the penguins seemed satisfied that their quarry was out for the count and most of them seemed to vanish, but several stayed and frisked the pair. Karasu was found to have several bombs and Elder Toguro had a gold watch and a few other things of fairly considerable value. Himizu took the bombs with a creepily happy smile and a burst of insane laughter, while Ryouko pocketed the valuables with a smirk of pure joy. Then the other penguins vanished.

"Penguino? Where are you?" demanded Kitsune.

A handsome king penguin appeared right in front of her. It regarded everyone with cool eyes and nodded slightly to the girls.

"I need a report," Kitsune told the penguin. It blinked and then suddenly appeared as a perfect mirror image of Kitsune herself, down to the stray hairs leaking out of the knot at the back of her head and the chips of paint missing from the beads of one of her necklaces. Everyone blinked. The penguin hadn't appeared to move. Then it started speaking in an exact replica of Kitsune's own voice.

"All assigned missions have been completed successfully, no casualties, everyone is accounted for. We awaitmore missions," Penguino, the Kitsune look-alike reported.

"What about the spoils?" Ryouko demanded.

The penguin looked at her, then took on her appearance. "They're right here."

An gang of muscle-bound thugs marched forward with several sealed envelopes and boxes. The girls accepted them cheerfully and the muscle-bound thugs turned into penguins, which then vanished.

"Thanks Penguino-san, you're free to go!" Himizu said happily. The penguin looked at her, then became a perfect image of her, pulled out a can of Mountain Dew, saluted in an exaggerated way, hollered out "Righto!" then hopped away singing. Himizu glared. "CHEEKY BIRD!" she exclaimed after it. "Baka pengin!" (Not a spelling error, that's Japanese for penguin)

"What are we going to do with these two?" Saru asked. She had been poking Karasu and Elder Toguro with a stick, and been very happy doing it, but now that they were done dealing with the ninja penguins, it was time to get down to business.

Ryouko knelt and examined them. "The penguins do not like dingle bells… ET will be fine… he's a stupid immortal bastard after all…" Himizu quickly teleported him back to some random place while Ryouko bent over Karasu. "Karasu though…"

"No worries!" Saru said happily. "He's alive!"

"Then why isn't he moving? What's wrong with him?" Kitsune asked.

Everyone slapped their foreheads… He'd just been beaten up by ninja penguins and she wondered what was wrong with him…

"What's wrong with him?" Himizu asked. "I'll tell you what's wrong with him. He's dead, that's what's wrong with him! Good riddance too!"

"I don't think so," Saru argued.

The two girls were suddenly wearing English clothes and had British accents.

"Look, matey," said Himizu, "I know a dead crow demon when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!"

"No no he's not dead, he's restin'!"

"Restin'?"

"Yeah. Remarkable demons, crow demons. Horrible hair they have, don't they?"

"The hair don't enter into it. He's stone dead."

"No, no! He's resting!"

"All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up. 'Ello, Mister Karasu! I've got a nice redheaded fox boy here for you to molest when you wake up, Karasu!"

Saru poked Karasu with a stick as Ryouko and Kitsune restrained Kurama from killing Himizu. "There, he moved!"

"No, he didn't, that was you poking him!"

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did!" She grabbed Kararu's hair and began screaming in his ear, still with the outrageous British accent. "'ELLO KARASU! KAR-AS-U!" She began to hit him on the head with a mallet. "KARASU! WAKE UP!" She kept beating him with her mallet. "KARASU!" She dropped Karasu's head back on the floor with a thunk. "Now that's what I call a dead crow demon."

"No, no... he's stunned!" Saru argued.

"Look my gel, I've had just about enough of this. That crow demon is definitely deceased!"

"Well, he's... probably pining for the fjords."

"PININ' for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? When has he ever visited fjords? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I let go of his hair?"

"Crow demons prefer keepin' on their backs!"

"Look, he's completely out of it, there's no demon energy in him at all! It's like it's been sucked out of him!

"Well, of course it was sucked out of him! Otherwise he would have pulled out his bombs and BOOM!"

"Look matey, this crow demon wouldn't "boom" if I put four thousand volts through it. He's bleedin' demised!"

"He's not! He's pining for Kurama!"

"He's not pinin', he's passed on! This crow demon is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! This is a late crow demon! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If were to bury him, he would be pushing up the daisies! He's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This... is an EX-CROW DEMON!"

Everyone was watching this scene with huge sweatdrops on their faces. Karasu suddenly opened his eyes and glared at Himizu.

"I'm not dead, you dumb bitch. And that hurt."

Himizu looked livid. She pulled out her giant mallet yet again and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. "SHUT UP AND DIE ALRADY, YOU MAKAI-DAMNED BASTARD!" she yelled at him, beating him to a bloody pulp. Then she scooped up what was left with a shovel and dumped it into a plastic tub. She then added lots of pointy nails, hot coals, cockroaches, more sharp pointy objects, and some nasty biting ants. She then put the lid on the container, sealed it with a whole role of duct tape, and stuck it in a space shuttle, which she attached a bomb to. Then she sent the shuttle off into space, where it blew up and the plastic carton could be barely seen in the distance plummeting to earth, held up by a tissue-sized parachute. Himizu smirked and dusted off her hands. "That's the last we'll see of him!" she declared.

On the same street that he fell on earlier…

The plastic container fell to earth. After about ten hours, it suddenly exploded. A badly burned, poked, and bitten Karasu tumbled to the street in a heap as the coals, ants, cockroaches, and pointy objects were scattered. Everything but Karasu vaporized as soon as it hit the pavement. Karasu lay in a twitching bloody heap… he was then run over by the same stupid kid riding a tricycle.

"Sorry mister!" he called as he kept riding.

"I'm… going… to… kill…" Karasu snarled. He was about to say more, but then the little kid ran over him again, this time followed by three other kids. Karasu twitched again, then passed out.

Back at the mansion

"You people have so many issues…" Hiei said coldly.

Himizu was cackling like a maniac as she helped her friends lock the door to the penguin room.

"The penguins are our best experiment ever. They listen almost as well as the koala and panda security guards, although they're a lot more cold and professional and suchlike," Ryouko said casually. "They're almost machines, totally cold-blooded and ruthless, yet they have a strong sense of loyalty. I believe they would commit suicide if they were about to be captured and had no way to mass murder every single enemy and had no escape route rather than betray us and out secrets. They can imitate and appearance and behavior of anyone after seeing them only once, even from a distance. Want a demonstration?"

Everyone nodded with interest, so Ryouko made a few hand signs, then a penguin appeared in front of them.

"Turn into Miroku," Ryouko commanded.

Miroku had been in the back of the group when they had seen the penguins, and he was still in the back. However, the penguin, without any sign of hesitation, turned into a handsome black-haired monk with purple robes and a staff, a perfect copy of Miroku. He then grabbed Botan's hand and asked her to bear his child while touching her butt, then Sango whacked him on the head with her boomerang before remembering that this wasn't actually Miroku.

"Amazing…" Hiei said. He was very impressed. The swirly-eyed Miroku look-alike suddenly turned into a sullen-looking Hiei.

"Hn… Baka ningens…" it said. Everyone except Hiei cracked up.

"You may go," Himizu managed to wheeze out as she clung to Sanosuke to stay upright. She then dissolved into laughter once more. Kitsune and Saru were also clinging to Anime characters to stay upright, and Ryouko was almost crying with laughter on Hiei's shoulder. He gave her a slight shove away from him and she fell onto the floor, still laughing.

"Good grief… it wasn't that funny…" Hiei growled.

"No, it wasn't… it's just hilarious because it's just so true… and seeing it come from a penguin…" Ryouko grinned again. Hiei rolled his eyes and looked disgusted.

"Hey, Himizu, did you get that?" asked Saru.

"You betcha!" Himizu sang out, holding a video camera and watching Hiei and Ryouko talk. Hiei saw the camera and tried to grab it from her, but she scooted out of his reach. "I don't think so mister! My camera! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

"Shut up! Give me the damn camera!"

"Forget it! Blackmail material is the best! Go away! Die! Get eaten by a frog!" she yelled at him.

"Frogs don't eat people!" he yelled at her.

"Saru, write that down! That'll be our next experiment!" Himizu exclaimed, scooting away from Hiei and hiding behind Sano.

"Check! Man-eating frog…" Saru said, scribbling on a post-it note, which she attached to her forehead.

"Blackmail… that's it!" Kitsune cried. "I know what we can do next!"

"Whatwhatwhatwhat?" queried her three friends.

"We can show the excerpts from our voluminous collections of blackmail!" she cried happily.

"PERFECT!" the other girls yelled.

"To the Vault!" Ryouko exclaimed, hopping upright and darting off. Himizu, Saru, and Kitsune were right behind her. The Anime characters looked alarmed, but followed behind obediently. Anything other than perfect obedience meant almost certain death.

Saitou: GET OFF MY HEAD!

Himizu: Why?

Saitou: It's part of the deal.

Himizu: What deal?

Saitou: The deal where we're nice and you guys are civil and take us back.

Himizu: Oh… right… that deal.

Saitou: So get off my head!

Himizu: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

Saitou: I'm going to kill you…

Himizu: Now that's hardly nice, is it? You made a deal, remember?

Saitou: If you can't hold up your end of the bargain, I won't hold up mine either!

Himizu: Look, all I'm doing is standing on your head! A little shampoo to get rid of the shoeprints, a little gel and some Plaster of Paris to hold it in place, and you'll be good as new, so shut up and stop whining!

A/N: I don't own the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch. But it's hilarious! And I steal it! Mwa ha ha! Anyways, this fic was originally going to be called The Blackmail files, but I changed my mind when I got all my other ideas. However, in the next chapter, I'm going to write out all the ideas that made me start this fic in the first place. Any blackmail you want me to include would be great. It can be anything, weird confessions, practical jokes, torture, bloopers, stupid random ideas that come into your head while you're daydreaming in math class, I don't care, as long as it's not R-rated, there's a pretty good chance I'll use it! Send in ideas! Sorry for the long wait, I hope it was worth it!