What about how I felt

Well, I did it. For the first time I have stayed at home alone. By that I mean, I stayed home while Jared it on patrol. Normally I leave or have Seth, Leah, or Paul stay with me, this time it is just me though.

I'm lying on my bed in mine and Jared's room. The door is closed and I have headphones in as high as I can stand them. It has been a week and a half since I agreed to live back at home again. It hasn't been the easiest thing but I have been trying for Jared. I felt the air pressure in the room change as the door opened and closed. I didn't open my eyes guessing that it was just one of my pack brothers. I waited for whoever it was to jump on top of me. Instead my headphones were pulled off. I opened my eyes to see my mom standing over me.

"Ayasha, can we talk?"

"I guess."

I turned off my music and sat up while she sat down on Jared's bed across from me.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk to you about why we left."

"Alright"

"I had a reason for why we left and I think you are ready to hear it now."

"Go on."

"It has taken a little time for me to know that I was right. Now that I know I was, we can talk about it. Ayasha like you, as I was growing up I believed all of the tribe's legends. I would dream of finding a spirit warrior and marring him. As you and Jared grew I still believed in them. The way that you believed in them, more than me, scared me some."

She paused for a moment. I was confused about where she was going with her story.

"It made me think that there was a possibility that they are real. You always seemed to know something that the rest of us didn't. You could always hear things the rest of us couldn't. You used to have an obsession with wolves."

She is right I have always been fascinated with wolves as animals.

"The way you acted and talked about the wolves scared me. I realized that there was a chance you were right. I didn't think it would be safe to stay here. Once I had decided that it wasn't safe, I knew that I had to leave you and Jared behind. I wasn't planning to do it when we did. I was going to wait until you were older but when the two of you didn't want to come, it was our chance."

"So you're telling me that you left us because you think I believe in the tribe legends too much?"

I couldn't believe that she was telling me that they left because of the stories. I mean I know they are real but still, what kind of excuse was that.

"I knew that it I gave you and Jared time then I wouldn't have to worry. Every so often I would come back to La Push to check on you but never be seen. I couldn't leave the two of you completely. When I noticed that Jared was growing a lot in a short time, I knew then that I made the right choice. One day I came back and I notice the same thing was happening with you."

She stopped waiting for me to say something but I had nothing to say yet.

"When I realized that you guys had left on vacation I thought it would be a good time to come back. I never planned to be gone forever. Once we came home I learned that I had been right all along. Living here in La Push I can hear the wolves that howl in the woods. The whole time I was growing up here and the rest of the time I lived here there were never any wolves. At least not like the ones that there are now."

"You're telling me that you left me and Jared alone because you believe the tribe legends. And now it makes everything alright because they are true. Well, guess what that doesn't make up for the fact that Jared and I were alone. You have no idea how hard it was for us. We watched you leave for what we thought was two days. In truth it was years."

"I was afraid of what you and Jared would become."

"I find that really hard to believe. You truly had no idea that we would become wolves. it hurt us so much to be on our own. You leaving was part of the reason that Jared phased. It takes more than just the genes and cold ones that make us change. Built up anger fuels the wolf inside us. Jared tried so hard to be brave for me. He
pushed all of his anger, sadness and worry about being abandoned deep down inside himself. It built inside him until one day he couldn't handle it any longer along with everything else and he phased.

Like Jared, I phased because of held in anger. At that point my anger wasn't about the fact that you left. I had long let that anger out. Mine at the time I phased was because I thought Jared was leaving me as well. When Jared phased he was around less and I was afraid that he was leaving."

I stopped hearing Jared come in the front door of the house. He deserved to know her shit excuse. I was done with conversation. I no longer wanted to hear what she had to say to me. I got up and met Jared in the living room. By the time I reached him tears were streaming down my cheeks.

"Ayasha, what's wrong?"

"Come with me I have to phase to show you."

"Are you sure? The others might hear."

"Only Jake and Seth are on patrol from my pack. And yours should be Sam and Paul."

"Alright let's go then."

Together we headed out into the woods and phased. Once we phased I went over to him and leaned into his side. Then I thought about the whole conversation I had with our mom.

Did she really tell you all of that?

Yes, do you believe any of it?

Not really.

As in you don't believe what she said or you don't believe that what I showed you really happened.

Ayasha, how could she have known about the wolves?

I don't know, I don't read minds.

Are you sure it wasn't just a dream?

Were you not paying attention as you came into the house to the fact that I was in our room talking to her?

Not really. And I know you didn't want to live there now.

This has nothing to do about whether I want to live at home or not. Because in case you didn't notice this before either I loved our home and my room. I tried Jared, I really tried to talk to her and that is what she told me. if you don't believe me we can go back there right now and you can ask her.

I'm not saying that.

Why would I make up a story about why our parents leaving us because our mom knew that we would become wolves one day? I never wanted them to leave. I always had hoped that they would come back. But you are the one that told me long ago to give up that hope.

I didn't want to hear what else Jared had to say to me. I took off running farther into the forest leaving his wolf alone in the shadows. I heard him call for me to come back, but I kept running.

I have been running for several hours now. I don't know where I am going but something in me keeps pushing me forward. I believe I have been heading north. There hasn't been a sign that I am going to run out of trees anytime soon and it seems to be getting colder.

I sped up as something up ahead caught my eye. Sliding I managed to skid to a stop just before the ice in front of me. It's a lake with a frozen waterfall. I can't believe how beautiful the sunlight looks reflecting off each ice crystal. This is definitely something I never would have seen without being a wolf. I slowly made my way around the edge of the lake toward the waterfall. Careful of how close I got making sure I only stepped on frozen ground not on frozen lake.

Just as I was about to reach the waterfall I heard a snap noise come from behind me. Surely that was the snap of a twig and not the ice right? Wait, I'm out here alone what else could have made that noise. Take a deep breath Ayasha you are a giant wolf nothing can harm you, except a vampire. My heart began pounding in my chest as I jumped around to face whatever was behind me. There standing five feet behind me was the annoying fur ball.

Seth, are you trying to give me a heart attack?

Sorry, you would have known I was here if you weren't blocking your pack mind.

How did you find me anyway?

You may be able to block the pack mind but you can't block our imprint. I just knew I needed to find you so I fallowed my heart. I had no idea that it would lead me as far north as Alaska.

He closed the space between us and rubbed his head on my shoulder. I did the same right back.

Are we really almost to Alaska?

Don't you know where you were headed?

No, something just told me to run this way.

Well, it better not have been some secret imprint.

No, it wasn't that. Did you see what I showed Jared?

Some but not all, I did hear everything that the two of you talked about though. That's how I knew I needed to find you.

I feel like he doesn't always trust me anymore. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we are in different packs.

Babe, let's not worry about it right now. We are alone thousands of miles away from any of them. I want to spend this time with just you since we have it.

Alright

I believe you were going to the waterfall.

Yeah, I wanted to see it up close and not all of it is frozen and I need a drink.

You are so silly.

How so?

Just are, my girl, you just are.

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing in the snow. Beau and Collin are right chasing rabbits is fun. We didn't harm them only played with them. I out ran mine a few times. It's starting to get dark now though.

Seth, look.

What, babe?

The northern lights, aren't they beautiful?

Yes, they are just like you.

Sorry, it took a long time to write. This chapter was really hard for me to write. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.