Author's Notes:
This is my first Fan Fiction so please go Easy on me…
There was seriously something wrong with my brain. I couldn't write anything down
I feel so horribly guilty for not updating so soon.
Please forgive me.
Anywayzz… I hope you like this chapter.
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything TWILIGHT or it's characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter20: ConfessionsBella POVI dropped the panda and hugged him. I just cried in the middle of the mall. I didn't care whether we were the center of attention or not. I need Edward. I was in pain. I was hurting.
"Can we go home??" I asked Edward after I settled down a little. I don't want to cry anymore. I will not cry anymore. I don't feel sorrow anymore all I feel is anger. How could Jacob just replace me like that?? Didn't he just say that he loved me yesterday??
"Of course." Edward whispered. We silently made our way to the Volvo and when I got in, I stared out the window. I couldn't understand anything anymore. What am I worth?? Something replaceable, I guess.
"Bella??" Edward whispered. "Bella." I didn't move, I couldn't move.
The car screeched to a stop and I looked at Edward with frantic eyes. He held onto my shoulders and made me look at him. He was lost for words. He couldn't say anything. "Please say something." he pleaded.
"I have nothing to say." I said coldly. What's wrong with me??
"Yes, you do!!" He yelled. "Bella, don't bottle it inside of you!! Do something about it!!" his eyes were filled with pain. I couldn't say anything. I don't deserve Edward. He was worrying about me when I was hurting because another guy replaced me.
Then Edward was out his door and opening mine. He took a step back and I stepped out of the car. I looked down. I didn't want to see his pained eyes. They were too much and to think I put it there.
He offered his hand to me. I closed my eyes and looked up. When I opened my eyes, Edward looked like he would be crying if he could. "Do you still trust me??" he asked.
I was shocked by his question. Why wouldn't I trust him?? Instead of taking his hand, I jumped into his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck. He wrapped his around my waist and lifted me up slightly so that my feet were dangling. He nuzzled his face in my neck. "I feel so helpless." He whispered.
"Why??" I brushed the hair out of his face. He looked at me.
"I don't know what to do." He whispered. "You're so sad. I don't know how to make you stop hurting. I'm so useless." He closed his eyes.
"No, you're not." I said. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way." He wouldn't open his eyes to look at me. I cupped his face and kissed his eyelids then leaned my forehead to his as he finally slowly opened his eyes.
He opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted. "Can we go to our meadow??"
He nodded and swung me on his back just like he did before. He was running as fast as before. And just like then, everything was a blur though now, everything was bright. The sun was coming out.
He stopped and I stepped down. I sat down on the grass, under a tree. I looked up at him and patted the grass beside me. He sat down and I sat on his lap.
We were both watching the bright sun. The clouds finally let it show. Then Edward put his arms around me. I need to talk to him.
I started to play with his fingers and he rested is chin on my shoulder.
"Edward…" I started. "You know Jacob and I were best friends since we were little. I only got to see him every summer. He kept me company while I was here. He was the only one I opened up to besides my mom. We both knew that we both loved each other but I… I just wasn't ready. He told me that he would wait but when I came here for good, he just forced it on me…"
"You don't need to tell me if it's too much." Edward whispered, interrupting what I had to say.
I looked at him. He was serious. "I trust you." I said and smiled a little. He gave me a sad smiled. "Okay. But you can stop when it gets too much."
I nodded and resumed playing with his fingers again. "He ended our friendship when he couldn't wait anymore. But, that isn't the most painful part…" I whispered. "Do you know what is??"
He slowly shook his head.
"One, I lost the most important friendship I had then and two, is that I realized that I was ready for him all along. It's just that not all of me was sure of him and third, was yesterday. When he said that he still loved me. It's so painful because he just replaced me. Yesterday, he told me to decide and then today, he's with another girl whom I have never seen before when I went to his place." I laughed humorlessly. "I guess I'm just replaceable to him. Maybe I didn't mean much to him at all."
Edward's hold tightened around me. "He's stupid. If I had you then, I would have never let you go."
I cuddled closer to him but kept my attention on his long pale fingers. "Can you tell me how he could do that to me??"
"I don't know how he could do something as horrible as that." He whispered.
I looked at him and saw that his eyes were closed. "Will you do that to me?? Will you… replace me??"
His eyes opened and they were furious. "Never. You can never be replaced. You will always have my heart."
I smiled a little. "I love you Edward."
He sighed. "I love you too. You just don't know how much." He rested his cheek on my shoulder his eyes burning into mine. I leaned my head on his.
"I'm sorry Edward." I said.
"For what??" he whispered.
"This is so unfair to you. I am so hurt by the other guy when we both know that I love you way more." I said.
"Actually… I don't know." He said.
"Don't know what??" I asked.
"If you love me more." He said.
I twisted my body so that I was facing him. I took his face in my hands. My eyes were burning into his. "Why are you being a hypocrite?? You told me to trust you when you cant trust me?!" I yelled. "I thought you would have more faith in me."
"Then let me rephrase. I know you love me but I'm not sure if you love me more." He said.
"What are you talking about??" I yelled.
He was gone. I looked around and saw something sparkle in the sunlight. I watched my Edward sparkle in the sunlight. "Well, look at me!!" he yelled. "Bella, I'm a killer!! I'm a monster!! I'm a freaking rock!! He might be a werewolf but… At least he has a pulse."
"What the heck?! And I thought you hated them." I walked towards him but stopped a few feet away.
"I do. I hate them with the last fiber of my being but he is closer to human than I will ever be." He reasoned.
"I don't understand you." I said. "Please tell me what's bothering you. I told you what bothered me, please don't let him… Don't let him be the reason why we're fighting. He's not worth it." I was pleading now. "I don't want to lose you."
He was looking at me with fierce eyes while mine were trying to hide the tears that were coming. His hands were clenched and he was breathing shallow breaths. "Please??" I tried again. "I cant lose you, not now."
"Bella." he started taking small steps towards me. I closed the distance between us and ran up to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kept his on my waist. "I'm sorry Bella. I can't help but think that you will leave me."
"Tell me. Tell me why you think that." I whispered. "Don't keep it bottled up inside you!! Do something about it!!" I quoted him.
He took a deep breath. "I'm not human." He said. "I'm not right for you."
"Why??" I asked.
"That's exactly it!! I'm not human!! I mean look at me!! I'm hideous!!"
I looked at him in the eyes and smiled. "Youre not. You're my personal miracle."
"Why are you looking at it like it's a good thing?!" he yelled.
"I'm not saying that it's good nor is it bad. All I'm after for is you. I want Edward. Imagine if you weren't changed, we would have never met. Can you imagine yourself if you just died?? Do you think I would be this happy??" I asked softly. "I know I'm being selfish, I'm thinking about my happiness but that's the only way I can show you that I'm not disgusted by what you are because to me, you are the most amazing guy I could ever find."
"I just… I don't know what to think." He said.
"Think about us. Don't think about anything else. The only thing that matters is us. And as long as we love each other, I'm not letting you go."
"You don't know how lucky I am to have found you, Bella." he said.
I laughed. "I think you got it wrong. I'm the lucky one."
He smiled and then his icy lips were on mine. I felt the heat go to my cheeks. My hands tangled to his hair and one of his hands were on the small of my back while the other was cupping my face. The kiss was slow and passionate. Then all too soon, he pulled back.
We were both gasping for air and then he kissed me again and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry for acting that way." he said.
"Me too." I said.
We sat on the soft sand. I was leaning on Edward and his arm was around my waist. My fingers were feeling the sand. It was a calming feeling and we both watched the sun set.
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"I'll see you later??" I asked as we reached home. Edward needed to talk to his family and go hunt but he promised to be here tonight.
"Definitely." He whispered.
I smiled and stepped out of the car but then Edward was in front of me in a crouch. "What is it??"
"Black." He said and I stiffened.
Just then I saw an old truck come and pull up in front of the house. Jacob stepped down from the truck.
He walked to the front of the house with out seeming to notice Edward and I. Edward stood straight but stayed in front of me.
"Mind opening the door??" Jacob asked coldly.
"Why are you here??" I asked. I didn't want to see him after what happened today between Edward and me. He caused all the problems. Edward and I almost fought because of him.
"I was told to come here to drop of Fish Fry for Charlie." He said.
"Okay." I said. I walked around Edward and opened the door.
Jacob went inside and I followed. Edward stayed outside. "Can I come in??"
"I need to talk to him alone. If that's alright." I said.
"Okay." He whispered. He kissed me quickly on the lips and whispered: "Be safe." Then went on his way.
I sighed and closed the door. I went to the kitchen where Jacob was placing the fish in the fridge. I waited and he finally turned to face me but he made his way out of the house. "I don't want to talk to you." He said as he was leaving the door.
I stepped out with him. "I just have one thing to say."
He turned to face me. "What??" he asked coldly.
"After what you said yesterday and what I saw today. I realized something…" I started. "I realized that I was ready for you all along. I was in love with you." I smiled and started to walk in the house when a big hand pulled on my arm.
"You are not in the right place to say that." He said.
"I know." I said. the pain was coursing through me again. It was bearable but it still hurt.
"Then why are you telling me this now??" he almost growled.
"Because I'm sorry. I know that I'm not in the right place to say that since we've both moved on. I just am saying that… im sorry I made you wait when you didn't have to."
"I don't… want... I don't want to be friends with… you." He said.
"I never asked you to be friends with me!! That's not what I'm trying to tell you. How can you be so cold?!" I yelled.
"You know what??" he let go of my arm. "Never mind."
"yah. Nevermind." I said as he left me.
My chest felt lighter but I was in pain. How will I ever understand what is happening to me?? I am so lost. I don't know what I am doing anymore.
What I just did would be good for me. I know that he doesn't care for me anymore… so why should I care??
I confessed because I was guilty and I get left alone. But I would ever have found a better ending to my day. Im now free of Jacob Black. He is nothing to me anymore…
Author's Note:
There we go!! Chapter 20!!
How was that??
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If you have the time… Try reading my other story: PLANE CRASH INTO TWILIGHT
By the way…
This part of the story was inspired by one of my best friends.
She is a very strong girl. She was able to face situations like this and this is dedicated to her!!
ILY!! You know who you are. ;D