I'm sorry it's been such a long wait, so I hope this longer than usual chapter at least helps. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Please tell me what you think. I'm already working on the next one. Not long to go before the end of this story and the dramatic finale. Warning: some swearing in this chapter.
Claire rolled over on her bed, covering her face with her arms in frustration.
"What kind of sadistic bastard invented calculus? And whose bright idea was it to organise learning around a barrage of tests that all take place at the same time?" Bender leant on his arm and traced the other over hers.
"Obviously they did it just to annoy you." He pulled them back from her face. He leant forward and planted a kiss on her pouting lips.
"You know, I should be working. So should you." She sat up and pushed him off her, playfully.
"Why invite me over if you're just planning on torturing me with that perfect body of yours?"
"Well, why come if being with me is such torture?"
"I guess I must like you a little huh? Not that much though really."
"You!" She punched him in the shoulder.
"Ow. He rubbed where she had hit him. "That actually hurt."
"I meant it to." She frowned. "Why can't finals just be over already so we can go to prom and then … What?" Bender had stopped laughing at something she had said.
"I don't know why you care so much about a stupid dance. I thought that you had moved past stuff like this."
"Can't you just accept that this is important to me? It's the culmination of everything this year has thrown at us. Besides, I would like to dance with you."
"We can dance any time. We could go to a club. I can get us in. I know a few people."
"It's not the same." She moved away as he tried to kiss her. She sat up and left the bed. Bender rolled his eyes inwardly. She wasn't going to let this go.
"I am not going to get dressed up in a stupid monkey suit all just to be in a school hall, with bad music, non-alcoholic punch and people I can't stand."
"You'd be with me." He softened a little.
"Look, if you build it up in your head to be some perfect thing, you'll only get disappointed."
"Well it certainly won't be perfect if I don't have a date."
"Will you drop this, I'm not going."
"Fine, I'll just go with someone else." She wasn't sure whether she actually meant it when she said it but felt a curious mixture of guilt and triumph as she glimpsed a momentary flash of some deep emotion in his face. It could have been anger f hurt. She stood her ground. His face hardened quickly after the momentary lapse of his uncaring façade.
"Go ahead; I have to be somewhere anyway." He stood up and grabbed his coat. He took a few long strides to her window, then changed his mind, walking out of her door and going down the stairs in plain sight of anyone who might be in the house. She watched him go quietly refusing to run after him and apologise. He had been obnoxious. When the door downstairs slammed shut, she collapsed on her bed. She realised that a small part of her had wanted him to come back. She didn't know whether to cry or throw things. She put her arms back over her face and curled into a ball her knees under her chin. Her revision lay forgotten by her side.
Bender strode out of the door and down the gravel drive, anger seething in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to hit something but held down the impulse. He milled about for a while not really going anywhere. His anger simmering down into resentment. He did consider going back but his pride wouldn't let him. Why couldn't he just take her to the stupid thing? Why did they both have to be so damn stubborn? He gritted his teeth. He needed to think elsewhere. He stumbled on a phone box and dialled a number. Chaz answered after the first ring.
"Hey."
"Hey mate, what is it?"
"You free to come out, I need to get a drink." There was a pause.
"Uh, I'm kind of with someone at the moment. Another time?" He hung up. He called a few more people. They were either not in or busy. He sighed and called the last person he could think of, someone who probably wasn't up for anything of the sort.
Brian sat staring at the page on the desk on front of him. Allison sat across from him seemingly deep in concentration but from the frequent glances she sent out of the window, he could tell that her mind was not exactly on the task in hand. They were supposed to be working on a project but he could tell that she wanted to be somewhere else. He knew about her and Andy but couldn't be sure of the details. His mother had insisted on leaving the door open propped with a stack of old textbooks. She never let him throw them away just in case there was something in them that he still might find useful. Although they were meeting their only use at that very moment. He had told her again and again that he and Allison were just friends and that she needn't worry but she only levelled him with a suspicious gaze. Thinking about that made him think of Sally. He immediately tried to push her out of his mind. Strangely his thought then turned to Emily out of the blue and their last conversation in the parking lot. She had been crying and hadn't seen him. She had blundered right into him. He in his uncertainty and willingness to help managed to get her to calm down and tell him why she was upset. Given his closeness to those she was attacking he was put in a very uncomfortable position but he had listened and she had allowed herself to dry a little. When it was done, she thanked him for listening and left. He had not seen her since. His attention was drawn back to the question of studying when Allison pushed back her chair and stood with an angry sigh.
"I'm sorry; I just can't concentrate right now." At his irritation and concern, she simply raised a hand. "We'll get it done in time. You don't need to worry but I wouldn't produce very good work at the moment anyway." She grabbed her bag from off his bed and turned to leave. He heard her walk over the carpet and down the stairs. Suddenly the shrill ring of the telephone broke the near silence in the house. His mother must have been in the garden rather than busying about something downstairs and his father had taken his sister to her ballet lesson that afternoon. He waited for a moment, not wanting to answer the phone. It stopped and then he heard Allison's voice in the hall. He walked over to the door and listened at the hallway door.
"Yes, he's here. No, I don't think he'd be up for that. I can ask him? Fine. Ok. You want to… Not at the moment. I'll be there in an hour." The phone beeped as she set it down. Brian had a thought that he culled before changing his mind and running out into the hall.
"Allison, wait." He heard the door slam and sighed.
Claire found doing her makeup soothing; there was something about arranging her features with a perfect choice of colours that seemed to make everything go away. Marilyn swung her feet on the edge of Claire's bed. She had come over as soon as Claire asked. She was a good friend, though ditsy which made the fact that she got on with Alison so well all the stranger. Allison was nowhere around though, Claire had called everywhere she could think of but no one knew where she was. Sally however had been more than happy to come out. Though she had taken at least an hour to leave the house despite saying that she wasn't doing anything. Claire had sworn that she heard a guy in the background. Perhaps things were improving with Brian.
"Is there any particular reason you called us here, hun." Marilyn examined her nails before deciding that she was happy with them.
"Do you have a date for prom yet?"
"I have a couple of hopefuls sniffing around. Why?"
"Sally?" She looked up little hurriedly.
"I wasn't planning on going. What is this about?"
"I was actually thinking that we could all go in a group, plus dates. I might be going alone actually but I thought it might be fun to go in a limo together, drinks are on me.
"I'm in." Marilyn smiled. "That's sounds good Claire. Wait a minute. Alone, I thought you were still with Bender."
"I am. I think. He doesn't want to go."
"Well that is just selfish."
"Is it? I don't know. Am I being selfish in trying to force him to go? Anyway, so I figure, the best solution is to go alone. I am not missing the highlight of the school year just because my boyfriend won't take me. Sally, you'll with us, won't you. And if I can convince Allison to come we can be single together. Sounds just perfect."
"Assuming I can't convince… never mind." Sally took up the curling iron that had been heating through their conversation. "Who wants to go first?"
Claire was annoyed. Very annoyed. She had been searching for Bender all day but had seen no trace of him and Chaz was being oddly vague about it. They hadn't talked in days. There was now a thread of anxiety running under the annoyance. Their fight hadn't been that bad had it? He wasn't avoiding her and getting Chaz to cover for him? She was just wondering if he was waiting for an excuse to break it off when she launched right into Travis coming around the next corner.
"Hey red, watch yourself." He caught her and set her back, is hands lingering on her arms. "You'll hurt yourself. You look good today."
"That's funny because I'm furious."
"You hot when you're mad."
"Don't say that. He says that."
"When are you going to dump that loser?"
"Look, Travis this really isn't a good time. I'm in a bad mood."
"No worries. Maybe I'll see you at Prom after finals?"
"Maybe." He turned and left. She immediately panicked as she realised what she had just agreed to. He couldn't possibly have taken it that way. She had been distracted, going over her and Bender's conversation in her head. "Wait."
He was already gone.
Bender was about to turn the corner but stopped when he heard Claire's voice. He had been avoiding her all day but had decided to suck up his pride and apologise. He seemed to have caught the tail end of a conversation. What he heard made his heart go cold and his face tighten into a frown. He stormed back the way he had come trying not to slam his fist into the lockers. He was really going to have to get a lid on the way he dealt with his problems. He stopped a moment. Maybe it hadn't been what he thought. He considered going back to confront her but then he recalled his exact words when they had fought the night before. He had told her to go with someone else. He never thought she'd actually do it even to spite him. She was better than that but that was clearly not the case if her go to guy was Travis. He knew where he was going. He and Allison had had fun drinking their problems away the other night before when Claire and him had fought, though he suspected he'd drunk far more than he had. He wondered if she would be up for it again. Girl was cool and she listened which was more than could be said for a lot of people he knew.
Allison pulled a hip flask form her pocket as she settled down on the bleachers. She had left class early but hung around until everyone had left. She felt like hiding again today, somewhere out in the sun. The plan had been to get tipsy by herself. She had been doing more of it lately than she would like to admit. She cared about Andy and seeing him just made dealing with it all the harder because the situation was not going to resolve itself. She had seen Andy earlier with his arm around one of the cheerleaders who was giggling at something he had said. The sight had put her off her lunch. Her stomach gurgled then in protest as if to reproach her and she thought of the uneaten food she had thrown in the bin with longing. A sharper longing had reined it in before, one she was trying to numb. It hadn't been long before she was joined by Emily who was as chipper as usual which was to say not at all. She had been there half an hour and barely said a word choosing to share the flask and glare out into the football field.
Allison didn't mind. In truth, she preferred the silence. Too many people felt the need to fill the air with pointless remarks and observation just to keep a conversation going. They had not been there for more than half an hour before they saw Bender turn onto the field, hands in his pockets though missing his trademark smirk. Emily stiffened immediately, clearly hoping he was just passing across the field to get home. When he stepped up onto the bleachers and nodded at Allison, she stood up hurriedly.
"Well that my cue; see you later Allison." She edged off toward the stairs.
"What's the matter?" She asked, looking puzzled. Bender levelled a sharp gaze at her.
"Where are you going Emily? I thought you hadn't quite finished shouting at me." He laughed quietly. When she kept walking he tried again. "Look, Em I'm sorry." She looked back for a moment.
"Fuck you, you asshole." Bender raised his hands in a gesture that was somewhere between surprise and retaliation. He then just sighed and came to sit beside Allison.
"Aren't you going to ask what that was about?"
"I'm sure you're going to tell me." HE thought a moment.
"It doesn't matter anyway. I've now got two women pissed off at me. At least she had a good reason." A look of pain crossed his face before resuming into a grimace. "Getting involved, hooking up with one of them."
"One of them?"
"One of the preps."
"Trouble with Claire."
"I should have trusted my gut and known from the start that it wasn't what I wanted. We're so different." Alison squinted at him, feeling the effect of the drink rather strongly all of a sudden."
"What's the problem here?"
"It doesn't matter now. She's made her choice."
"What choice?"
"She's letting that scumbag Travis take her to prom. And you know what happens after that."
"What? Claire with him. She can't stand him. I heard her say that she'd rather eat broken glass than date him again."
"Well don't look now but her mouth is bleeding."
"You must have made a mistake."
"I heard her say it right in front of me. She told him that she would go with him. She didn't know I was there."
"I still don't believe it."
"Like you can talk. What about Andy? He's off with some girl he doesn't care about and he's abandoned you. "
"That's different. I hurt him. He told me he was falling in love with me and I literally ran away. I've been avoiding him. He made it clear that it was up to me where we go from here. And like everything in my life I say nothing and look away. He doesn't need to deal with all this bullshit in my head." She suddenly felt the urge to cry. Bender had been sipping from the flask until it was all gone but then he produced a bottle of Jack Daniels he had swiped from Reese's flat. He had been drinking it like it was light beer. She took it off him, for her sake as well as his own.
"Hey." He protested but he let her have it. "You ever think you're far too fucked up to be with anybody, I mean for the long haul?"
"Of course. All the time." The afternoon light began to turn to evening dark. Neither was anything approaching sober. As the time had passed they had got closer until they were leaning against each other against the cool night. Allison went to move after a while but found herself falling further against him. She twisted around, half on and off his lap. Their eyes met for a second, their faces mere centre meters apart. It was Bender who moved first but she was there to meet him almost instantly. Their lips pressed together, coming closed with a force neither had anticipated. The kiss was long, hands getting lost in clothing, fumbling, hot breath and the taste of alcohol. They were entirely entangled by the time Allison worked up enough willpower to push him away. Clumsily, she got off him and sat down a foot away from him.
"This is wrong. I love someone."
"Yeah, me too. As much misery as she has brought me. So you've admitted it have you now?"
"I suppose so."
"Then why not tell him that?"
"It's not that easy."
"Isn't it?"
"Have you told Claire?"
"Not in so many words. She must know though."
"Are you sure? Does he really know? Because if you were to tell her how you feel, I think it might mend the rift between you. You know how she is. She probably sees this prom thing as an example of you not caring. And you know if she loves you she'd never say it unless she was sure you felt it too. She's too scared of being vulnerable and you aren't exactly famous for caring about the girls you sleep with."
"I'll tell her if you tell Andy." The liquor made them both brave.
"All right. Wait, I have no idea where they are."
"I do. Actually, I overheard about a party in some rich kid's house. I know the address. I think Claire was going to be there. She mentioned it before, before things got out of hand."
"Ok let's do this. What about Andy?"
"If he's not there we'll go to his house."
"I don't know."
"You're not backing out of this. If you do, I'll make sure and tell him what you said."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Can and will."
"Fine." They got off the bleachers and went down together, not having truly thought about their actions and decisions and the consequences that were likely to follow.
Andy looked down; realising that the only thing he had done in the last twenty minutes was fill a page with doodles. He saw with some chagrin that he had written Allison's name three times. It was worked into the main drawings. It was no good. He wasn't going to absorb anything when his mind was so full of other things. Auspiciously perhaps he heard a knock on the door, loud and demanding attention. He went downstairs and found Tyler, a team mate, outside already half drunk.
"Hey, Andy we're going to Shelley and Jason's party. Want to tag along? I can guarantee that it's better than chem revision and Marilyn will be there. Claire too. Word is she dumped that loser she was dating. Travis says so."
"Really, Claire? I don't' know. Besides Travis has a tendency to lie about those things, you know him. I don't think you have a chance with her just yet. Anyway I thought you were into Charlotte?"
"Charlotte's a buzz kill. She won't stop talking. Come on, it'll be fun. I promise we can leave if you get bored."
"Maybe. But not all night." Andy had never been very good with resisting his friends and what they wanted to do. Now that Allison wasn't around to remind him that he could think for himself, he found himself sinking back into his old ways.
"That's what I like to hear." HE stepped back to reveal that he wasn't alone three others sat in his BMW. One of them honked the horn and whooped. Andy winced, knowing that his mum would be trying to sleep. He went down the steps leaving the door unlocked as he got in the car. He had a bad feeling about this party.
An hour later and he was pressed up against a wall, navigating a busy living room while Tracy tugged him toward the stairs. HE knew where she wanted them to go and what she expected when they got there. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before. But something felt wrong. He should be excited, instead he felt nothing. She led him through into one of the guest bedrooms. She giggled and pulled him over to the bed. Her lips were insistent when she kissed him, she knew what she wanted. He allowed himself to respond, reaching up and running his hands along her shoulders and down her arms. She was beautiful, and she wanted him. She knew her own mind and could say what she felt. She was easy to know and well – adjusted. She was everything that Allison wasn't. She was uncomplicated. So why couldn't he feel anything or see anything but her? She danced in and out of his mind. Laughing. He felt the bed move under them and opened his eyes to see Tracy removing her top. She looked at him expectantly. Just then the door opened and they both blinked at the sudden light. It was Claire. She looked from him to Tracy and backed away. She was clearly angry but knew it was not her place.
"Claire, wait?" He got up and went to go after her. Tracy caught hold of his arm.
"Are you serious?"
"I'm sorry."
"Claire, wait up. I wasn't going to. I didn't want to."
"It's not what you think. I wasn't going to."
"It's not my business."
"I know that you're upset with me. But Allison and I are not together."
"Well, if you're determined to hurt her, it's not for me to say anything."
"What do you want form me?"
"I want you to stop acting like every guy that ever got hurt and tried to hide it. If you love her, you should be with her."
"I don't think that she wants to love me, I don't even know if she could ever let anyone in that far."
"You didn't give her the chance. I just think that you need to stop hurting her, parading your girlfriends around as if she can't feel anything."
"So I'm a scumbag. Don't take it out on me if your relationship is circling the drain."
"Who said that?"
"Everyone."
"Well they're wrong. What does Bender have to do with any of this? I'm not taking out my unhappiness on you. I just care about Allison. Andy, we've known each other for years, just when did you get to be such a jerk?" She turned around and stormed down the stairs. Andy was left churning with all the emotions he'd been ignoring for the last week or so. He looked at the open door behind him. He didn't want to go back inside and he was pretty sure that Tracy would be pissed at him anyway. He needed some time alone to think. He tried one of the other rooms, hoping that it would be empty. It wasn't, he saw the two making out in an armchair. He backed away.
"Sorry, wrong room." He whispered. One of the heads popped up.
"Andy, what are you doing here?" Sally. The guy that she was with sat up. It was Chaz.
Brian couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing out on something. Despite the absence of his study partner he had managed to get a reasonable amount of work done. He sat back in his chair until it tilted backward at an angle. A noise startled him from outside. He stilled and waited for a moment. It came again, this time closer to him. It was coming from outside his window, now directly below it. He sat up, reaching for the little league bat under his bed, a memory from a less exhausting time, now tiny in is hand. He edged toward the window. Even though it was closed, he still felt a rush of adrenaline. He put a hand on the sill and looked out. Someone was climbing the side of the house. He jumped back startled. Should he call the police? Should he run? A hand appeared on the outside sill, it was feminine, the nails painted a startling shade of purple. Soon after a face appeared, tight with concentration. Emily stared at him for a moment before tapping on the window.
"Are you going to let me in?" Momentarily frozen, Brian pulled out of his stupor and opened the latch, letting it pop open under his fingers. She ducked as he pushed it far enough out that she could fit through. She pulled herself up and fit through the gap easily. Once she was inside she looked around and caught her breath. "They keep you on a tight leash don't they? Hey, why aren't you out with the others?"
"Out? We're supposed to be revising." He spoke the words much more wryly than he would have a few months ago. He hadn't truly expected them to be. Emily shrugged.
"I guess they didn't get the memo."
"Why did you use the window? We do have a front door you know?"
"I know. I just figured your folks wouldn't let me in. I don't really look like the kind of girl they'd want you hanging around with. I don't have pigtails for starters or glasses."
"Well they're not in; they took my sister to a play to expand her cultural knowledge. Yes, I know how that sounds. How do you even know where I live?"
"Allison told me. Thought I'd drop by to thank you for the other night. You were nice when I needed it."
"Oh, good."
"So, why are you stuck in here if your parents are out? It's the perfect time to sneak out."
"Well, I'm not really one for parties and nobody asked me."
"Brian don't you ever get tired of being the nice one, the good one. Because people will only take advantage of that."
"Yeah maybe but I'm not going to be an asshole just to get what I want."
"Then you're pretty unusual. You know most guys would ask why a girl would climb up to their room in the dark."
"How did you get up here anyway? There's no trellis or ivy."
"It's a skill I've picked up and the drainpipe was stronger than it looked. But you're avoiding the question." She frowned. "You have any booze here."
"No. Yes, my dad has some Brandy someone gave us or Christmas one year. The bottles a bit dusty because no one's really touched it since we had a few sips that year out of politeness. I think it was someone from the office."
"Perfect." He thought about saying no then sighed and went to get it. He rooted around in the cupboard under the stairs until he found the long tall glass bottle. It was indeed covered in a thick layer of dust. When he got back to his room, Emily had made herself at home, swinging her legs off the side of his bed. She smiled when he came back and took the bottle from him, unscrewing the metal cap. "Whoof that's strong. If you're worried about them finding out, just water it down after we're done. Now what have you got to do? Do you have a gaming console?"
"No. If I bought one even with my own money, my mother would have a fit."
"TV."
"Only the one downstairs. It's just cable."
"Alrighty then. Let's go. We can watch bad TV and get smashed. Assuming you wouldn't prefer to get on with more revision." She looked at him incredulously. He sighed a little.
"No, you go ahead. I'll follow." They walked in sock feet down the stairs. Brian suddenly felt like a burglar in his own home. No that wasn't right, more of a smuggler.
They found the remote and settled down for a few hours in front of the TV, taking turns chugging straight from the bottle. It was bitter and burned on the way down but after a short while, almost immediately after beginning Brian began to feel relaxed, more relaxed than he ever had been before, he could laugh and joke with the strange girl beside him as they poked fun at whoever was on the screen. An hour of bad TV and too many sips of brandy to count later, he found his hand resting on her knee. He liked it there, so he left it, and she didn't push him away. He was sure that she was less drunk than him. Yet she wasn't telling him he was a creep. Instead she just giggled and fake punched his shoulder. A little later and she had put her head on his shoulder. Brian wasn't quite sure how it happened but soon, she was on his lap and she was kissing him. Or he was kissing her, he wasn't truly sure. The bottle of brandy fell to the floor and one of them had the presence of mind to kick it under the sofa. Between kisses, she pulled back, sometime later.
"When did you say your parents were coming back?"
"I didn't." He looked at his watch. Ten o'clock. "Not for like thirty minutes. The play's in Chicago."
"Ok then." She pulled her top over her head and pulled him after her up the stairs. They kissed in the hallway. Brian was a little floored as to how this all had played out.
"Brian. Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Are you a virgin?" She stared shrewdly into his eyes despite her drunkenness. She was pressed up against him and warm. She was so beautiful and actually at least seemed to want him. Brian answered the question the way he usually did. He lied.
"Of course not. I mean I've only done it once but…"
"Good." She took off her bra and he ceased to think coherent thoughts. "Now shut up." The door closed behind them.