Chapter 20 - Clean Slates
That night, Sam woke up by something crying, or was it more like whimper or silent sobbing? He couldn`t really tell, so he turned towards Andy, who as laying with her back towards him. She seemed to be asleep, but she kept on sobbing and talking funny. He didn`t understand what she was saying. He carefully placed his arm around her waist.
"Andy? Wake up Andy. It`s just a dream. Come on wake up for me". Sam switched on the lamp on his nightstand.
"Andy?"
She almost jumped up, so she was sitting up in their bed. Like being relieved over waking up, she let out a sigh.
"Andy? You want to tell me about your dream?"
Sam asked her as he fluffed her pillow and gently pulled her down to his protecting arms.
She looked at him. Her eyes were wet from the crying in her sleep. She looked like she had just seen a ghost in their closet. Big, scared, terrified eyes. Filled with so much horror you can`t even begin to imagine.
Sam wiped away a few tears with his safe, protecting hand.
"I`m okay, you`re here, I`m here, that`s enough for now". She said as she pulled herself so close to Sam, it was impossible to get any closer. She wanted to feel safe, okay, protected, and she was, with him.
"Andy, you need to talk about this. Remember our deal?"
"I...uh... just, you know-", she started, sitting up in their bed, and placing both hands over her belly.
"It`s always the same... I`m laying there, on the concrete floor, I wake up because someone is crying. My belly is sliced open, and there are so much pain, so much blood, but all I can focus on is the crying... I`m right there, but I can't reach my own baby and hold on to her-". Andy explains to Sam, as she sheds some tears, wiping them away with her shaky hand.
"And then, she`s just gone. He took her. And she`s not even wearing any clothes on".
"Come here", Sam sais as he pulls her close to him. Rubbing his hand up and down her back, talking soft and telling soothing words in her ear.
Eventually she falls into the night. Sam on the other hand, can`t get his sleep back. Well aware of that it won`t make everything better, but this is it. They are selling the house. They can`t be living here anymore. The house is filled with bad memories and blood stains. Blood. Andy`s blood. The house is infested with some sort of plague, and there is nothing he can do about it. How can he possible think that living here will make things easier?
They need a new beginning. A fresh start with clean slates. And a new house. Today was the second day of December. Tomorrow would be the third. That left them about 20 days to get out of this one and in to their new dream home. They had to pull this one off. Their first Christmas together, and he would make sure Andy got one hell of a celebration.
"Are you sure you`ll be okay on your own?" Sam held on to Andy by her shoulders.
She definitely was not up for a trip down to the station. She would be okay alone right? Faking a smile to him, she reassured him that she would be okay by herself.
"Really, I`ll be okay, I promise".
She gave him a lip filled kiss.
"Don`t do anything alright? just relax, take a nap or whatever you want. Promise me you won`t stress".
Andy nodded and stood by the door until she saw him drive away.
The house was quite. Too quite maybe. Like uncomfterable calm. She went upstairs and headed for the room next to theirs. The room that would soon be their daughters room. She opened the closet, letting her eyes float over the adorable collection of delicate, soft baby clothes. Newly washed and ready to be worn by someone that small. She cracked a smile and placed one hand on her belly. She couldn`t wait.
She went over to the crib that Sam had put up only a couple of days before...
Well.
Before she went missing.
He insisted that he wouldn't need the manual that came with it. Of course. Typical him. Typical most men she thought as she stood in the doorway, watching him fumble and struggle, when after 2 hours, there was still no crib.
So. She did what she felt was necessary. She went downstairs, and picked up the manual from the garbage can. Yes, he had actually thrown it in the trash. Just like every other man who thought that, well, manuals was for someone else.
She walked upstairs again, leaned on the doorway as she approached the nursery. Watching him flipp a white piece he clearly didn`t know what to do with, that she, well, yes knew where would go.
But hey, she wouldn`t let him know that. She wouldn`t want to take that away from him. He was the man in the house. He would want to be the one who put up the crib. So, she cleared her throat, so he would know that she was back.
"Sam, I thought that maybe you would want this back?".
He turned around. The manual. Right!
He started to laugh. Sat down on the floor.
"Or, maybe you want some help?", she asked as she sat down on her knees next to him.
He took the manual that she held out for him to take, and smiled at her. "Thank you", he replied, with a hint of irony.
She smiled and raises her left eyebrow at him. "Maybe, you shouldn`t have thrown it away 2 hours ago. And you know, maybe there would be an actual crib if you hadn`t been such a s manly man about it".
Wow. Just wow.
" I love it when you're this feisty", he said pulling her sweater. " And, I love you", I think I deserve a break, and you know... maybe we could... explore some of this feistiness you`ve got going on?". He almost begged, lifting his eyebrow.
"Really? You`d like that huh?". He was on a roll he thought, as she sat as close to him as possible, pulling her sweater down so her left shoulder was exposed.
"A lot, actually. And, I know you want this manly man you were referring to". Sam leaned in for a kiss, when...
Well.
This feistiness was suddenly over. Just like that. In a blink.
"When I see a crib standing against that wall-", she began as she slowly pulled away from him. "Then, we`ll see how feisty I still am.
"I`ll start dinner". And then she was gone. Sam left to his own devices. Only him and the manual.
"Well, I better pull this off then", he said to himself. Thinking he wanted her feistiness for dessert later.
Andy sat down in the nursing chair Sam had bought her a month ago. White wooden rocking chair with white cream fabric. Very comfortable and pretty damn nice she had thought the day it stood by the window waiting when she got home from a afternoon shift.
She looked out the window. A thick, white layer of newly fresh snow had come along during the night. She could barely see their mailbox. Gazing over to the houses on the opposite street, she noticed the Christmas decorations and the lights that was already up. Christmas lights. Of course. They hadn`t put any up she thought. She knew Sam wasn`t the most Jingle-bell-spirit-kind-of-guy, but she wondered why he didn`t put up the lights they had agreed on putting on the big tree out front and in the back yard.
Their first Christmas together, as a normal, engaged-soon-to-be-parents-couple. Well, maybe not normal. They were never normal, and honestly, they would probably never be normal either.
Honestly, she didn`t really feel like decorating the house anymore. Even behind all the lights, sparkling decorations, and the smell of newly, fresh, baked goods, there would still be that feeling of being in an infested house. A house that, well, had failed in some way. Lost its touch, it`s charm and homey-feeling. She closed her eyes as she felt something wet pushing through her eyelids.
An hour later, Sam walked in their front door. "Andy?"
The house was so silent. Like there was nobody home. "Andy, I`m home". Still no answer.
He peeked in the kitchen. The plate of fruits he had made her was still there, just the way he had left it. So, she hadn`t eaten anything. TV was still off. He didn't hear any washing machine in works.
He walked upstairs, and noticed the door to the nursery half open. He peeked in. A sleep, in the rocking chair by the window. He walked up to her and bend down. Her face was all wet, and her mascara was smudged a bit. He knew she had been crying.
With a gentle touch he dried away what was left of the river of tears that had trailed down her chin not long ago.
"Hey, you`re home. I must have fallen asleep. Sorry". She put her feet on the floor, about to get up when Sam sat down on the footstool in front of the chair, placing her feet on his lap.
"Don`t get up yet Andy. Wanna talk for a bit?", He said smiling at her.
"About what?"
"How you are coping with everything? or the fact that you were sleeping in this chair? or maybe that our neighbors' Christmas decorations made you realize that we haven`t put any up yet?"
Man! He is a mind-reader to the bone, she thought. She looked outside, feeling her pregnancy-hormones opening her tear canal once again.
"I.. uh... noticed that, yes. But it`s okay. I`m not really in the Christmas-kind-of-mood anyway. Don`t worry about it". She gave him one of her fake smiles again.
"Andy, I know you pretty well by now. I now you happen to love Christmas. I know you have a stock of new decorations in the basement that you have bought little by little since October, that you, because you are a Christmas-kind-of-person, couldn`t wait to put up. I also happen to know that this house just isn`t the same anymore. Not to you, not to me. Mostly to you, because you feel like it failed you. It`s infested with something you don`t want to feel, the safety is gone and you don`t have the homey feeling anymore".
Wow. He really know me.
"And, that`s okay. I get it, I do. I don`t really feel like this is our house anymore either". He could feel his eyes getting wet. Reaching for something from the pocket of his black leather jacket, he continued his pep-talk.
"And, that`s why I have been in touch with a realtor today. Andy, I want you to feel safe, I want you to feel like home again, and I want you to continue your passion for Christmas. We`re selling the house Andy".
Just like that. A wave of relief washing over her. She wanted him to hold on to her. Just a little. So, she bent forward and put her arms around his neck. Letting a relived breath out as she buried her face in his neck. He held on to her, before he made a small gap between them.
"I`ve talked to the bank, and they`ve approved for a funding between this and a new house. We are going to find a dream home Andy. This is our chance to start over. Clean slates. I know that moving won`t take away all the pain you`re feeling, and that you won`t forget, but it`s a start, and we`re going to have one hell of a Christmas this year, alright?"
"Here, this is a few houses that is up for sale that matches our needs. They are closer to work, nice neighborhoods, ready to move in standards".
He definitely caught her off guard on this one. In something that easy could be compared to a state of shock, Andy managed to press out his name.
"Sam"
"No, before you say something, just... I have lived here for almost 10 years. Alone. With nothing but my own company. I have left for undercover, returned and it always was the same. I want... I need a change, we both do. Just think about it. In five years. A three-bedroom house is going to get to cramped anyway. Where do we put the other kids that we`re most definitely going to have? We`re going to need more space eventually, and why not now? This is our chance for that change. We need this Andy. So, what do you say, you want to buy a house with me?"
His smile made the deal. He giving up the first house he bought, paid off and all. For her.
"Sam, I love you, more than I can ever explain in words. I would love to buy a house with you, and you`re right. This is a new start for us. Our next step to try to forget a little bit. And, I`ll be okay, soon, I promise you that. We`ll be okay, and just... Thank you".
"I`ll walk through fire for you Andy. I love you more than you`ll ever understand. So, you want to go to an open house with me?"
"Let`s go". They left the nursery and headed downstairs. They were going house hunting.
"Hey, Sam. How many?"
He looked at her, not really knowing where she was going with that.
"Kids, how many?"
"Four".