Title: Symbiotic

Author: SLynn

Summary: As SHIELD decides to work with someone new, the Avengers are learning just how well they really work together.

Notes: I still haven't finished writing this... but I have enough to keep posting. Hopefully soon I'll be done. Thanks for the feedback - enjoy!

"Excuse me," Phil said, nodding crisply at Tony as he got to his feet and followed Clint out of the room.

This was out of hand.

Phil stepped into the elevator and asked JARVIS to direct him to wherever Clint had gone, not surprised when he was steered towards the roof. He found Clint standing near the edge, his fingers intertwined on the top of his head as he looked out over the cityscape, lit up with last light before sunrise.

Pausing, Phil took a breath before he approached. He didn't know what he was going to say but he knew something had to be done.

Clint was spiraling.

It was a familiar cycle, if not an exhausting one. He would let people in, let them get close and then push them away just to see how they'd react. To see if they'd leave. Clint compulsively tested people, tested where the boundaries were and how much they'd take before cutting him loose. Phil understood on some level why he did it, but it didn't make it any easier to handle. So many people had abandoned Clint when they'd gotten angry or upset or sometimes even bored with him that he just sometimes acted out; he made them angry just to see what they'd do.

Clint had personally pulled this stunt, or something close enough to it, on Phil so many times he'd lost count.

"You have to tell me what's wrong," Phil said clearly, his eyes fixed on the back of Clint's neck. "You have to let me help you."

For a moment Clint didn't move, didn't react, but slowly Phil watched as the other man dragged his hands down over his face and bent at the waist briefly before standing upright again.

"I don't need help."

"Yes, you do," Phil said, his voice even and as neutral as possible.

"Not this time."

"Every time, Clint," he reiterated. "I will help you every time I can. I can't promise to solve all your problems, but I will help you work through them."

"Work through them," Clint repeated back to him quietly, shaking his head and laughing bitterly as he turned to face him. "I've tried and... and that's just not going to be an option this time."

"Is this about Loki?"

"No," Clint said quick enough that Phil almost believed him. "It's... It's just personal."

"Personal," Phil said as if the word was foreign.

"Yes, as in mine," Clint suddenly snapped. "My problem. Me. I'm -"

He stopped and turned his back on Phil again, staring out at the city below.

"You had to realize Natasha was going to tell me," Phil tried again after a few moments mulling things over. Phil knew it couldn't be that because, as far as he could tell, whatever had been bothering Clint was something a long time coming. At least since they'd both been back from the dead. Maybe even before then.

"I was hoping she wouldn't," Clint said curtly.

"But you weren't surprised."

"No."

"Okay," Phil shrugged, watching the line of Clint's shoulders sink lower and lower. "Is this about your brother?"

There was another long pause before Clint shook his head and said, "No, but he did get in touch with me. Sent me a text the other day, after the press release. Didn't say much, just that he'd thought I was dead. He's probably thrilled he's still got a shot at me," he finished with a harsh laugh. "That he still has a chance to kill me himself."

"You should have mentioned that sooner," Phil said in a slightly admonishing tone as he walked up and joined Clint at the edge of the building.

"Why? He's no genius, but Barney knows enough to use a burner cell when he contacts me," Clint said as if unbothered. "If I tell anyone he called it would just be a hassle. Tony would probably crank up security to threat level nuclear. Natasha would start tracing my lines again. For my own good. Bruce would get tense. Steve would try to give me some inane pep talk and Pepper... Pepper would worry and she's got enough to worry about without adding me to the list. He's already tried the Tower. Barney won't be back."

Phil looked at Clint and blinked back his surprise. Clint had never been able to talk about his brother with so much indifference in his voice. It was almost enough to make him think that he'd finally hit upon the actual problem. That the other man was overcompensating to throw him off track. That there really was some recurring problem with Barney that had surfaced since New York that Clint did not want Phil or anyone else to know about.

It made sense.

And Phil would have believed all that, but he knew Clint better.

This was just another attempt to shut Phil out. Clint was dropping him a story, probably mostly true, as a way to throw him off the real issue.

"Last chance," Phil said softly.

Clint shook his head, tipping it just enough to look Phil in the eyes.

"Not buying that one?"

"No."

"Phil," Clint said, the word a weary sigh, "if I thought there was anything... There's nothing you can do, okay? This whole thing, everything since New York has been such a ride. I couldn't stay at SHIELD without you and I didn't know how to just be a person. Being a part of this team has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I don't want to jeopardize it. I really don't."

"You push."

"I know," he said and the more he talked the more dejected he sounded. "I don't want to but I do it anyway."

"Why, Clint? What did you hope to accomplish?"

"I did want to help Carol."

"And I can appreciate that," Phil said with a firm nod, "but you could have gone about it in a different way. Why?"

"I guess... I guess I had to prove that I could. That I was capable and... and that everyone knew it." When Phil didn't know what to say, when he couldn't respond Clint continued, "It didn't exactly work out that way."

"Why?" Phil asked, genuinely perplexed.

Clint had a lot of issues, but none of them revolved around what he was and was not capable of. Clint knew he was good, that he was the best at what he did. It was never something he'd doubted but it brought to mind a conversation Phil had recently. The last time Clint had lashed out at Phil, he'd done it via Carol and the two of them had had a long talk afterwards. Carol thought then that Clint might have some kind of self-esteem or self-worth problem, but Phil had dismissed it out of hand.

Now he wasn't quite so certain.

"Because I do stupid things," Clint shrugged. "I don't know."

"I think you do," Phil pushed and Clint stared at him hard as if contemplating his next words.

And he was.

Clint looked at Phil and froze. On the outside he was steady and calm but inside he was a riot of nerves. He was past the point of avoiding the issue. He couldn't avoid it anymore. The problem was literally buzzing in his ears.

It had started small. One of those things he meant to get checked, but never did because he was afraid of what it really meant. A problem he'd first experienced after New York when Loki had him blasted first into a wall and then later when he crashed himself through a window, rattling his head harder than he'd meant to. Something he'd hoped would go away but never did. It hadn't always been bad, it hadn't always been annoying. But it had gotten worse. There wasn't a time Clint couldn't recall over the past several months since he'd again slammed his head, this time during their escape from those cells, hard enough inside the jet to see stars that his ears hadn't bothered him in some fashion or another.

And then he went and did it again, smacked his head good enough to knock himself out cold earlier that night.

Since then it was markedly worse. As if the volume on the world around him had been turned down.

He'd kept his comm link in, set it to amplify, and cranked it up to high but it was barely enough to make up the difference.

Clint knew he was past the point where something had to be done, but until he knew how everyone around him would react he felt paralyzed. Of course he'd never know for certain how they'd react until he told them and so he was stuck. Clint felt suspended by fear and doubt and he didn't know what to do.

"Clint?" Phil repeated, still waiting patiently at his side for some kind of response.

He turned to him and it was on the tip of his tongue. The words were all right there, waiting to be said, but instead of speaking Clint just shut his mouth tight and shook his head.

He couldn't break free.

After Phil had followed Clint out of the meeting there seemed little point in anyone else staying. Carol and Bruce left at nearly the same time followed shortly by Bobbi. Maria and Steve were heading towards the door with Natasha lingering behind when Tony finally spoke up.

"Don't think you're off the hook."

Maria's shoulders tensed for a second, her back still to the scene as she sped up her steps, but Steve quickly reached out and stopped her with a touch on her elbow. With a look and a shake of his head, Maria paused as Steve turned around and stood his ground. Steve knew better than Maria that if Tony had wanted this to be a private conversation between himself and Natasha, he'd have waited half a second longer for them to be alone.

Natasha didn't respond, just continued sitting quietly in her chair giving Tony a look that spoke volumes of her cool indifference.

"You could have told us sooner," Tony pushed.

"I didn't tell you at all," Natasha supplied with a subtle lift of her shoulders.

"Of course you didn't."

"Because he was right."

"If he was so right, why tell Phil?" Tony asked as he folded his arms over his chest. "Why bother? You didn't tell us, true, but what did you think Phil would do? You knew JARVIS was going to notify me eventually, so what was the point? Who were you covering? Oh, that's right. You were covering yourself. Must be nice to be able to play both sides."

"Phil was backup," Natasha scowled.

"Backup for what?" Steve asked, no longer able to keep out of the conversation.

"That's a crock of shit," Tony dismissed before Natasha had the chance to answer. "You didn't need backup. You had most of the team there. She's lying," he finished, addressing Steve and Maria directly. "Again. I don't even know why I'm surprised."

"You were expecting trouble?" Maria asked Natasha, the wheels in her head turning.

"I always expect trouble."

"Well, you got it," Tony shrugged. He was exhausted. He felt completely drained by the situation, but at the same time he was unable to concentrate on anything else.

"This isn't..." Natasha said, stopping long enough to shake her head and gather her thoughts again. "I told Phil because I knew I could. It's an old habit. I didn't do it for my benefit or to make myself look good. The team needed to know, but SHIELD did not. That's all there is to it."

Tony listened to her but found it hard to believe. Still, he let out a long held breath and nodded, ready to be done with it. He wanted to move on. He wanted to believe that, by their own twisted logic, they'd all been doing the right thing.

Natasha returned the gesture and left without saying more.

"It wasn't personal," Steve said after a lengthy pause.

"It was," Tony disagreed, dropping his guard and letting his disappointment seep through. "They just didn't realize it."

"It's how they operate," Maria supplied. "In SHIELD, as operatives and assets," she explained, leaning against the table and feeling as worn down as Tony looked. "It's just how they operate. Both Barton and Romanoff have always been given free rein to accomplish missions in any way they deemed reasonable. Of course reasonable for the two of them is... is somewhat slanted for anyone else, but it worked. Coulson is the only one they've always shared their plans with, separately or together. Training like that is hard to disregard."

"Okay, so... so they work through Agent," Tony said, trying not to feel hurt by that; it made absolute sense. "As long as Phil keeps us up to date on what they're up to I guess... I guess we can still make this work."

"No," Steve said, arms folded over his chest as he shook his head. "That might work if they were working together, but they're not."

"They planned this," Tony insisted.

"Clint planned this," Steve said, correcting the assumption. "He didn't tell Phil and next time he won't tell Tasha. He set up JARVIS to inform you well after the fact, but still within a timeframe that if they needed help, we could be there. Natasha moved up that timeline expecting problems. And then, with a whole army of Sentries bearing down on them, what does she do?"

"She sent him away," Maria answered quietly.

"Has she ever done that before?" Steve asked, having a good guess as to what the answer would be.

"No," Maria said shaking her head. "Never."

"Jane was there," Tony reasoned, although it felt like a stretch.

"The Sentries were interested in two things: destroying that outpost and Danvers," Steve said, waving off the argument. "They let the jet pass by without incident. They could have protected Jane on the ground."

"So what exactly are we getting at here?" Tony questioned, his thoughts running wild with possibilities.

"I'm not certain," Steve said and he meant it. Something was clearly off, not just between Natasha and Clint, but also between Phil and Clint. More worrisome was the fact that no one had picked up on it until now.

"Neither am I and I'm exhausted," Tony said as he stretched into a yawn. "We'll worry about it tomorrow. I still need to talk to Clint. We need to talk to him," he stressed.

"You're the leader," Steve said with a sly grin.

"Why did I agree to that again?"

"Because you'd never agree to anything else," Steve returned.

"I am good," Tony smiled. "Except for the fact that seventy-five percent of the team all but called me useless."

"Closer to sixty," Steve shrugged. "Thor's not here."

"Pretty and smart," Tony laughed, clapping Steve on the shoulder briefly as he passed by. "He's a keeper, Hill."

"Goodnight, Tony," they called out in near unison.

He responded with a wave, smiling as the doors on the elevator shut. But as soon as they had shut, the smile faded.