A/N: Thank you to all who sent private messages or made a mention in a review about my husgands surgery. He came through fine. He will have a few months of therapy as well as overcoming the pain but in the end will have relief from the constant pain from before and he will regain a lot of mobility in his neck. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.
I go in tomorrow for my oral surgery. I can say with all honesty it scares the hell out of me even though I know it won't be as bad as my imagination makes it seem. I hate the thought of needles and knives approaching me in any way, shape or form. To have them coming at me while awake and aware is even more stressful. I'll get through it as I know it is something that must be done. I just keep quoting "and this too shall pass".
A/N: I edited this a second time after posting as a little of it seemed confusing when I read it after posting. I think I corrected my mistakes.
Chapter Twenty
Pursuit of Pricilla
Predictably when Michael and Charlotte caught wind of his female guests they could not contain their curiosity or their irritation with Erik. Erik assumed it had been the oh so handsome "Mac" who had informed Michael of Erik and Pricilla's guests. For the cost of a piece of rope Erik would strangle the dear doctor quite happily.
After Michael's initial showing of disapproval he had taken Erik into his study leaving Charlotte alone to fume about Erik's thoughtlessness. She had wanted him to bring Pricilla to visit but Erik could not as Pricilla had gone riding with the doctor. He had left Antoinette and Meg to rest for the day while he visited with his friend Michael and his not so friendly wife Charlotte. Antoinette had given Erik a lot to think about after Pricilla had left.
She had not spared him anything. By the time she had finished any pride Erik had been feeling earlier had been shoved under the rug as Antoinette continued to impart a few home truths to him. He could not even say he disagreed with anything she had said. Where had Madame's wisdom been when he had been behaving like a lunatic?
His visit to Michael had helped him see things a little clearer as Michael had given Erik some sound advice. He had recommended that Erik put his ego in the closet while he courted his wife in a manner that had been denied her because of the circumstances of their contract. Not wanting to belittle himself further Erik wondered how one wooed a woman who was already your wife. Did that not mean the man had already won the prize?
Erik and Pricilla's marriage had been somewhat clinical and devoid of any romantic trappings. He had seen how that might be a sore point with a woman. He had not made the rules of this game, Michael and others had that pleasure. For every important thing in his life Erik had been in control since he had left the fair's imprisoning cage. He had only added more to an already stressful situation by stupidly believing his actions in pursuing Christine were justified.
Mac had been invited to dinner the night Erik had returned but an emergency had kept him from coming. Erik could not say he regretted the loss of the good doctor's company. Pricilla had been coldly off-putting during the evening meal the night before. She had warmed a little toward Antoinette and Meg while sending looks filled with glaciers toward him.
The very next day Pricilla's doctor friend had arrived giving Erik what he felt sure must be a heart attack or heartburn at the very least as his chest had felt tightly bound by some invisible constricting band. The longer Erik had to sit and watch as "Mac" charmed his wife and guests the tighter the band had been drawn. It had to be an attack of some sort on his heart as Erik would not concede to feeling anything else. His pride forbade it.
Meg had given the doctor a few shy glances during the brief conversation. It had irritated Erik only because his ego needed that extra boost Meg's admiration gave him. Pricilla hardly spoke to Erik and then only if forced to do so. Breakfast had been eaten in stony silence. If Pricilla had been any colder Erik thought he might have ice forming on his extremities if in her presence for any extended length of time.
When Erik would have jumped to his feet to stop Pricilla from joining this Mac person for a ride, Antoinette had placed her hand firmly on his forearm then shook her head slightly when Erik glanced at her questioningly.
He had watched another man walk off with his wife. Damned if that man did not cast Erik a triumphant salute behind Pricilla's back. Erik's low growl had Meg looking askance in his direction while Antoinette had a pretty good take on the situation. Erik had painted himself into a corner by leaving Pricilla as he had done. Now he found himself growing more than just fond of his wife while she was being sought after by her doctor friend. Although Antoinette had not perceived anything more from Mac than friendly intent.
What an unnecessary mess Erik had created for himself. Antoinette felt glad that she could be here to help Erik during this delicate time of his life. He for sure had been ill-equipped to handle a woman and her needs let alone one he had made his wife. His pursuit of Christine had been highly unorthodoxed to say the least.
Antoinette sent Meg to explore the outdoors while she had a heart to heart talk with Erik. Of course Antoinette did not phrase her request thusly but the gist had been contained in her words. Once Meg had left Antoinette felt free to scold Erik again as she had in New York. Now she added her censure to include his poor treatment of Pricilla.
Antoinette let Erik know it would not be easy to win his wife back but not impossible as she had seen a little sparkle of something shining out of Pricilla's eyes when she looked at Erik. Not all of it had been animosity. Briefly a flare of something warmer had shone in those blue depths.
When Erik argued the point Antoinette had brushed his nay saying aside. Erik brought up Mac and his interest in Pricilla. Antoinette assured him that yes the man had feelings for Pricilla but not in any romantic way. There had been nothing noticeable between the two other than honest affection. Erik doubted men and women could remain only friends as his relationship with Christine had begun with him as her comforter and protector. Erik could not imagine any man being exposed to Pricilla for long and not want her. He knew he damn well wanted her in every way a man could want a woman. That information Erik did not share with Antoinette but she knew it nonetheless as Erik stared out the window in the direction Pricilla and Mac had taken.
This would be good for Erik in Antoinette's estimation. Erik needed this learning experience as to how people we interact with should be treated especially those we care about. Once one had a partner in life that person should be the main concern of the spouse. That worked for both the husband and the wife.
Antoinette could not relay everything Erik needed to know all at once. She could impart a few observations she had made and give him a few hints as to what might win Pricilla over. Antoinette warned Erik yet again that it would not be easy. He had to be committed for things to be affective. He could not use any grand gestures such as he had bestowed on Christine. Subtlety would win him more of what he wanted than grandiose displays. Sometimes the little gestures won more favor with a woman than anything else. Something a man works out for his bride to please her, the effort he puts into his plan, those sort of things made women weak where men were concerned.
Erik put his plan into action the very next morning. He instructed Loretta to take Antoinette and Meg into town for a little shopping. She had grumbled about it not being her job to entertain Erik's guests. Erik had wanted to shout at her for being obstinate and remind her that as long as he paid her salary she would do as he saw fit. He held back any such declaration as he knew Pricilla would not appreciate him upbraiding Loretta in that way.
It was only after he informed Loretta he wished to accompany Pricilla on her morning ride did Loretta become less surly with him. For all Erik's faults Loretta wanted to believe in him. Being a romantic at heart she had hoped Pricilla and Erik would work through there troubles. She had only remained disagreeable with Erik because he deserved some very uncomfortable moments for what he had done to Pricilla. Erik should have been told about his lost child but it was not Loretta's place to do so.
Loretta took the two women with her to town with a draft to be cashed at the bank for a hefty sum. Erik had given her an amount that would keep them in town all day to spend it. He took special care with his appearance. He splashed cologne on his face with his hands hoping Pricilla might get close enough to reap the benefit of it. Hell he hoped he would be the one reaping the benefits.
Pricilla and Erik met in the stable. She declined Mark and Nick's offers of assistance. Before Erik could offer Pricilla told him she enjoyed saddling her own mount as it gave her and Grey Lady time to bond, not that at this point they needed to do that. Instead she treated Grey Lady to cubes of sugar. Midnight Dream being of a covetous and jealous nature moved away from Erik toward Pricilla. Erik thought the animal meant to trod upon Pricilla until he nudged her back playfully with his soft nose. Her laughter gladdened Erik's heart. He had heard it so few times before and not once since his return.
"Something tells me that Midnight Dream is not unfamiliar with this treat you afford Grey Lady." Erik felt relaxed in Pricilla's company as he had never been before. Not even before his leaving could he say they had felt totally at ease with one another. Erik felt this indicated some progress.
"Oh Midnight Dream and I have an understanding. He does not misbehave around me and I bring him cubes of sugar as a reward. He has not yet learned the art of sharing though. He is a greedy beast." Pricilla patted him gently to show she had no hard feelings for the animal's avaricious nature. Really he was quite a sweet tempered animal if one did not get on his bad side. One trespass and the horse would never be handled successfully by the trespasser. His former owner had learned that the hard way after using the whip on the animal without discretion. That is how Erik came to possess such a fine animal.
The horses wanted to run but both riders restrained them until they left the stable yard. Pricilla wondered if today would be a good day to let Erik know he had almost been a father. If she could be certain no one would tell him she would spare him the pain she had suffered. No good could come from his knowing of the loss they had suffered. Pricilla would give almost anything for the memory to be erased from her own mind.
As if sensing her mistresses dilemma Grey Lady took charge of their direction. She chose to go the way she and her mistress went almost every day. The only day they veered from this chosen path were those days when another rider joined them. Today Grey Lady chose not to veer off the path that led to the copse of trees where her mistress cried silent tears nowadays. Before great sobs could be heard the whole time they stayed underneath the trees sheltering branches.
Neither Pricilla nor Erik spoke as they rode along. Each were deep in their own thoughts. Erik wondered how he could use this newfound willingness of Pricilla's to spend time with him to his advantage. Pricilla spent this time going round and round trying to think of the right words to tell Erik such a delicate thing as a child's loss.
Pricilla dismounted once Grey Lady had decided they had gone far enough into the trees. Pricilla did not wait for Erik to join her before she knelt down near the patch of loose earth. The large stone marking the grave had been carved with the day of her child's loss. The words "Here Lies My Little Angel" had been carved roughly into the stone's front.
Erik stood over Pricilla reading the words and the date not knowing what they meant. He knew it had not been here when he left. Curiously it looked like a small grave. With foreboding eating away at him Erik asked softly, "Pricilla what is this place? Is that…who is buried here?" Erik swallowed loudly fearing what would come next. He prayed God would have spared him this, would have spared Pricilla this atrocity.
"This Erik is the place where I choose to come when I need to speak to our child, the child God decided was not meant to be. I did not name our child as it had not had enough time to let us know if God would have blessed us with a boy or a girl." By now Pricilla felt too choked to speak any more. She did not need to as Erik sank beside her on the ground.
"A child? My child? Our child?" Erik tried to bring some acceptance to him by clarifying this place had indeed been made holy by the memory of his unborn offspring. Rage against this God that Pricilla cared so much about rose within Erik. It did not matter that he had not wanted to father a child. God had seen fit to taunt him with the possibility.
"Yes Erik this is where I would have lain our little angel to rest if there had been anything to place in the ground." Pricilla felt the pain as if freshly inflicted. She needed someone to hold her, she needed her husband's arms around her giving comfort.
"God. I curse this God of yours." Erik tore the mask from his face letting Pricilla see in daylight that which she had only seen briefly in the dark. "This is why our child could not enter the world. God saw his mistake in letting me live. I should have not lived past the first breath I took. God knows my mother would have counted it a blessing. Your God would not want two such unholy monstrous faces in the world. I should have died long before I became such an evil person. The taking of my child is a punishment to me. God has seen his mistake and has set about rectifying his error. Monstrous beings such as I am should not be allowed in this world of perfect faces."
Erik broke completely as his eyes settled on that stone that did not even have a name for his child. An emptiness such as Erik had never felt before settled inside of him. This was what one felt when you lost your soul. You became an empty vessel. Had he thought his soul left wih Christine's leaving him? How wrong he had been. This pain felt far worse than anything Erik had felt or could imagine.
Turning to Erik Pricilla grabbed his face between her hands to declare, "Erik no. You are not monstrous, misguided most assuredly, but not monstrous. Erik, this…this loss…it is not your fault. Nothing you did or did not do could have changed what happened.
I have been so angry with you for going off the way you did, but never did I blame you for having lost our baby. Mac made me see that sometimes nothing we do changes what is meant to be. We do the best we can.
Erik your face is not a punishment. How could it be? What could you have done in the womb to mark you so? I don't know the reasons for most of what goes on in the world I only have faith that everything that happens has a purpose.
Erik I don't want to go on as we have been. It serves no purpose other than to make us and everyone around us miserable. If…if you want…if you could bear it…I would like to try again. I have missed you even though we had such a short time together. I will try to get past whatever it was with Christine if you can get past the fact that your wife is not beautiful but will do all she can to be a good wife to you."
Pricilla still held Erik's face within her two hands. She wiped his flowing tears with her thumbs. She studied every angle and rise of skin on his deformed right side. Nothing about that red grotesquely shaped skin could be called anything but horrid. For all its horridness it did not turn Pricilla away from Erik. He had so much more to offer than a misshapen face. Just as she had more to offer than a plain unattractive face of her own.
Erik brought his hands up to frame Pricilla's face. Opening his eyes he looked deeply into the windows to her soul. What he saw there humbled him as nothing else in his life ever had. Such purity shone from Pricilla Erik hardly dared to believe she could offer him such grace as she had. How had someone as unjoly as he been granted someone so pure of heart?
He did not feel himself worthy of her forbearance but gladly he would accept whatever she would grant him. Slowly Erik inched his lips toward hers testing her resolve to forgive him. Pricilla remained as she had been before, her eyes locked with his own. He dropped his gaze to her mouth to see her lips parted slightly. She flicked her tongue across her lips in an unplanned provocative manner.
That little gesture unbound any restraint Erik might have had. Lowering his head Erik kissed Pricilla not sweetly as he had planned but demandingly and passionately. His tongue sought out hers in a duel lovers played to raise passion's fervency. Erik groaned as he leaned forward pressing Pricilla back onto the grass. He controlled her downward fall by placing his arm around her. Gently Erik let her come to rest on the ground as his mouth continued its exploration of hers.
Pricilla did not remain a passive partner. Erik had brought out an aggressively passionate side of Pricilla she had not known she possessed. When he lay across her pressing her further into the soft grass she felt as if she might burst into flames.
She did not protest Erik's fingers undoing the buttons of her blouse for her own were occupied in a similar task. A groan came from somewhere deep inside Pricilla as she felt Erik's hand cupping her breast. When his thumb dragged across her nipple any sane thought she might have had left her with only this driving need for some unknown end to her wanting.
Some newly found sanity warned Erik to stop this. It felt good and Pricilla had not protested, indeed she had been cooperating beyond his wildest dreams but something told him she might feel differently later after their lust had been satisfied. Erik did not want regrets haunting either one of them. He had rushed things before, taken what she gave with careless possession. He would not do that again.
They must settle all misunderstandings between them. Erik needed to unburden himself of the chains that still bound him to his old life. He wanted to tell Pricilla everything that had happened in New York giving her the chance to accept or reject him afterward. Only by telling every last truth about him could he at last be free of his past. Telling Pricilla everything would free him, free him from every chain that held him back from moving on as he wanted. Erik felt Pricilla would be the key that unlocked every restraint his past still had bound around him. She would be his savior or his destroyer.
Reluctantly Erik drew back from Pricilla. When she opened her eyes Erik almost lost the little bit of control he had managed to scrape up from somewhere. Pricilla looked back at him with desire burning hotly in her gaze. Erik groaned as he lowered his head for one last deep kiss before he began to button Pricilla's blouse once more. He quickly reassured her he did want her but this was not the time or place for such things.
To prove just how badly he did want her Erik pressed his arousal into the apex of her thighs. Pricilla arched into him giving a very satisfactory moan in response. She could not have any doubts how badly he wanted to possess her. All it would take for his good intentions to evaporate was one word of protest from Pricilla. He would be lost if she asked him to give her what they both wanted.
Wisely she held her tongue silent. Some sane thought had worked its way through the cloud of her desire fogged mind alerting her to the fact that to satisfy mere lust without settling their differences would only add to an already tense situation. They did need to clear the air between them. Pricilla praised Erik for his restraint kissing him with little salutations upon his face which distracted him from his task of redoing her buttons, neither seemed to mind really. A newfound ease between them now let them tease and tempt without worry of rejection or regrets later. They had forged the beginnings of a bond they should have had during those first days of their marriage. They had laid a foundation they could build on and this they would do one brick at a time. One forgiven trespass at a time, one truth told and understood. Together they would build a solid relationship that nothing could break apart. At least they thought as much.