Lily lingered behind as she let her friends meander on ahead of her. She had started walking with Remus and Sarah but as they got further down the road to Hogsmead, Lily got the vibe they wanted village as they sang Christmas songs at the top of the lungs. God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs seemed to be a favourite. Alice and Frank were behind Sirius and Judith and they were cuddling together and laughing at the antics of the couple in front of them. Remus and Sarah had their arms around each other and Lily couldn't help but smile every time she looked at them. They really are happy, Lily admired from behind as Remus planted a kiss on Sarah's hair which made her blush and look up at him and he lowered his head to plant a small kiss on her lips.
Lily sighed happily. Things were perfect at the moment; her friends were happy, she was happy, they were getting off school in a day and Christmas was just around the corner. She couldn't help but smile at the atmosphere as they entered the town. There were groups of carol singers dotted up and down the main street, Christmas lights twinkled overhead, there was an enormous Christmas tree in the town square which was decorated with baubles, lights, tinsel and a fairy at the top. For the first time since the war against Voldemort had gotten serious, Lily saw people being merry and joyful. They actually stopped to talk to each other rather than hurrying along and sticking together in groups. It was as if Christmas was a welcome distraction from the harsh reality.
Remus and Sarah wandered away from the group and down a side street with Alice and Frank following them. Sirius grabbed Judith's hand and dragged her towards one of the groups of carol singers where she enthusiastically joined in with them. Lily giggled quietly and smiled as Peter walked past her, hand in hand with a pretty Hufflepuff girl. She closed her eyes and let the Christmas spirit overtake her as a small but freezing breeze blew through her hair. She usually wore her hair in a messy ponytail but since it was so close to Christmas and she was sick of Sarah and Judith nagging at her to wear it down, Lily had given in and left the bobble out for the day.
"Er – Lily?" Lily's eyes flew open and her face turned to shock when she heard that voice from behind her. She felt her heartbeat pick up and she bit her lip. "Can I, um, talk to you?"
Lily sighed and looked down at the light dusting of snow on the ground as she turned around. She slowly looked up and met James Potter's eyes – beautiful eyes, she corrected herself. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. He was wearing an old light brown patched-up coat, dark jeans, blue converse and his Gryffindor scarf. His hair had got a lot longer since the last time they'd been together and Lily couldn't help but notice how cute his slightly red nose made him look.
James felt similarly whenever Lily had turned around. She had a thick black coat on which her fingerless-gloved hands were stuffed into. She had a knee-length purple skirt on, dark blue tights and small brown ankle boots which completely clashed but she somehow made it work. Her dark red hair cascaded around her shoulders and it rested on her Gryffindor scarf. She wore an emerald beanie hat on top of her head and to top it all off, her cheeks were an adorable rosy red which perfectly matched her nose. Needless to say, Lily completely took James's breath away.
"Yeah, I guess so," Lily said. It took James minute to remember what she was talking about. He blinked and shook his head slightly to clear it.
"Let's – er – let's go for a walk round here," James gestured vaguely behind him.
"Okay," Lily said quietly and followed James to a place of Hogsmead where she'd never been before. They walked in silence; it wasn't comfortable but it wasn't uncomfortable either. Lily badly wanted to strike up a conversation but her mind seemed to be completely blank. It was like her brain was a sieve; she'd had so many thoughts on the way to the village and now they'd all filtered out.
"Is here okay?" James's voice brought Lily out of her reverie. She looked up and saw they were standing at the edge of the small cluster of trees beside the village. There was a small bench and a sun dial sitting on a small patch of grass. It wasn't exactly off the Hogsmead path but it was out of the way enough so that Lily and James could have their privacy.
"Yeah, this is fine," Lily said; her voice seemed to be an octave higher than usual. James walked over to the bench and sat down.
"Do you want to sit?" he asked as he moved over to make room for Lily.
"I'm good standing, thanks," Lily replied. She didn't want to be in too close a proximity to James.
"Er – right," James seemed a bit put out but he covered it up quickly.
"What did you want to talk about?" Lily said. She really didn't mean the question to come out as coolly as it had. She felt bad whenever she saw James's hurt expression.
"Look, Lily, I'm sorry."
Lily raised her eyebrows. She wasn't expecting that. "You're sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"Is that all you have to say?"
"I don't know what else to say; there's way too much. I'm just… sorry."
Lily felt a twinge of annoyance in the pit of her stomach. He could have at least apologised for being mean to Severus and calling me stupid, Lily though bitterly. But he had said he was sorry…
"I want to be with you Lily," James said as he stood up and advanced on her. "We'd be great together. You said so yourself that day in the library that you wanted to be with me and I wasn't ready then but I am now. Lily I want to be your boyfriend."
There was barely a gap between them now and James closed it quickly by kissing Lily. All the emotions she'd been keeping bottled up for the past lot of weeks came pouring out of their container. Her heart pounded as blood rushed around her body, filling her up, warming her fingers and toes. But something stopped her.
"No –" Lily mumbled against James's lips. "No, I'm sorry." Lily broke away completely and staggered backwards. James stared at her incredulously.
"Lily, I said I was sorry –"
"Yeah well maybe sorry isn't good enough!" Lily snapped and James looked confused. "Look, last time you weren't ready to be with me and I completely understand and respect why but this time you have to understand and respect why I'm not ready to be with you."
"But I said –"
"But you said sorry, I know you did James and I appreciate that. I really, really do and I do want to be with you but what you said to me about my friend and how you called me stupid – that's pretty hard to forgive that quickly. I don't think I can cry that much again anytime soon. Just give me my time and my space for a while, okay?"
James looked quite annoyed but he nodded anyway and looked down at the ground. Lily bit her lip and put her hand lightly on James's arm. He still didn't look up.
"I'm gonna go now, okay?"
James nodded once.
"Right, well I-I'll see you around… Have a good Christmas."
Lily turned around and began to walk the way they had come with gentle snowflakes landing in her hair and on her clothes. She curled her hands into balls inside her pockets and averted her eyes to the ground. She waited until she rounded the corner and was out of James's sight when she let the first tear fall from her eye… and then another and another and another. She cried silently all the way back to the main street; she really did want to be with James but as she'd said, what he had said back at Halloween had hurt her a lot and she couldn't forgive him that quickly.
As the main street came into view, Lily paused her walking for a second as she hastily wiped the stinging tears away from her numb cheeks. The snow was falling heavily now and she could see Judith and Sirius laughing and running up and down the street as they threw snowballs at each other. She watched them messing about and a smile absently made its way to her lips. Judith chucked a massive snowball in Sirius's face; Lily could hear Judith's distant laughter at Sirius's reaction. He bent over and constructed an even bigger snowball; the panic was clear on Judith's face even from the distance Lily was standing. Judith turned one hundred and eighty degrees and ran away from Sirius who quickly chased after her, laughing madly. The snowball hit Judith square on the back which caused Judith to shriek, slowing her down so Sirius caught up with her. He grabbed her waist from behind and hugged her tightly; he nuzzled his nose into her neck. She squealed from the coldness of Sirius's face and he looked into her eyes with a mischievous grin then he slowly bent down and kissed her.
Lily tore her gaze away and looked up into the grey sky. She closed her eyes tightly and allowed one more tear to fall before wiping that away, plastering a fake smile onto her face and making her way towards Sirius and Judith. They would believe her smile, they would think she was fine… but it was okay. It was okay for Lily because if they believed the act then maybe she could too.
Then she could forget about how much she was breaking inside.
As the Hogwarts Express chugged towards Kings Cross, Judith stared at the letter she held numbly in her hands. It had just been delivered from her family owl, Jupiter. It was from her parents and she couldn't believe what they were telling her.
"Oh no," she said, not realising it was out loud. Alice looked at Judith from her seat opposite the latter.
"What's up?" she asked although she had a smile on her face as she'd just been looking at Sarah's old family Christmas pictures.
"Oh, it's, er, nothing," Judith said distractedly. "I'm going to find Sirius," she announced and got up from her seat.
"Okay, come back before we get to Kings Cross though!" Lily said.
"I know Lils. See you all later," Judith replied and exited the compartment.
Judith looked left and right; the aisle was packed with students saying their goodbyes to each other or giving their friends Christmas presents. Judith sighed in annoyance then made the decision to go right considering the Marauders always seemed to go for a compartment not far away from the prefects' one.
Judith pushed her way through the crowd with a lot of "S'cuse me"'s and "Sorry"'s and "Thank you"'s. At last, Judith found herself in a less crowded part of the train and she was able to get herself down the aisle without having to bump into anyone.
"Judith!" Sirius's voice reached Judith and she looked up to see him walking right towards her. Girls either side of him were blushing and trying to get his attention but he only had eyes for Judith which only made it worse for her.
"Hey Sirius," she smiled and he kissed her the cheek. "Listen, I need to talk to you. Do you mind coming in here?"
"Sure," Sirius said as Judith pulled him into an empty compartment. His forehead creased at the seriousness of Judith's tone. "Is something wrong?"
Judith stood at the window in the compartment, wringing her hands together and biting her lip. She looked up at Sirius and attempted to smile but it couldn't come. This made Sirius even more worried.
"Judith, what is it?" he asked concernedly.
Judith took a deep breath. "Sirius, you know I love you, right?"
"Yes…"
"And you know I would never ever in my right mind break up with you, yes?"
"Judith you're seriously worrying me now. What's wrong?"
Judith looked into Sirius's deep, soft, dark brown eyes and she could feel herself melting. The crease in his brow made her heart go out to him… he'd been through so much this term. How could she possibly say this?
"Sirius…" Judith began. "My mum and dad don't want me to be with you."
Sirius's mouth dropped to the ground. "Why?!" he spluttered.
"They heard about you being disowned and how Regulus and Bellatrix are Death Eaters…"
"And?"
"… And they told me that they don't want me mixing with that type of people."
"But I was disowned," Sirius stressed. "I'm obviously not that type of people."
"That's what I told them!" Judith exclaimed and she threw her hands in the air out of frustration with her parents. "They wouldn't listen to me. I promise; I tried to talk them round to you! I told them that you never even talk to Regulus and Bellatrix but they just can't let go off the Black reputation."
Sirius went quiet as he let Judith's words sink in. He'd fought for her, he'd become less selfish for her, he'd sacrificed at lot for her, he'd changed himself in a lot of ways (albeit, good ways) for her. All he wanted was for her parents to approve; it would have been the cherry on the cake. They'd just have to work round it.
"So I guess I can't see you over Christmas or any of the holidays and whenever your little sister comes next year then we can't let her see us together…" Sirius started.
"Hang on, what?" Judith said. Sirius looked at her and was met with a confused expression.
"We're going to have to keep our relationship secret," Sirius explained.
"Sirius, I love you but I don't want to lie to my mum and dad," Judith told him sternly.
Sirius caught the meaning of this. "So, wait? You mean… you're – you're breaking up with me?"
Sirius's worst nightmare was confirmed whenever Judith neither nodded nor shook her head; she merely hung it in shame and bit her lip again.
"I'm so, so sorry," she choked.
Sirius couldn't believe it. A lot of thing had gone wrong for him this month; first his father-figure was taken away from him, then his brother was taken away from him but now Judith? The one thing that kept him going through it all? His one light left? It was all a bit too much. He wasn't angry though, he respected her wishes.
"It's fine," he said hoarsely.
"No, no it isn't Sirius! My stupid parents –"
"It's not your parents, Judith. You're family are lovely people, I'm sure and I completely understand why they don't want you connected to the Blacks. It's fine. Honestly."
"Sirius I don't want to break up with you!" Judith cried as tears poured down her face.
"I don't you don't," Sirius said. "I really, really do."
He took a step behind him and opened the door to the compartment. He gave Judith one last longing look.
"You're beautiful, you know that?"
"Please, don't –"
"I hope you have a very, very merry Christmas with your family," Sirius stepped out of the compartment but held the door open as he and Judith still stared at each other. Judith face was red, blotchy and shiny from all her tears while Sirius's was staying calm for her.
"I love you," Judith breathed.
"I know you do," Sirius whispered then slowly closed the door and walked off down the aisle.
AN: Aw, I almost cried writing this chapter. :( anyways, I'm all good now :) and I updated twice in one day! Salamanderfire - I'm looking forward to your reviews ;) what did you all think of this one? Was the Jily bit okay? Let me know what you think!
I forgot to say earlier but HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUPERT GRINT! 24 :O and we've known him since he was twelve :')
Thanks for reading, please review! Suggestions are welcome :)
LupinsGirl98 xx