The Paternal Catalyst
Rating: PG
Word Count: Over 44,000 in all
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize except California. That I rule.
Spoilers: Up to the Maternal Congruence
Summary: Because of Penny's father, Penny finds herself hiding in the laundry room while Sheldon constructs a dating formula and Leonard performs human experiments.

Author's Note: In this fic, Bernadette and Howard are broken up. I originally had a subplot that revolved around their break-up and make-up. However, I couldn't really work it in without disrupting the flow. I MAY write it as a companion piece but as of now, consider this fic AU in that respect.

(This fic was beta'd by the charming talkingmetaphor without whom I would still have the shoddy grammar that comes from writing while an insomniac)

20

Penny

The movie was really good, really actiony with a bit of romance: my favorite. Sheldon, on the other hand, declared that the second viewing hadn't cleared up that chunk and he still thought the entire thing logical.

When we got there, he actually paid for me, which was a shock. Until he told me he noticed I hadn't done my laundry in a while and had resumed leeching his Wi-Fi, which he inferred to mean I was short on cash. Of course, he said this with ten people behind us in line. I was so mortified I didn't argue. I bought my own food when I lied and said I had to use the restroom and he went off to find the 'acoustic sweet spot'. This way by the time I got out, there would be no point in him telling me how little money I had. I knew I was poor and I didn't need him guilting me about it. I got him a slushy and some Red Vines.

He was on the right side, about four rows up. 'Bah!' he shouted and everyone in the half-packed theater stared at him and whispered to one another. Turning around, he saw me and smiled. 'I found it!' I sat down and gave him his things. He looked ready to launch into a diatribe but seemed to rethink it. I offered some of my popcorn but this led to a speech on germs and whatnot, so I let it drop.

As I sat through the movie, I realized how extra good it felt to be out and just having a good time with a friend. I remembered dates I went on with Leonard, however few they were and realized, I liked this better. And that wasn't just because he'd broken my heart. But with Leonard, it did seem to be entirely sex. Going to the movies was almost . . . pointless. Like we'd go back and have sex, why go to the movies together? It didn't heighten the relationship; it just seemed like a necessary thing. And the dynamic had changed. I wasn't the neighbor and a friend of the guys' but Leonard's Girlfriend. It was like there was something different expected of me, new restrictions. And that wasn't how a girl should feel about her boyfriend, I realized. It shouldn't be a chore to date him! Somewhere between Kirk getting in trouble, trying to screw someone he wasn't supposed to and him getting into a fight with Spock, I realized Leonard had been right. We didn't work as boyfriend/girlfriend at all. He was wrong that I was boring but yes, we were fantastic friends. Together if we weren't fucking, we were fighting.

So why, I wondered did I fall in love with him in the first place? He wasn't like other guys . . . that had to be it. Leonard was safe; he showed obvious interest in me and didn't seem to be too selfish (though he was a little bit; who wasn't?), so that was a change of pace. I was already comfortable with him. But that doesn't equal love; that equals a cowardly move. He was my friend and one of the very few non-threatening guy friends I had.

And just like that, I was over him. Realizing I hadn't been in love in the first place helped a lot. I watched the rest of the movie in pure bliss and was grinning look a fool once the movie got out. We disposed of our drink containers and I kept my still-half-full bag of popcorn for later snacking.

'I think it would be interesting to hear your opinion of the movie, as you come from a unique standpoint of never having watched any other incarnations of the Star Trek franchise before the reboot,' said Sheldon as he slid into the passenger seat of my car. 'Your view is virtually pure and one I don't often encounter.'

Only Sheldon Cooper could make enjoy the movie? into a paragraph. 'I think I actually like it more than the first. I didn't like Kirk in that one; he was kind of a pig. This gives him a bit of depth. Still I think my favorite character is Spock.'

'Oh, really?' he asked with surprised pleasure. 'Me too! What about him do you find makes him a thorough and relatable character? I personally admire his reign on his emotions and to think logically even in times of high stress. He is also, how they say bad ass.'

I felt almost terrible answering him. 'Well, I actually think he's a bit of a prick but he's hot!' At his fallen face, I added, 'And, you know, he's smart. I like smart guys.' At that, I punched him lightly in the arm.

This seemed to placate him and he went on about original Spock and how he differs from the new Spock. What similarities they had, the mannerisms they beheld. 'Of course,' he said on that topic. 'A lot of the subtle idiosyncrasies that the different Spocks hold is in direct line with that particular actor's mannerisms. Indeed Zachary Quinto did study with Leonard Nimoy so as to stay honest to the character. As he is human, however, his own movements and speech patterns filtered through. Nevertheless, I find both versions engaging.' I let him talk, even putting in my opinions every now and then. I knew a surprising amount (not much compared to them, but more than I thought) of knowledge of Star Trek. Some of it was from them babbling but also--and Sheldon didn't know this--my dad was a pretty big Star Trek fan, and watched The Next Generation. I never got into it; at times I hated how constantly it was on, but somehow seemed to have retained information. There was a floaty bubble around me and I never wanted to leave.

But when I pulled into our parking lot, I made a conscious decision to talk to Leonard.

He must have had the same thought because as soon as we got onto the fourth floor, the door to 4A flew open and there stood Leonard. 'Penny, please talk to me.'

'My thoughts exactly,' I said and slid past him into his and Sheldon's apartment.

I was just about to follow Leonard to his room when I felt a warm hand on my elbow. Sheldon gently pulled me aside and folded his arms. In a low voice, he said, 'My words thus far have gone unheeded. That said, I feel it necessary to warn you against doing anything brash, Penny. I know the pheromones produced and nurtured by your continuous coitus with Leonard might get the better of you but you must fight it. If it would help, I can plug in the updated information you submitted into my formula.'

'Don't worry, sweetie,' I cooed, putting a hand on his check. 'We're not getting back together.'

'Oh,' said Sheldon, relieved. 'Good.'

I gave his chin a squeeze and lead Leonard to my door.