Part 20: Showers of Secrets

Juliet knew the SBPD wouldn't miss her for a little while. She could easily finish her paperwork later in the day and there wasn't any major crimes happening in the area, at least not any she could actively help with.

It was easy enough to take a break during the day and try to fix her failing excuse of a personal life. The hard part was getting out of the car once she'd parked near the Psych office.

She didn't dare park right in front, lest Shawn catch her off guard. Despite reciting what to say over in her head many times, Juliet couldn't bring herself to make the move.

It was an inevitable conversation that she would have to start sooner rather than later. Many times she had been tempted to take Carlton up on his offer of moral support. But she knew that would be an even lower blow for Shawn, as the head detective wasn't one for laying on the sensitivity, especially to people he wasn't fond of.

"Why is this so hard?" Juliet cried out, her words sounding so pointless in the empty car. "I want to be with Carlton. I should be with Carlton."

Looking up she stared straight ahead towards the Psych office. Immediately she was greeted to the startling sight of her current boyfriend. She watched as he and Gus hopped into the little blue car, disappearing almost as quickly as they had appeared. A sense of relief passed over the blonde woman as she realised they hadn't seen her.

Juliet stared ahead, gripping her steering wheel tightly. "O'Hara you can make as many excuses as you want but you are a giant chicken."

She sighed and began driving again. While a part of her was glad to have avoiding telling Shawn again, Juliet couldn't help but think about Carlton. Despite her promise to keep away until things with Shawn had been sorted, being away from him for too long was a task easier said than done. A mere ten days without his kiss was enough to drive her crazy.

Juliet was sure at this point the only reason she held off was for some form of self-punishment. Denying herself the kiss she wanted combined with the constant guilt eating away at her gave her a small sense of what Shawn would inevitably feel when she told him the truth.

Just as she had done many times before when she needed to take her mind off things, the pregnant woman headed to Baby Buddies to shop. Her previous trips there had provided her with plenty of supplies for the nursery, almost too much, but she did need baby clothes and a few more toys couldn't hurt.

The moment she stepped inside, Juliet was greeted by Georgia. The saleslady had come to know her the few times she'd been there looking and had always been friendly. It was refreshing to chat to someone who didn't know the full story and therefore didn't judge.

"I thought you may be interested in having this. You mentioned you were still deciding on a name." Georgia handed Juliet a pink book entitled 10,000 Great Girls Names. "Just tell me if you need anything more, okay?"

Juliet took the book to be polite. The truth was that picking a name hadn't been the number one priority. It was a matter that she would ultimately have to discuss with Carlton once they talked again.

As she made her way slowly to the baby clothes, a smile began to grace Juliet's face. Shopping at Baby Buddies always helped her mind drift away to more pleasant scenarios; about the happy moments to come with her child.

She looked down at the book again, opening a page at random in hopes for some inspiration and couldn't help but let out a huffed laugh at the first name that caught her eye. Victoria.

"Well I don't think we'll be calling her that."

The simple action set off a chain reaction of thoughts. Firstly Juliet wondered if Carlton had mentioned anything to his ex-wife about the baby. Then she felt a pang of jealousy at the ridiculous thought that they may still be in close contact. Afterwards, the realisation of just how much she missed Carlton hit her. Looking up, she almost swore the man was right there in the store.

Shutting her eyes tight to rid herself of the mirage, Juliet took a deep breath. Upon opening her eyes again, she found that her perceived hallucination was in fact Carlton Lassiter looking at baby clothes.

Her heart sped up, wanting to leap out of her chest. She took a step towards him, before reminding herself of his request that they stay away from each other. Trying to will her legs to move, she found that she was somehow paralysed; torn between keeping her promise and what she wanted to do.

It didn't take long for Carlton to sense he was being watched. He looked towards Juliet with the same ambivalent expression. Making the first move, the man slowly stepped towards his child's mother holding a few baby garments.

Snapping out of her trance, the blonde stammered. "I guess I should leave you be. You were here first so-"

Juliet began to turn away, when the book she was carrying fell out of her hand. A frustrated groan escaped her as she tried to bend down and pick it up, her pregnant belly making it hard.

"Let me get that." Carlton picked the book up, holding it out to her. "You don't have to leave, Juliet."

She reached out for the book, unintentionally touching Carlton's hand in the process. For a moment she allowed her fingers to lightly trace his skin. "You know its best that I do."

"We're in a public place and we're shopping for baby clothes. Nothing is going to happen." Carlton said the words like it was no big deal, but both of them knew it was a lie.

"You're still holding my hand." Juliet commented, feeling her fingers twine with Carlton's while both of them still managed to hold onto the book. The action sent a rush of tingles up her arm. "This is a bad idea."

"I suppose it is an insult to both of us even pretending we could just shop together." He slowly slipped his hand from hers and hesitantly turned to walk away.

Juliet caught his arm just before he went out of reach. "Don't go, please."

"What do you want from me then?" Carlton voiced his frustration knowing that whatever she said he would obey. He hated feeling so helpless when the logical answer was clearly to leave.

"I miss you."

The three words shot a hole through Carlton's defences. He raked a hand through his hair, wanting to say the words back to her. Instead, he settled for gazing into her eyes in complete silence. Their stares spoke volumes, expressing words and emotions they couldn't say aloud.

Unable to resist one last touch, he leaned in and placed a long, tender kiss on Juliet's forehead. Carlton managed to regretfully pull himself away from her. The moment their contact was lost, a cold rush replaced all the warmth he had felt being near her.

"I better go."

Juliet wanted nothing more than to stop him again. She wanted to grab him and kiss him for all she was worth. She wanted the moments where nothing existed but the two of them, like the way it was back at the field.

Instead she watched him walk away and once he left she whispered the words they'd silently agreed not to say to each other.

"I love you, Carlton."

Juliet stood outside the Psych office, waiting as patiently as possible. It was a chilly evening, forcing her to hug her arms for warmth. Time kept passing and she wondered where Shawn was, as he was now fifteen minutes late.

Finally he appeared, looking as carefree as usual. "Jules, there you are. I thought we were meeting at the station."

"No, you told me to come here, remember?" Juliet was unable to hide the annoyed tone in her voice and now wanted more than anything to get things over with.

Shawn leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before vigorously fiddling with his keys. "Well, anyway, I forgot something in the office so…"

Juliet halted his thought by placing a hand on his arm. Her heart began racing as she forced her words out. "Wait Shawn, there's something we really need to talk about. It's important and I have to say it now."

Shawn turned to his girlfriend, a little worried because of the look in her eyes. He knew that listening to her was the right thing, but a gut feeling made him even more determined to get in the office.

"I'll just get this thing and you can tell me all about it." He pressed a soft kiss to Juliet's forehead before opening the door.

Unable to wait anymore, the pregnant woman slowly followed him inside. By this point her heart was not only racing but pumping so loud that she was sure Shawn could hear it. What happened next did nothing to calm her.

"SURPRISE!"

The lights of the Psych office came on to reveal the room decorated with pink streamers and silver "ITS A GIRL" banners. A pile of presents lay in one corner, while Gus's desk appeared to be turned into a small refreshments table. Shawn and Gus stood in the middle, gesturing to all around.

Juliet let out a little laugh, finding the whole situation lovely but slightly odd. "This is really sweet you guys, but aren't baby showers meant to be for the girls?"

A familiar female voice rang out. "That's why we're here."

Turning to the source of the voice, Juliet was stunned as her mother and aunt stepped out from their hiding place. She didn't know whether to be happy at their presence or annoyed at the interruption of her original plans. Nevertheless, the pregnant woman went with the flow and ran over to hug them.

"I can't believe you guys are here!"

"Shawn bought two plane tickets, flew us out here for a week." Grace explained, giving her niece a quick squeeze.

Mrs O'Hara embraced her daughter before turning her attention to the baby bump. "I can't believe how big you've gotten. Look at that, my baby girl is having her own baby girl."

Juliet's happiness overtook any other emotions. She was always glad to see her family. "I know, less than a month to go."

"Your dad couldn't be here, so I took his place, but he's definitely coming up for Christmas. Although, he's still not too happy about the whole out of wedlock deal." Juliet's Aunt Grace explained, always the one to say what was on her mind and everyone else's. "You know I love him but sometimes he's a little-"

Mrs O'Hara hushed her sister. "Grace please, let's not upset her."

"It's fine mom. He's just going to have to respect my decision. He eventually accepted that I became a cop after all." Juliet scooted over and fixed herself some punch, hoping to avoid any further conversation remotely related to marrying Shawn.

"So…" Shawn sidled up to Juliet, slipping an arm around her and whispering. "They don't know Lassiter's the father do they?"

Juliet sighed with regret, watching her mother and aunt talking to Gus. "I just let them go on with their assumptions. I know it's wrong but it was hard enough telling my dad I was having a baby outside of marriage."

"Okay, then it probably wasn't the best idea to tell good old Lassie-face that we were having a surprise baby party for you."

For a moment Juliet panicked, nearly dropping her punch. She could feel her cheeks burning all the way to her ears. Being near Carlton while with Shawn was awkward enough without another secret hanging in the air. Shawn, seeing his girlfriend in distress, urgently led her over to the nearest chair.

"Are you okay, Jules?" Shawn was looking at her with worry. His hand was rubbing soothing circles into her back. "If you want I can take you outside for some air."

"Why didn't you tell me you invited Carlton?"

Grace, who was nearby, overheard the conversation and couldn't resist adding her two cents. "You don't mean that creep who came over for Christmas that time, do you Jules?"

"Now, come on. He was Juliet's partner on the force. He did watch out for her." Mrs O'Hara was clearly trying to be nice, but her awkwardness was showing through so clearly.

Nobody but Shawn noticed the car parking outside and the man arriving late to the party. In a quick move he decided to move the conversation on from its current subject. He didn't want to cause any more drama for the woman he loved.

The pseudo-psychic quickly ran over to the present pile, attempting to bring attention to him. "Maybe it's time to open the gifts. How about we all gather round and show Jules what we got."

It was a feeble attempt as Grace kept speaking freely. "The man's a workaholic, Jules said it herself. Not to mention he invited himself over, brought nothing to the table and upset the children on Christmas. Why do you and Shawn want to let that Grinch into your child's life?"

No-one was listening to Juliet's outspoken aunt anymore. All the attention was focused behind her, to the door. There, Carlton Lassiter stood with a Baby Buddies bag in hand. The look on his face indicated that he'd clearly heard the gist of Grace's rant.

The room was silent and the tension escalating by the second. Carlton was staring at Juliet, obviously hurt by everything though trying so hard not to be. He walked over to Shawn's desk and put the bag down a little rougher than nessesary.

"Some clothes." He said bluntly with a bitter tone. "Also a copy of that book, I marked some names in it if you want to check it over. I figure I should at least get a say in that, since everyone else seems to have their own opinions about my child."

Juliet could feel the inquisitive eyes staring at her but she didn't care about her family at that time. She could feel Carlton's hurt from across the room, knowing she'd messed up. Standing up, she rushed towards her baby's father before he could disappear.

"Carlton wait-"

"O'Hara." The man made a point of speaking her last name while he was halfway out the front door. "I would rather not look at you right now."

Juliet felt an overwhelming nausea hit her and she remained on the spot while Carlton left. Feeling a compassionate hand on her arm broke her stunned stance. She pulled away from Shawn sharply and headed after Carlton as fast as she could. It didn't matter about the cold night air. All that mattered was catching him.

"Wait, Carlton! Don't go." Juliet's eyes were brimming with tears as he continued walking away. "Grace didn't mean what she said."

"I don't care about Grace." Carlton spat, continuing to storm away. "Victoria's father and I played the family hatred dance for years. I'm used to it."

Juliet was managing to keep up with him, despite her body's protests. "Then why are you walking away?"

"Because unlike you, Victoria didn't care what anyone else thought. She stood up to them and loved me back anyway. Maybe it didn't end well, but she fought for me when it counted." Carlton stopped and turned to look into her face, regretting it the moment he did so as all he tried to bottle up came rushing to the surface. "You on the other hand are so ashamed of me that you didn't even bother telling your family I'm the father? And last I checked, you're still with Spencer! What possible reason do I have to stay in this anymore?"

"I tried to do it, then he threw my this surprise party." Juliet touched his arm apologetically, letting the tears fall from her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You say you have problems hurting people you care about, but you have no problems with screwing me over." Carlton jerked his arm away forcefully. His face was twisted with anger and hurt. "Just go back to your baby shower, and Spencer because that's clearly where you want to be. I'll have my lawyer draw up a custody agreement for you to sign."

Juliet couldn't believe the implication of his words. The effect of them stunned her briefly. Her next words came out slow and choked up. "Is that what you think? I would never keep our daughter away from you, you know that. And you know how I feel about you."

"In my wishful thinking I was stupid enough to think you felt that way. All I know is what the evidence points to and it's telling me to walk away." Carlton pinched the bridge of his nose, allowing his anger to calm down. He didn't want to say the next words, as to do so would be like admitting failure, but he knew there was no other option. "I thought all it would take was a little time, but I can't sit around waiting for you when you don't want to be with me."

"Please don't walk away from this." Juliet shook her head, the request she made came out barely above a whisper. Grabbing the man's shoulders, she made him face her and hear the words. "I love you."

Carlton wanted to believe Juliet more than anything. He wished that he could let his guard down and pull the woman into a passionate kiss, forget everything else existed. But after everything he had witnessed there was no way he could see the truth in her words. As much as he wanted to say what he felt back to Juliet, he had only one response.

"No you don't."

NOTE: Finally this chapter is done! I redid it too many times. Now to get started on the next one. Thanks for reading!