Attachment Syndrome
Chapter 20:
"Okay. It's okay, bug," he says softly, rubbing Johanne's back as he walks the small length of the room. The baby fusses in his arms but doesn't cry. "Not hungry, huh? Not wet. You just want your mom," he hums to her. "She'll wake up soon."
She better. It's been three hours already.
Doctor Hoyt came in an hour ago and told him not to worry. Her body is recovering from massive trauma. Sleeping straight through the end of the anesthetic isn't unusual. He clings to that reassurance, because every minute she's still asleep sends his mind reeling into overdrive.
Coma. Brain damage. Brain death.
There are so many things that could be wrong. And though he knows that she's fine—they're detecting brain-wave activity, she has a steady pulse, and they're expecting an easy and successful removal of her breathing tube—he can't help letting his mind convince him that she's not going to wake up.
Johanne whines against him and he glances toward Kate. He doesn't want the baby to cry if he can avoid it. He's all for Johanne voicing her discomfort, but he can make her happy again. He doesn't want to have to leave Kate's side.
"Hush little baby, don't you cry," he sings, his voice hoarse and tired. "Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby. And if that lullaby don't sing," he glances at Kate and smiles. "Daddy's gonna buy your mom a diamond ring." Nothing. Damn, he thought that might do it.
"And if that ring should turn to brass, Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass. And if that looking glass should break, Daddy's gonna buy you some birthday cake." Johanne settles against his chest and sighs. "And if that cake should not be sweet, Daddy's gonna buy you some…butcher's meat. And if that butcher's meat won't fry, Daddy's gonna find you a big…tough guy."
He pauses. "Okay, I do not know the words. And I don't know what you'd need with a big tough guy. I'm tough enough already." He looks over at Kate. "See, she totally would have snarked me over that one, wouldn't she, bug?"
Johanne just coos. He sighs and walks back over to Kate's bedside to sit down, pulling the girl away from his chest to meet her eyes. "How you doin'?" he asks her.
She cocks her head and reaches out for his nose. "Dada."
He smiles at her and nods, catching her fingers in his mouth and nibbling on them. She squeaks quietly.
"Dada, Mama," she says.
"I know, baby," he manages. "We'll hug Mama soon, okay? But we'll have to be very gentle."
Johanne just stares at him before focusing on the buttons on his shirt. He lets her play, re-buttoning each button as she accidentally undoes it. She gets this adorably frustrated look on her face as he does and he grins, glancing at the bed. God, he just wants her to wake up.
Johanne whines as he recloses another button. "Sorry," he whispers to her. He gives up and she fiddles with every button until his shirt is lying open on his chest.
"Do you want holding time, baby?" he wonders as Johann tries to shuffle closer to him.
He's astounded that she does, but doesn't fight her movements. It's not too cold in the room. He slips off her little tee shirt and holds her close, smiling as she sighs in contentment against him. He hopes this means their absence hasn't hurt her—hopes when Kate wakes up the baby won't reject her.
He hopes she wakes up.
He glances over at Kate and finds her eyes open, realizes then that in his moment of shock over Johanne, he's missed the sound of her heart rate increasing.
"Kate," he whispers, rising instantly.
She blinks at him, her eyes wide and panicked. Her fingers curl and open on the bed and she starts shifting.
"Hey," he says softly. "Hey, you're okay. Kate, look at me," he continues, watching until her eyes find his, until some clarity shines through. He presses the call button urgently as she gags around the breathing tube. "You're on a vent. You're okay. You're alive." She groans. "Don't try to talk yet. You're awake. Thank God," he adds, bending down, Johanne cradled against him with one arm as he reaches out to stroke over Kate's forehead.
"You woke up," he breathes out, searching her eyes.
She goes to move her arm, reaching up, then suddenly squeezes her eyes shut, her body spasming. He presses the button again, glancing worriedly toward the door. That's pain. She's in pain.
She's awake.
The door bursts open a moment later and he's shoved aside, watching as they sit Kate's bed up, as someone takes her pulse manually and they prod her body. All the while, Kate's eyes remain shut tight.
"Ms. Beckett," Dr. Hoyt says gently, waiting until Kate opens her eyes, blinking rapidly. "I'm going to remove the tube, all right? On the count of three I want you to blow out. Ready?" Kate nods minutely.
Hoyt detaches the tube from the machine, then nods at Kate. "One, two, three."
Castle cringes as he pulls the tube out. Kate splutters and coughs, each hack causing her body to tense, her eyes squeezed shut, tears leaking down her face.
Johanne stiffens against him and he rubs her back, forcing himself to relax. It just looks so awful.
"Good to have you back with us, Ms. Beckett," Hoyt says as the coughing finally subsides.
She lays there limp, staring at him. "How—how long?" she manages, licking her lips.
"Nine hours," falls out of Castle's mouth.
Her eyes cut to his as Hoyt nods. "Five and a half of surgery, and then it took you a while to come to. It's good to see you awake."
"What—happened?" she asks.
She doesn't remember?
"You were shot," Hoyt says softly.
"No, no," she insists. "After. After that. Where?"
He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. She remembers.
"You were shot in the chest. The bullet nicked your pulmonary vein. We managed to repair it and stop the bleeding, then tended to the damage behind your heart. You're in for a rough recovery, I must admit."
She nods slowly. "M'I safe?"
"Medically, yes," Hoyt says. "I—yes, you are."
So he's taken stock of the burly guard outside the door. Castle wishes he hadn't mentioned it to Kate so soon. The boys set it up, through his security service. But since Kate's bound to the bed for at least the next few days, he'd been hoping to avoid broaching it.
"Not medically?" she wonders, glancing over at him. He shakes his head. "Recovery?" she asks slowly.
"A week in the hospital," Hoyt tells her. "Then you're looking at a good three months. Bed rest and minimal exercise for one, then two months of ratcheted physical therapy before we get you back to normal. Beyond that, getting back to your original physical condition could take much longer. It could be a year before you'll be back to full capacity."
"A year," she breathes.
"But what's important is that you're alive," Hoyt reminds her. "There's a morphine drip attached to your IV. The moment you feel like you need it, press the call button, or have Mr. Castle call. We'll get you a personally administered pump tomorrow or the next day when you can stay awake for longer periods."
Kate just stares at the man. Hoyt smiles and glances at Castle. "Let me know if she needs anything, or if you have any questions." He looks at Johanne for a moment. "Would you like to have a bassinet sent in?"
"Please," Castle says immediately.
The doctor smiles and nods at him before quietly slipping from the room, his nurse, a short, portly man, following in his wake. The door shuts and then they're alone, just the three of them. And she's awake.
"Castle," Kate says roughly.
He turns and walks back to her side, reaching behind himself to pull up the chair so he can ease down into it, can more easily support Johanne as he reaches out to take Kate's hand.
"You're awake," he repeats.
"Nine hours?" she whispers, her fingers twitching beneath his.
He sighs and nods, stroking his thumb over her pulse point. "Kinda scared the hell out of me," he admits, looking up to meet her eyes as Johanne shifts against him.
"She okay?" Kate asks.
He smiles and nods, releasing her hand to turn the baby around. "Look, there's mama, bug."
Johanne just stares at her. He closes his eyes for a moment and opens them to find Kate's full as she looks at the little girl.
"Hi, baby," she whispers. Johanne doesn't move. "I'm so sorry, bug."
"Hey, no," he says immediately, shifting so he can take her hand again. "It's not your fault, Kate."
"But," she starts before swallowing hard.
"No. This isn't your fault," he says vehemently. "You walked away."
"Fat lot of good it did," she gets out before her face contorts.
"Pain?" he asks inanely.
She squeezes his hand in reply. He reaches out immediately and hits the call button. She opens her eyes.
"No," she whispers.
"It's okay," he promises as the nurse bustles back in, walking around to their side of the bed.
"Pain?" he asks, looking between them.
Castle nods, ignoring Kate's faint "No, I'm fine."
"The more we manage your pain, the better you'll get," the nurse tells her as he reaches up and fiddles with the morphine drip.
"Don't wanna sleep," Kate mumbles.
"I'll be here when you wake up," Castle promises as the nurse steps away, nodding at him before leaving the room.
"Rick," Kate whispers, forcing her eyes open even as he watches the drugs seeping into her system. "You—"
"Later," he placates with a smile. "Later, Kate. Rest now."
"M'too," she mumbles before it takes her under.
He sits there and smiles, his chest brightening, his whole body relaxing at her words. Whether she means what he thinks she does or not, she remembers, and she's awake, and she's going to recover. He lets it spilt his face, a tired grin erupting as he releases her hand to pick Johanne up.
He turns her around and meets her little solemn eyes. "See, she's okay, baby. I know you were worried. But she's okay.'"
Johanne blinks at him and he laughs softly. "I love you, baby girl," he tells her, bringing her in to smother her face with kisses until she giggles. "And we'll get you your cuddle time with mommy as soon as we can. Until then, you stay with me so me staring at mommy isn't really, really creepy."
He looks back at Kate and drinks in the sight of her chest rising and falling on its own.
She's all right. She woke up.
(…)
"Castle?"
He startles awake, his head slipping off his palm, jerking his neck. He groans and blinks his eyes open. The room is dim, just the light from the bathroom and the myriad green and red dots on the machines to illuminate the space. Johanne, thankfully, is still asleep in her bassinet. And she doesn't call him—oh, Kate.
"Hey," he manages, rising from the chair to approach her bedside.
She looks up at him, her bed still a bit elevated—to help her drain, they said. Her skin is pale, the bags beneath her eyes visible even in the dark room.
"Castle," she mumbles as her eyes find his.
"You awake this time?" he asks gently.
She's woken a few times since the morphine knocked her out. It's closing in on five. The two other times, she was barely there, a slurry, confused Beckett who quickly fell asleep. But the look she's giving him now—he thinks Kate's back.
"Josie?"
"Asleep," he says, pointing toward the bassinet and leaning out of the way so she can see.
"'Lexis?"
"Home." She nods, then frowns. "Pain?"
"No," she lets out slowly. "Just…weird? I feel loopy, Castle."
He has to stifle a chuckle at that. She is stoned. But oh, it's good to see her like this—even drugged and loopy and looking a little lost. He's just so glad she's looking at all.
"That's okay," he tells her.
"I'know," she slurs. "The boys?"
It takes him a moment. He's feeling a bit loopy himself. "Ryan and Espo?"
"And Lanie," she corrects.
"Not a boy."
"Shaddup."
He does laugh then, easing onto her bed where there's space by her hip. He reaches out and twines their fingers together, glad to have had them move the pulse-ox to her left hand.
"They're fine. Probably still at the station," he admits, before his brain can catch up.
"Huh?"
"Nothing," he says quickly. "Nothing. They're—later. We'll talk about it tomorrow. When you're less…loopy."
"'Kay," she hums. "M'I forgetting people?" she wonders.
"Your dad and my mom are home with Alexis," he says easily. "But they'll come by tomorrow."
"Good." She stares past him at the bassinet for a moment. "She okay?"
"Yeah, she is," he promises as her fingers squeeze his. "A little shaken up. Doc says you can probably hold her with a pillow by tomorrow."
"Pillow?"
"We're not putting any direct pressure on your chest for a while," he says simply. "But your arms will do."
"Holding time," Kate breathes out, a moment of clarity shining through. "Shit, Rick, what about—"
"We'll manage," he promises, bending to brace himself with an arm by her hip so he can lean close. "Hey. She's okay. She'll be okay. You're still here. That's what's important. We'll improvise holding time with you." She stares into his eyes, her lip caught between her teeth. "Kate?"
"What if it hadn't—you'd take her, right?" she asks, her hand moving to grip his wrist where he's propped himself up. "You'd find a way to keep her."
"Of course," he says immediately. "'Course I would. She calls me Dada."
"You wouldn't let that woman take her away."
He smiles at her, his grin only broadening when she gives him a quizzical look. "May have already come up."
"What?"
"We're getting a new caseworker—someone without as much baggage or…whatever she has."
Kate blinks at him. "How?"
"Um, our family is pretty scary when they want to be," he admits. "But she's yours, Kate. No one's going to take her away."
"Ours," she corrects. "Ours. If I don't—if they do it again, Castle. If they don't miss next time—"
"There won't be a next time," he asserts, his voice harsh against the quiet.
"Castle," she whispers.
"No. I'm not watching you die again. I'm not. I can't."
He realizes then that his eyes are misting over, his throat tight. Flashes of that afternoon—was it really just yesterday?—spill through his mind. Kate on the grass. All the blood. The flat line as they rushed her away through the double doors.
"Hey."
He blinks and meets her eyes, feeling her fingers squeezing his wrist, the pulse-ox on her other hand brushing over his side.
"You okay?" she asks.
He snorts, something between a laugh and a sob. "You're the one in the bed."
"M'getting the picture that I have the easy side," she tells him, trying to smile.
He can see she's getting tired again—this brief conversation already so much effort.
"We can parse sides tomorrow," he says, leaning forward to press his lips to her forehead. "You sleep. I'll keep an eye on the bug."
"Missed," she gets out.
"What?"
"You missed," she mumbles before puckering her lips.
Loopy indeed.
"Sorry, my mistake," he offers, suppressing the intense urge to laugh. Kate Beckett puckering for kisses.
But he bends down none-the-less, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. Part of the broken place in his chest seems to mend when she kisses back, when her hand squeezes around his wrist and her tongue sweeps across his bottom lip, lazy and sloppy.
He pulls back with regret, but smiles as her eyelids flutter. If only it was just him, not the morphine.
"Sweet dreams," he tells her, brushing back her hair, a messy halo fallen from her braid around her head.
"You sleep too," she insists as her eyes slip shut.
"I make no promises," he whispers.
She huffs then falls silent, her fingers still wrapped around his wrist.
(…)
"Nothing?" he whispers into the phone, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "Nothing at all?"
"I'm sorry, bro. This guy's a ghost," Esposito tells him, anger flowing over the phone. "We'll keep lookin', but with Lockwood gone we're—"
"Back to square one," Castle agrees. "Surveillance?"
"You guys are safe," Ryan says quickly. "No suspicious activity around your place, nothing at the hospital."
He waits. "Ryan."
"Beckett's place may have been tossed," the man admits.
"What?"
"It's fine. Nothing was stolen. We think," he hears a slight scuffle over the phone. "He should know!"
"What, guys?" Castle prompts.
"We think they were looking for her file," Ryan tells him. "Espo, c'mon."
"It's," he pauses. Should he even admit to the location of Kate's notes? The box that's sitting on a shelf in his office. In the apartment where his daughter and mother currently are?
"You got somewhere we could put it?" Esposito asks, his voice gruff. Castle wonders if they've actually been shoving each other.
Castle's eyes dart around, flicking from Kate to Johanne to the door to the room. "Maybe," he hedges. Somewhere safe. Somewhere it can't be found. "What are you thinkin'?"
"Bring it here," Ryan says. "We can keep it here. They're not gonna mow us all down."
"You sure about that?" he huffs.
"Castle," Esposito chides.
"Sorry." He looks at Kate, watches the steady rise and fall of her chest. They've got nothing for her. Nearly twenty-four hours later, they've still got nothing. No answers. There's a bullet wound in her chest and they've got nothing.
"How is she?" Ryan asks quietly.
"Sleeping," he tells them. "She was up for about an hour around ten, which is good. They're gonna let her have solids later today."
"You ordering something good?" Esposito asks.
"Yeah. Pizza, was the request. You guys want to come for dinner tonight?"
"Only if Lanie's allowed," Esposito says quickly. "She'll kill me if I see her first."
"Lanie too," Castle agrees with a laugh. "Bring Jenny, Ryan. We'll have a party. Play some poker."
"While she falls asleep? Don't think she'll thank you," Ryan says with a laugh.
"Seeing people will be good," Castle says softly. "Even if she falls asleep. I want—if she agrees, I'm gonna take her away when they discharge her."
"Far?" Esposito asks.
"Far enough," he says. "See the beach." The guys think they're safe, but he doesn't want to say exactly where they'll be over the phone. The Hamptons isn't that far, but he hopes it'll be far enough.
"Sounds good," Esposito tells him.
His phone beeps. He pulls it away from his head and Alexis' name flashes on the screen. "Hey, I have to go. I'll see you tonight?"
"See you tonight," they chorus before he switches the call over.
"Hey, sweetheart," he greets.
"How is she?" Alexis asks, just as she has every hour, on the hour, since eight this morning.
"She's asleep, but she's good," he promises. "Why don't you and Gram and Jim come over around five. She should be up, then you can hang with the gang when they get here." There's a silence on the other end. "Alexis?"
"Can I come now?" comes the quiet request.
He feels his mouth opening but can't find the words. He's been so worried about keeping Johanne close—about making sure she wasn't feeling abandoned. He never thought about Alexis, not like that. He's an ass.
"Of course," he finally manages. "Of course you can. Bring some stuff to do. She's been sleeping a lot."
"Okay," Alexis whispers. "Do you need anything?"
"Have Gram put together some clothes for me," he says gently. He may be an ass, but he can make her feel useful, can give an excuse if she's feeling self conscious about it. It took her at least five phone calls. He should have just insisted she come. "And a few extra button downs, so Kate has something. A sweater or two of hers would be good. And some extra baby things."
"Okay. I'll be there in a while," Alexis tells him. "Kate won't mind?"
"I'm sure Kate will be happy to see you," he says. "I'll see you soon."
"Bye, Daddy."
"Alexis," he says before she can disconnect.
"Yeah?"
"I love you," he tells her, trying to put force behind the words. He's been a crappy Dad to her today.
"I love you too," she says, and he can tell she's smiling. "I'll be there soon."
"Okay, pumpkin. See you soon."
She cuts off then and he sits for a moment before curling over and resting his head in his hands. He didn't even consider it. She's seventeen, yes. She's planning to go off to college in January, yes. But she's still his daughter. And Kate—her mentor? Her friend? Her father's partner was just shot, and almost died, and they left Alexis alone with the baby. Her little sister was almost taken away.
"Castle?"
He turns and finds Kate awake and watching him. He tries to push it off his face, to push it down. He failed Alexis. He didn't get to Kate in time. He can't protect them. He can't keep any of them truly safe.
"What's wrong?" Kate asks as they stare at each other.
"You okay?" he deflects, rising from the chair to check on Johanne before making his way to her side. "Any pain?"
She raises an eyebrow. "I asked you first."
"Hey, gunshot victim gets first check over," he insists, handing her the cup of water on her bedside. "Drink. You're scratchy."
She frowns at him but takes a few long sips. She calmly reaches out and places the cup on her bedside without a grimace, then gives him a look. "What's wrong?" she repeats.
He sighs, unsure of how to explain it, really. 'I was too busy worrying over you and the baby that I didn't think about how emotionally devastated my daughter must be.'
"Alexis is going to come hang here for a while," he says. "She'll bring you some clothes."
Kate cocks her head. "She's coming just to bring me clothes?"
"Well, she wants to see you too," he says quickly.
"Castle," Kate chides. "Is she okay?" He pauses for a moment too long. "She wasn't—she didn't see me, right? You said she came with Josie after."
"She did," he says, reaching out to brush his hand through her hair as she sits there, tense. "She's just…upset, I think."
Kate nods against his hand. "Understandable."
"Do you mind if she spends the day here?" he asks. She jerks her head against his hand, then stiffens. "Hey, careful."
"M'fine," she says through gritted teeth. "'Course I don't mind."
"I just—I know we've been here all night. If you want time, or space, or anything I can—"
She raises her hand, wrapping it around his arm, her grip tight. "Castle." He stops himself and meets her eyes. "Let me decide what I do and don't need, okay? I'll tell you if it gets to be too much." He nods slowly. "And what I need now is for you to hand me Josie, because she's awake and sitting up, and then you're going to sit down and relax."
"I don't think—"
"Shot in the chest. My rules," she tells him, all no-nonsense Beckett. Really, for a woman who's just had open heart surgery, she's remarkably bossy.
"Fine," he reneges. "But we're putting a pillow in front of your chest like Hoyt said and you have to tell me if you're in any pain at all."
"Fine. Now gimme my kid, Castle."
He holds up his hands and turns to the basinet, reaching down and hoisting Johanne out. "Guess who's awake, bug?" he coos, bringing the baby over to Kate. "I will acquiesce to your request if I can sit on the bed with you guys."
"I'll allow it," Kate says with a roll of her eyes. But he catches the corner of her mouth twitching upwards and can't fight his own smile.
He settles by her hip, Johanne held with one arm as he maneuvers a pillow over Kate's chest. Then he gently passes the baby over, watching as Johanne's eyes search Kate's face, her own little face expressionless.
"Hey, baby girl," Kate greets, holding the baby's hips as Johanne sits on her thighs. "How are you, sweetheart?"
Johanne just stares at her.
"Mama's awake, bug," Castle coos, watching as Kate's face slowly falls. "Can you say Mama?"
Johanne turns her head toward his voice and he see Kate's face crack, her eyes filling. He can fix this. This one he can fix.
He stands and moves to Kate's side, perching next to her, his ass half off the bed to manage it, so they can both look at the baby. He reaches out and steadies Johanne with one of his hands so he can hold Kate's with the other. She shifts over just slightly and he manages to situate himself without falling off.
"Look, baby," he coos. "Look who's awake. It's mommy. She's so happy to see you. Can you say hi?" Johanne stares at him. "Say hi to mommy."
"'I!" Johanne lets out.
Kate gasps and beams at her. "Hi, Josie-bug."
Johanne looks at her. "Hi," she repeats, a little smile on her face.
"Hi," Kate repeats. "Hi, baby. I'm so glad to see you."
"Hi," Johanne says again. "Mama, hi."
Kate squeezes his hand. Johanne shifts forward, bunching one of her fists into the pillow.
"I," Kate starts, glancing at him. "I can't give you hugs right now, sweetie," she says, and he withholds a sigh at the anguish in her voice.
This is going to take so much from her—already has. Her health. Her strength. Her safety. And now this.
"But I bet Daddy can give you good hugs," Kate says. "Can give you lots of good holding time."
"Any time," he agrees.
Johanne coos and reaches out for Kate's hand. She releases Castle and gives her finger to the baby, laughing when Johanne immediately sticks it in her mouth.
"Aw, look, she missed you," he says with a chuckle.
"At least she's looking in my general direction," Kate says, glancing at him.
"Not your eyes?" She shakes her head. "She'll get there. You're awake now. You'll talk to her all the time. It'll be okay."
"She didn't even want to look at me until you made her," Kate argues.
"Hey," he protests, turning to lean his shoulder against the back of the bed, pulling his leg up with him so he can meet her eyes. "It'll get better. She's not beyond repair now. She'll get back to snuggles."
"When I can give them," Kate says softly. "This sucks, Castle," she admits.
"Yeah," he agrees, watching the way just sitting with her baby is already wearing her out—the lines of her face tightening with every passing moment. "Yeah, it really does."
There's a knock on the door and they both turn as a young, bespectacled man pokes his head through. "I'm looking for Detective Beckett," he offers.
"I'm Detective Beckett," Kate replies.
"I'm Brian Ludson," he says as he opens the door and steps inside. "From CPS."
"Oh," Kate lets out, starting to shift. Castle squeezes her hand, hoping to remind her that she does not need to sit up straight here. She glances at him and nods slightly before turning her attention back to the kid.
He's got to be about twenty-four. How on earth did they go from The Harpie to Brian, the hipster in a suit?
"I'll be taking over your case from Harper Kline," he explains. "You must be Mr. Castle," he adds, turning to smile at Castle. "I'm sorry to hear about what's happened, Detective," he adds.
"Thank you," Kate says simply, smiling at the baby when Johanne squirms. Castle helps her turn the baby around so Johanne can look at Brian.
"Can you say hi to Mr. Ludson, Josie-bug?" Castle asks. He feels like they're letting their guards down with this…kid. It wouldn't hurt to have Johanne charm him up a bit.
"Hello, Josie," Brian offers, walking closer to them to bend down and try and meet the girl's eyes.
Johanne shifts away from him and Castle hears Kate sigh.
"I understand she's been diagnosed with indicators for Reactive Attachment Disorder," Brian says after a moment. "She looks rather content with the two of you."
"She is," Castle says firmly. "And she'll stay that way."
"Castle," Kate murmurs.
"No," he grunts. "Clean slate. She's yours, Kate. She should have been from the start. I'm sure…Mr. Ludson can see that."
He looks over at the kid and finds him shifting on his feet.
"I—"
"She's Kate's," Castle insists, feeling his heart sinking. How can—how can this frankly adorable young man think there's something wrong here?
"Mr. Castle. I haven't come to take her away," Brian—Mr. Ludson says quickly.
"The hell you won't," Castle mutters.
"Castle," Kate reprimands. "I'm sorry," she tells the social worker, squeezing Castle's arm, hard, before he can say anything else. "It's been a rough week."
Castle snorts against his will and Mr. Ludson cracks a smile. "I'm sure," he agrees. "As I said, I'm not here to take Johanne away." He pauses and looks between them, then down at the baby. "That said, I do agree with Ms. Kline that—"
"You what?" Castle lets out.
"Rick," Kate exclaims. "Stop. Just for a minute, stop."
"But he's—he can't agree with her, Kate. She's our—she's yours."
"And she will remain in Detective Beckett's custody," Ludson cuts in. "That said, I'll want to work closely with you to develop a more comprehensive plan for her care."
"Plan," Kate repeats.
"You two obviously have worked hard to help Johanne with her disorder, and it seems unconscionable to take her out of a home where she feels safe and trusts her guardians—counter productive to how I see my job," he adds, trying on a smile for them. Castle's not ready to bite just yet. "That said, it's obvious as well that your situation is precarious, and that Johanne's care falls heavily to Mr. Castle."
"Dr. Goldstein recommended that we—" Kate starts.
"I'm not saying that's a bad thing," Ludson assures her. "But you can see our concern, especially in light of recent events, that Johanne's care would fall out of your hands completely should something else happen."
"I've already said I would adopt her," Castle tells the kid. "Do you have papers?"
Ludson blinks at him. "I—wasn't aware that you were interested in joining Detective Beckett's case in filing for permanent custody."
Castle stares at him, then looks to Kate, who he finds gaping at him. "Um," he manages. "I—"
"Is there a way to make him the next-of-kin for her?"
"Before your father?"
"Yes. My father is a good man, but he's a bit past parenthood, though I know he would do it in a heartbeat for Josie," she adds quickly. "She wouldn't be alone."
"I understand," Ludson says with a smile, seeming more at ease now. "It would be best for Mr. Castle to file for joint adoption with you. Might actually help your odds at this point, despite your lack of official…relationship."
"Can we file together?" Kate asks.
"You can," Ludson tells them.
"Are there odds against Kate?" Castle wonders, choosing to gloss over the biggest point for now, while his heart gallops in his chest.
Ludson considers them. "Harper Kline was very dedicated to removing Johanne from your custody yesterday, and she wasn't alone in thinking it was the right move. Then there were a few phone calls made to the office. You're not exactly popular with CPS at the moment."
"But I still have my baby," Kate says with some measure of triumph, smiling at Castle. He wishes he could take credit. He's going to have to hug the crap out of Jim Beckett.
"You do," Ludson agrees. "And I want to keep it that way. So yes, Mr. Castle, if Detective Beckett agrees, I would suggest you file for adoption. It will take a while to process without the, eh, expedited conditions of Johanne's initial adoption."
He glances at Kate and Kate stares right back. "It worked for Angelina Jolie," she offers glibly.
Ludson laughs. "That it did. As long as you consent, Detective, I'll begin the process for Mr. Castle to join your file. I think it's the right choice."
Kate nods and glances at Castle. "If you're—"
"Don't be stupid," he tells her, reaching out to stroke Johanne's head.
Kate laughs softly. "Sorry," she whispers, before turning to Ludson. "Yes, you have my consent."
"I won't take up more of your time then. I'll have the papers sent over, Mr. Castle. And if all goes well, I'll come to see you in a few weeks once they're processed, check up on everything."
"Call before you do," Castle agrees. "We may be out of town."
"Really?" Kate asks, ignoring Ludson for a moment.
"We'll talk," he says softly. "Thank you, Mr. Ludson," he adds. The man may not agree with them wholeheartedly. But he's letting them keep Johanne. He's going to—
Castle's going to have her, legally. Be her father, legally. Well, if everything works out.
Her father.
"I'll leave you be," Ludson says. "Feel better, Detective."
"Thank you," Kate replies.
They watch him go, shoulder to shoulder in her hospital bed, Johanne sucking on her fingers between them.
"He's…nice," Castle offers after a minute, lacking for the words to thank her, forcing back the urge to kiss her senseless. Not that she wouldn't enjoy it, but she's fading.
"If I'd known all you'd need to do was adopt her with me, I'd have had you sign up that first week."
He lets out a loud laugh and grins at her while she smiles shyly back. Johanne squeaks at his outburst. He feels his chest unclenching as he hauls the baby up. He raises her in the air and brings her in close to press kisses to her stomach, smiling as she giggles.
"Your mom is a liar liar, pants-on-fire, isn't she, bug?" he asks the baby.
"Am not," Kate argues.
"Are so, so too," he says easily, meeting her eyes as she frowns at him. They both know she wouldn't have asked him to adopt then. "But, so we're clear, I would have said yes."
Kate smiles and raises a hand to brush over his shoulder as he settles Johanne back on his chest. "I know."
"So," he says quietly.
"So," Kate breathes out, leaning into him as Johanne relaxes into him. "I, um," she starts, darting her eyes to the baby. "You—"
"Do you want to call her Josie Castle?" he asks cheekily as she stumbles over herself. Kate laughs and presses her lips together. "Beckett-Castle? Castle-Beckett?"
"Thank you," she says, cutting him off as he goes to suggest 'Josie Caskett,' just for the hell of it.
"No," he says gently. "Don't thank me. She's—she calls me Dada. I'm just putting it to paper."
She huffs. "And you call me extraordinary," she whispers.
"You are," he returns, leaning close, shifting so he can press his forehead to hers. It's not comfortable, but he manages, even with the baby on his chest.
"Castle, I want you to know that I—"
There's a knock at the door and Alexis' head pokes in. "Up for a visitor?" she asks, looking to Kate.
Kate smiles at her as Castle sucks in a breath, forcing it all down and away as they gently disengage. Kate squeezes his thigh. Later. Always later. But they'll get there. She asked him to adopt. They'll get there.
"Come in," Kate beckons to his daughter.
Alexis enters, dropping two bags by the foot of the bed, one for Kate, and, judging by the stuffed animals peeking out, one for Johanne.
His daughter hovers at the end of Kate's bed, her fingers running over the baseboard as she looks at them seated on the bed together.
"How are you?" Alexis asks quietly.
"I feel like I've been shot in the chest," Kate says solemnly.
He worries for a moment that it's too serious, too soon for Alexis (it almost is for him), but his daughter cracks a feeble smile and lets out a little laugh. Score one for Beckett.
"You look…"
"Better or worse than you thought I would?" Kate wonders. Alexis blushes. "Either's fine. I think your Dad has been laying it on."
"I have not," he protests, catching on to her plan.
"The words, 'it just looks like you pulled an all nighter,' were used," Kate tosses back.
And just like she wants, Alexis laughs, relaxing with every bit of banter they throw between them. He didn't have to tell her that Alexis is…whatever it is he hasn't been paying attention to today. Kate just knew.
"You don't look as bad as I anticipated," Alexis admits.
"Flattering," he stage whispers, earning two glares.
Wow. "Hey, Josie," he coos, reaching out for the safety of her lack of word comprehension. "Do you wanna see what Alexis brought you?" he asks her as he takes her from Kate, leaving her to relax and talk to his daughter.
He'd love to think his reassurances would be enough—that a hug from him could give her safety like it does for Johanne. But he knows that the only thing that can really help is seeing Kate. And as it looks like the woman in question will be going back under in about ten minutes, he should give them their time.
So he sets to work unpacking the play mat and toys for Johanne, the little travel changing mat, the picture books. This room is going to look like half a daycare, and he doesn't give a damn. He listens idly as Kate and Alexis exchange words, Kate's responses coming fewer and farer between, but he lets them have their minimal privacy.
"Dad, what are you doing?"
He looks up from the play mat, where he and Johanne have been lying side by side. She has her foot in her mouth. He doesn't think he's that flexible.
"We're contemplating life," he replies without moving. "Kate asleep?" Alexis nods, glancing over at the bed. "Come join us," he encourages, scooping Johanne up to lay on his chest so he can scooch and make room for Alexis.
She eyes them for a moment before shrugging and plopping down next to him. He smiles as she wiggles around next to him to find a comfortable position. Together they stare up at the ceiling, Johanne on his chest, Alexis snuggled into his side.
"You okay?" he asks after a minute. She hasn't snuggled up with him like this in years, not with her hand bunched in his shirt.
He feels her nod, but doesn't believe her.
"She's okay, you know," he says. "I mean, recovery's going to suck, but she's okay."
"I know," Alexis mumbles, her voice tight.
"And I'm okay," he adds, shifting so he can wrap an arm around her.
"I know," she repeats.
He breathes for a moment, feeling utterly lacking. "I'm sorry."
"Me too," she whispers, reaching out to stroke Johanne's back where the baby is starting to doze.
They lie there quietly for a long while. He doesn't know what else to say, how else to make this better. She's always had stability in her life, Meredith not withstanding. And even with Kate and Johanne in the house, it's still been regular, easy. He's seen how happy Kate makes her, how much she enjoys Johanne—how much she enjoys having them both around. And now it's all gone, all that stability, all that safety, all the normalcy.
"How would you feel about spending the summer in the Hamptons?' he asks her. Maybe it won't just be good for Kate. "Beach, sun, far away from…here?"
"Can we?" she replies. "Is it safe?"
"We'll take the security team up, and you know the house is safe."
She hums quietly then nods against him. "Okay."
"You don't have to stay the whole time, if you don't want to," he adds as an after thought. "If you want to come back to spend some time with Ashley, I'm sure Gram would come with you. Or I can come."
"No you can't," Alexis says immediately. "You have to stay with Kate and Josie."
He sighs, feeling her pulling back. He tightens his hold on her. "Alexis," he says softly. "I don't ever want you to feel like you come second here. Things with Josie are challenging, but if you need me, I will always be there," he says, turning his head to try and get a look at her face.
She keeps herself tucked into his side, her head pointed downward. "I know."
"Alexis," he repeats.
"I know, Dad," she says, pulling back to sit up so she can look down at him. "I know that. I just—maybe we should all just stay out there. I don't need to come back."
He sits up as well, cradling Johanne to his chest so he and his too-grown-daughter can look at each other. "If you want to spend the whole summer there, sweetheart, I'm all for it. But I know this is Ash's last summer—"
"So?" Alexis mumbles.
"Hey." She looks up at him. "Is everything okay?"
Alexis sighs, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair. "I don't think this is nearly as important as Kate getting shot."
He frowns. "Honey, life doesn't—your life shouldn't just stop because of this."
"Yours is," she lets out. "Our whole life could have just come crashing down, Dad. Do you think it should really matter to me if my boyfriend's being distant? Is that really what I should be focusing on right now?"
He gapes at her. "What happened?"
Alexis shivers and stands up, pacing away from him, her eyes glued to Kate. "It's just—it's nothing. Okay? You're okay, she's okay. That's what's important right now. When do we leave?" she adds, looking back at him.
He takes a breath, letting it go, for the moment. "When Kate gets discharged. Well," he equivocates, standing up with the baby to look at Beckett. "If she agrees."
"Because anyone would say no to our manse at the beach," Alexis says with a sad smirk.
"It's not a 'manse,'" he protests, insulted. "It's great. You love our house."
Alexis cracks a real smile. "I do. But, it is a manse, just a little."
"Is so—"
"It's thirteen rooms, with a private beach," Alexis adds.
He huffs. "Okay, so it's a bit of a mansion. But…a tasteful mansion."
"Sounds intimidating," comes a rasp from the bed. They both look over to find Kate watching them with slitted eyes. "Beach view?"
He glances at Alexis, seeing the way her shoulders have relaxed at Kate's presence with them. "Depends on what room you get," he tells her.
"Dad's has the best," Alexis puts in.
"Mm, shock," Kate mumbles. "We goin' on a trip?" She meets his eyes, but he sees no condemnation there, just acceptance, and exhaustion.
"I thought maybe you'd like to spend some time away from the city. There's a great hospital about thirty minutes away. We could set your physical therapy up there when you're ready for it."
"Pool?" she wonders. Huh, not what he thought she'd ask.
"And a hot-tub," Alexis says with a nod. "I bet the pool would be good for exercise for you, right?"
Kate nods. "It sounds nice," she tells them both. "Somewhere for Josie?"
"13 rooms," Alexis repeats. "We'll find something."
Kate laughs lightly. "I haven't been to the beach in years."
"I thought you went with Demming last summer," falls out of his mouth before he can stop himself.
Both Alexis and Kate stare at him. He figures if Johanne were awake she'd look incredulous too.
"I—we, ah, never actually made it out there," Kate says slowly. "So—so it'll be nice to go. Am I cleared for solids yet?"
He opens his mouth, then closes it, trying to follow her segue. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, you are. I can—pizza for dinner, but do you want something?"
She gives him a pitying look and nods. "Caffeine?"
"I can get you a decaf frappe if you want."
"That's—"
"Gunshot wound. You can use the calories."
She offers him a smile for that. "Okay, yeah. One for Alexis too." His daughter grins.
"And for me?"
"Eh," she offers. "Gimme my baby."
Alexis takes Johanne from him before he can move, then waves him out the door as she walks over to the bed. Well, fine.
He leaves the room and lingers by the door, just out of sight but able to look through the window. Alexis helps Kate get a pillow over her chest and settles Johanne with her before sitting cross legged on the end of the bed. Kate smiles at his daughter.
Maybe the beach will be just what the three of them need.