Today is for you

Chapter 20: Scars

I stared at the photo and traced Touya's face… "That darned devil, sneaking pictures of us through the window of me and Touya hugging."

Rage boiled inside me, but Eriol's words also began to ring in my ears.

All I want is for you to give me a chance… What did that mean? I grit my teeth, as much as I hated it, he had piqued my curiosity.

I slammed the photo down onto the coffee shop table, "No, why should I care about what he has to say? All he cares about is tricking and threatening me into marrying him!"

But with such an uneasy heart… I couldn't possibly meet with Touya and Sakura's dad, even more so, Sakura herself! I felt ashamed that I could not shake this crazy guy off my tail first…

"Touya I don't think I can talk to your dad today," I sent the text message with a heavy sigh, took a sip of my frappe, and then buried my face into my palms.

I peeked through my fingers and stared at my phone. I badly wanted to send him another message and tell him… "I want to see you."

An image of Kaho placing her hand lovingly on Touya's shoulder flitted through my mind… I quickly deleted the text. Why was I imagining such silly things? Didn't I trust Touya? Didn't I trust myself? Yet I had a terrible feeling in my stomach. I didn't want to go home and see my mom or whateverhisnameis face. I wanted to see Sakura, surely she would make my cloudy feelings disappear… but she was probably hanging out with Syaoran.

I turned to my sketches and continued drawing Sakura's yukata design instead. But the shape and pattern morphed… and suddenly I was finishing a sketch of Touya's yukata! I shook my head vigorously, no no… I don't usually like designing clothing for men! Oh, but dark blue would definitely suit him and the pattern should be leaves instead of stripes…

I slammed my forehead into the coffee table. How had it turned out like this! Touya was consuming my mind! I grabbed the sheet and was about to crumple it, but instead, I hugged it ferociously, which ended up crumpling the sheet anyways.

I began to daydream… Touya would walk out with this splendid design on his tall, muscular body…and perchance he hugs me, I would feel the warmth of his chest through the cloth…and if his sleeve slides down, his slender arms would become exposed and slightly rub…

I flailed my arms, embarrassed, and then managed to knock over my frappe, spilling it all over my phone.

"Oohh…dear." I immediately began cleaning up the mess, and tried to clean my phone, but it was clearly no longer functional. Unable to call my driver, I got onto a bus instead. Unless I agreed to the marriage, my mother had cut my credit cards. As I got onto the bus, however, somebody exiting suddenly bumped into me and quickly jumped out of the bus.

By the time I sat down, I realized the person had stolen my phone.

"Hey, my phone!" I shouted after him through the window, "Wait! About my phone…" It was already too late.

I sighed, "I guess he'll just have to realize it's broken on his own."

I came back home and flopped on my bed, grateful that my mom hadn't returned yet, and that the blue-haired monster was nowhere to be found.

I had run out of sketch paper, and was looking through my mother's room to find some… when I accidentally knocked over a box above her shelf. I picked it up, but the lid had slid off, and my curiosity got the better of me.

I slowly looked through the things inside, my heart pumping at the anticipation at what I might find. First, I found a picture of my mother and Nadeshiko as young teenagers. Nadeshiko was truly beautiful, and I was proud to have hair similar to hers. I could definitely see why my mother loved her. I continued to shift through the pictures, and I saw many of Nadeshiko's model photos. I also found several eerie wedding photos with Sakura's father cut out. Obviously she had been furious, and I felt a pang of guilt for bringing up mother's wounds.

Then I suddenly dropped all the photos when I looked at the next one of my mother and… I stood up and ran to the bathroom, my stomach churning and heaving...

Darkness clawed at me, as I began to hear things running in my mind and feel fingers groping at my ankles and arms and elbows… No…don't take me…don't envelop me! Touya!

"Tomoyo! Are you all right?"

I gasped and gagged as someone beat my back.

"Tomoyo, Tomoyo, can you breathe?"

The voice sounded much too fuzzy for me to understand… I tried too look at the person's face but everything began to black out…

"Tomoyo…Tomoyo!"

I opened my eyes slowly and felt something on my forehead. I touched it…a towel. Beside me I saw Eriol with his hair over his eyes and his head very low as if he was sleeping sitting straight.

I tried to get up, but accidentally hit my head on the bed header behind me.

"Ouch!" I rubbed my head, and immediately Eriol opened his eyes.

"No, no, stay lying down."

I just stared at him warily, "Did you do anything funny while I blacked out?"

"Of course not."

"Is my mom home yet?" I looked around.

"No. I didn't tell her what happened either."

"The box!" I gasped, about to get up, but he pushed me back down.

"I put that away for you."

"You! You looked at the pictures?"

"Of course I did. Did you think I would let a chance like that slip through my fingers?" A mischievous look colored his face, but quickly melted back into a look of sharp concern, "But that doesn't matter. What matters is if you still have your brain."

"Of course I do. I'm fine now, you can get out." I ordered sternly.

"No thank you?"

"Why should I thank you, who pried through my family's privacy?"

"And why should I not tell your mother what you were prying through?"

"You're a dirty one, you know that?" I grumbled angrily.

"You could say that. Do you feel better now?"

"Stop acting all concerned, you make me sick." I turned away from him.

"Have you ever thought about what I feel about this marriage?" He asked suddenly.

"No. Why should I? Have you ever considered my feelings?"

We were both silent for quite a while.

"I know how you feel. You're angry that your destiny is being decided and so detest me. You love somebody else that you shouldn't, and you feel guilty for defying your mother. But you don't know a thing about me." He didn't sound angry, but hurt.

"How could I possibly know? You're the one always stalking me and prodding me to snap at you. Why? Am I supposed to know how you feel? Why don't you tell me then, even though I really don't care."

"Because you don't care, but I care about how you feel. I do."

"Really? Staying over at my house without my consent, bugging me at school and trying to release all my secrets…because you really care about how I feel, really."

"I'm an adopted child."

My mind was struck by the sudden concession. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's not like I wanted this marriage either. I didn't want any of these business pressures either. Everything in my life has been predetermined without my will. Who my parents gave me to, what kind of career I would have, the hobbies and activities I would do, who I would marry. You're much freer than I am. You can love somebody. I cannot."

"If you know my situation and also detest yours, why do you insist on marrying me? Why don't you just let this marriage go?" I looked at him with confusion. Even though he was spilling his guts out to me, I still couldn't figure him out.

"There are such things as expectations. I have to marry you. No matter how much I hate it, it must be done."

"See, this is exactly why I don't want to marry you in the first place. Until you find out what true love is, I don't think anybody would want to marry you. Unless it was a gold digger."

"It doesn't matter if you hate me, it only matters that you marry me."

"Twisted boy you are." I scoffed.

"You could say that. But what does it matter to a boy with a twisted childhood. You can say we're more similar than it seems."

"I don't want to be compared to you, and in no way are we similar besides the fact that we're pretty much trapped in this stupid engagement."

"That man you loved…"

"Touya?"

"No. Not him. The man who scarred your life."

"What would you know about my life?" My cheeks began to feel hot.

"That happened to me too."

"What?"

"When I was adopted and grew to a certain age, my stepfather scarred me for life." He took off his shirt and revealed his back.

I gasped. There were thick, prickly scars all over his back. A gruesome sight.

"No…he never…hit me…like that…" I whispered in a raspy, shocked voice. I suddenly sat up and reached over to his back, tracing the scars. "Why…why would he do this?"

"He…he was forcing me. He…he was…" His voice was rattling almost.

"Shhh…" I said, carefully patting his back. "Don't say anymore. It's too painful right? It's like they're clawing at you…trying to drag you into that dark memory. Don't let it happen, you'll only get lost."

He hung his head low, "Please… save me Tomoyo…"

I stopped patting his back, "I don't understand. How could I possibly save you from such a horrible past?"

Eriol clenched his teeth, "This past is still a reality. But I can finally leave that house if I get married." Eriol spun around and grabbed my hands. His voice wavered, almost pleading, "I researched all about you, and I know that only you can understand my pain."

I withdrew my hand, feeling another dizzy spell coming, "I… I think you're asking too much of me."

Eriol grabbed my gaze and would not back down, "I know and accept everything about you. Yet you are too afraid to tell the one you claim to love anything."

I pressed a palm to my eyes, blocking his intense stare. "I'm going to go lie down again now. Please leave my room and don't talk to me for a while." I pulled the sheets over my head and listened to him get up quietly and close the door.

From behind the door, I could hear him whisper, "You're my only hope, Tomoyo."

My stomach sank.

A/N: As I feared, things are getting darker and darker as we reluctantly wade back into the past... And Tomoyo's starting to feel a little trapped! What should she do!? Where's Touya when you need him!