A/N: I felt you all deserved another chapter, since I haven't been writing lately. Just a bit of random silliness to tide you over until I upload the next chapter of my main story. Enjoy.
Why NOT to give gifts to the TARDIS crew
It was Intergalactic Carl Day in the TARDIS, and the crew were exchanging gifts, as per tradition. The only problem was that, the Doctor's memory being what it is, they had only found out on the morning of the day. So, they didn't have much time to scrounge up some gifts.
By midday, the TARDIS crew, numbering one Time Lord, one 51st century immortal and one very annoyed Brittany, were gathered in one of the many living rooms, this one furnished in a theme of greens and browns. Two wrapped gifts sat in front of each time traveller, just waiting to be handed out.
The Doctor picked up one of his gifts, and chucked it to Jack. "Happy Carl day!" he exclaimed. "I have no idea who Carl was or what he did, but we get to give gifts to each other, and I'm all for that."
Jack grinned, and unwrapped the small red package, holding up a rather irregular white lump. "Socks," he said pointedly. "Thanks Doc, I needed more socks. Can never have enough socks."
It seemed like the Doctor completely missed the Captain's sarcasm, being too busy handing his second gift to Brittany.
She took it eagerly, tearing the paper off and discarding it on the floor. She held up her gift. "It's a pebble," she stated. "A grey pebble."
The Doctor's grin sagged slightly. "If you don't want it, I could always keep it…"
"No." She pulled her hand back defensively, but dropped the pebble in the process. It smacked into the edge of the table with a thump, splitting open to reveal a hidden geode of delicate blue crystals. Brittany carefully gathered up the exposed crystals, happy with the secret revealed in her gift, while Jack handed out his gifts.
The Time Lord opened his first, silently peeling back the wrapping. His face paled when he saw what was inside, and he set aside the gift, taking a deep calming breath.
"What?" Jack protested. "I didn't exactly have much time to find a gift, and besides, it has a lot of memories for me."
"Memories that should be kept to yourself."
Brittany looked between the two men. "Perhaps I won't open my mine," she said thoughtfully. "I'll just burn it later." She then picked up her gifts, and handed them to their respective new owners with a hopeful grin. "Don't be shy now," she said. "Open them up."
Jack shrugged. "It can't be any worse than socks," he decided, divulging the contents of his package. He held it up to the light. "Wow, thanks Brittany," he muttered. "I've always wanted a Rubik's cube without the stickers. And look, you even drew me a frowny face. Isn't that thoughtful?"
Despite Jack's apparent lack of enthusiasm, the Doctor smiled. "At least my gift can't be any worse than that," he said happily, most probably speaking too soon. "Let's see what it is." As he removed the paper, a horrible stench was released into the air, and all three occupants of the room snapped their fingers over their noses. With growing shock, the Doctor drew his present up into the air, the yellowy coloured object handing limply from his hand.
Brittany had the good sense to look sufficiently embarrassed.
"I think this is the last time I celebrate this holiday with you two," the Doctor decided strongly, still staring at the … thing in his hand. "Of all the things to get me, I'm sure you could have found something slightly more appropriate than a dead goldfish."