Arc Two, Chapter Seven
A few hours passed and the blonde still didn't find the need to head on back to the apartment. The little kitten climbed up on the couch the best it could and pawed at Izaya's face, mewing some, trying to wake him up.
Izaya woke up slightly, feeling light smacks on his face. He thought that it was Shizuo waking him up, but found that it was a kitten. He picked Suki up and kissed her cheek. "Where's your master, kitty?" He held the cat in his arms and walked around the apartment. There was no Shizuo in sight, and it was three in the morning. Where could he be? Is he that uptight about coming home? Maybe I really should leave... Izaya set the cat down on the bed and packed the things he had at Shizuo's house.
He planned to walk to Shinra's house. He remembered the address, and he had a GPS on his phone. He hopped to Shinra's house as his phone told him where to go. Along the way, he met Simon at Russia Sushi. He walked into the store, and saw a familiar head of blonde hair sitting at a booth. "Hey Shizu-chan!" He greeted with a fake-as-hell smile on his face. "I'm out of your hair now...so you can go home."
The blonde sat there for a moment, as if he didn't hear Izaya talk to him. Izaya waited around for Shizuo to answer him, tapping his foot on the tile below. If he was going to ignore him childishly, then what was the point in telling him he was leaving? The words processed in the blonde's head, and he quickly stood up. "You can't leave! You don't have to leave!" He yelled, having no idea why he just said that. He didn't come back because he was clearing his mind and he ended up wandering to Russian Sushi to get something to eat; he didn't think he was out for that long.
"That makes no sense whatsoever. You haven't returned home and it's," he looked at the clock on the wall, "3:15. You seriously didn't know what time it was?"
"My sense of time sucks and I don't carry my cell phone around!" Shizuo defended. "I was cleaning my head and I wanted a snack, the time just flew by," he added on. He kept himself quiet. "And I said I'd keep you safe, if you leave, I can't do that," he whispered to himself. "It's one of the few things I'm good at, I can't fuck that up too."
A snack that lasts hours? Yeah. Well, Shizuo eats and drinks a lot...He's a big guy, after all. He looked up at him and fought back a blush. Shizuo was really intent on protecting him, even when Izaya worked him up to a point where he left for hours. "You're not the one who messed up, Shizu-chan. It's okay! It's better this way...You still have Suki to protect." He added as if Shizuo's cat was the one who got shot at. The truth was, he really didn't want to leave Shizuo. He was so used to living with the man.
Shizuo's heart thumped in his chest and he ran forward, catching Izaya's wrist before he could walk away. "You can't leave!" He told him, a plea in his voice. "Izaya, you can't leave, not again, you could get hurt," he added, trying to convince the man to stay, but he doubted it was working. Izaya didn't meet Shizuo's gaze. He couldn't say no to his pleas, if only he saw his face. Shizuo was right in some ways.
He would only cause Shinra and that thing, Celty, trouble if he stayed. Mairu and Kururi were already there. Who knew if that man was in jail or not? Izaya shuddered at the memory. Could he really fall asleep without Shizuo at his side? He looked back at him once Shizuo let go of his wrist. At that moment, he knew that he couldn't. He couldn't just leave him so effortlessly. He had already hurt Shizu-chan so much in the past. Shizuo's breath his caught in his voice when his own eyes met with the crimson gaze. If there was an opportunity to say it, it would be the best time...he just needed to come out and say it. "I love you!" He blurted out and he quickly covered his mouth, his face red as it could get. Fuck, he just said that, not only to Izaya, but in a place filled with people.
They were words that Izaya never thought would leave the male's mouth. It was so unexpected and Izaya had no time to react. People around them gasped but Izaya didn't care. The atmosphere was tense, Izaya could feel it...which was why they needed to move. Shizuo's expression was equally shocked. The blonde didn't want to lose Izaya, not again, but he snapped out of it when he felt a hand on his wrist pull him out of the building. His face reddened as much possible and he would faint if his face heated up anymore. Izaya waited for the initial shock to die before asking, "what does that mean to you?" He asked in all curiosity. In other words, he asked him why he loved him.
Shizuo gaped some, hearing the question the flea asked him. "Why do I love you?" He asked out loud. "Or…wait. Oh, you want to know what I meant," he corrected himself. He started to think about it, figuring out how to word it right. "I've had a crush on you since high school," he told him. "Not the easiest thing around, dealing with the guy you liked for over ten years."
The explanation wasn't good enough for the raven. "No, Shizu-chan," he started and walked closer to him, the blonde tensing, "why do you love me?" The words felt weird rolling off of his tongue. Izaya needed details, even if that made others uncomfortable. A simple confession wasn't enough for Izaya. "You can have anyone you want, and you choose me. That's pretty incredible...considering everything I have done to make your life a living nightmare."
Why? Why? Why did he love Izaya? Even after he knew how much a pain in the ass the other man was, he didn't love him any less. Shizuo flinched when Izaya gently took a hold of his hurt hand. The man standing in front of him, he didn't judge him. Sure, he'd call him protozoan and a monster, but Izaya still talked to him and wasn't scared of getting hurt. He may complain how much a pain in ass the flea was, but he liked it; it made his life more exciting. Granted, it didn't do his blood pressure any good, but what the hell, you only live once.
"Why?" He raised his free hand to gently touch Izaya's face, smiling when he didn't flinch. "You didn't flinch when I lashed out of you, either," he told him, pushing dark hair out of his face so he could see his auburn eyes better. "You don't fear me, like everyone else in this damn city. Few people do that, while everyone else thinks I'm some monster. It was love at first sight for me," he added, whispering the last part. His hand slowly dropped from Izaya's face, the smile on his face disappearing. "But who'd like me? I have an awful temper, don't have the best paying job around, get into all this worthless fights...and I'm not the most attractive guy."
Izaya lightly massaged Shizuo's hurt hand as he thought of his answer. Sometimes it was like talking to a brick wall with Shizu-chan, but his simple mind was what Izaya liked about him. He continued to stare into amber eyes. That was the reason Shizuo liked him? It was sad, really. If only people weren't scared of him, then he would have so many more options. Shizuo had a lot to offer the world, if only he knew. "You're an interesting person!" Izaya beamed, "I still can't believe that even after breaking a hole in the wall, it didn't break your hand. That is incredible! You are the most attractive guy around." He added with a blush. He smiled and inched forward to kiss his cheek.
Shizuo's golden eyes widened at the kiss. Sure, it was a simple kiss on the cheek, but it still affected him; he wasn't expecting Izaya to kiss him. He was expecting Izaya to make fun of him for it. He shook his head, "no, you're wrong. I'm not," he wasn't sure how he got such low self-confidence, but the ex-bartender flinched when he felt a hand gently touch his face. "You can't like me back, I'm the monster of Ikebukuro," he said, his voice wavering. The blonde removed Izaya's hand from his face.
"Tch," Izaya scoffed, "like that's ever bothered me before. I am not going to run away. Your strength is nothing to be ashamed of. If you were really out of control, you wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with me. Your reputation is the problem...and that probably had something to do with me...Anyways! I'm not leaving without you." Izaya finished.
It scared Izaya that someone loved him. What was love? How could Shizuo know he loved him? It was such a powerful word. Just because Shizuo knew him for ten years, and Izaya wasn't afraid of him...didn't mean that Shizuo loved him.
"You…don't believe me, do you?" Shizuo asked. "I," he started, not sure how to tell Izaya. Like his brother said, he was so fucking bad with words and the pressure of this wasn't helping at all. "I protect people who I love," he simply told him. His eyes sadden, just remembering what he did to the other man. He took a few steps back, getting away from the other man. "But…I've hurt you and I can't forgive myself for that. I could've stopped and I was unable to," he told him. What was wrong with him? Why was he trying to push him away? Izaya even said he wasn't going to leave unless he was with him.
Izaya waited for Shizuo to finish. "Shizu-chan, if you beat yourself up over every time you've hurt someone, you will make yourself insane. Compared to me, what you have done to hurt people is nothing. You can repair a physical wound." He had ruined the lives of many humans. For what, for money? For satisfaction? For entertainment? For fear of isolation? It was evil, there were no excuses.
Shizuo raised a hand to his face, feeling something wet run down his cheeks. Why was he crying? For whatever reason, what Izaya just told him, made him happy. 'Bet he wouldn't be like this if he had his memories. "It was a bad idea telling you," he says out loud, "when you go back to normal, you'll go back to hating me. It was the fucking worst idea."
Izaya shook his head. The raven could never predict Shizuo. He was enticing, hard to predict, hard to control. That's what kept Izaya on the edge, begging to know more. "There's no need for negativity. We've had enough of that for one day...I'm tired." He leaned against Shizuo and wrapped his arms around his waist.
The blonde's face heated at Izaya's actions. He wasn't used to the whole touching thing, sure not from Izaya, unless he had a knife. "Sure, we can go back. Come on, get on my back, I can't walk if you're attached to my waist." He removed small arms around his body and moved so Izaya could easily jump on his back. He stopped half-way though the trip, hearing the flea mutter something, then it dawned on him that he fell asleep. He sighed, "figures you'd fall asleep," he sounded. He managed to open the door with little difficultly. He went straight to the bedroom and laid the man down on the bed.
He stared down at Izaya's sleeping form and reached a hand to push hair out of his face. "Cuter when you sleep, you know that," his golden eyes watched as the fuzzy creature staggered over to the info broker and curled against his neck. The bartender's face heated up, it just looked too damn cute.
Izaya woke up the next morning and peered down to find an arm around his waist. He remembered the night before, and it all suddenly sunk in. Shizuo said he loved him and didn't take back his words. He was staying at his house, sleeping in his bed. He ate his food, attempted to cook food for Shizuo. They watched movies together, Shizuo protected him, cried for him, and occasionally hugged him…but that didn't necessarily mean they were a couple, did it?
Just as Shizuo predicted, he was petrified. Even the thought of being together with someone, even Shizu-chan, scared him. There was a reason why he didn't have a partner before he lost his memories. His life started over and he already saw the filth in human beings. Shizu-chan was different. For one, he wasn't considered human. Izaya couldn't control him, Shizuo wasn't afraid of Izaya's social and business power. The blonde forgave him for ruining his life, and took risks in order to move forward. He kept a cold exterior in public, much like himself. Izaya realized he had more in common with Shizu-chan than he thought.
But what if...what if Shizuo broke his heart? He could easily break him if he let him in. Izaya would, couldn't trust anyone again. Was it fair to give Shizu-chan a chance? After all, he had made his life a living hell. Izaya wondered if this is exactly what caused his cold exterior, his demonic ways. Maybe someone broke his heart.