There's always another storm. It's the way the world works. Snowstorms, rainstorms, windstorms, sandstorms, and firestorms. Some are fierce and others are small. You have to deal with each one separately, but you need to keep an eye on whats brewing for tomorrow.

The Transmigration Effect

Chapter 20

re·per·cus·sion (noun)

an unintended consequence of an event or action, especially an unwelcome one.

White. Ceiling. Lying on back. Unnatural position for Rachni.

I turn my head to the side. Normandy medical bay. Approaching human. Doctor Karin Chakwas. She stops next to my bed, expression controlled, slight limp. However, hints of frantic mood in scent.

How do I know that?

"Parker? Can you hear me?" Chakwas asks. Concerned. I don't understand. My body is healthy.

"Yes."

Chakwas seems to wait for more words, but I have none to give. "How do you feel?"

"I feel… strange. My songs are… distorted." Chakwas trades a look with Shepard, who I see is standing on the other side of my bed.

"Songs?" She asks.

I grimace. I hadn't even realised I was saying that. "Thoughts," I correct. "My mind feels odd. The songs- words- that come are different. I- think," I say very deliberately, "in new ways. It is unnerving."

Another exchange of looks. "Parker," Shepard asks slowly, "who am I?"

My response is so instant I don't even think about it. "You are the queen of this hive, the singer to us all." Then the words sink in, and I close my eyes for a second.

"I'm thinking like a Rachni."

Shepard flinches.

"We ran a full diagnostic on you while you were unconscious," Chakwas says quietly. "It's… like nothing I've ever seen. You're completely healthy; no ill effects that I can see but there should be problems everywhere. I don't know how your body still works. Is there anything you know that could help us?"

In those moments where the queen controlled me, I knew her just as she knew me. I saw her first moments, her life. I understood her in a way nothing else ever would or could. I knew the limits to her powers, and what she'd done to heal me.

"We- Rachni have the ability to somehow transform biotic energy into, well, 'life energy' is the only way I can describe it. The last queen poured out her own life-force to restore mine." I concentrate, and biotic power manifests around my hands.

Green biotics. Not blue. So I hadn't been hallucinating.

"She healed me the only way she knew how. Until my body was rebuilt enough to handle the healing on its own, she had to direct the energy. It was hers. The parts she sang to; they have elements of Rachni DNA, don't they?"

"As best as we can tell… yes. I'm sorry."

Shepard looks like she's about to cry. "Parker, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I can't help but give a little chuckle. "Do not sing that song, commander. None of this is your fault. I am alive. That is a miracle. Whatever I am now." My voice falters. "You convinced her to save me. So thank you, my queen."

"I'm not your queen," she whispers, before Chakwas walks her to the door. After she's gone, Chakwas sits next to me. That different part of me wants me to sit up, stand, roll over, anything to get off my back. Rachni don't lie like this. I force it down, stay where I am just to spite it. I control me. Nothing else.

"As far as we could tell, the Queen isn't influencing you at all, on any spectrum. However, your biotics have changed from blue to green. I'd like to do a full physical on you, to know the extent of the- changes." Her professionalism falters for the briefest of moments.

"Physically, I feel on top of the world." It's true. I feel like I could take on anything right now and come out on top. I run through my biotic abilities, and everything is green. Green barrier, green aura. "Apart from the mental effects, I don't know."

Chakwas consults her data terminal. "From the scan we ran earlier, major parts of your respiratory and circulatory systems have been repaired with Rachni DNA, as well as substantial parts of your digestive tract and immune system. This is mere conjecture, but I'd hazard a guess that you are now far more resistant to toxins than any human alive, potentially bordering on Krogan-level resistance."

What she means is that my heart is half-Rachni, most of my lungs and gut as well. Inheriting some of the Rachni's hazard resistance is an unexpected bonus, if you can call it that. There's a part of my mind that is changed. It will never go back. If I let up for even a second, that inner Rachni will devour me, and then will I turn into one of those Rachni from Noveria? Totally feral, killing everything I can find?

She closes the datapad, sets it aside. "How do you feel? Not just on the surface."

I hesitate. "Weary," I answer flatly. "Where are we?"

"We're on the way back to the Citadel," Chakwas replies, wincing and rubbing her hip. "Shepard also said, in passing, that your incident was stricken from the official records."

Chakwas absently taps her fingers on the metal framing, and suddenly all I hear is the chittering of a million insects. I gasp, instinctively rolling into a ball to protect myself. Raw terror floods my trembling body, the phantom pain of razor-sharp lances stabbing deep into my brain. I have no protection. No identity. No secrets.

Even the memory is crippling.

Do you know how terrifying it is to be completely vulnerable? To be naked and broken on the floor, one thought away from death. Not just death of the body, but of everything. Dreams, mind, soul. Everything.

The clicking of a million eyes opening and shutting fills my mind, a million knife-thin legs poking into my mind. "Nonononono," I whimper endlessly.

Before Chakwas can stop me, I leap off the bed, fleeing into my little room, locking the door behind me. No light. I curl up into a ball in the corner and weep. I can still see the queen in my head, hissing and chittering. She saved my life, but I hate her.

Why did you do this to me?

Days passed. I don't know exactly how long.

I don't need to eat much anymore.

For the first day, Chakwas and Shepard tried to force their way in. Tali hacked the door lock, but I used stasis continually to hold it in place. Liara and Kaidan couldn't break it, Wrex didn't bother trying. I learned over those days, exploring this new husk I wore. At first I wanted to feel elated. You see, the Rachni had discovered the thing I'd been searching for: the pinnacle of medical biotics.

And I could do it. It was a transfusion of pure life, I suppose. It wasn't even hard.

Rachni had always possessed enormous powers of regeneration. I suppose this is why.

I couldn't hold the door shut forever though. I ran out of energy. I still needed to sleep.

The door finally slid open, admitting Queen-Commander Shepard, full armour, gun out. Aimed at me. I couldn't blame her. Wrex was behind her, shotgun out. I never saw him without armour, and today wasn't an exception. Ash, Garrus and Liara followed.

"To what do I owe the pleasure," I say sardonically. I'm still huddled in the corner, lights extinguished, knees drawn up to my chest. I don't need the lights as much as I used to. When I don't move, Shepard puts her gun away.

"Parker," she says softly. "You need to come out. You've been in here three days without food or water. You're still crew on the Normandy. Please."

Three days, was it? I'd spent most of it talking to myself, training not to say anything- inhuman. I'd escaped by running away, but half of my body demanded I lie prostrate in front of the queen of my hive. I hated it.

"What do you want me to say? What can I say? How about this: I am now a human-Rachni hybrid. My body is nothing more than a collection of mutations. I was mind-raped by an alien insect queen. I doubt I'll live another ten years, because eventually my human body will reject the Rachni tissue and I will fall apart like Frankenstein's monster. Happy now?"

Nobody speaks for a long time. I know I'm throwing a tantrum. I hadn't had one of those in decades. It felt great. Ah, self-pity. What a delightfully seductive mistress you are.

"Everything's changed, Shepard. I'm not the person I used to be, and I never will be again." I sigh. I said it before, I'll say it again. I hate my stupidly honest sense of morals. My body is different, but my mind is the same.

"Everything's changed, but nothing's different. Saren's still on the loose. He needs to be stopped." I stand up for the first time in days. "If you'll still have me, I want to keep helping you."

Shepard looks at me critically, this time as a shipmaster and leader. "As much as I would like to agree immediately, you'll have to go through psychiatric evaluation, biotic and combat testing. At any point, you may be placed in quarantine pending your removal from the Normandy." Her eyes soften. "Parker… I know this isn't your fault. But I don't even know if it's you in there. For all I know, you died on Noveria."

It's about what I expected, really. I can't fault her for making the hard decision, since I would have done the same in her shoes. "Agreed on all counts. How long will I be under observation?"

"Until we decide it's no longer needed," Garrus says easily, but with a subtle undercurrent of steel.

I nod. One breath at a time. One step. One foot. Deep breaths.

Here we go, all over again.

"You scared a lot of people, running out like that," Chakwas remarks. As ever, she's the consummate doctor. Not judging, but just enough careful reproach that she makes you feel guilty for disappointing her. We're sitting in the medical bay, although I'd bet all my money there are marines around the corner in case I was a plant.

"I was afraid."

She frowns. I suppose she didn't expect me to be so honest. Everything I say is going on my evaluation tape, but the whole purpose is being honest. Might as well start the way I want to finish. "Why were you scared?" she asks.

"You were tapping your fingers on the bedframe," I answer, and even the memory sends a shudder through my body. "It sounded like insects. Like… her." I can't bring myself to say 'queen'. Why is that? Is it because I just can't? Or because deep down, I think of Shepard as my queen?

"Tell me about it," Chakwas asks gently.

Can I not? Please. Please.

But I have to. "From the moment she touched my mind… It was pure agony. It was like, well, I guess it was in some ways similar to what those colonists on Feros went through. Running naked through a thornbush. But all I wanted to do was sit down. She tore every bit of my knowledge from me, and in the process I saw her. Understood her. I can tell you exactly why she did what she did, everything about her. Don't ask me. Please."

Chakwas hesitates. "The mission to Noveria was a failure. Do you know what it was that Benezia came for?"

It was? I'd forgotten, if I'd ever known.

"Benezia came to find the location of the Mu Relay, since it was in Rachni space during the Rachni Wars. She knew where it was, and so do I." I listed off a string of co-ordinates, the location of the Mu Relay. How I knew I couldn't tell you, I just… did.

Chakwas looks up at the camera in the corner for a moment. I guess everyone's watching, or at least Shepard is. "Is there anything else you learned?"

"The Rachni weren't responsible for the Rachni Wars."

Well, that certainly got a reaction.

"I don't understand."

"The Rachni were… influenced. Indoctrinated, or enthralled, or brainwashed or something. Manipulated. They didn't want to go to war. It's hard to describe. There was… a sour song." The queen's information was in colours and notes, and translating them into words was hard.

"Could the Rachni queen have given you false information?"

I consider that for a second. "No. Just like she saw everything that I was, I saw everything that she was. There was no way to conceal information. What I saw will stay with me for the rest of my life. Rachni aren't naturally violent, but when they go to war there isn't anything left. Their genetic memory was… disturbing."

I give her a moment to let that all filter through. God knows I needed three days to get my head even partway around it all.

"The Rachni also have uncovered the secret behind medical biotics."

That certainly gets her attention. "It's a by-product of their biology, somehow," I continue. "They change biotic energy into life energy, transfuse it directly into their system. That's how I was saved, but only Queens can actively treat others. Brood Warriors, like the Queen restructured me into, can only treat themselves."

I walk over to the row of sterilized medical tools, take a scalpel. Chakwas's hand goes to her forearm, where her dormant omnitool is.

I understand why. It still hurt.

I drive the scalpel into the back of my hand, pushing until the blade pierces straight through, coming out my palm. The door slides open and Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley run in, guns up. The pain from my hand would have been crippling, if I hadn't experienced so much worse. My biotics flare up, a stark green aura. It pools around the injury, and then explodes with power. The wound closes in a few seconds, totally healed.

Everyone stares at the bloody scalpel and perfectly-formed hand. I collapse in a heap, suddenly bone-tired and starving. "Takes more than I thought," I mumble into the deck.

Dignity, my old friend, how ever did we get so far apart?

I'm getting used to waking up in the Normandy sickbay. That's not a good thing. I'm supposed to be the medic, not the patient.

Shepard's waiting, arms crossed. Not happy. I guess I've pushed her beyond regret.

"Mind telling me what's going on?" Her voice is so cold and sharp it reminds me of Eri, when I nearly overloaded my amp years ago.

I need to find out what happened to her.

"Before that, I have a condition," Shepard's eyes narrow in response, but I don't care. Eri's my family. "What happened to my mother?"

Shepard hesitates, and for a moment we lock eyes. I don't care what it costs me, I'm not backing down on this one.

Eventually, Shepard breaks the stare. "She's alive, in a cell in the brig. We're keeping her semi-sedated, because she nearly destroyed the ship when she woke up the first time."

I hesitate. "Indoctrinated?" Shepard nods.

"Now, I answered your question. Answer mine."

A deal's a deal. "I absorbed the entirety of the Rachni genetic memory and some of their physiology. I can do what they did, convert biotic energy into life."

"And just where does that power some from?" Ah. Caught.

"Well, my own life."

Shepard deflates, but rises almost immediately in anger. "I thought so. You used something like that for the sake of a demonstration? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I go back to staring at the ceiling. This is easier if I don't have to look her in the eyes. "You know I'm still dying, Shepard? Just a little slower."

She doesn't answer immediately. "Tissue rejection?"

"Yeah. I'd say ten years, give or take. I've got more life-force than I'll ever use on my own. Might as well get some work out of it." It won't be the first time I've died. Or even the second. Like it or not, a part of me died in that frozen hell.

"How can you think that way?" Shepard asks. "Like you're going to die no matter what. Don't you want to try and find a cure?"

That's Shepard. Never giving up. Well, in ten years either we'll be all dead, or the Reapers will be. Hey, I could be dead in ten minutes on a battlefield. Ten years is plenty. As for a cure? Somehow I doubt it. Shepard, maybe, but me? I'm betting I'd get dissected rather than cured.

"I'm more use to you like this." Her jaw drops, and I rush on before she can cut in. "My biotics are stronger, I can heal myself with a bloody thought. Shepard, everyone knows I'm not good enough to keep up with you all in the field. I know it. I end up treating myself more than anyone else! Sure, you needed me on Therum, before Liara joined the crew. Now, what do I do? I have good biotic control. Whoopee. You need me to bring you a cup of coffee, I'm your man. That's it. I'm the worst shot, maybe second-worst next to Liara. I have no tech skills. Liara, Kaidan, Wrex, all of their biotics are stronger than mine! You might as well leave me on the ship with Chakwas. Now I can actually help."

"You won't be dissuaded, will you?"

"No. Sorry."

She sighs. "Do your biotic testing then. After that… we'll see."

The med bay has a biotics testing station, like the one back at Macapa. More efficient and compact, but similar enough. You needed it to evaluate wounded biotics, so it wasn't unusual. The first test was the simplest, a simple measure of power. Shepard called Kaidan up, and I started. My green aura flared to life, concentrating in my hands. It was harder to control, more wilful. But not impossible. Ko came easily, once I'd done the preparation.

The machine beeps, and I stop. The score is nearly one and a half times my record, and I didn't even go all out. Kaidan stares. I peaked well below him before, now I'd say I'm on his level, or even a little above. The level of an Adept Shepard, I guess.

I put my hand back on the pad, and fuel the biotics with my own life force. The aura explodes with power, and controlling it takes all my will. The number on Kaidan's omnitool doubles in a heartbeat, and only then do I finally take my hand off the measuring pad.

I sway dizzily. "Woah… that's not a good idea in a fight." I didn't get any feedback until I'd released it, so it would probably work fine over a longer period; just the longer I went with Life Transfusion on, the worse I'd be when I finally turned it off.

"Since you won't listen to reason," Shepard says, mouth contorted into a grimace. "Parker, I'm forbidding you from using that trick of yours, on pain of being removed from the mission to stop Saren." Shepard's head is in her hands.

"It won't happen again," I promise, instantly contrite. At least she can threaten effectively.

The next few tests go past quickly, with little change to my abilities. I've lost a little bit of control, but the increase in power is more than worth the trade-off. Besides, control can be learnt. Extra power is a bit more difficult. Kaidan and Shepard exchange glances, before Kaidan mutters something under his breath and storms out.

"What happened after the Queen took me?" I ask.

The commander cracks up a bit, a bit of a maniacal giggle. "Oh, everything," she says. "First, we cleared out the rest of the Rachni, eradicated them all." Then she hesitates, and looks semi-apologetic. "Sorry."

"I feel no sympathy for them, if that's what you're thinking," I say. "They were feral, taken from their queen at birth. With no singer, they devolved to mindless animals. Their death was a mercy."

Shepard blinks. "Okay then. After that, well, that was fun." I might have noticed the thick coating of sarcasm there. Maybe. "Do you remember waking up and trashing one of Port Hanshan's defense turrets?"

I blink. I did? "No."

"Well, you did. Long story short, Cerberus had sabotaged the Normandy. They found us, stormed the port, killed a bunch of the nationals, tried to snuff us. We shot them."

So, the short short version. But despite how glibly she says it, I can see dark shadows around her eyes. She hasn't slept much, either. "Is everyone ok?"

The Queen's nose twitches in rage. Sorrow. Loss. Greif. Hatred. A silent blood song promising vengeance and pain. My chitin rises at the thought of the swarm and-

"You alright?" she says suddenly, breaking the train of thought. I'm breathing heavily, hunched over in my seat.

"I… Yeah, I'm fine." Liar. "What about the crew?"

Annelise Shepard's voice goes as cold as slate in winter. "We lost ten crewmen. Joker broke both of his legs. Chakwas nearly died when a bullet missed her femoral artery. Pressley's coughing up blood from a ruptured spleen and stomach puncture." She looks away. "When I find Cerberus, I'll kill them."

So, Adams was the only one of the senior crew not to come away with any injuries. Well, it's something. "Did we find you-know-who?" I ask, conscious of the possibility of listening devices.

"We didn't," she bites out. "Whoever it was that sabotaged the Normandy, they either died in the boarding action or never showed themselves. Which means more headaches for us." I give her a withering look, and she shrugs. "Garrus went over the ship from head to toe. We disposed of any listening devices we found."

See, this is what happens when I'm out for a while. So much I want to say, and I can't say it- for the reasons I want to say it. Vicious cycle. I gently open my new omnitool, probably free from spyware, and open a new note. Cameras are a lot harder to hide than microphones, so text-based communication is the safe way.

Shouldn't have removed the bugs in the mess, I type. Shepard's forehead scrunches up in confusion. You'll get them all if you search, I continue. And now we can't give them misinformation when we want to. The ones in your cabin, you should definitely get rid of those. Search again to make sure. Shepard sighs, but nods agreement.

Never assume you got all the bugs, I write, punctuating it with a stern look. Talk circuitously. Don't let anyone listening in have an easy time. She struggles to accept that one, but she has to if she's ever going to learn anything about good espionage. It isn't something you can do part time. Believe me, I tried.

And despite my trying, I'm now Shepard's half-Rachni spymaster. That turned out so well for me.

"Shepard," I ask slowly. I think I've waited long enough. "I want to see her." After a moment's contemplation, the Spectre nods.

The cell is sealed by iron bars, as well as a powerful Mass Effect field. "Hi, Eri."

Eri sits behind it, cross-legged on the floor. She sways from side to side, disoriented. Her eyes flutter and struggle to focus, but her face hardens as she recognises my voice. "Parker. Is this cage your design? You always were a clever one."

She sounds drunk, almost. "The sedatives?" I ask Shepard quietly.

She nods. "The first time she woke up, before we kept her too out of it to use biotics, she nearly tore the bulkhead out. Nearly brought the whole ship down."

Eri snorts. "It's a fragile ship. I was just trying to break out. I have no intention of dying."

Shepard blinks. "You don't sound drugged."

I cradle my head in my hand. I thought this might be the case. "Asari commandos have been around longer than humankind has, Shepard. They developed mental techniques to resist drugs and toxins a long time ago."

"Then why hasn't she-"

"Escaped? Do you know how hard it is to use biotics? Especially when you're trying to resist enough knockout drugs to incapacitate an elephant."

Shepard nods, and Eri watches impassively. Talking to her, it's a strange sensation. Strange, and frightening. It's not like the woman I knew is no longer there, like I expected. This is, undoubtedly, Erintrea Sarrasari in all respects, except that her train of logic is manipulated. My instinct is to debate with her, argue and get her to see how mislead she is, but I can't. It's torturous, feeling like you can help but finding you never can.

I wonder if the Reapers designed it this way.

"You're indoctrinated," I blurt in frustration, in agony that I can't connect with her. It's like trying to grab something covered in grease. "Mind controlled. Manipulated. Brainwashed. How can you just believe that?"

Her eyes bore into me unflinchingly, as if she's thinking the same thing about me. She looks confused, as if wondering why I can't understand that the Reapers are truly and unstoppable force. Shepard only stays for quarter of an hour, thumping me softly on the shoulder before heading out.

My heart aches trying to convince her. It's like beating your firsts against a wall, hoping it'll break down. It just won't happen, but you can delude yourself into thinking it will.

Eventually, we just lapse into silence.

"You won't see reason?" I ask one last time, as futile as the rest.

"I've been asking you the same thing, Parker. The Reapers can't be stopped, no matter what. If you try to fight them, you'll just doom us all. Goddess knows I don't want to hurt you, but you're making me choose between you or the whole galaxy."

"Yet, you're the one in a cell," I murmur softly. "Goodbye, Eri. I hope I can cure you."

Joker's voice comes through the comm as I leave the brig. "Priority message from Admiral Hackett, Shepard. Looks pretty important. You need to get up here."

Shepard takes the message privately, think it's one of the side missions from the game. I don't remember anything yet, but maybe more information will jog my memory. The Queen-Commander emerges a little later, face drawn. She motions us into the briefing room, pacing as we settle into our chairs. "Biotic terrorists have captured a Sirta Foundation lab, taken all the scientists there captive. We've been ordered to defuse the situation."

I… I don't remember. Not just this mission. I don't remember anything. Nothing after Noveria. Absolutely nothing.

I'm as helpless as everyone else.

Oh, fuck.

"Since this is a sensitive mission, Hackett's ordered me to take only two of you. On balance, since we're dealing with biotic humans and we don't want to fight, I'm taking Kaidan and Parker. The rest of you, keep working on decoding the Mu Relay co-ordinates we got, or rest. We're getting close to Saren. We can't afford mistakes at this stage of the game."

By now the non-humans are familiar with some human idioms, so nobody raises eyebrows at Shepard's comparison to games. Everyone but Kaidan and I filter out of the room, talking amongst themselves. "With respect, Commander," Kaidan asks a touch uneasily. "Are you sure about this?"

"It's not my first choice, but I can't ignore those people. Saren will have to wait."

"I didn't mean that," he squirms for a moment. I get it before Shepard does.

"I'm still me, lieutenant. Different body, same mind." Mostly, I add to myself. Even if I don't feel confident, I should at least pretend. He still looks a little dubious, dislike for me tempered by… anxiety?

"We're also the closest Alliance outfit," Shepard continues, ignoring our little breach of protocol. "We drop in two hours. Be ready."

The laboratory is well out of the way, probably the reason why it was targeted in the first place. The three of us enter through the front door, weapons holstered. Immediately, the terrorists cover us with three guns each, although they were too lax to move the crates near the entrance. We've got some good cover if we need it.

The hostages aren't gassed and wandering around, which is confusing. No, they're lined up kneeling on the ground, hands on their heads, guns pointed at their skulls. They look petrified. Come to think of it, there was never an opportunity for negotiation in the game, either. I guess Annie Shepard is just that good.

"Dog of the Council," the terrorist leader remarks, shotgun resting jauntily on his shoulder. "Here are our terms." Well, he doesn't waste time. "All L2 biotics will be renumerated a sum equal to forty thousand credits per year since their implantation, and free surgery will be offered to those that wish to remove or replace the implants. For those that choose to keep L2 implants, free medical care will be offered for them without limit through the galaxy." Forty thousand per year? That would be easily millions of credits, all counted. There's no way the Alliance can do even half of that.

There's no way this guy doesn't know that. Then I see his smile, his sadistic little smile. That fucking asshole. He knows Shepard can't agree to those claims. He wants blood, and to foist the blame onto anyone but him. Hate rises in my gut.

Even Shepard seems taken aback. "Forty thousand? That's ridiculous." She sputters, intending to say more. But that's all the asshole needs, and he looks over to his men.

"You have heard the Alliance's response to your suffering, comrades!" He calls, arms raised like the messiah he so badly wishes to be. "They will give you nothing! Now, kill the Alliance soldiers!"

Kaidan and my barriers flare into life, one blue, one green. Our barriers expand past Shepard, like we'd planned on the shuttle. Bullets ricochet off the defensive fields, and the shooting stops.

"We're just like you!" Kaidan calls, and the terrorists mutter uneasily. "I am an L2 biotic! I know your pain! I know you want answers, but terrorism is not the way! We cannot sink to the level they claim we sink to. We have to be better than them!"

His voice is overwhelmed by the voice of the terrorist leader, who screams his fury. "Traitor! Traitor!" The other terrorists, energised by their leader's claim, stare at us with only distrust and hatred. The time for diplomacy has passed. The leader needs to be stopped, and stopped now. "Kill them!" He roars. "Kill the soldiers! Kill the hostages! We will not be ignored!"

What happens next will stay with me forever. Both Kaidan and my barriers were still active, but the terrorists re-aimed, placing the muzzles of their guns on the back of the hostage's heads. I act on instinct.

I reach out for the Terrorist Leader, standing in the open, rifle waving wildly.

I sing through the touching of thoughts. I pluck the strings, and the leader understands. He obeys.

My body falls to the ground, and the terrorists pause.

A rush of memories. Childhood. Earth. San Diego, high-class family. Men turning up on the doorstep. BAaT. Learning to use these biotics I had been born with. Teenage years. Surviving brain camp. Enlisting into the Alliance. I'd been so proud. Being implanted with the state-of-the-art L2 implant, which would allow humans to fight on equal terms with the aliens. We needed to fight. Humanity would be wiped out by those hateful turians, otherwise. Racism.

Pain. The pain of the implant, like a searing poker rammed up into the brain. Constant pain.

First battle. The spray of blood as my biotics crushed a Batarian pirate against the bulkhead in a boarding action, splattering my helmetless head with blood. The cessation of pain, if just for a moment. The realisation, that spilling blood would ease the pain.

Dishonourable discharge, on the suspicion of murdering a squadmate in the heat of battle. The feeling of crushing his skull between empowered hands, the blood. Oh, the blood.

Insanity.

I see it all. I did it. I understand. I am he, and he is me.

I want to throw up.

I see Shepard turn to my fallen body, eyes wide with concern. I see it through the eyes of the very man I loathed, feel his clothes on his- our- skin.

"Stop!" I roar, the terrorist leader's voice coming from his- my- mouth. "Put down your weapons! Do not harm the hostages, or the soldiers!"

The terrorists stare at their leader in confusion, torn between contradictory orders. I walk the body over to Shepard, dropping my gun at her feet. "I surrender," I say through the terrorist leader's mouth. One by one, the terrorists drop their weapons, kneel and surrender. The hostages ran. Shepard watches wide-eyed at the display, then back at my inert body, wisps of green biotic energy flashing over Parker's back. My back.

I release control.

The terrorist leader collapses to the ground, unconscious. I open my eyes, in my own body. A thousand billion thoughts whirl in my head, until I thought for sure my skull would burst. I can do nothing but stare straight ahead, overwhelmed by the input.

"Parker?" Shepard asks, I think. I don't know. I'm lost.

Kaidan slung me over his shoulder. The terrorists were picked up by an Alliance patrol that was supposed to be our backup. The hostages were saved. The terrorists would stand trial. I could only stare blankly.

Who am I?

What am I?

Shepard slaps me across the face. Hard. I barely feel it. Thoughts and memories whirl like locusts, never settling. Am I Rachni? Am I a terrorist? Am I Parker? I have four lives worth of memories trying to fight for control. My past life, Parker's life, the Rachni Queen's life and the terrorist's life. Inside that whirling torrent, I was a prisoner. Whoever I really was. "Leave him, Shepard." Kaidan says heavily. "He can't even feel it. He looks like he's in a coma."

Their voices are indistinct. Muffled. Dull. Loud. Lying. Honest. Colourless. Important. Fogged. Friendly. Hateful. Empty.

Clarity returns. Slowly.

Blinking feels like the most fascinating thing in the universe. Close. Open. Close. Open.

"Parker?" The voice comes again. "Can you hear me?"

I chitter greetings. I scream my hatred. I nod politely.

I don't do anything.

"I could meld with him, if you wish, Shepard," I hear Liara say. No. She can never see this. Nobody can. Never.

"I am," I hear myself say. Even my own voice seems miles away. "I think, therefore I am."

Everyone turns to stare.

"I am. Who am I? I am all. No." A thought won free, spinning its way through my mouth. Pure stream of tortured consciousness. "I exist. I am. Yet I am not. Who, not am. Who? All? No. One? Which? Medic. Life-healer. Warrior. Hive-guardian. Forsaken. Avatar of vengeance. Missing generation. Singer-defender. Blood taker. I am. Which am?"

"Parker!" Tali yells at me. Parker. Is that my 'am'?

I am Parker. The identity feels like an old snakeskin.

"Hello, Tali." I turn my head to look at her.

Everyone relaxes. Not much, but some.

"What happened in there?" Shepard asks.

"I sang." There was no other way to describe it, really.

"You what?" Wrex grunts.

"I did to him what the Rachni queen did to me."

Words are insufficient, I guess. They don't convey the experience of becoming another person, mind body and soul.

"You controlled the biotic terrorist leader, and forced him to surrender." Shepard says flatly.

"Yes. I didn't know what I was doing at first. It was just the natural thing to do."

"I thought it was strange when he just surrendered," Kaidan mutters. "I'm not paid enough for this."

"Two days," Chakwas says, pushing her way into the group. "You've been just sitting, staring. You ate when we gave you food, but that was it. Just stared."

"Bloody creepy is what it was," Ash whispers to Liara.

"Are you alright?" Chakwas asks, ignoring the byplay.

"I'm fine. For now, anyway. An…. identity crisis, you could say." Understatement of the year. "Doctor Chakwas, could you please pass me that bucket?"

I throw up.

A/N: Twenty chapters! Yay! Seriously, I never thought I'd get this far into the story, either in number of chapters or word count. And I certainly didn't expect to get this many people reading, so thank you to all of you! After this we'll be on the way to Virmire, and as everyone knows Virmire is where stuff goes down. How will Parker cope without his future knowledge?

Well, you'll find out next week.

This chapter was edited, as always, by the extroverted recluse. Who is awesome. And very good at UNO. Seriously, she calls drawing 3 draw fours on the first hand as par. What the hell.

This is also a chapter I was waiting to reveal for another reason, because this is where we really go into what happened to Parker on Noveria. I hope you all enjoyed my brainchild, but I'd be extraordinarily happy to know what you thought! Just review and give me your opinion.

As always, the next chapter will be out in a week! Until then :D