Chapter 20

A/N: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. The song, "I'd Rather" isn't mine either. It is by sung my Luther Vandross and copyrighted as such.

Four days later….

"You know the only thing I'm scared of, Dr. Gardner?" Olivia sat with Elliot and Dr. Gardner in Hartford Center. Elliot held Olivia's hand as they talked to the psychiatrist about their 12 year partnership, their friendship and their present relationship and how Olivia could help Elliot heal from the wounds of his actions.

"What is that Olivia?" Dr. Gardner asked her gently.

"Yeah, Liv, what is it?" Elliot interjected, looking anxious.

"I'm scared to be this happy." She admitted, looking at the doctor then looking at Elliot an uncertain smile on her face. "It's just that I don't I've ever been this happy."

Elliot broke into a wide smile. "Whew." Elliot's relief was clear as he spoke. "You had a me scared there for a second."

"Elliot, I'm scared. I'm scared that this is too good to be true."

"Baby, too good to be true would have been me not being here, me not having shot Jenna, me having the guts to leave Kathy a long time ago and tell you exactly what I feel about you. That would have been too good to be true. This isn't too good to be true, Liv. It's just good and it's just true. I promise you. "

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked him, anxiety still plainly heard in her tone. "Because in a few weeks I'm going to be huge and you might think, oh my God, what a heffer! What did I ever see in her? "

Elliot chuckled. "Liv, those are your hormones talking again. You forget I went through 4 pregnancies with Kathy and I didn't leave her even when she was huge. I love you, no matter what. Okay? It took me almost 13 years to get things right with you, I will not just say forget it because of baby weight!"

Olivia was silent but she held on to Elliot's hand. As her silence lengthened, Elliot turned to Dr. Gardner and asked for his help. "Doc help me out here, will ya?"

Dr. Gardner nodded and spoke up. "Olivia, can you look at me?"

Olivia obeyed but her eyes were clearly wary.

"Good. Can I ask you? Do you trust Elliot?"

"Of course!" The words came bursting out of her mouth. There was no hesitation at all in her reply.

Dr. Garner smiled. "I believe you. There was no hesitation whatsoever in your answer."

Olivia looked at Elliot and Elliot met her gaze. "Of course I do trust him. I'd trust him with my life. We both do."

Elliot nodded in agreement and agreed. "Yeah, that's the truth. We've had each other's back since the first day we met."

"So, Olivia, if you do trust Elliot to that extent, then why are you scared?"

Olivia looked down and then replied in a soft voice, "Because I don't trust myself."

"Why?"

"Because every relationship I've had with a man has always ended."

"Elliot's still here. It's been what 13 years? That's more than most marriages nowadays. This relationship hasn't ended." Dr. Gardner pointed out.

"And it never will." Elliot told her with conviction.

"You promise? You promise you won't let me run away?" Olivia asked Elliot, never breaking eye contact with him.

"I promise as long as you promise you won't let me run away too." Elliot bargained.

Olivia broke into a smile finally. "That's a deal , Stabler."

"Good, let's shake on it." Elliot replied, extending his hand.

Laughing now, Olivia accept his hand and gave it a firm shake. "I love you, El." The words came out of her mouth spontaneously and she blushed, suddenly remembering Dr. Gardner's presence.

"I love you too, Liv always."

"Well, I can see that you two have a good foundation and though most of the time in this program we encourage our patients not to pursue new relationships first, your case is different. 13 years can be hardly called new and though your relationship changed recently, I don't think it's a bad change. From all you've both told me, I think you were each other's anchors for all of these years. Elliot you gave Olivia stability and Olivia you gave Elliot sanity and an equal companion and friend. I honestly think that if you weren't around and what happened had happened, Elliot would be worse off. I met his ex wife and though she's a nice and lovely woman, I see the difference. There are just some things that certain people need that can only be given to them by certain people. Anyway, basically, what I'm saying is that I'm glad Elliot has you, Olivia. I believe you will be his strength."

"Thanks, Dr. Gardner. He's also my strength. "

Elliot smiled at Olivia and squeezed her hand again. She returned the squeeze and he put her hand to his lips, kissing it.

"Good, good. Anyway, that's the hour, Olivia. Thank you so much for coming in to visit Elliot and to join this therapy session with him. I can confidently say he's doing very well and I'm happy for that."

"That's great to hear, Doctor. I really do hope he'll be home with me and his children soon."

"Me too, Olivia. We'll see but he's making major progress and as long as he keeps this up, I don't see why he won't go home on schedule."

"Great!"

"Well, it was nice to meet you Olivia. Again, thank you for coming."

"You're welcome, Doctor. Anything for Elliot."

"Take care of that baby, you hear?"

"I will. We will."

With one last handshake with the doctor, Elliot and Olivia walked out the doctor's room.

Another two and a half weeks later

It was another Friday night and Olivia whom by now was nearly 5 months along was looking forward to a relaxing evening with Maureen, an old movie on the DVD player and some pizza. Lately she had been craving pizza with olives and mushrooms and so that's what they were getting tonight.

It was nearly 8 pm when she got home because she had gotten stuck on Friday Manhattan traffic. Thankfully, even though her building was a walk up and her floor was on the fourth floor, the building super allowed her to take the service elevator because she was pregnant. It wasn't the greatest elevator but for someone pregnant it was heaven compared to having to go up four floors.

When she got to her apartment door, she could hear music from the inside. It was her favorite mixed CD that was being played. At the moment the song that she was hearing was by Luther Vandross called "I'd Rather". She loved that song as it always reminded her of Elliot and she felt that it almost described to a T what they've been through and how they are now.

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

Smiling, she pushed the door open and gasped at the sight that met her. Her apartment was dim and was lit by candles and dim lamps. Pink and red rose petals were strewn on the floor. Standing in front of her holding three long stemmed red roses was Elliot, smiling.

"Hi baby." His voice was soft and happy as he gazed at her.

Olivia's mouth dropped open and she could not move. She couldn't speak either. Seeing this, Elliot walked over to her in a couple of strides, reached behind her and closed the door. Then, he gave her the roses which she mutely accepted.

Just then, Olivia shook her head as if to clear it then asked, "What are you doing here?"

A wide grin still on his face, Elliot replied, "Baby, I'm home for good. Dr. Gardner released me early. He said I was doing well that I can continue my therapy in an outpatient basis with either Skoda or Huang. I'm back."

Tears of joy filled Olivia's eyes as she embraced Elliot tightly. "Oh my God. Really? I missed you so much."

"I missed you more, Liv. How's baby Benson-Stabler?"

"Behaving." Olivia told him.

"That's good! Considering how hard headed both of his or her parents are, that's amazing."

Olivia chuckled. "That's true. Wait do your kids know you're back."

"Yeah, I passed by the house and visited Eli, Lizzie and Dickie on my way here. Kathleen I called – she actually is out of town for the weekend with her friends and Maureen, well Maureen saw me when I got here."

"Wait? Did you kick her out? I mean she was expecting to have another two weeks here. She can't go back to her old apartment yet till then because she sublet it."

"Yup, I kicked her out!"

"Elliot! Where will she stay?"

"She went to stay with Kathy. Don't worry, she's fine with it. In fact, she insisted."

"Are you sure? I hate to do that to her." Olivia looked worried.

"Liv, it's okay. "

"Still I should call her and thank her for all she did."

"Don't worry, we can do something nice for her later. Right now, I just want it to be you and me. Call me selfish but it's been way too long since I was alone with you." Elliot admitted, holding her hand.

"You know, we're still by the door." Olivia told him, snickering.

Elliot snickered back and then his expression softening, he led Olivia to the sofa. There they sat down and Elliot simply encircled her with his arms and pulled her to him. One hand was across her chest and the other reached down and rubbed her already swollen belly.

Olivia moaned at his touch. She craned her neck, looking up at him and kissed him. Elliot kissed her back. He opened his mouth to hers and their tongues met, playing with each other.

Before their kisses got too urgent, Elliot reluctantly pulled away. Olivia looked confused and asked in a slightly hurt tone, "What's wrong, El?"

Elliot shook his head and replied, "Nothing, but I just wanted to tell you and give you something before we reached a point of no return and I know we will because well because I am dying to make love to you Olivia Benson. "

Olivia chuckled. "Well, okay good. We're of the same mind then."

Elliot gave a shout of laughter and then quickly kissed her on the lips. "Yes we are."

"So what is it?" Olivia asked.

Elliot sobered then. His expression became serious but tender at the same time. Olivia's heart began to beat a little more quickly. Elliot's sapphire eyes met her chocolate ones as he spoke up and spoke from his heart. "Liv, I love you. And I know we've been through a lot these past several months and Dr. Gardner has told both of us that we have to take things day by day and we can't make any big moves yet but I know what I want and I want you. I have for such a long time."

"I want you too, El. And I have almost from the day we met."

"Same here, so I'm hoping you'll agree with me that this isn't too big a move."

"What, El?" Olivia's lips went a bit dry. She could tell that Elliot meant every word he said and it scared her a little.

Elliot pulled something out of his jeans pocket but kept it hidden in his hand at first and spoke again. "Liv, I don't want you to get excited, but I wanted to give you this." He opened his palm and in it lay a white gold ring – it was two bands braided together almost like the infinity symbol made over and over again and shaped into a circle.

Olivia gasped when she saw it and she looked at Elliot with both happiness and fear in her eyes. "El?"

"This is a promise ring. It's a promise to you that one day I will ask you properly and get engaged to your properly so that we can make it official. Please know how badly I wish I could give you an engagement ring instead right now, but I need to make sure I'm okay first. I want you to be sure too. I mean like I said and we both know, it's been a crazy few months. We need to make sure we're okay first. But I have no doubt in my love for you and in yours for me. I know, I just know that we will make it, Liv. But when we do get engaged, I want to do it right and make it more special than this. So I hope for right now, this is okay. " Elliot took her left hand and slid the ring on her finger. "I promise to love you forever Liv."

Olivia's eyes glistened with tears. "Oh El, thank you. I promise to love you forever too. I promise I am yours always. And I don't need a ring or a wedding to let you know that or promise you that. I have been yours for a long time."

"I know baby, but still call me old fashioned, I want it to do it right. You deserve an engagement ring. You deserve a wedding. You deserve everthing Liv. God, sometimes I wonder if I even deserve you. I feel like I don't deserve to have you love me."

"Don't say that, El. You do deserve me and I deserve you. I love you. Thank you for the promise ring. It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful Liv and I promise to love you and take care of you and our baby forever."

"I love you too."

Elliot and Olivia gazed at each other, their love for each other clearly seen in their eyes and on their expressions. They held hands as they faced each other while they sat on the sofa. Then softly, Olivia spoke up again and said, "El, make love to me please. "

Elliot nodded and without another word, they stood up making their way to their bedroom. And there, the two of them made love, slowly, gently but with all the intense passion and longing they had for each other, sealing their promise to love each other forever.

After they made love, they fell into each other's arms, sated, loved, smiles on their faces and truly happy for the first time in a long time.

Up next, Olivia and Elliot find out the sex of the baby and Kathy seeks Olivia out after the TRO is lifted and the two women have a heart to heart.