Chapter 20: The Truth about Carlisle
Bella woke up with cold sweat beading her forehead and she sat up straight in the bed, gasping trying to find air to fill her lungs with. Beside her, Edward sat up groggily, wrapping his arms around her.
"You okay?" he mumbled and gave her soft kisses on the neck.
Bella blushed and she nodded half heartedly. Edward fell back into his pillows, pulling Bella down with him, but her eyes remained open, still seeing the nightmare play through her eyes. It was pathetic really. It was just of Edward not wanting her anymore and Carlisle and Tanya's voices telling her that she wasn't worth it. Bella tried to analyze why she had that nightmare and she thought back to her life for the past couple of weeks. The past couple weeks Bella spent with Edward flew by. They each concentrated on finding jobs to support themselves and didn't leave enough time for any romance. They were each out actively looking for jobs and handing out applications, going for interviews, fulfilling obligations that they might have, running errands. Once they got to the apartment, they sank into bed and just fell asleep. When Bella had a free day, Edward was busy with job hunting and when Edward had a free day, Bella either had to job hunt or to visit her dad and assure him that everything was okay. Each day was filled with quick kisses and not enough time to think about them and their relationship. What Bella did think about though, was that she was now living with Edward Cullen. Her clothes were put in haphazardly in the drawers and all over the floor when she didn't have time to do the laundry. Her toothbrush was sitting next to his, looking slightly more used. She was slowly integrating into his home life and they both failed to notice it until Bella really sat down to think. Which wasn't often. She was so busy with trying to find a job and to keep Charlie happy, that she couldn't remember the last time she and Edward sat down together at the same table and talked. Still, Bella caught Edward glancing at his phone more often than not, and Bella knew that he was waiting for somebody from his family to call even though he wouldn't admit it. Ever since that huge fight between Edward and his father, Bella heard Edward's hushed conversations with his brothers and his mother but he refused to speak to his father. What really bothered Bella about that night was how sudden Carlisle seemed to lash out. Sure, he was lashing out at Bella before, but never in such an aggressive way. And even though Bella didn't appreciate nor did she know Carlisle that well, she knew that it was strange and that spark of pain that she saw couldn't have been faked. Feeling uneasy about the whole thing, she brought it up with Edward once, but he snapped at her and locked himself in their room for awhile before coming out and muttering apologies. Since then, Bella ceased to mention his family, but she couldn't stop that nagging doubt in the back of her head. Lying awake now, she contemplated bringing it up again, but it would probably spark another fight between them and given that dream that she just had, it probably did her subconscious no good to make things rocky again, as guilty as that made her.
"Morning." Edward mumbled on her left side and Bella gave a soft grunt, closing her eyes swiftly so he wouldn't know she was awake.
Bella felt his lips against her cheek and he disappeared into the bathroom. Bella opened her eyes again and she rolled over to his side of the bed, sniffing his pillow taking in his scent. Feeling weird, she sat up and stretched while looking at the clock.
"Got another interview today?" Bella asked through the door as she picked up some clothes off the ground.
"Yeah. Big one today. I'm almost late. Gotta go." Edward left the bathroom, gave Bella quick kiss and he rushed out the door with his coffee mug in hand and an apple in the other.
"See you tonight!" He called out and slammed the door shut.
Bella sighed and she started organizing everything in the drawers and made herself some breakfast. The shrill ringing of the phone interrupted her reading in the middle of her meal and she grumbled to herself while picking up the phone.
" 'Lo?" Bella mumbled as she still concentrated on her novel.
When nobody said anything on the other line, Bella focused more on the phone.
"Hello?" Bella asked again.
She pulled the phone away from her ear and saw that Esme was on the line.
"Esme? Is that you? Is everything okay?" Bella asked cautiously.
Bella could hear the soft sniffling now that she concentrated harder on the call. Feeling a sudden panic, she pressed the phone harder to her ear as if she could hear better.
"Do you want me to call Edward to come see you? What's wrong?" Bella asked, panicked.
"No! Don't call Edward yet." Esme's voice was scratchy as if she had been crying for hours before or yelling.
"What's the matter?" Bella asked urgently, completely abandoning her book.
"It's...Do you think you could come see me at the coffee shop? Across from Edward's building. I'm sitting there now." Esme said and Bella nodded frantically.
"Yeah of course. I'll be down in a second." Bella threw on some clothes and left the apartment in a hurry.
She saw Esme sitting by herself in a booth at the corner of the shop. Hurrying over to her, she declined the waitress' attempt to help her and all but pushed her aside.
"Esme? What's wrong?" Bella asked, a little out of breath.
Esme's red rimmed eyes met Bella's and she burst into tears. Bella, feeling awkward and unknowing what to do in these situations, reached over the table to pat her hand awkwardly.
"I know this is something that you guys don't need right now. I know you guys are finding jobs and that this is a terrible time for me to intrude." Esme said in between her hiccups and tears.
Bella shook her head in denial and she gripped Esme's hands even tighter.
"Whatever's happening with you is probably way more important than our problems right now. Just tell me what I can do." Bella said trying to get Esme to tell her the problem.
"It's... It's Carlisle." Esme finally said and she broke into another wave of sobs.
Bella froze and she tilted her head, not understanding.
"I'm sorry? What about Carlisle." Bella asked.
"Ever since that fight between Edward and Carlisle and the things that Carlisle said and didn't say made the other two boys extremely angry with Carlisle. They won't even sit at the same table as him and when they talk about business it's always tense and terse comments. They're not even bothering to hide their disgust with him." Esme explained, cutting herself off when she started sobbing again.
"I'm so so sorry about that Esme. I tried to tell Edward to talk to Carlisle but..." Bella tried to apologize but Esme continued on as if she completely didn't hear her.
"But I didn't think Carlisle would go that far. Really I thought he was just going to light Edward's fire and leave it at that. That's what he told me he was going to do. I didn't think he wanted to alienate his family along with it." Esme sobbed and Bella tried hard to understand her.
"What do you mean leave it at that? This was all a plan?" Bella asked incredulously.
"Kind of? Oh Bella you have to forgive us. It's just that Edward has never expressed any interest in standing up for himself or even trying to find himself or whatever. So this was kind of like reverse psychology and Carlisle said it would work and it did! He just wanted to give Edward a little extra push to make sure that Edward wouldn't go back on his word. But now it's just a mess and Carlisle won't even try to make an effort to make things right again." Esme wailed.
"You guys tricked Edward to being himself? Do you even realize how twisted that is? If Carlisle just told Edward to go and figure himself out, I'm sure things would be a lot different." Bella scolded Esme and Esme nodded along with her wadded up tissue.
"I know that we made a mistake. But we didn't think Edward would believe us because he thinks that he isn't really part of the family, so we thought this would work better. And it worked! Edward found you. But now this has all turned sideways and I am in no position to fix it!" Esme said and she blew her nose into her tissue.
"So what can I do to help? I've already talked to Edward about it. But he won't listen to me at all." Bella said.
"I want you to talk to Carlisle. Get his side of the story. Then maybe you'll be able to convince Edward to see his father?" Esme pleaded with tears in her eyes.
Bella opened her mouth to protest, but seeing as she felt kind of guilty about the whole situation, she sighed and she nodded. Esme cracked a smile and Bella grimaced inside. She left Esme sitting in the cafe with her cup of coffee and drover over to where Carlisle, after promising Esme that she would call once she got there.
"Esme? I'm here. I'll call you later once I finish talking with him. I guess." Bella said and after listening to Esme's tearful thanks, she hung up and took a deep breath before walking into the hospital.
"Hi. I'm here to see Carlisle Cullen?" Bella said to the receptionist.
The receptionist glanced up at her through her glasses.
"Is he expecting you?" she asked in a nasally voice.
"Not exactly. Just tell him that I'm Bella Swan." Bella said, tapping her fingers on the desk.
The receptionist gave Bella an evil glance, but went into Carlisle's office to relay the message. Less than a second later, Carlisle appeared through his office door and Bella saw how haggard he looked. He too had red rimmed eyes and dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in awhile. All that Bella wanted to say flew out of her head as she saw him. He gestured her into his office and she sat down while he sat at his desk, behind his computer. On his desk, she saw pictures of his family and she saw pictures of Edward, Emmett and Jasper as little children, all piled on top of Carlisle, all of them smiling broadly into the camera.
"What brings you here?" Carlisle's tired voice broke through Bella's observations of the pictures on his desk.
Bella looked at Carlisle and he didn't have that usual sneer that he used to have when talking to her.
"What exactly is going on Carlisle?" Bella asked softly.
Carlisle opened his mouth with his lips curled up in a cruel smile but Bella cut him off.
"Don't give me any bullshit Carlisle. Just tell me the truth or I'll never be able to help you get your family back."
Carlisle looked surprised, but he let out a harsh laugh.
"How can you help me? Why would you even help me? After all that I've said and what I've done to you and Edward." Carlisle said.
"If you can just tell me the truth then I can help you however I can." Bella insisted, leaning forward.
Carlisle remained silent, stubbornly so. Bella glanced at the picture of the young boys on top of him sitting on the corner of his desk. She took the photo frame and saw Carlisle frown as she stood up.
"I'm sure as little boys do, in this picture they worshipped you. They saw you as their hero. They still do you know. Even if they seem to be pissed at you now. You will always be their father. You can always salvage their relationship with you Carlisle. Don't let it slip away from you." Bella said as she set the photo down on the desk in front of him.
"Call me if you want to talk about anything Carlisle. Let me try to help." Bella said quietly and she started to leave the room.
Carlisle cleared his throat and Bella stopped with her hand on the door handle.
"I..." Carlisle cleared his throat again.
Bella turned around and stared at him.
"I have cancer." Carlisle finally said and Bella's eyes widened.
She rushed back to her seat and Carlisle avoided her eyes.
"Oh my god! How do you know? Did you ask for second opinions?" Bella asked rapidly and Carlisle held up his hand and she fell silent.
"I found out that night. That night that you guys had lasagna." Carlisle said haltingly.
Bella noticed that he didn't say that it was the night of the argument.
"I couldn't think things through and I took it out on Edward. I guess in turn that affected everybody else as well." Carlisle said.
"Who cares about that right now. What kind is it? What stage? Did you get second opinions?" Bella asked again, more forcefully this time.
"It's liver cancer. It started last year when they discovered a lump there but I ignored it until I could have more time to take care of it. The other day they called me in to tell me that it was advancing quickly and that I couldn't wait any longer to take care of it. If I waited any longer then I would have no chance of surviving." Carlisle explained slowly and took a deep breath.
"Does anybody know? Does Esme know?" Bella asked quietly.
"No. Nobody knows. And you can't tell them." Carlisle said fiercely.
"What? Why not? If I tell them I know they'll reconcile with you right away and then everything will be fine again and you can concentrate on taking care of yourself and not about this mess." Bella reasoned with him.
"That's exactly why I don't want you to tell them. I don't want them to do it out of pity. I know I screwed up big. I want to fix things with them my way." Carlisle insisted.
"You need to concentrate on getting better now Carlisle. Nothing else." Bella said and she leaned forward towards him.
"I'm sure they'll understand why you did this. Even Edward. You shouldn't have to worry about not having support at a time like this." Bella insisted, but Carlisle shook his head.
"I'm going to be disappearing for awhile. While I go through the surgery and chemo and radiation. Nobody will notice. It'll be fine." Carlisle said and he turned to his computer, and Bella got the impression that he thought that the discussion was over.
"Do you really think that they won't notice when you've disappeared? If you disappear, they'll either think the worse, or Esme will be devastated. She came to me, wanting to reconcile this family. Carlisle you can't just take this all on yourself. You have to let people in." Bella said and Carlisle looked at her with surprise.
They sat in silence, Bella unwilling to let him win.
"Fine. For a little bit I'll keep it a secret. But I'm going to tell Rose and Alice. You're going to need all the help that you can get. I'll wait for you to tell Esme only because you're her husband and she'll want to hear it from you. We'll all try to convince the guys to talk to you again and then you can tell them. If you don't tell them before your surgery, I'll tell them." Bella finally said and she stood up.
"Keep me updated Carlisle. I don't want to see the news report of you lying dead in your office because of your liver. Think about reaching out to them." Bella finished and she walked out of the office.
Carlisle stared at the closed door for awhile before turning back to his work. Outside of the office, Bella pulled out her phone to call Esme like she promised.
"Esme? I talked to him. I can't tell you anything for certain right now, but I think there might be a solution on the horizon. Go back home and wait for Carlisle." Bella reported and she hung up.
She dialed another number on her phone again.
"Alice? Can you call Rosalie? Can I meet you guys at your place in fifteen minutes? There's something I need your help with."
Woooweeee! Long chapter? Do I deserve some reviews? Maybe just a little? What do you guys think? Let me know! I hope you guys liked it!
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