What Doesn't Kill You

Chapter Twenty

[bitter: 1. Having a strong or unpleasant flavor that is the opposite of sweet. 2. Marked by cynicism and rancor. 3. Expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret.]

Unlike the outbound trip, Team Shikaku traveled back to Konoha at a much faster pace, their Sensei making them jog for as long as they didn't drop dead. It wasn't as fast as tree-hopping, but he insisted it was necessary to build stamina (Aoi was beginning to suspect that Shikaku was a bit of a fitness nut). As a result the journey would take a fraction of the time than it had when that complaining asshole Ken had been with them.

Aoi wondered whether Kakashi had enjoyed it. Probably.

They stopped for the night in a nondescript clearing. Shikaku designated Aoi for first watch and she wordlessly hopped up a tree to settle on one of the highest branches, not wanting to be close to the rest of her team at the moment. She was pretty sure her distant attitude over the last few days was worrying them but she didn't find it in herself to actually care.

She'd been endlessly chewing over the revelations of the encounter with Orochimaru, only to arrive to one conclusion. She needed to speak to him again. But that wasn't going to be easy. The next time they met, her father would most likely try to capture her again and ship her off to his lab - maybe he still planned to steal her body. It wasn't like she could just waltz up and demand to know what he'd done.

But what then? a mocking part of her asked. Even if you found out it was possible, even if you knew how exactly he's pulled your soul into this body, what are you going to do? Reverse it? That's ridiculous. You're already dead back home.

She was stuck here. This world was her world now. Regardless of whether she'd completely screwed it up just by existing, the original plan stood: she would survive it, ensure her own safety, and ignore everyone else. Ninja could take care of their damn problems themselves, and if they couldn't, well that was just how it had been written.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Shikaku stirring below. He paused for a moment under her tree and then started walking up it. "I want to talk," he stated.

Aoi sighed in resignation and settled back against the trunk, while he crouched on the branch in front of her, barely a shadowy outline in the darkness.

"You have a right to be angry," he said. "I'm sorry."

Aoi stared at the dark blob that was his face silently. She knew he wasn't sorry, not really. In his eyes the mission had been necessary and could even be considered a success, now that they had Kabuto, and the Jounin Commander of Konoha wasn't sorry about that. Maybe he felt a bit guilty about the way they'd involved her, but as a ninja he knew he'd done the right thing.

The forest rustled around them, accentuating Aoi's lack of a reply.

"Did Orochimaru... Experiment on you?"

The question froze her in place. She'd forgotten that he would have heard their exchange, too. Her mind raced as she decided what to do - lie, obviously. If some miracle could have convinced her to one day share her situation with Shikaku, that chance was gone now. He'd proven that placing her trust in him had been a mistake, one she was tired of repeating.

"I don't know."

"Do you know what he did?"

"No."

"Aoi."

"I don't know what he did." Aoi straightened from her seated position and jumped down before he could press for more answers. He sighed and muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like troublesome, but left her alone, and prepared for his turn to keep watch.

Lee was quickly becoming stronger. Over the last year at the Academy his taijutsu had improved to above average, but now he was advancing by leaps and bounds. Gai-sensei's training was tough, and often made him want to quit, but he was starting to see results. Neji and Tenten could no longer keep up with him, endurance-wise at least. He outlasted them both by miles.

He was getting used to the weights now. There were times he barely noticed they were there.

He and Gai were in the middle of their morning handstand laps around the village when they spotted a lone silhouette in one of the training grounds, performing a kata that looked more like a set of stretches. They made a detour to investigate.

The rising sun was behind the figure, making it impossible to distinguish their face, but the wide, slow movements of the kata were familiar. Lee's eyes lit up in recognition as they approached. "Aoi-channnn!" he called. Some birds nearby startled and took flight, cawing in alarm.

The figure finished the movement unperturbed and completed the kata by lowering her open palms in front of her abdomen and exhaling slowly. The air around her vibrated imperceptibly, thick with chakra. Only then did she turn towards them. "Lee," she acknowledged.

Lee approached quickly. "I didn't know you were back from your mission. It's good to see you!"

"Indeed!" Gai added from behind him. "Usually, no one besides us is up this early. Such youthful dedication brings tears to my eyes! How did the mission go?"

Aoi shrugged. "Alright."

"Why don't you join us and tell us all about it? We only have seven laps left."

Aoi seemed to consider before shrugging again and dropping into a handstand. The three of them left the training grounds to continue on their circuit. "Why are you up this early, Aoi?" Lee inquired. From the Academy, he'd known Aoi liked her sleep.

"Couldn't sleep," Aoi replied vaguely. Lee noticed that indeed, there were dark circles under her eyes. "What has your team been up to?"

They chatted while they hand-walked. They got more strange looks from the few people in the streets than usual, since the sight of Lee and Gai doing ridiculous training was pretty normal but never before had anyone joined them.

It didn't last long. After two laps Aoi gave up and walked on her feet, despite Lee and Gai's protests. She was about to split off from them to continue her own training when something occurred to her. "Gai. San," she added as an afterthought. "Are there any kind of family histories recording chakra natures?"

Gai frowned thoughtfully. "Probably. The clans always keep careful records of their members." Aoi nodded distractedly. "Why do you wish to know?"

"It's just a project I'm working on." She'd been giving it more thought since returning from the mission; it kept her mind away from other questions she didn't have the answer to. The relatively trivial subject acted as an anchor, it was something she could actually work on and figure out on her own. She even had a new theory that she would like to test.

"You could ask your Sensei," Gai proposed. "The Nara have extensive archives. I'm sure he'd let you study certain parts of them if you explained."

Aoi grimaced. "Shikaku. Yeah. Thanks." She turned to leave.

"Bye, Aoi-chan! We should spar sometime. I've gotten stronger."

She waved without looking and strolled back to the training grounds, lost in thought.

Maybe Shikaku felt guilty enough to let her take a peek. She was genuinely curious about chakra type inheritance. But the idea of asking him for help made her grimace - she didn't like admitting that she needed him. Who else did she know, then, that was part of a large enough clan to provide a good case study?

Well. That was easy.

When Kakashi finally regained full consciousness he was alone in his room. He'd been drifting in and out, the painkillers distorting his sense of reality, alternating absurd hallucinations with drunk stupor. He hated it, and was glad to be finally lucid, even if his whole body felt like shit.

He tried to move, unsuccessfully. His uncovered eye rolled downwards to find he was tied to the hospital bed by straps of a material resembling plastic, the kind they used to tie down lunatics.

Wonderful.

He smelled the air, confirming that he was indeed in Konoha's hospital and it had been an hour since anyone had been in his room.

The last thing he remembered clearly was being jostled around on someone's back, nerve endings screaming, the pain practically splitting his head open, as they carried him back to Konoha. Before that there was what he assumed a long stretch of unconsciousness and before that... He shivered. The snakes.

He distinctly remembered one of the smaller reptiles crawling up his nose. In fact, it still felt like it was there.

No, it was just a tube.

Okay, so he wasn't completely lucid yet.

He was wearing the hospital's garbs and there were bandages over most of his face. He decided it would be a good idea to get out of there. They'd tied down his arms against his sides, but his hands were free. Kakashi concentrated and reached inwards for his chakra, frowning when he found it unusually thin and intangible, like a spider web. They'd given him some kind of chakra thinner too? Bastards.

Fortunately, he didn't need much control for a D-Rank jutsu. He grabbed hold of a small portion of it and directed it towards his hand, then to his pointed index finger. He forced the chakra to heat up and combust, and a small flame erupted from it. He carefully bent his finger, pointing it at the strap securing his wrist, which started to burn, letting out a foul-smelling smoke.

After a minute or so a fire alarm blared, and Kakashi was halfway out of his bonds. He quickly got rid of the other half, ripped tubes and IV needles off and rolled off the bed, grunting as he hit the floor. He was exhausted. He was in pain. He hated this smell. He wanted to go home.

He spotted a pile of his clothes, badly tattered and burned, on a chair, and put them on, grimacing as they rubbed against his still-healing wounds. He was out the window as panicked cries started spreading throughout the hospital.

They found him two days later, while he was having dinner at a fast-food place. He'd been too busy noticing how painful it was to swallow to sense Hawk until it was too late. Then again, she'd always been the stealthiest. Hokage summons, she signaled in the ANBU hand-language, immediately.

Kakashi exhaled resignedly and finished his dinner as slowly as he could.

The Hokage was waiting for him behind his desk, chin resting over his interlocked fingers, staring at him through evaluating eyes. Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. He knew he didn't look very professional. His hair was still slightly singed and even the minuscule patch of skin that was visible around his eye was covered in cuts. Underneath his long sleeves, his wounds itched painfully.

"Your ANBU mask?" the Hokage asked evenly, breaking the silence.

"Shattered in the fight," Kakashi informed. "I haven't asked for a new one yet."

"You won't need to." Upon Kakashi's startled silence, he elaborated. "I'm reassigning you. You will cease your activities as an ANBU operative and become a Jounin-sensei to this year's graduates."

Kakashi sighed. They'd been over this in the past. "Like last year? None of them will pass the bell test, Hokage-sama. I won't teach them."

"Then you'll be a normal Jounin of Konoha, and take normal missions," the Hokage countered, unmovable. "You're not going back to ANBU, Kakashi."

Kakashi blinked, uncomprehending. The Hokage didn't repeat himself. "Why?" He was excellent in ANBU. ANBU was easy for him. He'd trained the most competent team in the entire division. Hell, if he'd been interested, he'd probably be head of the division by now.

"If it hadn't been for Momoru, you would have been dead. It's a miracle you can even walk at all. How many times does this make in the past few months? Five? Six? You always manage to return from a mission in critical condition while the rest of your squad is relatively unharmed. I've gone over the reports." He paused, the words sinking in the silence. "You have a death wish, Kakashi."

"It's only logical, as captain, that I take the position with the most risk," he argued.

The Sandaime glared. "I should have noticed it before. While you wait for graduation, you will pay the Yamanaka a visit, rest, maybe take an easy B or A-rank mission that doesn't involve assassination if Inoichi allows it. Then you are going to teach a bunch of brats, protect them, and find a meaning to your life."

Kakashi opened his mouth to protest.

"That's an order."

He stared, grey eye stormy. "Only if they pass."

The Sandaime puffed on his pipe. "I hope they do. I'm giving you Minato's son."

Kakashi's back tensed as if he'd been slapped.

Fantastic.

He left the Hokage's office without a word.

A.N.: Kinda short and gloomy... Sorry. Things will pick up soon. Thank you for your reviews :)